[Macca]

Hi,

Let me introduce myself, i'm macca, married to nicky, two kids, lad of 14 and a young lady of 10. have 1 boxer dog and two cats and currently reside in Hull in East Yorks.

Work in supply chain as an ops manager and my lovely wife works from home as a registered childminder.

We are just at the beginning of the path that could lead us to a life in NZ, which tbh is driven by me, i would go tomorrow if given the chance but the oh is very family orientated and would miss her parents.
But we have talked and it's now down to a bit of research, to see what is available, how we do it and what we can achieve.

I do feel sad that we are looking at leaving the UK, because like most i'm proud to be a brit but feel that this country is heading in a downward spiral in many ways and i don't want to end up an old man, scared to go out and not being able to turn the heating on in winter.
There is a lot more to it than that but i'm waffling and i'm only meant to introduce myself.

So there you go

[speckythecky]

Welcome to the forum. hope you find this forum as useful as I have for a sounding board for ideas, to finds answers or just for a gossip or laugh.
Feel free to ask questions, someone will have been through whatever is worrying you, or use the search facility to look at previous threads on your topic of concern

[hihow]

Welcome, Macca. Hope all of us find what we want in NZ

[Sam B]

Hi Macca

Welcome to the forum. You can rest assured that your nightmare won't come true here, as you will be unlikely to have any heating to turn on! But you won't be scared to go out, either. Good luck with it all.

[wiki]

Hello and welcome - I'm in Goole and if you have any questions or need moral support don't hesitate to ask.

[dangermouse]

Hi Guys and welcome.
We arrived in Wellington from Beverley - East Yorks - back in February and would definately recommend making the move!!
You have days where you really miss your family and want to go 'home' - but those days are few when you consider the life style and the environment that you are bringing your children up in.
Good Luck with all your deliberating.
Alison, John & Kids

[Belmont Babes]

Welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life. Like Speckythecky said you will find all your answers at the touch of a button

[Joanne100]

Welcome to the group, i think we all have the same feelings about the Uk, ur not alone!

[Macca]

Hello again, been a while.....family still in E Yorks but i'm working in the south at the moment...........but the 1st step is approaching quickly...i've got an interview in the UK with an accredited NZ employer....and if an offer materialises then there will be some tough love discussions taking place.

My beatiful wife as i said many moons ago is very close to her family and recently her mother has been taken quite ill, at the same time her parents have retired to the Isle of Wight and are hoping that we might join them.......i've only ever raised the NZ subject once with the inlaws and the comment from my father in law was please wait until i'm not around any more....which i felt was a touch of emotional blackmail tbh.

Anyway my OH has said recently that she has similar fears to myself regarding the UK and especially what our youngsters will be growing up into....and has stated that she would condider such a move.......but the above situation has arisen...........i'm more than prepared to go over solo while my wifes mother gets her health back, but moving to NZ has been a dream of mine for 25 years and now we could be so close to achieving it and this happens........

[JandM]

Hello.:) I wasn't around when you first posted.

Sympathy on the family-health situation.

We have our son and his family in NZ, with whom we've always been in contact via webcams in both households. Wherever you live, this is something your in-laws could do, now and later on.

We were talking about this business of distance at our recent Sussex Meetup. Someone said the way to think about it is not as miles, but that in NZ, you're only a day away. If there was an emergency, you can get a compassionate booking on an aeroplane and be there 26 hours later. This isn't so much difference from living in different parts of the UK.

Is there no chance your in-laws might move to join you?

[dusk]

Hello Macca,

Best of luck with the interview anyway, having a job offer makes the move something more 'possible' for a lot of people :)

You certainly are not alone in the family using a little emotional blackmail about the decision, there's plenty of people here who have been through that same situation.

[Macca]

I know what you mean regarding a day away........and as far as the emotional side i was really peeved when that statement came out, i do feel sometimes that the father in law is clinging onto my wife and our kids because he is scared of being on his own....although he has been married to the MIL for 50 years......

I really now feel that this could come to a head as i can't if successful let this once in a lifetime opportunity pass the family and me by.......has anyone went first with the partner and kids coming over later........

[AndyR]

I share similar concerns to yourself. However I started thinking about how often I'd see my parents if I got a job in London or Manchester. The sad truth is that I would probably only see them a few times a year. Its not likely I would take an entire week off to come home as you get precious little time off anyway and you would probably use it to go abroad. So its more likely I would visit over a weekend and in between all the time driving I wouldn't actually spend much quality time with them.

On the other hand If I moved to NZ I would come back once/twice a year and actually spend some quality time with them and they would come visit me for a holiday. Also as previously said, its only a flight away if there is a real emergency.

[JandM]

i do feel sometimes that the father in law is clinging onto my wife and our kids because he is scared of being on his own....although he has been married to the MIL for 50 years......

You may very well be right, but that doesn't make it any easier for him, even if he shouldn't be doing it. Maybe he's particularly worried and feeling vulnerable as she's ill at the moment. It's no use being cross with him for being how he is - it's just one kind of human nature, unfortunately. (Lots of others have posted about this kind of situation.) You won't get anywhere with going against what feelings he has, but you might get his co-operation by working out how he can still have their company, e.g. by webcams, by planning visits in advance (they could be over there for months at a time), and/or even eventually moving over themselves.

[Macca]

some sound comments.......he has only started to be like this since he retired and that was after he and the MIL made the decision to move to the IOW.....and now i have the undertones of a move to the IOW for ourselves to be closer to them........that to me is a very sneaky way of doing things as he is playing the emotional card with the wife and to an extent the kids.......im feeling manipulated and im like most people in that i don't feel comfortable with that.......impossible to raise the subject at the moment due to the MIL health problems....

[JandM]

im feeling manipulated and im like most people in that i don't feel comfortable with that

Not good. A horrible situation to be in. I hope you manage to work through it okay.

[StevieD]

Welcome Macca and Nicky - good luck. Not the easiest of situations moving here for anybody, but everybody has their own circumstances that make it difficult. My wife is an only child, very close to her parents, and that hasn't changed, if anything it has been the making of her as a woman, in my opinion.

Your situation could be looked at as a bit of emotional blackmail, but I can see it from both angles. You have a lot of thinking and talking to do, we wish you well.