[slw]

Someone asked recently what the hardest part of emigrating was. I'm 2 1/2 weeks from arriving in Wellington, so I can't comment on the entire process, start to finish, but I'd like to share my thoughts on things so far.

For me, things like paperwork and administrative tasks haven't been that bad: signing documents, gathering documents, shutting off utilities, closing accounts, etc. These things are a pain, but need to be done so they get done with no thought really.

What I've found to be surprising is the overflow of emotions at seemingly odd things, until I realized that I'm dismantling my life here in order to make room for a new life in New Zealand. And it's painful.

I tried to explain this to someone, and they didn't understand. They thought I was talking about getting rid of "stuff", as in just material items. While "stuff" is part of the equation, it certainly isn't the whole picture. My life is made up of many aspects: my job, where I live, the car I drive, my beloved pets, what I do every Sunday morning, my favorite restaurants, where I take a walk, etc. As each of these things are taken away piece by piece, well....it's hard. :( I've cried a lot the past week, and the tears are genuine and coming from someplace deep inside that I'm unfamiliar with. I've never gone through anything like this before, so my guess is that's why.

I've cleaned out and sold/thrown away most of my items. Thursday, I signed papers to sell my house. Friday was my last day at work. Today, I'm taking my dog of 12 years to a new home. Next week, I travel to say goodbye to my family.

Now despite this, don't get me wrong: I do want to move to New Zealand and am looking forward to this new chapter in my life. It's a strange mix of emotions - excitement and depression. Like oil and water, I wouldn't think they could mix and exist at the same time but they do.

I do realize that these pieces that I am mourning will be replaced with new routines, and a year from now I might look back and this will be over the top. I'm trying to stay positive, but also allowing myself to break down now and then as to make accepting the change easier.

[pleccy2000]

I know where you are coming from. Great post.

[leachio]

SLW

I can relate to ur post completely, sadly it aint all plain sailing once u arrive but I can see that u have moved before so u will be familiar with that!

People who havent done it before just dont get it, they try to but I can confess to not really havin a clue about the whole process before we did it. Fot the most part people were saying they were so jealous and how excitin it must be, the truth was and occasionally still is the opposite, quite often I was/am in tears almost grieving for my old life.

I know that as NZ wakes up and more members read ur post u will hear from other forumites who understand u.

Good luck Amanda :)

[Helsandfamily]

What a truthful post, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree completely, that it is like a mourning period where you are mourning for your (soon to be) old life, hopefully you will soon be able to see the other side where the next door opens it has been a right choice ( It is what I am hoping for anyway)

Good luck and thanks again for sharing your thoughts!

hels

[Belmont Babes]

Thankyou so much for sharing these very emotional thoughts and feelings. I wonder what it is in us human beings that drives us to travel the path even after reading these truths?

[veronica]

Think its the adventurous spirit, cos while you give up lots of things, (in the generic sense) theres so much to see and experience that that tips the scales and outweighs it.

[Lupin]

I hope, like me, you find it all so much easier at this end. I felt very much like you but perhaps because I'd done my grieving and sorrow before I got on the plane, I've not really had many difficult moments here.

[Angelonthemove]

Wonderful post, could have been written by any one of us the way you feel is so similiar to all our feelings. I too had to leave pets behind, that was the hardest part. I cried for the whole first plane trip looking back down to where they were.

But you do move on and its so new and exciting that the feelings fade slowly. You get setbacks occationally and wonder why you are doing this to yourselves. Life is what you make it and moving out to new pastures can make you feel younger.

I wish all the best in your move.

p.s. we got new cats soon after we arrived to fill the gap and it certainly worked for me, someone to love you back. She says with a cat licking her hands whilst she types:laugh

[Sam B]

I really identified with your post, and would also say that the first few months can be very scary and unsettling at times as you learn to live with complete unfamiliarity. However, I think it is part of human nature (or certainly mine) to seek out familiarity and create new routines and traditions. We have been here just over 4 months and it is starting to feel like home. There are places we go to and favourite cafes etc and I can begin to see how quickly you can create a new life for yourself that feels as comforting and predictable as it needs to be.

So much for a life with no ties and full of adventure, which is what I envisioned for us - I quickly realised I'm not cut out for that existence!

[StevieD]

Good post, sure to ring many truths with a lot of people on here. It is like you say, but it is to be expected. We are pretty predictable the human race, and we all crave familiarity, family, routine. When you emigrate, to wherever that may be, you put at risk all that is familiar, until you have the opportunity to settle, find those routines and familiar things again, and you feel better. The only major downside is that your friends and family do not move with you, but you can still talk, keep in touch and communicate about your new life.

Good luck in your coming venture - I wish you well.

Steve

[Ana&Steve]

I hope you don't mind, but I need to show your post to everyone I've tried to communicate with recently. You have said exactly what I wish I could have verbalized on SO many occasions!
Thanks for sharing,
Ana

[marcia]

What a wonderful post and so very true. The feelings you have are all normal, I think most of us have been through it on this rollercoaster ride!

Its that old 'comfort zone' thing that is mentioned so many times on here. Suddenly you are away from everything and everyone that is familar, you land, just you and your familt with the clothes you are wearing and a few suitcases of those items you deemed too important to send inthe container. The rest of your worldy goods are bobbing away on a ship somewhere, and you have no idea exactly when and in what condition they will be when you get them back. You own no other major possessions, you need to sort out a car somewhere to live schools for the kids etc, it can seem like a huge mountain you still have to climb, but don't forget you are already half way up by this time!

You will make it, and it will be worth it in the end, you'll build a new comfort zone, ok some of the people you really love will only ever be visitors, but you'll make some great new friends and have a fantastic story to share with your kids and grandkids in the furture!

Take each hurdle like a horse does - one at a time!! :laugh

All the very best and good luck!

[Tentun]

I can relate and your post made me feel a whole mix of emotions.

The truth (according to me anyway) is we will all miss some aspects of our old life, we wouldn't be human if we just burnt our bridges and never looked back. I'm trying to think ahead of all the wonderful memories I still have to make in NZ.

[thezorbster]

My life is made up of many aspects: my job, where I live, the car I drive, my beloved pets, what I do every Sunday morning, my favorite restaurants, where I take a walk, etc. As each of these things are taken away piece by piece, well....it's hard. I've cried a lot the past week, and the tears are genuine and coming from someplace deep inside that I'm unfamiliar with.

This is just what I am going through right now and I relate totally to what you say. It is not the throwing away of material things that bothers me, I'm even being totally ruthless about sentimental items (eg, 20 yrs worth of birthday, christmas, anniversary, valentines cards from me and OH to each other!). It is the saying goodbye to places that is affecting me really badly, the thought that I may never see familiar places again. Last weekend we took our little girl to one of OH and my favourite places, we've named it seal bay, where me and OH have spent many, many hours just gazing at the sea and watching the seals pop up to watch us, watching them. I was in tears as it is highly unlikely we'll ever go there again. My daughter (age 4) was incredible and said to me -"don't worry Mummy, we'll find you a new seal bay in NZ and we can all sit together there". I know she is exactly right (and how wise is she! - it's supposed to be me reassuring her about the move), I am looking forward so much to all that is new but that cannot take away the pain of losing the familiar bits of your life that have meant so much to you. I have a box of tissues permanently in the car now for those tears that suddenly appear from nowhere but I'm also excited about the future.

We do have a new family song now - from 'Brother Bear' that me and littl'un sing all the time and it sums up what is to come....

Tell everybody we're on our way
New friends and new places to see.....


So, keep your chin up, you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling and by the sound of it, neither am I!

[slw]

It is comforting to hear that everyone has gone through this, and made it through okay on the other end.

For nearly every day in the past year, either OH or I would say, "I can't wait to move to New Zealand!" And now here it is, and suddenly it's like going downhill on a roller coaster because things are happening fast!

Each day is an "up and down" day. I feel pretty good right now, but ask me this afternoon and I might be in tears again and saying "What have I done?!" :laugh

Thank all of you for listening and for your support.

[johnrt]

What a great post slw. I originally asked the question about the hardest part of emigrating. The emotional side of it hasn't hit me at all yet. It's more the logistical side of things that's preoccupying us. Did your emotions hold steady until you began "dismantling" your old life or was there a gradual build up?

[zardell]

SLW.

I don't know how I missed your post first time around, but I'm glad I've found it now.

I can relate to every word you have written.

When we first arrived in NZ I wasn't 'Homesick' as in the general understanding of the word, but I was 'Familiarity Sick'

I had a big feeling of loss that encompassed all the familiar things, places and rituals that used to make up my everyday pre-immigration life.

We have been here 7 months now. Slowly but surely I am building new comfort zones into my life here and these are based upon the foundation stones of consistency which, through the very nature of their repetitiveness, begins to create familiarity.

Good luck to you on your journey.

Julie

xx

[pinkpiggy]

The rollercoaster of emotions are felt, I think, by pretty much everyone in some shape or form. They may not be as strong for some people as they are for others.

For me, saying goodbye to my dad was the hardest. He's 87, lives on his own and is disabled. Luckily for me my dad knew how hard it would be and tried to make it easier. I still cried, but he kept reminding me of what we were doing and that we would be making a new life for ourselves. He rings me at least once a week and has just bought a laptop so he can send emails and call using Skype.

I found the lack of routine very odd. It became a little easier when we enrolled the boys into school though - at least we had to get up at a certain time etc. but we find we still have to 'plan' our days a little but once we are both working this will change.