[johnrt]

After a lot of thinking and talking and reading and thinking and talking and reading (a few months worth!!) myself, wife and children (12) (7) have decided we're going to give it a go and we've been very, very grateful for all the information we've been reading on this forum... so thanks to everyone for that. :clap

I've just got to wondering though, it seems to have been a huge process just getting agreement to go for it. Did you find this the harderst part or is there worse to come?

Hoping for...

** guidance from people who've already done it and

** tips the whole thing easier if there are any. Thanks.

John

[Sam B]

The bit you have just completed is very hard - in a kind of physically exhausting and often very anxious-making way.

The next bit, as you pack up and say goodbye to people is very hard in an emotional way (but also very exciting).

Upon arrival here, I found the first 2 months very hard, as I tried to adjust to living in a completely new place, start a new job, adjust to a different culture, not knowing anyone, feeling isolated and lonely at times (but still very exciting and amazing at times)

Which bit was the hardest? They were all hard in different ways, but for me, the toughest time was probably the first couple of months here. There were some very scary moments when I wondered if I had done the right thing, and I was all alone without my usual support systems.

Anyway - the good news is - it gets easier! 4 months in it's bordering on fun at times!

[Jenny & Mark]

Welcome to the forum, John.

IMO, the hardest part is leaving family behind and dealing with their reactions in a positive and loving way. I would recommend sharing with them sooner rather than later to give them the chance to adjust.

All the best, Mark.

[Cardy]

Hi There
The paperwork/application side was probably the worst and then tying up all your affairs in england a close second. Even just notifying a change of address dfor pensions /insurance /credit cards etc seemed really difficult i couldnt believe how incompetent some of them were.
then like the others have said probably saying goodbye to family and trying to settle in a new culture.
I havent stayed in a job more than 5 months yet which is pretty unsettling after being with the same employer in england for 15 years.But needed to move for more money and better conditions/ prospects cant believe sometimes here how employers just add things to your job description and expect you to take it without argument.:roll
But must say i wouldnt go back:nice1 we just said we would give it a year before making a decision and when the year was up we bought a house and were staying.

My kids love it and have settled in school which was probably our biggest concern.
Cheers Cardy:cheers

[dharder]

I think for me the hardest part is pretending this is really all okay and the way it should be when I don't believe it myself in front of my mother.

I don't really want to go, but have agreed to for a number of reasons. My mother simply cannot understand why I would do something like this to her if it makes me unhappy as well, she doesn't quite see the point.

So most of the fears and worries I have, I don't talk to her about. Since we talk on the phone daily, and talk about everything, this is really difficult for me.

Family, my job, and leaving London, which I really, really love to live in are the biggest things. Everything else just appear to be technicalities.

Daniela

[stu70]

I think for me the hardest part is pretending this is really all okay and the way it should be when I don't believe it myself in front of my mother.

I don't really want to go, but have agreed to for a number of reasons. My mother simply cannot understand why I would do something like this to her if it makes me unhappy as well, she doesn't quite see the point.

So most of the fears and worries I have, I don't talk to her about. Since we talk on the phone daily, and talk about everything, this is really difficult for me.

Family, my job, and leaving London, which I really, really love to live in are the biggest things. Everything else just appear to be technicalities.

Daniela
Reading your note makes me wonder if you should spend more time analyzing your feelings before getting on that plane. It sounds like you have second thoughts. NZ will always be there, would it not be better to leave when you are certain about this? Just a thought. Good luck.

[Lupin]

No contest for me; the goodbyes/ leaving. Everything else pales into insignificance in comparison :(

[dharder]

Reading your note makes me wonder if you should spend more time analyzing your feelings before getting on that plane. It sounds like you have second thoughts. NZ will always be there, would it not be better to leave when you are certain about this? Just a thought. Good luck.

Thanks for your thoughts :)

I have agreed to a 3 year trial period, and for a number of more technical reasons, now seems a reasonably good time to do it. It is not really having second thoughts, I had those all along and probably lacked the initial enthusiasm that should precede second thoughts...

This whole move is not without its issues for me, and I often wish I had the same feelings of positive excitement and 'drive' that others on the forum have :)

I keep telling myself it'll be better for the kids...

But really, don't want to sound to depressed, but this constant rain over a bank holiday weekend stuck with four kids inside is taking its toll (thank goodness it never rains in Auckland and is always warm enough to send the kids out, or so my partner informs me... :))

Daniela

[StevieD]

It is all hard, goodbyes, organisation, the stress of the move and selling up (if you are doing this) - incredibly stressful and at times downright heartbreaking.

But, you are only a day away, lest not forget. There are excellent communications available now. It could take me almost a third of that time or more to get to my home in UK if I lived in the south of the country to head up north, that is reality.

Tips - use this forum!! It is difficult talking your things through with somebody who doesn't understand or know what you are going through. If there is a person(s) close to you, meet up, chat and share experiences and that will make it all so much easier. We had an excellent meet in the north west, still going strong up in Warrington area, and I know there are meets in other parts of the country (where ru by the way?) If there isn't one, organise one?
And try to go to an expo to glean as much information as possible.

In the end it is your decision - good luck.

Steve

[pinkpiggy]

For us the worst thing is sorting out all the paperwork, e.g. gas bills, vodafone bills, pensions etc. Logic tells you this should all be really simple but in reality it's a real pain in the neck. You think you've got it all sorted and you've written or phoned all the people to inform them of your change of address or cancelling the account and they say yes that's fine and then you get a letter from them (after you've left the UK, of course) asking for more information.

Best piece of advice we received was to cancel everything you can that is on Direct Debit a couple of months before you leave, so all you should be paying is the final account. You may be guilty, possibly, depending on timescales, of the final payment becoming overdue but at least it is only one payment.

The alternative, if you don't do that, is you have to deal with the company as well as the bank and just think of all the letters you might have to write to claim an overpayment.!

[Sam B]

Oh yes - I forgot to give advice, instead I just went on about how hard it is! My top tip would be to not dwell on ALL the things you have to do in the next few months. Separate it up into manageable chunks. Have jobs for each day and feel a sense of achievement when you get them done. Try not to lie in bed thinking of all the mammoth tasks ahead. They WILL get done and you can't do them all at once.

I drew up a massive spider diagram split into sections like "cars" "visas" "travel" "mail" "household stuff" and then had a comprehensive list of things that needed to be done under each category. We stuck it up in the lounge and we all worked towards crossing stuff off each week. It helped to know I'd got it all planned and we were working towards something the whole time. Unfortunately you can't do a spider diagram for coping with your feelings when you say goodbye to people or arrive in a new country!

[StevieD]

As for those feelings you are having, not being as excited as others, well, there are no hard and fast rules to how you should feel!! :)

Jan, my OH, was not as excited as me, she was the careful one, weighing everything up so carefully. But she is now (hopefully) enjoying her time here (although she is sick in bed at the moment),

But, with preparation, and sometimes just sheer bloody mindedness, it all works out in the end. It is a huge undertaking, but one, which I and others feel, is worth it. My children are having new experiences that they couldn't even think about in UK, life is different, and it is up to us to make the most of these opportunities.

[jess]

Hi johnrt -

I found the final prep to sell our house and go the worst (but I'd inherited my parents house and things 2 years before, so going through everything and selling the house was rough). The first three months were a bit of a blur of finding a place to live and then the odd feeling of disconnection for a while once we were settled but didn't know anyone or any place yet. We're very happy with the move now. Once we came out the other side of a few months of upheaval, things were much, much better and we could enjoy being in lovely NZ.

My only advice is don't underestimate how much stress you could be under. Take it easy on yourself when you can, and perhaps try to make big decisions when you're having a calm day and not feeling wrapped up in knots. Also as Sam B said, taking it one task at a time, not laying in bed thinking of everything you can't do at 2 am anyway.

Best of luck with your move.

[Joanne100]

Best advice i can give u is, dont judge anything until the jet lag has worn off!
I wanted to cry when we first arrived everything looked awful (was July) raining and cold, but after a good night sleep everything looks much better!

[swissmissdesigner]

I just want to say that this board is so useful and it is nice to have all these honest careing people here.
I learned so much from these treads which are all your personal experiences.
This is the best way to learn more about the real immigartion issues.
Best wishes to all of you!!
Anna

[mish&al]

Yes, I agree this forum and it's members are very useful/helpful, and even though I don't post much, I read alot and am very grateful to be a member here..;)

Even though it would be from a different country and different issues, I have found the information on here extraordinarily helpful, and now have myself a checklist for when we come over for our holiday in July (4th to be exact):raebanana

Thanks again

Michelle :cheers

[zardell]

But, you are only a day away, lest not forget. Steve



Yes you're right Steve - we used to think the same way, that the UK is only a day away, but it's thousands of $'s away too and that, for some, can be a big issue.

It's not just the cost of the flight, but all the other costs involved like loss of NZ salary and keeping up with the NZ bills whilst you're back in the UK etc. In other words keeping up with your NZ commitments.

I think that it's important to have an 'emergency fund' to cover such contingencies.

But, to answer the O.P's question, the hardest thing for me was finding the right area to live in. We lived in a large town in the UK and I always had a dream of living in the countryside. It was only when we arrived in NZ and had the opportunity of actually living in a small place that I realised how much of a 'Townie' I was !!!!

I have to admit that I still struggle with that one. I get desperate and have to head to the city for a 'fix'. Sad I know, but true nonetheless.

:roll

Julie

xx

[StevieD]

Sad indeed Julie :laugh but understandable. On the other hand, I came from a city as you know and couldn't wait to get out. Maybe it is the Irish farming blood in me but I loving it here :)

[Angelonthemove]

Hi

I woud have to agree with most people on this thread. The worst for me was the first 2 month I cried every sunday and I could not explain why, that was the worst part.

We came via another country so it was not being away from the UK and family. I still think phychologically that the distance and time change has the biggest impact. I still keep thinking xmas is a month away as Winter draws in.:laugh Plus I now get lost as NSEW are the wrong way round in my head.

One day at a time is the only plan for sanity, but dream and plan for the years ahead. I have changed our life plan so many times and now I think we are back to A plan. Small steps its what I mean, take bit size chunks but never stop dreaming of that oh so perfect new life. It may not happen but you will never know unless you try. Life is very short so make it exciting and enjoyable.

This is from someone who is loooking for 3rd job in 8 months and just about to move into a house that is NOT quite what we wanted but hey its nearly 90%. Job waiting for an offer tomorrow, not quite what I want but will pay to make house how I want it:nice1

[willsken]

The only thing I have found hard is the leaving family and friends.:wah

[swissmissdesigner]

Angelonthemove: Good luck to your interview tomorrow, and I wish your dream comes true!

[wanderingoregonian]

The hard things...

saying goodbye - particularly to those having babies or with young kids that I can't watch grow up

the everyday bad days and feeling like you choose this so its somehow all your fault, even though we all have bad days everywhere

when the time change switches at daylight savings, makes it much hard to call family and I felt more isolated

deciding what to bring/ship and what to leave behind

tips
- set time aside for yourself on both sides to do nothing, deal with unexpected events, and treat your self (even if its just to some store bought pavlova like I'm doing tonight!)

-find a way that works for you to connect with people back home, be it a blog, a mass email, an hour set aside each week for making phone calls, whatever ... and ask them lots about what they are doing because they sometimes stop sharing about their life becuase they think it isn't as 'exciting' as yours or 'worth' talking about compared to your big move, even if that is exactly what you are dying to hear about.

- eat and sleep and excercise, easy to do here in NZ, but i forget sometimes and fall back into my American ways and then get cranky

- know that you can always go back, none the worse, well minus some $. A move here will change you, and maybe that is all you need in the end, and maybe the move will meet your needs and you will change. YOu just can't spend every day wondering if you made the right choice. Make a choice, stick to it for a period of time (a week, a month, whatever) then reconsider it. You can't know the impact of a life choice if you spend all your time worrying about whether you made the wrong choice rather than experiencing the choice.

[zardell]

tips ... and ask them lots about what they are doing because they sometimes stop sharing about their life becuase they think it isn't as 'exciting' as yours or 'worth' talking about compared to your big move, even if that is exactly what you are dying to hear about.



How true is that !!!

It took a long time for people back home to realise that we DID want to hear about their daily lives and that no, we didn't find it boring - we found it NORMAL and strangely comforting in a 'we miss you, but life carries on' sort of way !!

Julie

xx

[Trigirl]

eat, sleep and exercise is a hard one to beat. wanderingoregonian is spot on there. these are probably the most important factors in how we feel but neglecting them is very easy - especially in a new place.

[johnrt]

Thank you so much for these replies everyone. I've just finished printing the thread off and I'm about to go through it with a highlighter pen marking out all of the key points.

One question I'm wondering about is when we should tell family and friends what we're up to. This seems to have been traumatic for a lot of people on the forum. We're pretty sure we'll qualify for residence on the EOI but do you think it's best to get all the paperwork sorted out and residence granted before saying to people what we're up to or do you think it's best to be upfront right fromt the word go? I don't know what would be for the best. :confused:

John

[zardell]

We waited until our PR had been granted before we told anyone, but we hadn't got jobs to in NZ so we could time our departure.

However, we did intend to put the house up for sale and tell the rellies that we were testing the market, but we sold it privately without estate agents and with a delayed completion date, so that turned out not to be an issue either.

Only you know your rellies and your personal circumstances. Don't go by what other forum members did, but do what you believe is right for you.

We can only tell you what we did, not what you must do, but I can wish you all the best with your decisions whatever they may be.

Julie

xx

[katandbob]

Yes you're right Steve - we used to think the same way, that the UK is only a day away, but it's thousands of $'s away too and that, for some, can be a big issue.

It's not just the cost of the flight, but all the other costs involved like loss of NZ salary and keeping up with the NZ bills whilst you're back in the UK etc. In other words keeping up with your NZ commitments.

I think that it's important to have an 'emergency fund' to cover such contingencies.


:roll

Julie

xx

And don't forget the actual living costs while your there!

:roll Kat

[zardell]

And don't forget the actual living costs while your there!

:roll Kat



Spot on Kat.

Julie

xx

[Sam B]

Julie is right - it has to be your decision about when you tell everyone, but we did it all the way along, right from the very first time the thought popped into our heads, because my family would probably feel more hurt knowing we had been planning it for some time, but not told them until it was certain. So I put it like this "Dad, we're thinking of moving to NZ for a bit, what do you think?". Now the "for a bit" was a lie of course, but I wasn't brave enough to be totally truthful. The "what do you think" comes from years of knowing that my Dad likes to think that he makes all the important decisions for us!

[Tia Maria]

The hardest part for us was dealing with illness when we arrived. For the first 6 - 8 months it seemed to be one cold after another, or flu or tummy bugs etc etc.

Nothing life threatening but the OH couldn't take time off because he was in a new job and as I had no family to help when the children and I were sick there were some pretty miserable times. :(

We made friends quite quickly but if they've got children also you can't ask them to help in case their children get ill.

This winter we seem to be a lot healthier so hopefully it was just new country/school/kindy/workplace bugs!

Cheers

Tia

[nippa&pippa]

For us the worst thing is sorting out all the paperwork, e.g. gas bills, vodafone bills, pensions etc. Logic tells you this should all be really simple but in reality it's a real pain in the neck. You think you've got it all sorted and you've written or phoned all the people to inform them of your change of address or cancelling the account and they say yes that's fine and then you get a letter from them (after you've left the UK, of course) asking for more information.

Best piece of advice we received was to cancel everything you can that is on Direct Debit a couple of months before you leave, so all you should be paying is the final account. You may be guilty, possibly, depending on timescales, of the final payment becoming overdue but at least it is only one payment.

The alternative, if you don't do that, is you have to deal with the company as well as the bank and just think of all the letters you might have to write to claim an overpayment.!

Even we still get phone bill for UK's phone arrived in NZ few months later we left asked us for final payment of £1.63, I wondering how much is cost them to print the letter and cost to post it to us in the first place!!!!:confused:
Also no matter how mant times you contact companies to cancel the contract and explained that we are emigrated, we still get letters from them via my parents or direct to us about the missed payments (even there isn't any!!) or invite to renew the contract :confused:

[BaldyBeardyBloke]

Yes, it's incredible how difficult it is to close an account with most companies. Move to another supplier for something is generally easy enough (normally) but an outright cancellation, sorry, no, we just don't need you any more is really difficult. "can we supply your new property" or "can we interest you in an alternative product/service"

Take my advice and just answer "no, s*d off and leave me alone" :exit

Worth a try, but not a hope of stopping them sending you cr*p through the mail for ever more :mad:

Weird (and very annoying)

[Sam B]

John

You sound like an organised sort of guy (printing off our replies) and I think you'll like the following book - Emigrating to New Zealand by Steve Horrell. This guy is almost more anal than me. You will love the checklist of things to do in the back, complete with space for you to add the date you did each job. He gave me the spider diagram idea.

Sam

[bevsere]

The hardest part of emigrating was and remains leaving my lovely old Dad.

[Hannah]

The hardest part for me was telling my best friend...who was so upset that for a few days she could'nt speak whenever we met.
And the last time I saw my Dad, hugged him and just knew that as soon as I walked out the door he was going to cry (and knowing that he wouldn't do it while I was there because he didn't want to make a fuss). I'm his only 'child' and he lives alone. I know I mean everything to him, and am all he's got, and now I'm 12000 miles away. Why?
Whenever people asked me why I was leaving i couldn't give a reason - people always want a tangible reason for why you are leaving. Something that makes sense to them. However, I didn't hate the UK (I loved it actually, particularly where I was living) and i had lots of close meaningful friendships, I loved my job, I had no big financial worries, a great social life and hobbies blah blah.... and yet something about NZ 'called' me. It was nothing i could put my finger on, and still can't - it evades definition. It wasn't about apparently better weather, better schools, scenery etc. - it just felt right. And i've always done what I feel is right....and that intuition hasn't let me down yet!

[suzer]

Hardest bit for me is the lack of independence (which I'm used to) and just feeling a bit like a follower at the moment as my other half is from Australia, has a house, friends, family, activities etc here.

Best thing to do I have found is get out there and become involved---it makes it bearable at least.

Suz

[Sam B]

here is a picture of my spider diagram - you can see what a fun-lovin party animal sort of girl I am now ....

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t118/brydons_2007/sams_mania.jpg

[Happyfeet]

Whenever people asked me why I was leaving i couldn't give a reason - people always want a tangible reason for why you are leaving. Something that makes sense to them. However, I didn't hate the UK (I loved it actually, particularly where I was living) and i had lots of close meaningful friendships, I loved my job, I had no big financial worries, a great social life and hobbies blah blah.... and yet something about NZ 'called' me. It was nothing i could put my finger on, and still can't - it evades definition. It wasn't about apparently better weather, better schools, scenery etc. - it just felt right. And i've always done what I feel is right....and that intuition hasn't let me down yet!

Funny you should say this. I felt exactly the same way. I could never put my finger on why I wanted to be here either. And the thing is when you make the decision to come your always asked to give your reasons and it was sooo damn hard. For me it just felt right but try saying that to someone who is dissaproving of why your going! But same though, didnt dislike where I was, was happy in the UK, happy with my friends and life I had but I suppose may be there was a wee bit of disatisfaction or not quite contentedness which I now have.

Glad I'm not the only one that couldnt quite explain it. I thought I was the only one as everyone else seems to have such wonderful reasons for being here.

[Nathan]

here is a picture of my spider diagram - you can see what a fun-lovin party animal sort of girl I am now ....
...

Hey! I used for my that king of diagram for my last, big wine tasting!! :D

[jubjub]

Sam, hubby thought your diagram was wonderful, but then again he did all the application stuff! I only got involved at the medicals stage, oh and packing the house, shipping dog... and packing his suitcases....

The only really hard part for us is that the grandparents would love to see AJ, but none of them want to do the journey, and we can't afford to go, and even if they paid for us to go back, the thought of our toddler for that long :exit , our four hour flight to Melbourne was enough! :uhoh

[johnrt]

Thanks for your advice again everyone. We took the plunge and talked it over with close family at the weekend. No one seemed surprised at all! In fact everyone was very encouraging. They've been looking at the government site and this site and who knows, maybe our two families will end up moving out too.

Thanks for your spider chart Sam. I'm itching to get started on one now!!

Any idea how much money we should put aside for the whole thing from start to finish?

John

[Sam B]

Just under £10,000 including cost of shipping, flights, immigration for a family of four.

[jubjub]

Ours was nearer 15K, but then again, we did ship our barky furball....

Oh and I flew business class cos I was pg at the time...

[steviec]

Welcome to the forum.
Hardest part of emigrating?
That changes many times from when you decide to make the move. My initial problem was how would the house etc be sorted in time for our flight. When it is sorted you wonder why you worried about it in the first place.
Something else will then become your next worry.
There are plenty of threads on this forum with check lists etc to guide you. There are plenty of things to get you down and also pick you up before, during and after the move.
If you are making the move for the 'right reasons' and with an open mind, you will like and enjoy NZ.

[thezorbster]

Sam
Thanks for posting the picture of your spider diagram. I seem to have been making lists, then lists of lists and not getting anywhere. Sat down this morning to try to get some organisation into our move and will now do a spider diagram!!! :nice1 Mind you, that will probably take me ages too! I can't seem to get organised at all - 7 weeks today until the shippers arrive - seems ages but I know it's not really. Still, I've always worked best under pressure - when it has to be done I'll do it.

[liamnrach]

Sam
Thanks for posting the picture of your spider diagram. I seem to have been making lists, then lists of lists and not getting anywhere. Sat down this morning to try to get some organisation into our move and will now do a spider diagram!!!

Here here.....:nice1

It is an excellent diagram that puts in to perspective just how much there is to do when you move to another country.....

YIKES....:wah

Liam n Rach

[hoffenberg]

i would say the hardest pert is actually saying good bye to your family, my partner is so sensitive that whenever i remind her that she can only cry for a limited time because travelling from south africa to new zealand is the longest journey we going to have, we are leaving next year in 2008, i know for me that the hardest part will be saying bye to my mum and family ( my grandma) its a wonderfull experience