[Charlosparky]

Well we made the move to Whangarei NZ last Sept 8th (2006), and have been here 7 months now. We had never been to NZ before but knew that it had to be better than our life in a large UK city (Nottingham) where it had got to the stage that we couldn't walk to the shop after dark. I had a job set up before we came and our Brother-in-law's brother who has been here 10 yrs set us up with a rental and his old car, so in many ways we hit the ground running.

We have had a good summer, every day on the beach, rellies over for xmas, bought our own house in January, 2 kids in school & college are ok, 2 older kids working (admittedly not in their ideal jobs) ,but for my wife Dawn, things are getting hard. especially now the beach weather has gone and our kids are sat in moaning that they are bored. Her folks made her feel very guilty about leaving them in the UK, and she is missing her family alot, even though they have all made the effort to be on the webcam.

The biggest downer we have is that we have made no friends as yet here, and we are stuck for ideas on how to. I work for a Bretheren one-man-band and he isn't allowed to socialise with non-bretherens outside work- so no luck there. Dawn can't get her driving licence untill June, which is forcing her to be a stay-at-home mum as the busses are rare and she needs be around to walk our 9 yr old to/from school at 9 & 3 so it's difficult to find a job to fit in. It was the same in the UK but there she could walk to her sister's houses for a natter. We have also found that neighbours here dont really mix as much- maybe because our sections are spread out and pretty private. We don't really fit in with our "bro- in- law's brother" either as we get the feeling they are a bit posh for us, they never visit unless they want us to child-mind their kids.

We aren't stupid- we know we must make the effort to mix and join some sort of clubs etc, but to be honest we are't religious/sporty/crafty types (god what DID we do in the UK? suppose we either popped round to our folks or went for a weekend in our caravan- which we left behind!!).

Things are extremely tight financially too. But once she has a part-time job and we get regular board from out eldest two lads that should ease.

To top things off, our eldest (gay) son Shaun's boyfriend walked out a fortnight ago too. He came out with us last Sept as they had a 2yr relationship going and were living in the loft conversion in our UK house- so to come out here and live in our sleepout made sense, but he has gone back to the UK- didn't have the guts to tell us beforehand either- and keeps texting Shaun asking him to go back to the UK. I dont really care but i care that it has weakened our resolve as a family that we were "here to stay" because one of our group has given up and gone back.

Anyway Whangarei is otherwise great- but wondering what we will do all winter, and who we will do it with:confused:

Any ideas???

[Moorf]

Hiya,

Good to hear how you're getting on. Shame that there aren't many forum buddies near you, while it's not great to stick with the expat community exclusively, it's a godsend for a group of friends to hang with. Isn't there anyone nearby?

When your wife gets a part-time job you'll find it should help lots. My garage job here (which I miss as had to give up due to workload) enabled me to make lots of "acquaintances" locally, people to wave to in the car, nod to in the streeet etc, plus friends in the community that make us feel part of life here. After that it snowballed, we were invited to a local engagement party, then the wedding reception, we've tentatively invited people round for a quick coffee and that's either worked out or it's been a "polite chat"! Nowadays I can't even walk the dog without seeing someone I know or being beeped or stopping to natter. (which can be a bit annoying if I want a quick walk!).

Harder (imho) for us as we don't have kids, so we don't get the same contact with other families. We've been along to a couple of local "talks" and art shows and things and always find someone to talk to. I go to the same bakery a few times a week and now, after a year, they know me by name - so nice to walk in somewhere and have a gossip, which then tends to have a knock on effect as you get introduced to others etc etc.

Have you actually asked your neighbours round for a coffee? It could be that they are thinking that you don't want to mingle either... or perhaps you could approach them for some advice (whether you need it or not - where's the best place to get firewood.. or something) at least if you've made the first move the ball is in their court ;) Shame about your brother-in-laws bro thinking they're above you, I'd have thought they would have been keen to introduce you all to their mates....

We have a lot of 7th Day Adventists here and they appear to have a very closed community, even many of the locals don't know them or what they do etc. I can see how, if you're in a community centred around a strict religion, you may have problems breaking in.

I hope your son manages to sort himself out, I would have thought it might be very hard for him to find a social scene if you're out rurally. Our neighbour's brother is gay and lives in Auckland, she said he wouldn't have been able to have a life out here in rural Canterbury.

Well, I've rambled, but hope it opens up a discussion ;)

Best
Moorf

[Sam B]

Making friends from scratch is actually really hard as an adult I think. We discovered this when we moved (from Nottingham) to Cornwall 6 years ago. I hadn't put much thought into it beforehand, but after 6 months in Cornwall I began to panic that I would become a hermit. It was at least 2 years before I really had a good group of proper friends and 1 or 2 close ones.

I made all my friends there through work though. I have never really gone for the whole clubs/hobbies thing. The friends I made in Cornwall were lovely, but I was probably never as close to them as to my ones in Nottingham, where we had far more shared experience of growing up together and quite riotous times in my teens and early twenties. Now here I am in NZ and got to start all over again. It's hard work and it seems much harder to find people who you really click with the older you get, I don't know why. Maybe it's just because you don't meet so many people all in one go like you do at school and uni - you can just gravitate towards people who look like you'd like them then.

Anyway, I haven't got any friends at the moment either, so my sympathies. I know from experience that it does take time.

[gil]

Hi Charlosparky,
Thank you for posting about this as it's something that affects everyone coming here unless they have family or friends already.

We aren't stupid- we know we must make the effort to mix and join some sort of clubs etc, but to be honest we are't religious/sporty/crafty types
To be honest, i wouldn't let that stop me! When I was about to go on my year abroad to France (1979, so no internet, no mobiles, no particulalry cheap flights) our professor told us all to go to our local church, wherever we ended up, RC or any other denomination as it was the best way to meet the locals. I didn't personally do this, but know people who did (definitely not churchgoers!) and they found it a good way in, so to speak. So don't let religion get in the way of meeting the community. Ditto sports. Athletics/running clubs or groups often need marshalls or whatever. Schools are a good way to go too. I think all Board of Trustee (school governors in UK) meetings are open to all parents and they tend to happen monthly, so go along and introduce yourselves. PTAs ALWAYS need help, so that might be another route.

What about your local library? Ours has a Reading Group that meets monthly; I nearly joined it, but happened to mention this to some ex-pat girlfriends here and lo! we have a reading group with about 10-12 members!
This may not crop up soon, but go to school camp with your daughter. I met some lovely people that way, kiwi, Zimbabwean, UK etc, plus on good terms with the teachers now too.

I think Moorf's idea about the nieghbours is a good one. Can't for the life of me remember who it was now, but someone on the forum invited all their neighbours round for a coffee and english cakes thing. You could drum up any pretext for that, "Please come and help us celebrate our 7 month anniversary" or something!

Other ideas include: talk to everyone you meet. If you overhear an accent, turn round and say hi (not a kiwi one!) I've met several people that way "Oh, is that an English/Geordie/Scottish accent?" and you're in a conversation...
Perhaps Dawn could help at the school? You get to meet the staff that way, which can be useful socially and educationally.
Check out if there's a branch of Toastmasters near-ish http://www.toastmasters.org.nz/ a great way to meet people and develop yourself at the same time.
Volunteering locally might help too. What hospices/conservation/Samaritans/animal sanctuaries or SPCA/ schools/children's organisations/ etc etc are there?

i care that it has weakened our resolve as a family that we were "here to stay" because one of our group has given up and gone back.
Our 18 year-old went "home" after about 7 weeks and it felt horrible, as if a limb was missing. We all miss her terribly. She has sorted out a job, a flat and a place at Uni for Oct this year in London, so I am really proud of her for handling it but equally devastated that her stated intention is to stay in UK. It was very hard on the other children but we have all come to feel that OK, it's what she wanted, but we are getting a huge amount from living here and we are all coming to love it for different reasons. We don't feel the need to be in the same place together and no longer feel diminished, but greater, bedcause we ahve seen her leave and grow and cope on her own. I really hope Shaun will find his way successfully here, because I know what it felt like when our daughter went away, but remember, you have given him the best start you could and what he makes of it is really for him to decide.

If you fancy a trip to the city, just PM me and let me know.

Hope all works out as you would like,
Love

gil

[Moorf]

I've met several people that way "Oh, is that an English/Geordie/Scottish accent?" and you're in a conversation...Ohh, glad I'm not the only one to do that :nice1 - normally followed by me asking if they're here on hols, live here or on a reccie :yes

[veronica]

would it be worth looking to change your job, maybe if you were in a bigger work force that would help.

[katandbob]

Hi Charlosparky,
Our 18 year-old went "home" after about 7 weeks and it felt horrible, as if a limb was missing. We all miss her terribly. She has sorted out a job, a flat and a place at Uni for Oct this year in London, so I am really proud of her for handling it but equally devastated that her stated intention is to stay in UK. It was very hard on the other children but we have all come to feel that OK, it's what she wanted, but we are getting a huge amount from living here and we are all coming to love it for different reasons. We don't feel the need to be in the same place together and no longer feel diminished, but greater, bedcause we ahve seen her leave and grow and cope on her own. I really hope Shaun will find his way successfully here, because I know what it felt like when our daughter went away, but remember, you have given him the best start you could and what he makes of it is really for him to decide.

If you fancy a trip to the city, just PM me and let me know.

Hope all works out as you would like,
Love

gil

Hi, our son went home after 5mths,and we felt devastated, then elated when he said he was coming back - then down again when he changed his mind :wah
I should be on my way to CHCH to pick him up tomorrow - instead a ticket is wasted and now Jason is now on is own, no friends - we have been here 10mths, no forum friends here either, its been hard, but its the weekends you notice it most, I hope your OH finds someone who she can have a chat with soon, I was all but giving up and getting used to being Billie no mates, :laugh
but I met an ex-pat via a local kiwi, and she had a hard time too, when she moved here 7yrs ago, she and a few other non Kiwis have a ex-pat get together at xmas, well they didnt get round to it at xmas and she has invited us to it, so 10 mths in and we are about to get on the "making friends" ladder at last ;) (HOPEFULLY)

The guys at work were asking me what we were doing over Easter - but non invited us to come over.... so its DIY and take out on the itinerary!

Jason is friendly with the people on his course at college, but non that have actually invited him to go out or anything.

I am glad you posted how your feeling - to be honest I could have wrote it myself word for word...Lets hope that this is just a slow process.

I have also got aquainted with near neighbours (like the next township etc) who have horses, so this is slowly getting us a beep and a wave when they pass us on the road, I suspect that it will be a long road (we had 2 beep and wave when we were up hammering on a new roof on the stables today)

Any way, I'm rambling....

Hope you (and me) find our feet and get some friends soon:)

Kat

[Lupin]

I've nothing more useful to add to the above posts, but that I hope it's just a matter of a little more time and it'll all be right for you. I would second looking for something like a book group through the library or community centre. Also I ahve noticed that here Kiwi's are very comfortable with just droppping in on friends or people they've met and if someone says drop by sometime, don't hesitate or wait for a detailed invite, just do it. We had an informal "drop by sometime" sort of invite and although we drove past their farm almost daily it took us three weeks to actually just drop by and they told us they had placed bets as to how long it would take us because their experience of brits was that they are uncomfortable with just dropping in unannounced on people they don't know. It has resulted in a good friendship.

Perhaps you could have a BBQ and invite all the neighbours? Good luck :)

[saralou]

Kat,

I have family in Invercargill that are always happy to meet new people including a sister who is 20. I'm sure she would be happy to invite your son out for a drink with her friends. Let me know if your interested!

Sara

[pinkpiggy]

Hi, this is a great post. People often think they know what they will do when they move to a new country but the reality is often quite different.

We moved from England to Scotland in 2004 and it has taken us 2 years to build up a decent group of friends. Our close friends live 20 mins away but we tend to do something with them every 2 or 3 weeks. Funnily enough we met them while on holiday and remained friends when we got home.

I haven't worked since moving to Scotland (my children said they liked me picking them up from school and doing things with them) but will probably when we get to NZ. In order to make friends I used to help out in school - shared reading/bulb sale/helping children with their ICT/school trips. I also made an effort to talk to the parents in the playground and made sure when we invited school friends home we told the parents they were quite welcome to come along too.

I also used to go to WeightWatchers and someone I met there invited me for a coffee with some of her friends. I now see them more than her. ;)

I hope you are able to make friends soon. Maybe your wife could ask some of the other parents what their children do for entertainment in the winter???

[Trigirl]

i think making friends happens by chance. all you can do is help the chance along. its not been easy at all so far (4 months today) but i was - and still am - determined to try.

so far i've tried our local photographic society (i gave up on this one as eveyone there was just so much older than me), and i've gone ahead and joined our local running club and local badminton club. i guess if you'd asked me a month ago i'd have said i had no friends here at all. but now i feel like i'm starting to meet people.

[Jezza]

All my life, since age of three, every three years I have moved - sometimes to a new town, sometimes to a new country (my parents were diplomats). So I've got used to making friends all over again. I would imagine for people who have grown up in pretty much one place it must be very daunting to suddenly lose your familiar networks of acquaintances.

I'd second the advice above to somehow join a club, take up a new hobby, do something where you'll have a shared interest with others. I have found the internet very handy for this - I help run a forum for Saab owners and have gone to meets and track days. From a cycling forum I have gone on rides with others we organised online. I've met people I never would have, and some of them have become good friends.

[veronica]

I think with anything like this you have to be proactive, however hard it seems. People here have circles of friends and they don't have to be on the look out for more. its up to you to do things to help yourself along. If you have kids its easier, the local scouts and brownies are always on the look out for helpers. as are some schools etc.

its harder if you are at home with no job and no kids. its just a case of joining stuff and doing what you can.

[zardell]

We have also found that neighbours here dont really mix as much- maybe because our sections are spread out and pretty private.



Yep, can really relate to that.........

When you are in the UK (or wherever you come from) and you are showing your friends your ideal home on TradeMe and chatting away about your dreams of a better/different future in NZ, the downside of not having the close neighbours that you are used to never occurs does it??

Neither does it occur to you that you'll have no close friends to share your hopes and dreams with !

Can't remember who it was now, but someone said that these feelings are like 'Homesickness in reverse'.
In other words, you don't necessarily want to go back to the UK, but you wish that the friends and family you had in the UK were sharing your NZ life with you.

Wish we were closer............

Julie

xx

[stu70]

I have been friends with a lot of first generation immigrants. Even after several years in the adopted land, they still long for their homelands. That is mainly due to the people they had in their lives back home. But that does not mean one can not create new friendships. Good luck with it.

[Angela]

we live in the whangarei area happy to meet up at any time we have been in nz 20 months We joined the RSA and have met some friends through there .I have also joined a walking group also body combat group .It was strange initially joining not knowing anyone and going into a group of strangers but once taking the initial step the groups are very friendly pm me and we can exchange details and meet up for coffee and a chat

[katandbob]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlosparky View Post
We have also found that neighbours here dont really mix as much- maybe because our sections are spread out and pretty private.


Yep, can really relate to that.........

When you are in the UK (or wherever you come from) and you are showing your friends your ideal home on TradeMe and chatting away about your dreams of a better/different future in NZ, the downside of not having the close neighbours that you are used to never occurs does it??

Neither does it occur to you that you'll have no close friends to share your hopes and dreams with !

Can't remember who it was now, but someone said that these feelings are like 'Homesickness in reverse'.
In other words, you don't necessarily want to go back to the UK, but you wish that the friends and family you had in the UK were sharing your NZ life with you.

Wish we were closer............

Julie

xx

Yes I think your right about neighbours on large sections, mine are a paddock away on both sides, one set haven't even spoken to us, but the other had already warned us that they keep to themselves, Dot who is my other neighbour is friendly, but hasn't taken up my offer of coming up for a coffee, but if I go to hers, she makes tea and the buscuits come out - shes unfortunately ended up being a shoulder to cry on each time I have gone - I think its cause she is very similar natured to my MIL and she is so simpathetic and understands the ups and downs of having teenagers - So i haven't been for a while - what with Jordon tearing my emotions up - I thought I'd save her the hassle of getting the kleenex out again LOL!
I am going to go this weekend though, and hopefully I will not break down in tears! She also has loads of family - I see cars pulling in her drive most of the weekends, and if she has a party the place is chocablock - and thats half the rellies - theres a load more who live on stuart Island, thats where she was born.

I also think with being too busy doing the things that need doing around the farm have helped me not get too low, and if I get a bit depressed I go out and give Jasper and Jasmine a carrot, and then I remember why we bought the place.
Rob really doesn't care if he makes any friends - he has enough people at work to talk to, then he comes home to relax...Me I would like a few friends, hopefully before next summer we will have! and by then we should have saved enough to build a Deck, and then we will have some friends to invite for a BBQ....so I look at it as small steps, I take them one at a time, and hopefully soon I will have made some friends...and in the meantime I have you Guys to keep me sane:laugh

Kat

[katandbob]

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.


A guy at work who let us stay at his house in Te Anau when Rachel was visiting had this poem on his wall, it struck a cord with me and I was thinking of it when I was replying to the post before.

any way I thought i'd share (appologies - I must be feeling a bit emotional today! LOL)

Kat

[zardell]

Max Ehrmann

any way I thought i'd share (appologies - I must be feeling a bit emotional today! LOL)

Kat



No need to apologise Kat - it struck a chord with me too.

Julie

xx

[Jezza]

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

True, that.

[kiwidollie]

I love that Kat. I have a framed copy on my bedroom wall and read it through often.

I find it really helps me ........

Alison

[Timbo]

When back in the UK, we rarely, if ever, had parts at our home. This was partly due to us living in an area where partys usually meant gatecrashers and trouble.
However, since arriving in Whitianga 16 or so months ago, we seem to have become THE party house. It all started by simply asking work colleagues along for a house warming, and suggesting thay bring a friend as well as a plate.
All I can say is, it has worked 100% for us, and we now have plenty of friends that we can cal on un-announced. The same works in reverse, and we often find ourselves with a couple of unexpected dinner guests.
Give it a go..

[nicola in nz]

ok, i have deleted my phone numbers. thanks

[spudulike]

Hi Nicola, you may be better deleting this message and sending it via the personal message facility. Loads of people (members and non members) will read this so I wouldn't advise giving out personal details such as phone numbers. If you have any problems deleting/editing contact a moderator and ask them to help.

Oh and welcome to the forum :)

[zardell]

Hi Nicola, you may be better deleting this message and sending it via the personal message facility. Loads of people (members and non members) will read this so I wouldn't advise giving out personal details such as phone numbers. If you have any problems deleting/editing contact a moderator and ask them to help.

Oh and welcome to the forum :)



Ditto........

And WELCOME to the forum.

Julie

xx

[Tia Maria]

Spudulike wrote:

Hi Nicola, you may be better deleting this message and sending it via the personal message facility. Loads of people (members and non members) will read this so I wouldn't advise giving out personal details such as phone numbers. If you have any problems deleting/editing contact a moderator and ask them to help.

Oh and welcome to the forum

I was just about to suggest the same thing!

If you click on the persons name, you will see an option to send a Private Message (PM) to that person, its often a better way to pass on personal details, you can then alert them in the thread that you have PM'd your phone number if you want.

Cheers

Tia

[Trigirl]

louise - you may need to delete yours too as it repeats the numbers (and nicola won't have access to delete yours)

[zardell]

louise - you may need to delete yours too as it repeats the numbers (and nicola won't have access to delete yours)



:laugh

I did exactly the same as Louise and had to delete it........:roll

There's PM's flying all over the place here.....!!

Gosh - we're such a caring lot aren't we....:nice1

Julie

xx

[nicola in nz]

hi, i have deleted my original message if you could all do the same to get rid of my phone numbers and i will pm them instead.
Thanks Nicola

[nicola in nz]

i forgot what a nice place this was to post and how nice the peole are on here, i had to re-register using a slightly different username as the flippin thing wouldn't let me send an email to the moderater i was original user name was Nic in Nz . Thanks everyone.

[spudulike]

hi, i have deleted my original message if you could all do the same to get rid of my phone numbers and i will pm them instead.
Thanks Nicola

Hi, I will message a moderator and ask for it to be removed as there is no delete/edit function on my page so I can't go back and change it. The edit function seems to disappear after others have replied. I am so sorry for copying the numbers - can't believe I was so stupid :roll

[Charlosparky]

Hi again,

Well we have just logged on again and can't beleive all the replies on here. We wanna say a big thanks:nice1 to all of you who took the time to reply and for all the nice comments that have made us realise that we are not alone. Thank you also to the people who have PMmed us as they have helped alot- which may not be obvoius from just reading the posts.

We asked our kids for their opinions and were quite surprised. our 9yr old wants to go back and is desperately bored and has made friends at school but no really best mate as such. None of them have invited him round over easter, or wanted to come to him either. Yet we thought he would adapt easiest here. Our 16yr old is happy at college and wants to stay, our 18 and 21 lads don't mind either way.

Unless something unpredictable happens we will be going back to the UK.This is due to my wife missing her family so much more than she thought possible, and also to do with the low wages here that mean we are only just paying the bills, with no chance of doing any long term saving, or even saving towards things like car replacements, holidays, etc.

To help people who read this get an idea (as people seem to be reluctant to actually print figures ) i earn $26.50hr as an electrician- which is a lot outside Auckland. Out of my $850 take home pay a whopping £300 goes on groceries, another $35 on 1 takeaway a week, $320 on a $192k mortgage, $50 on petrol, the rest on things like electric, water, gas bottle, car/house insurance, etc. Surely 1 takeaway, no sky tv, 1 car, no smoking, is not an extravagant lifestyle?? - sorry i'm rambling ere-, but there is no spare for newer cars/holidays/bathroom/boat/UK visits/ etc.

Anyway i hope this info helps others to make informed choices. (should be in the Money section i suppose:laugh

[spudulike]

I'm so sorry that things aren't working out for you Charlosparky. It must be heartbreaking to hear your 9 year old is struggling too :( If you decide you are definitely moving back to the UK feel free to pm me regarding shipping etc as we are in the process of going back now - and so are several others who I'm sure would be willing to help/advise.

Good luck with everything and very best wishes to you and your family.

Louise

[Trigirl]

sorry to hear that charlosparky - good luck with the move back

[zardell]

.

To help people who read this get an idea (as people seem to be reluctant to actually print figures ) i earn $26.50hr as an electrician- which is a lot outside Auckland. Out of my $850 take home pay a whopping £300 goes on groceries, another $35 on 1 takeaway a week, $320 on a $192k mortgage, $50 on petrol, the rest on things like electric, water, gas bottle, car/house insurance, etc. Surely 1 takeaway, no sky tv, 1 car, no smoking, is not an extravagant lifestyle?? - sorry i'm rambling ere-, but there is no spare for newer cars/holidays/bathroom/boat/UK visits/ etc.
Anyway i hope this info helps others to make informed choices. (should be in the Money section i suppose:laugh




When I read this part of your post, I thought back to how I would have interpreted it if I was still in the UK and reading it.

I would have been thinking that $300 on groceries is only about £100-£120 a week, so that's not bad at all..............doesn't quite work like that does it !!

I still maintain that the only way to work out whether or not you are financially viable is to forget converting £'s and $'s and work on 'unit percentage' - let me explain what I mean.

If for example, a person brings home 100 units per week and it costs him 50 units per week to live that's a wonderful 50% of costs vs income.

It's a different story if you need to spend 100% of (or in some cases more than) the 100 units of income just to survive.

The debate goes on..........

Julie

xx

[katandbob]

Hi again,

Well we have just logged on again and can't beleive all the replies on here. We wanna say a big thanks:nice1 to all of you who took the time to reply and for all the nice comments that have made us realise that we are not alone. Thank you also to the people who have PMmed us as they have helped alot- which may not be obvoius from just reading the posts.

We asked our kids for their opinions and were quite surprised. our 9yr old wants to go back and is desperately bored and has made friends at school but no really best mate as such. None of them have invited him round over easter, or wanted to come to him either. Yet we thought he would adapt easiest here. Our 16yr old is happy at college and wants to stay, our 18 and 21 lads don't mind either way.

Unless something unpredictable happens we will be going back to the UK.This is due to my wife missing her family so much more than she thought possible, and also to do with the low wages here that mean we are only just paying the bills, with no chance of doing any long term saving, or even saving towards things like car replacements, holidays, etc.

To help people who read this get an idea (as people seem to be reluctant to actually print figures ) i earn $26.50hr as an electrician- which is a lot outside Auckland. Out of my $850 take home pay a whopping £300 goes on groceries, another $35 on 1 takeaway a week, $320 on a $192k mortgage, $50 on petrol, the rest on things like electric, water, gas bottle, car/house insurance, etc. Surely 1 takeaway, no sky tv, 1 car, no smoking, is not an extravagant lifestyle?? - sorry i'm rambling ere-, but there is no spare for newer cars/holidays/bathroom/boat/UK visits/ etc.

Anyway i hope this info helps others to make informed choices. (should be in the Money section i suppose:laugh

Hi - do you have just one wage coming in?

I think that the actually hourly rate you are on is good - for NZ, but if your only on one wage then that won't make a difference - have you looked into what you can claim - ie tax credits etc?

I can quite understand your out goings, they are about the same as ours.

I am torn between working for the extra wage and staying at home so I can cook more cheaply - grow more vegies etc - at the minute I can't afford to quit, even though it would work out more financially to run one car etc!

with a wedding to go to in the UK next may I am wondering where the airfare is coming from!

Kids! who'd have em !!:laugh :laugh

Good luck in what ever you choose - hopefully you'll feel a bit different in a few months

Kat

[nicola in nz]

hi, isn't it amazing we all move here with such high expectations but something always bits us in the bum. my hubby is employed as a carpenter he only get $19.60 and hour i am working too (all be it for a few more weeks, baby due in 8 weeks) but most of my wages goes on day care for my 3 and a half year old, so at the end of the week i olny take home about $250 but that $250 makes all the difference, i would love to be able to stay at home but we just can't afford it. not too sure what we will do when i am due to go back as i will have to pay out for 2 lots of child care till hannah starts school.
Sorry thats a bit off subject.
Nicola

[Trigirl]

charlosparky - kat makes a really good point there. you should be getting about $140 a week in family assistance in your situation. have you tried claiming this?

[Moorf]

I also think the point about another income coming in is good - no matter how small.

My part-time garage job (god, I'd never have done that in the UK!!) bought in an extra $600 a month - and that goes a long, long way when the bills are paid - and that was for just a 3 hr stint a day. Got to know the locals, the gossip and made friends. Couldn't your wife see what part time jobs she could do once she gets her driving licence? (why is it she can't get her licence until June? Does she have a UK licence?)

Just a thought... good luck with the move back.

Moorf

[willsken]

Charlosparky I am sad to see that you intend to go back. I understand the reasons but surely things could still turn themselves round for you all. The friend thing is bound to be hard for your wife if she is at home alone all day. What about the reasons for leaving in the first place? Are things going to be any better if you go back? I have only been here 3 months and it feels like an age, so 7 months in must feel like forever but it really is early days. The same for your son, he will find a best friend but these relationships take time. Does he belong to any clubs/sports? Both my boys go to groups of one kind or another and both play sport. They have made friends but like your son they have no best friends as yet.

Is there no way of going back for a holiday to remind you what we left behind? There are many who left the UK for reasons other than disliking living in the UK but I was sure I remember you disliking where you lived over there? I have been remembering my life in the UK more fondly lately until a friend from my village told me this weekend that a man had been beaten to death after an argument just across the road from where I used to live. I know this could have happened anywhere but it focused my mind back to the feelings I had before I came out to NZ.

Sorry to go on and if you decide to go back, then I wish you all the luck in the world for the return trip. :yes :)

[Myrkk]

Chloesparky, I really feel for you. We've moved around the UK lots and currently live in Sth Wales. We've been here for 4years in May and only just have started to make friends. We're not unused to making friends in new areas given the amount of house moves we've made but I worked from home when we first moved here so didn't get the chance to make any friends. It does make things very depressing and we'd decided a move back to Scotland was the right thing to do.

Perhaps a trip back to the UK for a holiday is a good idea....... we made a trip back to Scotland last November and I realise that I have a good amount of rose tinted specs about the life I had there.

Now that we have started to make friends in Wales I wondering if we really have the heart to move again...... i.e. to NZ..... I never thought I was that much of a social animal to be honest..... you live and learn.

[nicola in nz]

hi,
just in case you wee interested i got the linkz mag today and there are contact details for settlement support groups the one in Whangarei is
09-430-4230 ext8356


There is a list for loads of others on

www.immigration.govt.nz/settlement

hope this helps a few of you.

Nicola

[nickydwuk]

I can't comment on making friends in NZ as we have not moved yet but on the subject of your 9 year old not making friends. My son who is nearly 13 started high school 2 years ago and had no friends at school for the first year - none from his junior school went to the same high school. He would come home every night sad and upset. He gradually made friends and eventually made a friend of a new boy who moved in accross the road but went to a different school. Kids are resilient and all through my sons first year at school he begged me to move him to another school but things turned out ok in the end. As for our friends this thread made me think about our friends and leaving them behind. My OH and I very rarely go out - my friends are my work colleagues and we don't socialise that often. I have some friends from previous jobs but I tend to stay in touch through email or text. My OH has friends at work but out of work it is normally me and the kids who we socialise with - and we aren't aliens with 2 heads!!!! We are happy with our own company but if we wanted to socialise more we could make more of an effort with work colleagues or neighbours. This is what we will aim to do when we move to NZ. I don't think it matters where you live it is what you make of it and the effort you put in that makes the difference. But is does help knowing you have family near by to talk things over with. This is what we will miss not the friends.