[E&C]

This whole New Zealand thing has been more on my side of things than on my husbands to its been a bit abstract most of the time but now he is seriously considering it and sending a CV or three out to see how it goes. It has suddenly made it so real for me and I just feel so sad . I love love love South Africa so much. I love the people, the weather, the culture(s). I love being African and I feel sick that I feel that we have to leave but we do - for the safety and future of our son and for us. It sucks being happy that we have an old crusty car that no one will want to hijack. We're getting a new car now and I hate being scared that in the case of a hijacking how would I get my son out of the carseat without them driving off with him. I'm tired hearing about children stabbing teachers and fellow pupils in school. I am angry that when my son goes to school I have to teach him not to touch other people's blood or panic if someone bites him (broken skin) because of the high incidence of HIV. I hate feeling that as a white person I'm not really welcome here and that we're not considered African because we're white. I hate that I'll be leaving this lovely country and all the good stuff that comes with it. I'm so grateful that my sister is also planning to emigrate because at least I won't have to deal with missing her and being scared for her. Did anyone else feel like this?

[Tentun]

Hi there

I know a little bit of how you feel. Can I ask where in South Africa you live now?

My hubby and I are South African born but we moved the England in 2000 for various reasons (some of what you described above but that wasn't our only reason for moving, it was also to see some of the world and travel).

We recently decided to move away from the UK and after lots of thinking decided New Zealand would be a good place to go to. We have a son now and are hoping to move to NZ some time in 2008 although everything is still very much up in the air.

I have loved the past 7 years we've spent in England and we have some lovely friends here and our community have welcomed us as foreigners and to be honest for the last 3 or 4 years I haven't felt like a foreigner in this country at all as it's become our home now.
But something that I can never explain to other people who have not undergone a major immigration is that I have this sometimes overwhelming feeling of not really belonging in the UK. I think Africa is something that is in your blood and I so often think about my childhood in South Africa and the wonderful memories of South Africa that are so unique to that country. I think that no matter where I go South Africa will always be a part of me and I love meeting up with other fellow South Africans that I've met here in England and we chat about all things SA - biltong, boeriwors, braai's, Springboks, and we laugh at how the South African mannerisms confuse other nations like the way we say robots instead of traffic lights and pants instead of trousers and ya instead of yeah.
I'm probably waffling but what I'm trying to say is that you can leave South Africa and we did - we know that we will never return except for holidays - but you will never stop being South African. It makes me very sad that our little boy will never know the South Africa that I knew as a child and he will never be able to experience some the beauty that we did while living in SA but there will be other opportunites for your children. They might grow up as Kiwis and I've met some wonderful, friendly kiwis so that's not a bad thing is it.
We thought about returning to SA a while ago but my husband said it to me and I completely agree with him - there is nothing that makes up for that feeling of being safe and secure, not having to have burglar bars on your windows, not having to have barbed wire around your house, if you leave your pushchair outside the front door it is always right there when you go to get it again and hasn't been stolen. We feel safe where we live right now (and the UK crime is apparently on the increase) but we would never want to go back to living in constant fear all the time. Plus, there are South Africans in NZ and there will always be someone to chat about SA with and bring back all those wonderful memories.

Good luck with whatever you decide & PM me if you feel like a good ol' South African chit chat

Kerry

[E&C]

Thanks Kerry - its good to hear that it can be done. I live in Durban at the moment (example of lovely weather is that its the middle of Autumn and today is 29 degrees celcius). My husband and i went travelling just after we got married - went to USA for a year and I was so homesick that when we came back even Joburg seemed lovely. After a short visit home we went to Edinburgh for a year as well and really enjoyed that. So I know that I can be in a different country but I think the thought of only coming back for holidays is the thing that is freaking me out! I think we'll love New Zealand (hubby has been there and he has always said that if he had to choose another country to live in it would be NZ). Thanks though - already feeling much better! Watch me get all amped to move and then we don't even get in! I'll definitely PM you sometime if I have a day like this again -thanks for the offer!

[brianw]

we to talk a lot about the memories that we will have to take with us of this lovely country. Now that our date for departure is approaching like a freight train, everyday i drive to work and look at the country and think "i'm going to miss this, i'm going to miss this big time". and then i think, i would rather be able to live till i'm 80 and have those memories then get shot at 43 for my cell/mobile phone.

we have had 3 armed robberies in 3 days over the last weekend in our neighborhood, 1 of which was the house right next to mine. South Africa is out of control, it's over, finished. i cant remember when last there was no gunshots at night, starting to feel like i'm back in the Angolan war of the late 70's.

So yea, gonna miss it but 10 August we get on the plane, Singapore for 4 days and then on to wellington, and a new life, which hopefully me and my wife can spend in peace till we finally die of old age !!!!!

[JoanneG]

I'm not African but I have spent time in Kenya, Joburg, Cape Town and Durban. I was young and ignorant when I arrived and couldn't understand why I was so often in trouble for simply being, as far as I could see - independent. I would leave the house without a driver and jump on a Matatu. I would walk outside restaurants and hail a taxi. I hated living behind bars, I felt trapped. Bars on the windows and a whole door made of bars to shut off the bedrooms from the rest of the house. One night I heard a blood curdling scream which turned out to be a sleeping guard woken by his colleague. It's a night I will never forget for the feeling of fear which stayed with me even as all the alarms in the street sounded their coded 'all clear' signal. For the first time in my life I looked around me for a weapon.

When I came home to the UK, I heard of friends and their friends who were murdered, raped, attacked and left for dead or held prisoner for days in their homes while they were robbed. The machete rules in Africa.

I was young, free and single back then. I couldn't even think of putting my children at that kind of risk and I fear every day for the friends I still have there.

And yet, Africa is wonderful. The majority of people are warm and friendly, black, brown and white, and the country is indescribably beautiful.

I haven't yet done my recce in NZ but I suppose I'm hoping that I'll find the same wide, clear bluer than blue skies and striking scenery but with the freedom of movement that I would like my children to live with.

I was in Africa for less than 6 months but Africa will stay in my heart forever. You will always be South African and you will find other Africans wherever you go but it doesn't mean that you can't feel 'at home' in another country and you can teach your little boy about the 'real' Africa, the sights and sounds, and not the Africa being torn apart by corruption and greed.

One thing I have learned through travel is that you are who you are wherever you are, the end result of all of your experiences to date and home can be anywhere you choose to make it.

Good Luck with your move – I hope you find a safer place for you son to call home.

[kzn2nz]

Hi E&C. Don't feel bad. We have 2 sons. My wife and I went to JHB to do the IELTS test, and after the oral, decided to go to JHB Art Gallery. We spent an hour in the traffic in Hillbrow, surrounded by taxis, next to Joubert Park. The scariest thing was that we did not see a single policeman the whole time. There is no law and order, and we though about our kids, and what their future would have been without us.

We feel that we pay taxes, and don't owe anything to SA anymore - because the government has not really got our interests at heart anymore. My business is BEE exempt, but I am still losing work to affirmative opposition! My bigger clients only want to know when I will get a black partner!

Yes, we love the weather, we love the people, we love Africa (hell, I studied nature conservation and feel that I am MADE of African soil!) but you need to be realistic about the future. If you can, get the book "the shackled continent (http://www.kalahari.net/bk/product.asp?sku=27964800&toolbar=mweb)" by Robert Guest. That will explain things far better than I can.

Remeber that the thing that brings the greatest relief is a decision! Once you are over that hurdle, the path is a lot more clear and level!

[mclarity]

Did anyone else feel like this?

I completely empathise with your dilemma. We have been away from SA for nearly nine years now. I still feel quite displaced and still miss many aspects of SA. I guess I will always feel drawn to the place and always remain a bit homesick. Due to a good job offer nine years ago we live in the Netherlands. This means a safe and secure environment for us and our kids, it affords us a great opportunity to travel and most importantly (for us) it allows us semi-regular visits back to SA. However it also means living in a culture which is hugely different from our own, having to speak a foreign language and live a lifestyle quite different from that which we used to have growing up in SA.

We thought of returning to SA recently (after our return from our New Zealand adventure) and I was even offered a very good job back in Johannesburg. Based on the level of violent crime and all its effects on ones safety and lifestyle we did not go for it. It was a very tough decision to make. It’s all about compromises.

It's good to read that you have a family member who may go with you. This can really help.
All the best.