[shakyle2906]

We did the dreaded deed on the weekend ......

Told my family few weeks ago and have been brilliant, very supportive!

Stevens parents were told on the weekend, with 5 weeks to go. Reason we hadnt told them before was that his dad had been in Hospital after having another heart attack and double pneumonia. There was no way either of them could have taken the news before hand.

They went berserk! We were selfish, thoughtless, sly, how could we break family up ......... its been very upsetting! They are devastated we are taking their only grandchild from them and have said they will NOT visit us, once we go we go!

This has happened to us so quick we have not had much time to turn around. Only started making plans christmas time after Steven had 2 job offers very quickly (Joiner by trade - in skills shortage). Its a chance of a lifetime and yes we do feel selfish in a way, but know its a step we have to take or regret for the rest of our lives!!

Anyone offer any advice ?? Does it get any better ????
I know a lot of what has been said is nastiness in heat of the moment, we are distressed too but dont know how things will be left ??


Sharon:roll

[sizzlingbadger]

I know exactly how you're feeling right now :( Very hard to say how they'll take it in the long run and whether they will come around. But in another way you could say at least they obviously care very much for your OH and are probably worried for your OH and family.

I had major problems with my mum, we didn't tell her until we had sold the house and were due to move into a rental a couple of weeks later :exit At that stage we hadn't had the ITA through but knew we didn't want to stay where we were. It was extremely hard for her as we 'took' her only 3 grandchildren away from her. She ended up not knowing when we flew, as she didn't want to know and then turned around to my MIL saying why didn't we tell her :wah It took 18 months for her to make contact, it wasn't that I didn't want to it was the fact I felt it was a move she had to make as it was a sign she was coming around to things. She only got in contact because I was due to go back to the UK, when I did go back it mended a few broken bridges. She still can't get her head around why we want to live here and not the UK and has to deal with her pain on a day to day basis. Contact is still sporadic and not easy but eventually it'll get easier.

With my Dad being separated from mum a few years before we moved out he didn't have a problem. It was hard phoning him in the early stages but he's been out to visit and thinks we've definitely done the right thing.

Hang in there it's a hard and painful process to go through. But at the end of the day you really do have to think about your family and where you guys want to be in 10 years or so time when the parents are no longer around. A hard decision to make but like you say this is a chance of lifetime and how many times do they come around in life ?

[tigerlily]

Sorry Sharon, it sounds awful. I haven't yet been though it, but I can relate to the issue. It's very hard to explain why you believe this is the right thing to do- especially to people who would never consider doing such a thing and who will be missing you greatly when you go. I try to keep in mind that if some wonderful offer had come across their desk, they probably would have done it without much consideration of my feelings- everyone lives their own life. Or as I say to the members of my family who are the most grumpy about it- I'm sorry, we didn't take a vote!

[willsken]

It is very upsetting to those being left behind. They have none of the excitement of a new life and all the things that come with it. I was lucky in that my parents took us to live in South Africa when we were children so they had been there and done that so to speak.

You have to be hard about this. You want a new life for your family and others can’t make this decision for you. Hopefully they will come round and understand why you are doing this. I know my OH found it easier telling his mum, being able to tell her how supportive my parents were being.

Sorry for this awful situation but you have to live your life for you. :yes

[Sam B]

God It sounds awful Sharon, there's nothing like family for making you feel bad. My Dad was pretty bad, said he'll never visit etc, but since we've been here we've been in regular phone contact, he sends letters and parcels of marmite (I haven't the heart to say we can get it here) and he's beginning to sound like he may visit (although that may be difficult as he is the proud Dad of an 18 month old and a 2 week old - but that's a WHOLE other story!). Watching him weep at Heathrow was one of my all time least favourite moments too. Family eh?

[Helsandfamily]

Hi Sharon,

We are in the same position you are in really, we have submitted the ITA and have still not told family or friends. I have no idea how my parents will take it but I am hoping that it will go well.

But, and it is a big but, I / We have to do what is right or what we see right for us and our children now, and like a few people here have become disillusioned with the UK for a few reasons. Maybe NZ won't be the answer but I feel that you only have 1 life and 1 chance and you have to try new things. If it doesn't work out - fine but we will have had an adventure.

The other way that I have been looking at it is if my kids said that they wanted to emigrate somewhere in say 25 years time, would I want them not to try because of me, and I can honestly say No, and this is giving me the resolve to keep going through with this.

Hope this helps!!

Hels

[andrewandjane]

we went to say our goodbyes to my family this weekend, was hard but parents said they could see why we were doing itbut would miss us, have to do janes family next week before we go but they both said theyd visit.

was a bad journey home and we did talk about what if we stayed, but i booked the flights before we said goodbyes. its hard but we are willing to give it a go as worst case we can come back and start again,

ive just focused on what i hope to achieve when we get out there that we cant afford to do here.

good luck with it all

[Belmont Babes]

Poor you. We haven't told anyone of our plans yet. Firstly I don't want to burst the bubble and secondly I feel as if I'd be tempting fate somehow. We are only at the EOI selection phase and guess we may break the news after ITA stage. My feelings are that although you are related, nobody belongs to anyone else and if you love someone you let them go. I am very close to my Mum but wil still be only 48hrs away.:roll

[Nathan]

I called my mother a couple nights ago and told her what we're planning. She was disappointed that we won't be home for Christmas this year. She also pointed out that she and her husband are getting too old to travel that far, and then.... almost mid-sentence... considered that they could stop a few days in Hawaii to rest on the way! She understands that we need to create the best possible opportunities for the girls, so she's supportive. My Mom is cool!!

[Patricia]

We had to face this when our eldest son told us he was going our fisrt thoughts were we are going to miss you horribly,:wah then we thought thats being selfish he has got a right to do the best for himself & his family. Now we are hoping to join him in the not to distant future :exit leaving our youngest son here. We told him right from the start what we were planning & have had his full support all the way, I think doing that was better than springing it on him at the last moment.
Our eldest son told us right at the start as well in fact I was sitting next to him when he heard he had got the job he had applied for.:raebanana
Go for it & have no regrets they will come round in time.
Patricia

[Jim&Karen]

We are at the ITA stage and told both our parents and daughters in Nov 06 as we tied it i with Jims redundancy and stated we wanted to try for jobs in NZ before i was too late.

full support from daughters and Jims family but my mum finds it hard to talk about. The girls {25,26} are discussing visiting us to uk one year them to us next etc.

A friend of ours migrated to OZ last year and had loads of goodbye parties and we took the to the airport really awful saying goodbye I thought it was going to be ok as we were not real close not so.

No party for us when the time comes and a taxi to the airport. I already feel a mix of emotions including challenges thinking of our new adventure.

Regards

Karen

[vixxann]

my sympathies go to all in same situation (me too)
it puts such a downer on it when you have "those" conversations with family members that don't want you to go.
We've been open and honest all the way through from expressing our initial interest (when nobody believed us) to now saying that we're looking to go in next six months. My parents are NOT happy about it and losing three grandchildren. we've been told all sorts of negative statistics that they researched about NZ - but they didn't talk about any of its positive sides :roll

I really hope they come around to the idea and are more positive thinking for us and our kids - if not they themselves are risking any future relationship with their grandchildren - I wish they could be happy for us and be planning trips out and things like that. but maybe its just to much to ask.

Sams parents are both passed away, his mum quite recently, and fortunately they had a really good chat at christmas and basically she said she'd miss us but she thought we should do it and she'd look forward to visiting us. He's very glad to have had the opportunity to speak frankly with her about it before she died.

Hope everyone gets to a situation where they are happy that they've done all they can and should do. Hope everyones families give them an easier time.

[nippa&pippa]

It is difficulties to know what to expect the outcome from families. After reading all others, i realised i was lucky to have supportive families that they supported us. My parents was easy one to tell as they have 'emigrated' to Jamaica for three years and had me there, also i already got a sister in NZ. My OH's parents were very open-minded and that help.
I hope your family hopefully will come around when they have calm down.

[johnandbethcox]

Yes, it gets better.

We're lucky in that we don't have any children, so we don't have the grandparent pressure, but my brother (who has the children) lives in China. So, my mother is devastated that she has "no one to take care of her in her old age".

We were also lucky in that I began preparing my mother for this event about five years before it is actually happening. So, while I've been dealing with the drama for five years, I've also been preparing her for the eventuality of it all. At this point, she's resigned to our move because she's been expecting it, but still sad to see us go.

[shakyle2906]

Since original post, things have been up and down.

We have had little ones clothes and toys given back to us, saying this is how they are dealing with it.

Few tears and constant reminders they wont see little one growing up, at christmas, birthdays and a concert next week for mothers day will be her last!

Just tried keeping strong! Though i will answer questions as they are asked, otherwise will be seen as rubbing their noses in it.

Feeling stressed at slightest thing ourselves, selling all our furniture and other items, chucking out stuff we wont need etc.

Only 4 more weeks of this to go .......

[vixxann]

Oh Sharon they are giving you a hard time :(

Sending you a big hug and a reminder to just keep on going, focus on you, your husband and the kids. Just remember the original reasons you wanted to move and think of them whenever parents say something "bad" to you.

I'm sure we'll get a really hard time too when we get to the stage you are at, they are already very negative.

Just picture yourself out in NZ in a months time :yes

[thezorbster]

Sharon, I really feel for you. The stress of doing what we are all are doing is enormous anyway without the extra pressure of negative emotions from family. We realise how lucky we are in having such supportive family behind us, OH's family said they were surprised we hadn't done it years ago and my Mum said that she gave birth to me for me to be my own person and to live my life how I wanted to live it, not to look after her in her old age which is such a lovely thing to say. We know they will miss us and our little'un dreadfully, and us them, but we will go with their best wishes and that makes such a world of difference. Just keep positive.

[zardell]

Keep strong for each other and try not to let them get to you.

Our kids are grown up with kids of their own and we love them all sooo much - that's why we let them live their own lives and don't interfere.

They don't need our consent anymore, they are adults in their own right and they are quite capable of making decisions about their own lives.

One sure fired way to loose your kids is by trying to keep hold when you should let go.

Rise above it and just do the right thing for you and your family.

Good luck - sounds like your gonna need it !!

Julie

xx

[Bruckner]

So sorry to hear this Sharon. Only you know what's right for you and your family. Stay strong and keep your eyes on the prize.

Emily

[Nashlee]

Dear Sharon

Very sorry to hear your predigament. My situation is more not upset family, but being put more on a guilt trip. I have a grandmother who is in her eighties now, although in her younger years she lived in NZ for 20 odd years, loving every moment of it. She came back to the UK through being homesick.

She is constantly reminding me that I am making the biggest mistake of my life by moving to NZ as she thinks there is no place like the UK, and that NZ is so far behind the times, although she loved it out there!!! (confusing to say the least). She has told me that she will never come to visit as hates flying and feels she is too old.

I was told a long time ago you cannot live your life for other people, and with that in mind have finally made my decision to move my family to where I know we will all have a better life, although it will eat me up inside to say goodbye to her. Because of her age she is not up on computer bits, so webcams etc are out of the question. Phone calls will be my only contact with her, and it's not like you can jump on a plane at the drop of a hat!!

I am sure that your family will come round in the end, and realise what they will lose.

best of luck to you and your family.

Regards

Lee

[andrewandjane]

were off on thursday, staying at wifes parents for a day or two and they are fine with it all, its been very hard saying bye to everyone so far over the last week or two but its worth it as we are almost ready to go, know what u mean about bits about selling everything, we did this last week, i sold a bean bag from under my kid and sold the telly half way through a kids tv programme, felt lousy at the time but need all the cash we can get.

overall with us its the guiltthats hardest to deal with in that we are the cause of so many tears.....