[CjChris]

I am really starting to hate having to tell people our plans. We've had mixed reviews--several positive reactions and a couple not-so-positive, but one of my sisters has really taken this personally. She thinks I'm abandoning the family. She says how could I love them and leave? Further, her daughter has had health issues which recently worsened, and she asked how can I plan to leave at a time like this? She also wondered (to another sister) if perhaps I haven't gotten above my raising, that I'm trying to be something I'm not by moving out of Appalachia (!!!), that I'll forget where I came from or think less of them after being away...

So what is up with this kind of guilt trip?? :confused:

There are lots of financial and medical reasons why my siblings could never do what I am doing; does that mean I should stay behind with them?

NO!! But that is exactly what I felt she was implying.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed to get this off my chest :mad: I know she is scared and needs special reassurance, but I really didn't expect her to pull out all the horrible stuff at once.

[stu70]

Sorry about the situation with your family. You are right, your sister is driven by a very personal and very disturbing situation that I am sure would make anyone scared including yourself. No easy answers, are there? Life is like that though. Good luck

[Lisa&Andy]

I am really starting to hate having to tell people our plans. We've had mixed reviews--several positive reactions and a couple not-so-positive, but one of my sisters has really taken this personally. She thinks I'm abandoning the family. She says how could I love them and leave? Further, her daughter has had health issues which recently worsened, and she asked how can I plan to leave at a time like this? She also wondered (to another sister) if perhaps I haven't gotten above my raising, that I'm trying to be something I'm not by moving out of Appalachia (!!!), that I'll forget where I came from or think less of them after being away...

So what is up with this kind of guilt trip?? :confused:

There are lots of financial and medical reasons why my siblings could never do what I am doing; does that mean I should stay behind with them?

NO!! But that is exactly what I felt she was implying.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed to get this off my chest :mad: I know she is scared and needs special reassurance, but I really didn't expect her to pull out all the horrible stuff at once.

Hi
We have had similar reactions from a few family members :uhoh They refuse to talk to us about our plans to move NZ and when we talk about the move negative comments are made, or conversation changed quickly.We find this very frustrating.
At the end of the day you can't live your lives for someone else regardless of what relationship they have to you and what problems they are having - maybe reassure your sister that you WILL see her again and that nothing has to be forever! You must do what is best for your family - and that is your decision to make. I know it can be difficult though!

Good Luck!

Lisa x

[Andy-Dee]

One of the reasons the forum and the meets are really helpful - you can talk to others going through the same thing and feel supported.

See if you can get a meet going in your area - appreciate it may be more difficult where you are.

Big hugs

[CjChris]

Thanks Stu70, Lisa, and Andy-Dee.

My sister is slowly coming around, which is a huge relief. Her main worry is "what is some emergency happens" and I can't get home fast enough or at all.

I realize this is a risk I am taking by moving so far away. I'm not sure how to respond to this except to say if and when an emergency happens, I'll do the best I can at the time. I can send thoughts of love and prayers from anywhere in the world.

I really didn't think about seeming "selfish" by moving away. I hope those who are feeling this way will eventually see that this is not the case.

Again, thanks for the well-wishes.

Christine

[Happyfeet]

It does make it harder when you get reactions like that doesnt it. When we moved over five years ago our best friends in the UK were horified and gave us such a hard time. They couldnt understand why we were doing it. Well to be exact, they could understand why my husband was as he is a kiwi but they couldnt understand why I wanted to go. They told us how upset they were and how they most probably would never see us again!!! Every time we went out with them they would make comments about how London was such a great place and they could never ever leave their family & friends which was obviously a huge dig at us! They more or less refused to come out here and said they might come in five years time and five years later they still havent made it. Dont think they ever will and to be honest, I think its a principle thing with them. Isnt it completely daft! They were the only ones that were like this but all it takes is one or two to make your decision a wee bit harder. Glad your sister is coming round you need all the support you can get.

Sorry, I have rambled a bit now but five years down the track it still bothers me.

[kelpy]

I'm so sorry. The one thing you need most right now is support, and it doesn't sound like your family is giving you that.

Honestly, I dread telling my family for the same reason. I know it will go badly. So far, I can count on one hand the number of people we've let in on our little secret, and the reaction from each was negative, which really surprised me. But reading this forum, it sounds like it's a pretty standard response.

Like Lisa said, you must make the best choice for you, but of course it's nice to also have positive reassurance from those close to us.

[Jo Jo]

I'm sorry to hear this, too, and am glad your sister is starting to come round to the idea now.

I have had a negative reaction to my plans from most of my family, too, and it does make things hard. I have days when I wonder why I am even thinking about moving to NZ, and as I don't have children I don't have the justification of doing what's best for them.

Luckily for me, most of my family have now gone into denial mode - we just pretend it's not going to happen!

[Nienke]

Guess we were very fortunate, only my mother in law was negative in her reactions but the rest of both our families understood why we were going. They were all devastated at the thought of us leaving, but were happy for us and supporting at the same time.
Our friends the same, sad we were leaving but supported us as well.

Good luck all!

[CjChris]

We've had plenty of positive responses from several of our friends. They understand well enough that you only go 'round once; you better make the most of it.

My favorite reaction, though, was from my friend Angela. Last year, when I told her what we intended to do, she had that look on her face like I'd just shared with her that I regularly buy supermarket tabloids that tell about alien boys found in woods and bigfoot spotted near Elvis's grave. It was hilarious!! I could tell she was thinking, "Yeah...riiiigght.." but now, a year later, I have been able to tell her all the progress we've made toward making our NZ dream a reality!! She's suprised, to say the least! But happy for us! I think it seemed too kooky to believe at first.

Maybe that's what my sister is going through :laugh

[willowshouse]

Honestly, I dread telling my family for the same reason. I know it will go badly.

Well let's hope they take it better than you think they will .. sometimes it comes out of left field from the people you least expect

[shakyle2906]

HI, I understand what you are going through too!

We have only been out here 3 weeks today.

It all happened so quickly for us. Hubby was unemployed for best part of 3 monthes and things were very difficult financially. One night, out of the blue, we found a website for joiners (hubbys trade) and put his Cv on it. We had quite a few replies thankfully, but no one offered to pay our fees out so we thought we would never get here.

Thankfully, my great aunt and dad lent us enough money to book out trip out here and live foe few monthes financially. Then, we had 3 job offers beginning of february, thats when the ball started rolling for us, with our flight booked for 9th april.

We told my side of family, who were very supportive as well as my sister in law (hubbys sister). We were about to tell parents in law, when dad in law got taken into hospital with double pneumonia and another heart attack.

We finally got to tell them just 5 weeks before we flew and to say they took it bad was an understatement! We were told to leave the house, we were selfish, how could we break the family up, etc etc etc.

They never asked us any questions, offered to have our little 4.5yr old while we packed up, it was very difficult.

We left on 9th april, saying our goodbyes, they had come around slightly. We have phoned a few times and they have us and things are slightly better, although the calls always end in tears with my mum in law.

I would say as i was told, you only have one life, and not taking the opportunity would always be in the back of your mind. We took out chance and dont regret it for a minute. They will come around in the end, when they see what an opportunity it is for you.

Good luck, thinking of you

Sharon
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