[leachio]

Hi all,

I recall reading the 3month posts with great excitement whislt still in the UK so I feel it right that I add mine. HOWEVER I apologise up front if I upset anyone or shatter dreams but this is MY journey and MY feelings.

We arrived here late March and stayed in a motel for 6 long weeks, had its advantages but we never felt settled. Got the keys to our rental in a nice safe area but then our furniture was a month late so we rattled around a big house with no furniture. During this time Dan was away at college in welly so it was me and the 2 kids (I completely sympathise wi Diny doing it alone for so long). Along with the daily rollercoaster of emotions and gettin used to not bein able to pick up the phone to ring family/friends on a whim cos it's actually 3am in the UK, I spend some time in hospital, have visited (& paid) for the dentist 3x, and laterally been in tears of the waiting room in the gp clinic :wah

It is my opinion that you will def find it easier to adjust to the $ if you bring a lot of equity to enable you to buy all or most of a home, the mortgage rates are just getting silly here at the mo, 9.3% I heard yest. We have had our figures looked at and can borrow $300k but 2 probs wi that firstly it will require ALL of Dans wage every fortnight to make the repayments and secondly there isnt much worth buyin for 300k that wont need another few k spending on it. We have no debt at all, we both work and only 1 car, no smoking or drinking and the childcare is approx 90% paid and we get some family credit but still $ dont go as far as £.

I can now honestly say that I totally took my old life for granted, u never know what uve got till its gone! I sometimes wish that NZ had never presented itself to us in the 1st place cos we would never have missed what we never knew. I have huge issues with guilt, taking the kids away from family and friends, them not seeing Ella's 1st steps or hearing her say new words every day, web cam is great but its not there just when u need it, I cant take these things back the moment has gone. I have been asked to be bridesmaid at my best friends wedding in oct this yr but cant justify the cost of flights for a wkend. I have made friends here, quite a few actually, I do get out to work and take the kids to playgroup and kindy so I am intergrating. That said I stand by all my previous posts and they were totally genuine at the time but the feelings that have presented themselves to me now are just so overwhelming that I feel ill.

This is undoubtedly a beautifull country but the facts remain that wages are lower and sadly nowadays cost of living the same. I have read back over some of colindp's posts and spudulikes and now I can understand more of where they were coming from. I am a sensible logical adult and therefore shall not be rushing off to book flights but also know that If I feel the same in a few mths we shall have to re-evaluate.

It is a very expensive process emigrating, I really wish we had been in the position to have let our house instead of selling it but thats the past we just have to start again wherever we are. And wether we stay 1 yr or 20yrs we can say that we did it and contrary to the sad note to this post I/we haver had some happy times here too, its just not home.

May I ask that for those of u who dont know me dont judge me by this post, Im not a miserable sod just out 2 upset u its just how Ive found things in my 3mths.

[jubjub]

You are not a miserable sod, you are having a tough start to life here. I hope your health stuff is now all sorted out for you, the dental stuff is brutal cost wise, I now understand why I see more folks with bad teeth here.

All you can do is give it your best shot, and hey, if it does not work, then you can't say you never tried.

[Milliemoo]

Hi there,

1st of all {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for such an honest post. I think the problem with this emigrating lark is that you can do all the research you like (wages, cost of living, houses etc) but there's no way you know how it's going to effect you emotionally until you go ahead and do it.

Now, if someone could just come along and say "well, you're going to feel happy and excited for a few weeks, then a bit miserable and lonely, then happy again, then confused, but after a few months you'll feel really settled". But that would just spoil all the fun wouldn't it ! LOL

I hope everything works out for you, wherever you end up in the world.

Milliemoo

[pinkpiggy]

May I ask that for those of u who dont know me dont judge me by this post, Im not a miserable sod just out 2 upset u its just how Ive found things in my 3mths.

Hi hun

You're not miserable at all and I can vouch for that. You've been having a rough run and it's taking a little time to adjust to life here in NZ. You know, things happened really quickly for you guys. By that I mean most of us on the forum take months if not years to make the move to NZ but for you and Dan it was a matter of about 2-3 months. That's fast and doesn't give you time to catch your breathe which is what you are doing now.

Your post tells it like it really is. Life's not a bed of roses and NZ is not the land of milk and honey and it's only when you get to live that life that you can really know whether it's right for you or not as the case may be.

Take care and i'll speak to you soon.

[liamnrach]

Hi all,

May I ask that for those of u who dont know me dont judge me by this post, Im not a miserable sod just out 2 upset u its just how Ive found things in my 3mths.

Hiya

Not at all....

A very honest post that will serve to give anyone who wants to emigrate a bit of realism - me included. Am I right in saying that your OH is a copper:confused: If so, this post is of immense interest to me as that is one of the possible emigration routes that we are considering, although not for a couple of years (and this option may well not be available by then!). My OH, will undoubtedly go through similar emotions to you and will fully empathise with you. We have had to move around alot since our marriage (in HM Forces), which neccessitated being away from the family. Although, this is no where near as severe as what you have experienced, it did give an idea at least as to what to expect.

I really hope that things get better for you and everything works out for the best, no matter what you decide. Our thoughts are with you:yes

Take Care

Liam n Rach

[Helsandfamily]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear that things are unsettled for you and I really appreciate you putting your thoughts and feelings into words on a computer and sharing them - It can't be easy.

This is an example of why this forum is great. because people like you are willing to share your experiences everyone should be able to get a balanced picture of what life is like out there.

Thanks you - i hope that things do get easier in the next few months.

Hels

x

[swissmissdesigner]

I hope your health stuff is now all sorted out for you, the dental stuff is brutal cost wise, I now understand why I see more folks with bad teeth here.

RE: Swiss and American the dentist are more expensive!
However maintenance and prevent our teeth’s is a high priority which definitely lower the dentist cost for the future.
80% of Swiss people have never had a cavities and american people teeth’s are fabulous!
People could spend more on teeth hygiene instead drinking and smoking.

[Myrkk]

you don't come across as miserable at all....... as others have said. Thanks so much for putting an honest opinion on the forum..... I'm not saying that others aren't honest it's just that many people are put off putting a negative opinion on the forum because they see everyone else getting on with it, and that's a shame because I'm sure the forumites would be happy to give support if they could.

Hope things improve for you. It's hard if you're not used to being away from family.

[Ana&Steve]

Hi, sorry things are so rough right now, and I hope you feel better soon!
Our BFs moved to NZ last Sept, and life hasn't been at all easy for them. Only just recently have they been feeling better, though nothing big has changed. I think the biggest blow was they had their first baby in Jan, with none of the support group they had always imagined they would have around them at a time like that. I'm not trying to twist the knife, just saying time will heal many wounds, and keep your chin up! Also please feel free to throw my words back at me in the future, when I make a similar post!:nice1
Take Care,
Ana

[Belmont Babes]

Thank you so much for your honesty. I really appreciate it. The cost of living is really an issue isn't it? We sit here trying to sell our house and due to time scales wondering if we can afford to lower the price AND the exchange rate has taken a drop!!! But I don't want to be one of the "I wonder" clan. Is it then manageable in NZ mortgage free?

[sizzlingbadger]

Very honest post, lots of hugs it sounds like you've had a rough 3 months.

I wish you all the best and maybe in another 3-6 months you will feel differently, if not you've given it a go which is a lot more than some other people would do :nice1

[Lupin]

Agree with sizzlingbadger. Good luck over the next few months and remember there's nothing worng with going back to the UK if it doesn't work out for you.

[swissmissdesigner]

Leachio: I really wish you and your family all the best.
I hope that things do get better soon!
Thank you for your honest post!!

my warmest wishes:

anna

[zardell]

Hi Amanda.

I understand completely where you are coming from and I applaud you for putting your true feelings out on the forum - it's not easy this immigration lark is it love ?

How I wish that I were one of those immigrants that arrived in NZ and instantly felt 'at home' !!!!!!!!!!

We have been here 8 months now and only recently have I begun to accept the overwhelming feelings of 'loss' and I am now gradually going forward.

I really do hope that you soon start to feel better and just remember, you are not alone.

Julie

xx

[stu70]

What a great "from the heart" post. I could see myself having these same feelings if I were in your shoes in NZ. You are fortunate to be with your immediate family there and I am sure you will make the best decision whatever you choose to do. By the way, your note will only help forumites in a positive way. It is so easy to underestimate the impact of moving far away from one's home country. Thanks to people like you, others get that second opportunity to look carefully at their plans and then proceed with caution. As Julie above said, you are not alone. Cheers

[Jo Jo]

leachio - thank you so much for such an honest post. It sounds as if you have had a really tough few months.

I hope that things get better for you in the next few months, and that you come to be glad of your decision to move. And if not, and you decide to come back to the UK, then hopefully the experience of moving to NZ will add to the richness of your life.

(Funnily enough, at work today someone told me that my decison to move to NZ was win-win as I would either love it and have a better life, or I would hate it and come back to UK and appreciate my UK life so much more for having left it once already. She told me to just not think about the money involved in achieving this win-win situation!)

[Pip]

Hi all,
This is undoubtedly a beautifull country but the facts remain that wages are lower and sadly nowadays cost of living the same. I have read back over some of colindp's posts and spudulikes and now I can understand more of where they were coming from. I am a sensible logical adult and therefore shall not be rushing off to book flights but also know that If I feel the same in a few mths we shall have to re-evaluate.


Leachio,

I couldn't have put it better myself. We have been here three and half months, and whilst we have a fantastic home, access to the outdoors and OH works shorter hours (all our drivers for coming here), after everything is paid, there really is very little left over. We knew it would be much less than the UK, but hadn't realised how little it would be.... that said, three months is not that long.. maybe we can compare notes in six months and see if our feelings have changed ?! (we're def planning to stay for a min of 2 yrs, but right now, I can see a strong chance of us returning to the UK after that....)

guess I need to figure out whether everything we've gained outweighs the financial security that we've given up... and thats going to be a different answer for every person on here..

pm me if you want to chat!

[Cardy]

Hi There i think we all feel like that at some point and it is hard. i earn a pretty good wage for NZ but i havent settled in a job long term yet . My wages do just pay the mortgage and the billls and we are worse off financially than the uk no debt apart from the mortgage but not much spare cash either at the moment also our house isnt as nice or as warm or as dry as our uk one and i do sometimes wonder if we did the right thing to. But then i look at my kids who are loving every minute ,socialising ,in lots of clubs etc and realise i dont worry so much when they go out like i would have in the UK and i think maybe we were right.its certainly not a bed of roses like i imagined when i first looked at emigrating.we do miss family to, i would really like to go back for a few weeks to the uk just to see how we feel about it, but CANT AFFORD IT!! :no i think when we got there we would realise why we left but must admit some days i do wonder.

Cheers cardy:)

[katandbob]

Hi There i think we all feel like that at some point and it is hard. i earn a pretty good wage for NZ but i havent settled in a job long term yet . My wages do just pay the mortgage and the billls and we are worse off financially than the uk no debt apart from the mortgage but not much spare cash either at the moment also our house isnt as nice or as warm or as dry as our uk one and i do sometimes wonder if we did the right thing to.




.we do miss family to, i would really like to go back for a few weeks to the uk just to see how we feel about it, but CANT AFFORD IT!! :no i think when we got there we would realise why we left but must admit some days i do wonder.

Cheers cardy:)

Hi there, 'Good onya' for being honest (there has been a lot ummm - how can I put it without getting my head shot off???:exit for posting slightly negative NZ posts lately) and maybe these people after reading your very well put post will finally understand, that until they 'walk a mile in your shoes' they shouldn't be negative about that persons 'personal' point of view.

As with Cardy above, (we've been here just over a year) I have my ups and downs, and we are in the same position, as although we only have the mortgage, at the end of month when the bills that go out - theres not much left! for emergencys/savings. and we somehow need to find the fares home for May 08 for Rachels wedding!

you are not alone - not in a long shot, and I sincerley hope you find it easier soon.

Hugs

Kat:)

[The Hodges]

We just wanted to say thanks for the honest post. Those comments will really help those that are on their way and those thinking about the move.

I think that the winter makes it worse though, short cold days and not many get togethers. I'm hoping that we'll have quite a few bbqs and meets in the park next Spring and Summer. Hopefully you can make them.

At the moment, we find that taking ourselves off somewhere, even to the beach or for a walk at the weekends, does wonders for the soul, even though it might not cure if completely.

We wish you and your family all the best though and good luck.

[Ana&Steve]

Hi there, 'Good onya' for being honest (there has been a lot ummm - how can I put it without getting my head shot off??? for posting slightly negative NZ posts lately) and maybe these people after reading your very well put post will finally understand, that until they 'walk a mile in your shoes' they shouldn't be negative about that persons 'personal' point of view.
I also might be about to get my head shot off, but I think there is actually a big difference between "I'm in NZ and I feel this way" and "NZ is this way". I'm very glad leachio posted her feelings, It makes me think. It does bother me when people are feeling down and they bash NZ and give opinion as fact, something leachio defiantly didn't do.
Just wanted to add my 2 cents, thanks again leachio for sharing, hope you feel a little better today!
Ana

[marcia]

What a good honest post! Nobody can shout you down for posting YOUR feelings and observations, at the end of the day people on the forum need to see all sides of the emigration process, the good, the bad and the ugly. It works for some, and doesn't for others, and that is something that no one can forsee. I thought i would feel much more homesick than I do, maybe it will kick in later maybe not, I don't know, all you can do is take each day as it comes and deal with them one at a time.

We all know the saying - money can't buy you happiness, but it makes you feel secure if you don't have to worry about it 'too much', thereby causing less stress and making you happier in the long run.

For us, the drop in wages has been huge, but we love the slower pace of life, more time with the kids together as a family, instead of Kev off working every hour god sends, and me left with the kids, who wonder who their dad is!!!!!:D

At the moment we are coping on the wages, but hardly any money is put aside in savings, thats a sacrifice you have to look at and decide if you can live with. We are happy here at the moment - it's working for us, but for those of you out there still jumping those hurdles to just get here, I think having threads like this one to read, makes you stop and think about things a little bit more, and makes people that New Zealand doesn't work for everyone, its up to the individual to decide if they are prepared to make that leap and take a chance.

Big hugs to all those out there having a rough time at the moment, hope things settle down soon!

[BaldyBeardyBloke]

Nothing to add to the above other than you know where we are if you need us. You never know when the shoe might be on the other foot.

[Kim39]

Nothing to add to the above other than you know where we are if you need us. You never know when the shoe might be on the other foot.

Just echoing what Sam has said lass. Should you need a trip into TA for a coffee and a chat, then you know where we are. Our situation is slightly different to yours but you know how i have felt over the past 18 months too. Don't worry too much as it does get slightly easier over time, and i must admit i'm testament to that.

Kim

[Sam B]

Hi Amanda

I was just wondering the other day how you are getting on, and I'm so sorry things are still quite tough. You have had a very difficult start, and there's a chance that things will get a little better now that Dan's back, you're at work and you have your stuff around? Please let me know if there's anything I can do ever to help, I know how weird and low and mixed up I have felt at times (and still do sometimes).

This has been the hardest thing I've ever done in so many ways. It has also given me some moments of pure joy, taken me way out of my comfort zone and made me feel more alone than I've ever felt. I'm trying to avoid the old rollercoaster cliche, but it's hard.

I know that we personally would not survive here without a healthy blob of equity from our UK house and an income from the UK. But I am a bit of a lush (i.e. like a few luxuries) and there are plenty of others who may be ok. I have a strong need to live in my own home, and it must be hard to feel you may be stuck in rental for a long time.

I'm thinking of you.

[leachio]

Thanks to u all and those who sent pm's, I wasnt sure what kind of response Id get but feel hugged by all!!!

Im not trying to put anyone off the idea of NZ far from it but even if 1 person somewhere in the future has a crap day they may recall this post and not feel so alone wth their thoughts.

'Whats for me wont go by me' as my nanna used to say so I will sit tight and see where we end up.

Thanx again for all ur wishes xx

[sunnyb]

I do hope things get easier for you. We are in the early stages of looking at moving and I really appreciated your post. We have a lot to consider before making the move and seeing your post and others who have already made the move makes us far more realistic in our expectations.

I have wanted to go as soon as possible (always been impatient) whereas others have cautioned us to cut back our current lifestyle and get some savings together so we have a softer landing on the other side.

I'm really sorry that you're going through the mill and thank you very much for sharing such a personal story in order to help people plan and set their expectations more realistically.

All the best, B

[willsken]

Amanda I'm sorry things have been so tough for you. I'm not surprised if you’ve been on your own, that would get me down as well. The ups and downs are huge aren't they? I think we all feel them to some degree and the money thing is an issue. We definitely don't have as much spare cash over here, which can be hard to get used to.

I find it being winter makes it harder for me. I hate the cold and even though the winter in Hawke's Bay is very mild and short compared to what I am used to, the heating issue has been making me feel very low at times. I would have given anything to be back in my old home on some of the cold mornings here, waking up to a freezing house. What I tell myself is it is one problem that can be sorted (being sorted now I hope, along with a couple of dehumidifiers. Thanks Zardell).

There is nothing wrong with finding all this hard and I think it's very good for people still in the UK to see how hard it can be. I don't think that sinks in though, you really have to live it to see how you will adapt to a new life, you can't know from someone else’s experience. It does help to prepare you for the worst though.

Anyway this has turned into a long ramble, when all I really wanted to say was HUGS to you and I hope things start to feel more settled now you have OH back. Good luck. :yes

[thezorbster]

Amanda, such an honest, from the heart post and well done for having the courage to say those things. Those of us still to make the move need to read good and bad, happy and sad in order to give us a balanced view. We're all different and will all react differently to situations. You had less time than most to even get used to the idea of moving here, it happened so quickly for you and it sounds like you definitely haven't had the best start. I really hope things begin to improve for you and wish you and yours good health and happiness.

[Gilly1973]

Amanda,

Thanks for posting your feelings on the journey so far. It has been a difficult start for you and the massive feeling of isolation and disruption, can only have made the settling in period even worse. Good on you for sticking it out so far and I hope that whatever happens, you don't look back on your experience with regret.

Anyway you can't come back to England yet, I want to see your other half in his mankini in the flesh!!

Good luck and best wishes to the family and if you need anything, you just have to ask.

Cheers

[Joanne100]

[QUOTE
I know that we personally would not survive here without a healthy blob of equity from our UK house and an income from the UK. But I am a bit of a lush (i.e. like a few luxuries) and there are plenty of others who may be ok. I have a strong need to live in my own home, and it must be hard to feel you may be stuck in rental for a long time.
I'm thinking of you.[/QUOTE]

Same here, i know money isnt everything but it sure does help as ive said b4 i think savings are a must to survive over here.
There are down sides to NZ like anywhere, but the ups for us far outweigh the downs, everyone is different and everyone copes differently.
A great post Leachio, its sure going to make people think.
Emigrating isnt a bed of roses its hard, lonely and sad at times for everyone im sure good luck with whatever you decide.