[pleccy2000]

Well guys...

I have only been away from home a month and as much as NZ has to offer it is not right for us.

We will be booking tickets to fly home 26th Decemeber. I can slip back into my old job and my old flat too.

I would love to have kids here as it is better place for them than London, however I miss my old life, friends and family. I even got a job offer today in Welly for $100K a year, and Anna got a teaching job (kindergarten) $30K but I fail to get remotly excited about it and I don't know why. Something seems to be missing.

I am going on gut instinct. It feels wrong but it's hard to explain the reasons becasue on paper NZ beats UK hands down.

I am sad to be leaving NZ but I'll get over it after a couple of weeks I'm sure. I'm only 25 years old and I can see myself coming back here maybe in my 50's or something when our kids-to-be have all grown up.

Anyway I don't know what else to say at the moment. It's been a hard decision.

All comments welcome.

[MB]

I admire your decisiveness in the 'face' of such attractive job offers, etc. Well done.

For what it's worth, the only mental task I'd suggest -- and you may well be doing this right now -- is to project what it will be like back in the UK once the immediate warm glow of returning has faded. Once you're back, with tea chests and suitcases stacked on the flat floor and your pals have just left from your homecoming party, you're back. If you know what I mean.
That's a critical point at which, when there's nothing in the larder (let alone the fridge) and the same plots are still on the UK soaps, that you might look around think "That's it...here's our old carpet, our old clock radio and waste-paper basket. We're not in NZ any more, suddenly, and the drone of the 747 flight is still in my ears..."

The outcome of that mental exercise, done with sufficient vividness and effort, might confirm your decision or give you pause.

Cheers and all the very best,
Matt.

[Moorf]

Adam, what a brave decision and so soon after you arrived too.

Do you think you are suffering from homesickness? That can make you feel lost and alone with inexplicable feelings of hopelessness and sadness, and it can take hold of you so hard you can't shake it... you don't think you should give it a few more weeks before you head home?

Or is there something more to your decision? Is NZ not all you thought it would be? Culture shock?

I'd be interested to know. I remember the feelings of homesickness when we first arrived and had I had my own way I feel sure we'd be home by now - but those feelings passed and now I can't see us ever living in the UK again (hmmm, remember I said that everyone!).

Whatever happens, do what's best for you and good luck with any decision you make.

Moorf

[Moorf]

Adam - just remembered that you have only just arrived in Welly... and you did mention that you were homesick.

Perhaps you could arrange for rellies to come and visit next year (something to look forward to) .. or with your great salary I am sure you guys could go home for a week or so each year. Sorry if I am being persistent but I do feel you need more time to settle based on my experience and that of others...

Have you met up with anyone in Welly for a drink or three?

Moorf

[Bubbles]

Adam - just remembered that you have only just arrived in Welly... and you did mention that you were homesick.

Perhaps you could arrange for rellies to come and visit next year (something to look forward to) .. or with your great salary I am sure you guys could go home for a week or so each year. Sorry if I am being persistent but I do feel you need more time to settle based on my experience and that of others...

Have you met up with anyone in Welly for a drink or three?

Moorf

I couldn't agree more with what Moorf has said. I know it's easy for me to sit here ( UK ) and ask " Why ", I'm not in your shoes right now. But surely it's worth giving it a bit more time, isn't it ?

Good luck with whatever you decide. You're a brave man

John

[Jodie]

Oh my god Adam - I'm so shocked! :eek

I know you said last week that you were both homesick and missing friends and family back in the UK, but it's only been a few weeks that you've been here hasn't it? Are you sure you don't want to give it more time? After all, you've made such a huge step getting over here in the first place, it seems a shame that you're only giving it a short time to settle in.... I'm not having a go or anything - I know NZ isn't for everyone, but maybe you're being a little hasty in your decision. Like Moorf said, it can be difficult when you first get here because it is such a change, but when you start working and meeting new people, you soon settle in. I can honestly say that after 4 months in NZ (3 in Welly) that I feel SO at home here now - We've really settled in and just feel at home here. It takes time, but it soon feels right.

I just feel sad that you were so excited and looking forward to getting out here, and now that your here you clearly aren't enjoying it. :( What is it that you don't like? What doesn't feel right? Are you still staying with Anna's family? Maybe you need your own space and get your own place to make you feel more settled. Start exploring and finding your way round - then thing will seem more familiar. Maybe J'ville isn't for you? Have you tried looking to live somewhere closer to the city so you can make more use of whats going on in there....

We REALLY SHOULD meet up for a drink - This week might be a bit difficult cos we've got Daz's parents coming and going, but how about next week maybe?

Good luck in whatever you decide, but I just hope you can give NZ a bit longer to grow on you - if you go back to the UK after such a short time, you could be always wondering what would have happened if you had given it a little longer.....

Anyway, get in touch and we'll meet for a drink soon.

Jod
x

[Diny]

Adam

I'm really sorry to hear that you're not happy in NZ and are about to book tickets back to the UK. I admire how brave you are to 'go public' with your decision and my heart goes out to the 2 of you.

Taking a quote from your posting you said:

"It feels wrong but it's hard to explain the reasons becasue on paper NZ beats UK hands down"

Well in my opinion you've hit the nail right on the head and answered all of your own questions. Everybody will agree that "on paper" NZ beats the UK hands down ..... but in reality that simply is not the case for everybody. Don't beat yourself up becuase NZ hasn't turned out to be your Shangrilar (sp). The two of you know what is important to you, there is no shame in admitting that you are happier in the UK.

Just because NZ isn't for you at the moment doesn't mean it's been struck off the list of possibilities altogether. Like you say - in future years you can see yourselves there. You're still very young with many years ahead of you to find your true 'location' in life. Go with your gut feelings, do what makes you happy and live life the way YOU want.

Treat the rest of your time in NZ as a holiday. The knowledge that you are heading towards a return home will make you feel much more relaxed.

You never know, with the 'black cloud' removed from over head you may start looking at things in a different light and by the time the end of December arrives you may just be having too good a time to want to leave.

Whichever way you go I wish you all the peace and happiness in the world. Without those 2 things you ain't got much.

Diny

[Carol]

Hi Adam.
Check your PMs....


Only you know best really - and if you have made such a monumentous decision in coming here in the first place - you must be of sound mind to make the decision to go back.

one thing I would say - the longer you stay - the harder it is to return.

[veronica]

You have to do what you feel is right, but like everyone else I feel that perhaps you should give it a bit more time.

At the moment you have done all the hard things like getting over jet lag, looking for jobs, fifnding your way around etc. and only being the two of you with no interaction with family and collegues. If you had started work and stared to build a social circle up then perhaps you would feel a bit differently. This emmigrating lark requires hard work and positive thinking, and if the pair of you are feeling a bit down your moods will feed of off each other and make it worse.

Have you been staying in motels or somewhere you meet people like a backpackers, If it would help I will have a go at finding you a good backpackers in the area you are, even if its only until you go home. it may make you feel more positive about things if you meet others. PM me if you fancy giving it a go. take care regards Veronica

[veronica]

take that back, just reread your previous post where you state that you have been backpacking round NZ. so thats already been tried. PM me if you fancy a chat and I will send my phone no. veronica

[sarahw]

Hi Adam,

Such a shame to come all that way and not feel its for you. Like the others, I don't want to sound negative - especially sitting here in the UK. Its terribly brave to admit you've made a mistake and to decide to come back. I do think that a little more time may make you change your mind about Welly , but I also feel that gut feelings sometimes have to be listened to - I wish I'd listened to some of mine during my life!

When we went to Welly in October to check it out Ian was unsure (I loved it from the moment I saw it from the plane window) - having grown up in London it seemed so quiet to him. He was leaning towards it the whole time we were there though but it wasn't until we got home that he realised how great it was & decided he wanted to move there but it was a tough decision. :?

If you need a chat please feel free to PM me.

Take care & be happy in whatever you do - if you decide to come back noone can say anything bad about you going to NZ - at least you tried and found it wasn't for you - what about all the people who never tried and have spent the rest of their lives regretting it?

[leslie]

i went at 28 and wasn't ready. 11 years on the ducks have lined themselves up (sort of) and i cannot wait to get back. although thanks to nzis i am waiting.

does sound like homesickness though. and its twice as bad when you haven't your own familiar bits around. consider it research and if you never return - at least you tried - 98% dont get that far.

[wayne]

A common feeling among new migrants,we first migrated to NZ in 1980 and felt so down that we were home in the UK after 10 months, within weeks of returning to the UK we felt that"what the hell have we come back for?"feeling and always longed to return to NZ .
Well now 25 years later and 2 grown up kids later we are at last on our way back to NZ got my PR stamp yesterday,house is on the market, quite scarey at the moment but "bring it on" :cool

[pleccy2000]

Hi guys,

Thank you for all of your support. I've had some lovely PM's from people

Sorry for the delay. We havn't yet booked our tickets home. As you can imagine we have been talking about it non stop. The conclusion is that we are 90% sure we will go back late December.

I know some of mentioned giving it more time, but I would just be forcing myself to like it here. I came here for a better quality of life, but what I didn't realise was that I had a very good quality of life in London already.

My instinct is still telling me this is not right, and I should trust it as it has always been a good guide historically.

Life is too short - why give up what I had for something else? I want to enjoy every day as if it were my last so I don't want to be just content (which I could be here), I want to be happy.

NZ does have positives for Anna and I BUT they do not weigh enough in favour to stay. I will be sad to leave NZ and one day we will return.

[Carol]

fair enough Adam............I can understand what you mean perfectly.


Go book the tickets and get home for Chrimbo.

[Danpoll]

Hi Adam,

Comiserations, It takes more balls to get out there and say sorry not for me than to stay because of what others back home will say. I always say its better to try and fail then to have never tried at all, not that you have failed but I am sure you get my jist. I had to levae Canada because I was laid off, funny really we had 5 major jobs in manhatten and then a building fell down in sep 01 that caused problems. i had no choice but to return home with my tail between my legs, the shame still hurts to this day, okay there were 18 saudi's responsible for it but least you have an option, You made that decision, you got off your ar** and went and did it tried it and it were not for you, I too am 25 and my philosophy is that I ve done more than most do by 40, you only get one crack at this life normally an 80 year lease, you have to make sure its a happy 80 years. So if any body doesn't admire what you have done or respect you for a major decision then they are not worth knowing.


best of luck for where ever you end up

Best regards

Dan

p.s if youre not taking that 100K job, could I have it, its triple my proposed salary.

[Soon2baKiwi]

Hi Adam and Anna. When I was 25 I had never been out of Ireland. By the time I was 40 I had lived in London for 3 years and come home, The Hague for 2 years and come home and London again for 5 years and, yup, come home. Now, I'm off again and who knows? I don't think I'll want to come back here to live again as my son says he's not going to stay here once he gets his degree so the tie won't be here anymore. All I'm saying is, you've got a lot of living to do before you're 40 and who knows where you might be then. Good luck to you both.

Norah

[Diny]

Adam & Anna

By the time I was 25 I'd completed higher education, travelled the world, stood on my own 2 feet and ended up living in Australia. I wasn't happy there, I knew I would be happier 'back home'. At the time I felt like I was returning with my tail between my legs but I was happy in the knowledge that - like you say - I had achieved more in my 25 years than most people do in a lifetime.

Now here I am ...... 41, married, 2 kids and just about to set off on another adventure. Who knows how this will work out - all we can do is give it a go. If in a couple of years time we're back in the UK saying NZ wasn't for us - well at least we'll have tried.

I agree - live every day as though it's your last. I'd like to place a bet that if anybody sneers at you for 'coming home' - they'll be the kind of person who's never ventured further than Butlins !!!!!!

Sorry to quote the old cliche - but you have the world at your feet. Good on you. All the very best to the two of you.

Diny xx

[MB]

Well said, Diny. I went to Oz and NZ in the '90s for a month or two, during recession there. It was far too soon after I'd had pneumonia and I came home not having done any work there at all (I was on a working holiday) and with my savings gone. So that trip wasn't, in a sense, that successful where I would have guessed it would have been.

But then there's this: I came to the States, my US wife the only person here who was familiar to me, in 1996. And I can hardly find a bad word to say about my experience. Despite not seeming to 'fit' with many aspects of the US culture, I have just clicked so far. In most or all of the important ways I've found America and Americans to be wonderful for me, no matter what reason or culture 'profiling' would suggest. It's a bit like falling in love with someone who is seemingly utterly opposite to you or wrong for you, but the relationship still working out!

So you don't know unless you try, and maybe even try again at another time. And if you decide your home country is best for you, you've found out from experience. :cheers

Cheers,
Matt.

[chrissie]

Good luck Adam
I really admire the fact that you know what you want and I'm sure you will be happier back in UK.
I am seriously thinking about going back too. My hubby and kids love it here, but after weeks of househunting and becoming seriously depressed with the quality of housing here, a nice little house anywhere with central heating is looking very enticing. Trouble is, now we've bought a place here I think we are likely to lose too much money to go back in the near future and we will never be able to get back the beautiful home we left behind....sigh....beam me up Scotty and pass the Prozac!!!
Anyway, good luck and I hope everything works out well for you.

[jhsay]

Dear Adam,

It used to be New Zealand or bust (at least for me). Yup, even without checking out the place. But after reading your post, I made some careful thinking. What if it’s not for us too? My husband received a call for an interview in a reputable local company last week. He was about to turn it down cause it was the same day we received our Decision Successful. Then he said why not give it a try. If his adventure to NZ doesn’t fit him, at least he has something to go back to.

Cheers to you.


Jinkee