[Sam B]

Mixed feelings, I'll break it down:

Flight - hated it! Came vis L.A., never flown long haul before. Couldn't sleep at all. The kids hardly slept. By the time we got here I felt really ill - v nauseus, dry nose and throat, really sleep deprived. However the kids loved it and didn't say they were bored once. J seemed fine - he claimed not to have slept, but he spent the whole time with his eyes shut and mouth open!

First week - took a while to recover and stop waking up at 4am. Stayed in a B&B for 5 days, already had a rental lined up which I sorted out via internet in UK. Was blown away by nice summer smells, heat, weird and exciting birds and the plantlife. Was shocked by how much we had to spend to equip the rental with basics like cleaning stuff. Bought all furniture on Trade me in a house lot - all modern and newish, but not really me, and not particularly cheap. My stuff is in storage in UK.

Rental house - it's ok. Clean, inoffensive paintwork, pleasant street. Baking hot day and night. It will never feel like home. Already regretting decision to rent house in UK instead of sell, never realised how important my own house and stuff was to me. However, have become addicted to Trade-me and have bought some ace bargain antique furniture, which is gradually improving the house.

Work - really finding it hard, mainly because I am working in quite a challenging area and I feel culturally inappropriate for where I am working - most of my caseload are Maori or Pacifica children, and I struggle just to pronounce their names. I'm terrified of doing something wrong and offending people. I spend my time on long car journeys trying to pronounce place names right. On top of that, all the usual new systems to learn that come with a new job. Feel out of my depth at the moment, even though I am a v experienced speech and language therapist really. Hopefully, it will improve.

Kids and J - they love it. Seem to have forgotten that the UK even exists! The kids love their school, and they are both physically and mentally challenged more than they were in the UK. The outdoor area and equipment is incredible. They have made friends quickly and couldn't be happier.

NZ - the countryside is even more amazing than we hoped, and we have only been in the top half of the North Island yet. We have loved every camping trip. At first we thought the beaches weren't as nice as some of the best ones in Cornwall, but then we found some fab ones off the beaten track. I love how jurassic it feels in the forests. And when you're driving, it all changes so quickly, you could never get bored.

Food - we have found everything we want in the bigger supermarkets and in 2 specialist shops in Cambridge. The fruit and veg are great. The cafes are wonderful and the coffee is fantastic! I have put on about half a stone and will have to put the breaks on all the cafe food soon.

Me - I feel numb. I think I may be blocking my emotions in case I freak out with homesickness or something. I miss the familiarity of the UK. I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people. When I think of the UK it is with nostalgia, remembering walking up the road from the beach in June with bare feet, when actually it hadn't stopped raining in Cornwall for 2 months before I left. I feel displaced. I think it will get better. There is nothing to dislike about NZ, it seems better than Britain in nearly every way, but I don't feel deliriously happy. I think I need time. There's no going back - the kids and J are too happy. And once I get some real friends, and feel more in control at work, I think I'll be happy too.

[Trigirl]

oh sam - you really can feel every emotion through what you are writing there.

we all react differently to this but i think most people who've made the move will understand and sympathise with the slightly bewildering array of emotions you are feeling right now. as someone said on a different thread earlier today - and it really rang true - even though lots of people have been there it still makes it no easier when its you turn. i've been in tears since arriving over work, over driving in town (stupid right turn rule/stupid traffic lights with people walking across them etc)

"I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people." so much sometimes i just want to shout with frustration then curl up and cry. the knowing where things are etc is getting easier. knowing people less so but its very early days. i can't imagine how i'd be feeling now if i didn't have mark here with me. i love living here. i love everything about NZ. but that doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes.

being me i can't help but try to help - even though it sounds like all you probably need is a bit of time and perspective now. so on the work thing. perhaps some maori lessons might help? both with making pronunciation easier and more certain and also helping you feel more sure of not making any huge cultural mistakes?

My intention once I've finished the two college courses I have to sit for work is to try this
http://www.koreromaori.co.nz/main/

[zardell]

Me - I feel numb. I think I may be blocking my emotions in case I freak out with homesickness or something. I miss the familiarity of the UK. I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people. When I think of the UK it is with nostalgia, remembering walking up the road from the beach in June with bare feet, when actually it hadn't stopped raining in Cornwall for 2 months before I left. I feel displaced. I think it will get better. There is nothing to dislike about NZ, it seems better than Britain in nearly every way, but I don't feel deliriously happy. I think I need time. There's no going back - the kids and J are too happy. And once I get some real friends, and feel more in control at work, I think I'll be happy too.



Your last sentence struck chords with me and I know exactly how you are feeling, because when we first arrived in NZ (and for a good few weeks after!) I felt exactly the same way.

You are right - you do need time - time to settle and become accustomed to all the vast and recent changes in your life.

We have been here now for 4 short months and it is only recently that I have begun to feel comfortable. Comfortable in the respect that I am slowly, but surely beginning to feel a sense of belonging.

I hope you soon begin to feel like you belong too and that you fulfill all the hopes and dreams that initially brought you to NZ.

Take care,

Julie

xx

[jen]

Sam -

Thanks so much for that post. We've been here almost two months and I am surprised by how much what you said is so close to what I've been struggling with; the BIG things I worried about before we moved went just fine, and it's the day-to-day things that are harder.

"I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people." Thank you for putting that so well. It's exciting exploring a new place and learning a new country, and I'm so very grateful we are here . . BUT then there's the point where I hit the wall and I get so frustrated because I just want to be home where I know exactly where to get what I want and can make it through the grocery in a whirl because I know where everything is. I have a terrible sense of direction and there are days when I take the wrong turn YET AGAIN and am stuck trying to turn around on yet ANOTHER tiny windy road or I hold my breath when a bus squeezes by me in the 1/2 inch of road left between my car and the one parked on the side of the road and I am so frustrated . . .

I'm normally a calm (okay boring), dependable person and I'm used to feeling pretty competent; I didn't realize that I would take it so hard living always out of my familiar comfort zone. I've said to my husband several times that ever since I've moved here I feel like I've gotten stupider since everything seems to take me so much longer than it did before . . . to which he always tells me I'm too hard on myself and to give it time which I suppose is good for us all to remember these first days.

Jen

[willowshouse]

Hi Sam,

A lovely truthful post - well done you :clap

I reckon, if numb is where you need to be right now .. just go with it. It is a lot to adjust to and I don't think you should under estimate the effects of such a big move. It will all come together in time and you will certainly feel more comfortable in your job with every new experience - think of it as a steep learning curve!

Keep in the back of your mind that nothing is set in stone .. you are in charge of your own destiny. Even if you don't want to move back home I think it helps for you to feel that ultimately you have the control.

And be brave .. accept those invitations and meet those challenges head on - you'll feel better for it.

;) Dawn

[willsken]

Hi Sam

Have to follow the others on this one - it's perfectly normal the way you are feeling. I know what you mean about the house, we have just taken on a mortgage so we can buy a home. I, not the others, need one desperately. We move in on Thursday and I know this will somehow complete my move for me.

Re the pronouncing the Maori names. Don't beat yourself up over it. I work in a school and have to do the same as you. When I get stuck I ask them how to pronounce their names. They are so very good about it and help me. If you need help ask, I have yet to come across anyone who was unwilling to help me and were very good about doing so to.

It was great reading your post. Good luck, it will work out in the end. :D

[wiki]

Hi Sam

if it's any consolation, a lot of people who have lived their whole lives in NZ can't pronounce Maori words properly. The only reason they get place names right is that they've have 30-odd years of weather forecasts to listen to.

It sounds like you are approaching the pronounciation issue with sensativity, and that is all Maori will ask for - it's people who waltz in and insist on using their own pronunciation and saying "whatever" when corrected and have no interest in learning who cause offence.

Small tip - the secret to Maori ist getting the vowel sounds right. The rest tends to flow from there.

ah - eh - ee - aw - oo and make them all long sounds.

And local pronunciation is still going to be a bit different all over. I remember a woman ringing me at work wanting to know about something happening in Two-a-ta-perry

I didn't have a clue what she meant until it suddenly clicked she meant the place that Soutlanders say as Two-a-tap-er-ee.

It will all get easier - and it must be hard when the rest of your family seems to be acclimatising better than you are. But give it time - I know you're going to be a very valuable member of NZ society.

[kimandgareth]

Hi Sam

I can't offer much advice yet as we have yet to make the move for ourselves, but I wanted to say thank you for being so honest and sharing with everyone. I hope you feel better about things soon and more settled. I'm sure the support of everyone on here will really help out.

Take care,
Kim

[Diny]

"I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people." so much sometimes i just want to shout with frustration then curl up and cry. the knowing where things are etc is getting easier. knowing people less so but its very early days. i can't imagine how i'd be feeling now if i didn't have mark here with me. ]

This bit really 'hit home' for me. We've been here just over 1 and a half years and I still find it VERY hard to cope. The main reason is that my husband (also called Mark) works away the majority of the time. Just 9 days after arriving here he went away for 6 weeks and has only really been home for minimal periods of time since then. He's away now until sometime in April, he'll only be here with us for a total of 5 weeks between now and July(individual weeks - not all together).

I find this makes life here very difficult, very lonely and yes - I also feel VERY numb even after all this time.

I'm sure as a family you'll work it out together, it's still very early days for you and actually, reading your other posts I'd make so bold as to comment 'so far so good' - keep up the good work.

Diny

p.s. I guess this is directed at both Sam B & Trigirl.

[clg]

Hi Sam,

Nice post. All of the things you (and others) are feeling are completely normal. The fish out of water feel goes away and gets easier over time. I have found I had waves of those feelings but the waves got smaller and smaller and now Wellington is very much home to me after about 1.5 years (and now our own little kiwi) You will adjust and settle in but it can take some time.

Chris

[urban78]

Work - really finding it hard, mainly because I am working in quite a challenging area and I feel culturally inappropriate for where I am working - most of my caseload are Maori or Pacifica children, and I struggle just to pronounce their names. I'm terrified of doing something wrong and offending people. I spend my time on long car journeys trying to pronounce place names right. On top of that, all the usual new systems to learn that come with a new job. Feel out of my depth at the moment, even though I am a v experienced speech and language therapist really. Hopefully, it will improve.



Hi Sam,

My partner is of Island descent, although a born and bread kiwi so if you need a heads up on anything let me know and I'll try best I can to help :)

Chin up, I hope things get better for you very soon and you'll be back on your feet.

Jen

[leachio]

Ahhhh Sam,

Big hugs, and thanks for your honesty. As someone else said it's the big things we worry about and the little things that are a problem.

We are heading out to hamilton next month but we have liked the look of cambridge for a while. I am a community nurse so may well experience some of the concerns you are having with pronounciations etc.

I will look you up once we are settled if you dont mind and hopefully you can reassure me when Im at your stage!

Take care Amanda xx

[Ana&Steve]

Hey Sam, thanks for your post, it was a little scary and made me feel lonely, but will serve to remind me and others that there is more to deal with ahead:) I got this link off of this forum, sorry I can't remember who the original poster was.www.maorilanguage.netMaybe you will find it helpful with the Maori pronunciations. I hope the disorientation and numbness fade, and are replaced by grounded contentment:nice1
Ana

[NannyOgg]

Me - I feel numb. I think I may be blocking my emotions in case I freak out with homesickness or something. I miss the familiarity of the UK. I miss knowing where things are and how to do things. I miss knowing people. When I think of the UK it is with nostalgia, remembering walking up the road from the beach in June with bare feet, when actually it hadn't stopped raining in Cornwall for 2 months before I left. I feel displaced. I think it will get better. There is nothing to dislike about NZ, it seems better than Britain in nearly every way, but I don't feel deliriously happy. I think I need time. There's no going back - the kids and J are too happy.

Sam,

If I were as articulate as you are that is exactly how I would have expressed it. From the reaction of the others on this post it looks like we are normal after all x

Nanny x

[StevieD]

Sam, there is no hard and fast rule that tells us how we should behave. We are all different. You and others on here have taken a huge step and have to be commended for it. If you arrived and didn't feel an ounce of emotion or trepidation, then I think that you would have more to worry about than what you are experiencing and feeling now. Things should get better, and as you become more familiar with your new surrounding, you will learn to improve your mindset. Good luck.

Steve

[Moorf]

This bit really 'hit home' for me. We've been here just over 1 and a half years and I still find it VERY hard to cope. The main reason is that my husband (also called Mark) works away the majority of the time. Just 9 days after arriving here he went away for 6 weeks and has only really been home for minimal periods of time since then. He's away now until sometime in April, he'll only be here with us for a total of 5 weeks between now and July(individual weeks - not all together).

I have to say, Diny, that you've done something I could not, there's no way I could have integrated and settled so quickly with my other half round the other side of the world.... :no especially if I had such a tight family circle as yours... hopefully your forum mates are helping to keep you sane! :nice1

[nippa&pippa]

Last bit you said about yourself, this what i and others felt too..i just slowing begining to mix with locals. In last few days i had more mums came and chat with me for first times and learned just half hour ago that my son is most popular kid in kindy because he was polite and kind boy that very willing to mix with anyone, no matter who they are. One of mums came up to me asked if ashley was my son because her son go on and on about ashley, how much he like him, I was shocked. I think because of ashley, mums started to chatting and waving at me every times they see me, took 4 months to get this stages, but i am pleased i am getting there and able to move on making new networks. I miss my old network back in UK so much even i still get their funny emails! (especially they moaned about their children just starting school too young!)
On Maori, my sister tried to teach me and it was hard so I gave up! At least I tried!

[Jo Jo]

Hi Sam,

I'd like to echo what some others have already said and say thank you for your very honest post. I'm not coming to New Zealand for another six months, but I imagine I will feel very much like you do now as I know it takes me some time to adjust to changes in circumstances.

I can't offer any constructive advice, but I wanted to say good luck, and I hope you feel more settled soon.

Jo Jo

[Kim39]

Oh Sam things still no better for you since we spoke a few weeks ago then. I won't waffle on about it, but if you need a chat you know where we are. Will have a word with OH and we'll get you over to TA for a few beers.....OK.

Kim

[gil]

Thank you for your honest posting Sam. Not sure that there's much we can say that will make a difference, that has to come from you; it might be comforting to know that you have so much support here on the forum, though. :yes

It's hard to cope with such a huge change as emigrating and starting a new work and home life as we often don't have a ready recollection from early years of adapting to big situations we didn't feel experienced in, like starting school (not secondary, but primary when we were 4!), so it all feels new and different. Time is an important part of it and I feel sure that as all the "new life milestones" go by, you will come to the point where you can look back and remember doing/saying feeling it and accepting that you have grown and changed and moved on....be gentle and kind to yourself, and if you fancy a girlie shopping trip, PM me, I'm sure there's lots of Auckland gals who'll leap at the chance!

Keep at it and count up at least 5 good things you've done or said or thought or seen each day....
Take care,
Lots of love,

Gil
x

[KerryS]

Hey Sam - it is tough to start off, I can totally sympathise.
I knew no-one in NZ when I arrived, struggled with visiting schools and talking to the teachers and pupils and pronouncing everything wrong. I was scared to use the phone because I couldn't ask for people I needed to speak to (pronounciation again) and resorted to doing as much of my communication as possible by email!
I had no family with me to lessen the impact - I came over just me and my backpack - no plans to be staying here at all! But, I have adjusted, found my feet (and a nice Kiwi boy ;)) and four years down the track I can't imagine being anywhere else. I'm even saying some things with a kiwi accent now - coca coala anyone?
I'm in Hamilton every week, and frequently drive through Cambridge, so if you ever want to catch up for a coffee or a chat let me know.

[marcia]

Excellent post from the heart!!

Know just what you mean about the shopping trips - took me ages at first - now I fly around 'pak and slave' like a good un!!

The 'home' bit, I cna totally relate to as well, we've been here 3.5 months and still we're in a furnished rental with all our stuff in storage, we have access to it, so the kids have some of their toys, but i want my own home, start getting to know the neighbours and have my 'bits' around me! I KNOW once we have this i will feel soooooooo much more settled.

One other thing I found really hard, which others in a similar situation may like to think about, was the time of year when we came out, the boys only had 3 weeks in school and then everything closed down for 2 months! Its only this month i have been able to join a play centre with Emerson, and start getting to know other 'stay at home' mums. I've felt quite isolated really, but find i am so busy now with all the activities on offer I could do with twice as many hours to fit it all in.

Everything takes time to adjust - one of my favourite sayings is ' your plane may have landed nut your feet won't touch the floor for a good while yet!'

Take each day at a time, share your emotions with your family (not those back home though - they are upset enough in our case don't need to know how bad things get sometimes - share that with the people on here instead.) small steps, you've made the giant leap already, and enjoy life!!

xx

[Sam B]

Thank you SOOO much everyone, your replies have meant alot to me. Great to hear other people feel the same way too. I am trying not to cry whilst reading, as, as you may have guessed, J and the kids think I'm fine and loving every minute. For some reason haven't shared how I'm feeling with them as they are happy, happy. Have a big lump in my throat now. Eyes prickling...

Anyway - good day at work today. Spent afternoon in Kohanga (pre-school Maori language nest). Staff seemed wary of me initially, but after an honest discussion and some help with pronunciation, everyone seemed much more relaxed, and I was getting lots of referrals for children who aren't talking. Felt good about that.

The websites you have suggested look brill too.

I wanted to be totally honest, because if people on their way here see my post, they won't be shocked when they feel like I do - if they do. It's like when I gave birth to Poppy. It was 6 weeks before I felt anything like happy, but everyone else I knew with babies was all "isn't this great". When I finally plucked up the courage to say "er no actually", everyone looked relieved and said - "oh yeah, me too!", so I thought I would be honest, and then one day when I finally (hopefully) say "I'm loving this", at least you'll know I mean it!

Thank you, so much, for your support. You're right, I can't talk to people in the UK about this, as they are still dealing with me leaving, and just need to see the idyllic photos etc. It's too complicated to explain unless you've been through it...

Thank you

Sam

[andreamatt]

Sam

Thanks for your posts - my eyes have been watering too reading them and the follow-on messages. I hope every day gets a little bit better for you and that one day down the track (in 2 weeks' time, 6 months' time?) you realise you are perfectly content - moments of real jump-up-and-down happiness don't last long, do they?

Please, if you can, let us know how you continue to get on.

It's still raining down here in the South West...

Best wishes,

Andrea

[Debbie P.]

I am trying not to cry whilst reading, as, as you may have guessed, J and the kids think I'm fine and loving every minute. For some reason haven't shared how I'm feeling with them as they are happy, happy.


Hi Sam,

So sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I can't be of much help as I haven't been through it yet, but I know many on this forum have been there and are very supportive.

But don't hold your feelings back from your family - they have to know what you're going through! After all, you're part of the family...and they may be hiding difficulties too - you may be such a good actor that they think you're the happy one! Just my thought, anyway.

[Rizak]

Definitely talk to J. He's your support. He's there to help you out. I mean, so are we, but we can't help wipe away your salty, salty tears. Besides, it can be dangerous getting near electronics with all that water flying around.

Just mention it to him slowly some night before bed, or go to bed early and talk then. Away from the kids. Hopefully you can work it all out and then just bring it up casually over the breakfast table one morning.

"Oh, I was having a rough time of it when we first moved, but everything is all peaches and cream now!" Then you make a funny face and everyone laughs. :p

A distinct lack of drama is best all the way around. If you can plan for these events then you are ready for them. Even if you plan a breakdown in there somewhere it's better to be sharing this stuff.

/me begins countdown timer to Sam B getting over it ...