[Lupin]

but 5 months in and I think I am homesick :(

I'm not desperately unhappy but I have begun to miss my family and feel less positive about things here in general in the past few days. This has been exacerbated by the cold weather (of which I am no fan, hence the Hawkes Bay location) and the lack of money.

Is it an inevitable "stage" of this emigration lark?

[Sam B]

Hmmm, I think it is a bit inevitable, especially when it's winter here, and lovely summer there. I keep thinking of dusty roads leading to the beach in Cornwall, with thrift growing on the cliffs and foxgloves in the hedgerows. And my lovely lovely friends. (the family can stay where they are mind!).

And having no dosh is hard work after a while so that is going to make things feel worse.

We're past the longest night now, it's going to improve soon, and you've got your new job to look forward to as well. Maybe a bit of skype is called for?

[Jo Jo]

I think it is inevitable, too. It's perfectly natural to feel homesick from time to time, no matter how settled you are - in fact, I think it would be unusual not to feel homesick sometimes.

[nickydwuk]

Not being in NZ yet it is difficult to comment but I would imagine now that the colder weather has set in this always makes people feel less happy than in the summer. It is the same everywhere - my mum suffers from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and as soon as it starts to get dark she becomes low and more depressed. Must be worse if you are trying to settle into a new country without a support network around you.

As Sam B said - the longest night is over so things should start to brighten up a little.:yes

[LesleyS]

We wouldn't be "normal" if we didn't get those feelings from time to time I'm sure.....It helps to talk tho don't you think?:yes

If it makes you feel any better at all Lupin 77, it has been raining relentlessly her in the UK with flash floods and lots of local devastation water wise... :wah so much for "flaming June!" Forecast for the next 7 days.....Heavy rain!!!!!::(

Kind regards

LesleyS

[holland]

Lupin77,

Sending e-cuddles, again, we are not there yet, but think what you are feeling sounds the 'norm'...Stay strong, I'm sure you will start to look at things more positive again very soon.

Love J x

[Carey]

As others have said, probably understandable considering the huge change you've all been through but that doesn't help the feelings. Let them happen, cry and talk. You'll look back in months to come and realise how it was.....everyone can give you their opinion but they're not experiencing what you are...it must be tough.....sending you positive vibes and hope the next few days make your life appear better.
And yes weather is GROTTY here, not summery at all, very wet, anything outdoors is hopeless..

[speckythecky]

As Carey said, don't think the weather here is any better, boscastle in cornwall got washed away again last week, glastonbury is looking like a mud bath, parts of york are under water, and my garden is sodden.

Try and focus on the positives of why you wanted to move and what you have achieved since you have been there. Hope you feel better soon.

While you're down have one of these:cheers

[dharder]

Poor you. I'd blame it all on the weather, honestly, I have just started to get upset because the days here are getting shorter...

I'm not even in NZ yet, but I've moved country twice before.

I think it is inevitable to feel homesick once the excitement of the initial settling in/getting jobs/getting to know school/having some sort of routine is over and you really do start your everyday life.

I went to college in the US for a bit, in a college with mainly international students very far from home, and their pastoral care inlcuded a mandatory course that covered 'the culture shock'. It gave us a timeline pretty much of how we would feel when, and with small derivations, it was remarkable accurate in most cases. It went something like 'you get here and everything is great and so much better than home', then after about 6 months you get to 'it really sucks here, they don't get anything right, home is so much better', and then finally, once you crawled out of that, you get to the 'some things are better here, some things are better there' sort of stage.

I know everyone is different, but I found the fact that even though feelings are personal, there is often a general pattern (like grieving). Of course you don't want to get too formulaic in your assessemnt of emotions, but in general, I've found it helpful to think that after rather dark periods, better times will follow.

It also normally helps me to allow myself to feel terrible occasionally, since I know it is 'normal' and can be expected in certain situations.

So don't ignore how you're feeling, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel homesick, and consider it a phase :)

Hope you are feeling better soon,

Daniela

[sizzlingbadger]

I went through this last winter, I was in a terrible state and we'd been here just over a year by then. At one stage I really wanted to book flights and go back to the UK to see family. It was also at the stage things were still unsettled with mum so that made it even harder.

Hang in there, have a good cry (did me the world of good several times) and just think about the fantastic blue skies and warm weather coming around again.

I went back to the UK in November last year and realised that I really didn't miss anything about it and realised that we did the right thing. This again has come to light recently with the family situation back home, feeling a lot more positive this winter than last so I'm hoping I can hang in there :nice1

[skibumwa]

Hey sorry you feel that way. For the last 6 Winters, I have had to live through cold rainy winters here in Seattle. That kind of weather can get depressing, but hold strong as the Spring will so be around soon, then SUMMER!

Also, if you miss your family much, invite them down to visit you during the Winter. Normally airfares are cheapers during the Winter anyway so it's a win-win!

I feel kinda lucky. It's colder here in Seattle than it is in Welly, the rain "thing" will be normal for me, but the warmer air will be nice! My family is not close anymore at all :( so it makes the move to NZ much easier as sadly I have no family to really miss. We barely even talk anymore...

I try to keep my head up in the Winters to make through to Spring/Summer myself.. sometimes it can be challenging... :yes

[leachio]

Lupin,

Im in the same boat at the mo, think it is deemed to be part of the process but doesnt make it any easier! If u wanna chat/cry/moan/laugh just pm me ur details and I will give u a buzz :)

[Lupin]

Thankyou all of you. It's good to know it's an almost inevitable stage and I'm grateful I don't feel too bad. I feel for people who are totally overwhelmed by the feelings I've had in the past week or so :(

Also I feel a bit indulgent as I have lots of family visiting in the next year, have everything we wanted from the move and I start my new job tomorrow, so nothing actually wrong with *here*.

But I can't stop thinking about the Somerset countryside and my family :wah

[zardell]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yep, it happens to us all from time to time I'm sure.

Like you say, there's nothing wrong with *here*, it's just that occasionally you wish that *here* was *there*.........:laugh

Just keep thinking about your impending visitors and you'll soon feeling happier.

Julie

xx

[Jo Jo]

Like you say, there's nothing wrong with *here*, it's just that occasionally you wish that *here* was *there*.........:laugh


This is so true. My grandmother came to the UK in 1935 when she was 13, and lived here until she died at the age of 74. She made a life here - including having 4 children & 12 grandchildren - and was happy and had no regrets, but she felt homesick from time to time, even after being here for 50 years.

[Jo Jo]

This is so true. My grandmother came to the UK in 1935 when she was 13, and lived here until she died at the age of 74. She made a life here - including having 4 children & 12 grandchildren - and was happy and had no regrets, but she felt homesick from time to time, even after being here for 50 years.

Eek - I should have said 15 grandchildren. I forgot to include me and my bro and sis.

[StevieD]

Julie, you've done one of those confusing "zardell-isms" again! But yes Lupin, it can hit the best of us. Me being a seasoned traveller, it hasn't got to me, but that isn't to say that I don't have the odd pang now and again, hang in there, winter is always a low point, but just take solace from the fact that it is peeing down in the UK with floods and one nice day in the month of June :laugh

Just talked to my brother this morning and he is totally fed up with the British "summer" - especially when I told him I had just been out in my t-shirt doing the gardening LOL

[jubjub]

Lupin, when one thing isn't quite right, it throws up many things that are not quite right, that you maybe had not noticed before.

I know when I am having a bad day, EVERYTHING seems to go wrong, and I am sure its all to do with my attitude to that particular day and what mood I am in. The better mood I am in, the less setbacks I seem to get, strange huh?

Enjoy your family visits, and get yourself down to the beach for an afternoon, its not really that cold after all, the sun is out (well it is here anyway)

[Carol]

Just talked to my brother this morning and he is totally fed up with the British "summer" -


How quickly they forget....... For 6 weeks in April/May they had the best weather on record for that time of the year.
And I know for certain because I was there! lol


I have to admit to being incredibly homesick (for England) since I got back from my holiday..... I thought it would have worn off by now - but it truly hasn't.
:no

[Pip]

Also I feel a bit indulgent as I have lots of family visiting in the next year, have everything we wanted from the move and I start my new job tomorrow, so nothing actually wrong with *here*.

But I can't stop thinking about the Somerset countryside and my family :wah


Ditto!.. Been here four months now and I'm missing my family in Somerset, especially seeing my sister's twins grow up. (she wasn't even pregnant when we put in our application!) I do think the cold really doesn't help. We've been very sparing with our use of the electric fan heaters in our house because of fears about high bills, and last week we thought "sod it" and brought a gas bottle fire. I'm not keen on it from a safety aspect, but the last four days, I've been so much warmer and that's improved my mood no end - and I know what its costing me, so don't worry on that side of it...)

Whereabouts in Somerset are your folks ?

I'm also starting a new job (a week tomorrow) and am hoping that will help make me feel a little more stable....

Right, better call my parents who are bravely babysitting, and check my sister wasn't washed away at Glastonbury! ... now that brings back a few memories... I remember the days when it was Pilton pop festival...:laugh

Hang in there.. looks like there are a few of us at the four/five month in stage and probably the longest amount of time in our lives we haven't seen our family, so are bound to have a bit of a wobble!

[jen]

Hang in there.. looks like there are a few of us at the four/five month in stage and probably the longest amount of time in our lives we haven't seen our family, so are bound to have a bit of a wobble!

I sure hope it's just a phase - I'm at 5 1/2 months and have been hit with homesickness pretty badly the last couple weeks.

I get this weird feeling some days, like we've had our big adventure in NZ and now I'd like to go home, tell everyone about it, then settle back in my old life :confused: Maybe it's because we completed all our big goals: OH found a job, we moved, got our container, bought a car, bought a house, and now for the first time since we sent in our PR application I don't have some goal I'm striving toward or waiting to happen.

Jen

[zardell]

Julie, you've done one of those confusing "zardell-isms" again!



Oooh - oooh 'Zardellisms'. I like it !!

Does this mean that at last, I am famous or am I just confused ?? :confused:


:laugh :laugh :laugh


Julie

xx

[nippa&pippa]

I have reach another peak of unsettle periods in last few days, blame on my family back in UK, same old problems again, that my OH getting sick of it as also bothering him too.
My problems is still same old problems, lack of communications...Since we moved out, we have very few phone calls, very few emails from my parents and when they do finally called us, all they talked about my sister's children, she did this, she did that etc for about 90% of calls, each times. My OH getting sick of hearing about my sister's children, we want to hear how THEY (my parents) are, what THEY been up to etc...Also my OH said that they never or very rarely asking how is our children is, how we are? and how is my pregnancy go?
We moved into our house a month ago, we never had call from them yet!!! no, how is move go? how did children coping with it?..
We find it hard to believe it as my family was very close-knit in UK, that we get calls or pop in each other's house every weekend etc...whereas my OH's family isn't close-knit at all but we get lots of communications from them:confused:
For email, we get it once a month, I will be more happier if i get it once a week, just short letter will do to get it weekly..but then...my sister's children also mentioned in letters again :uhoh
I get more letters, email etc from friends and my sister in Auckland than from my family...btw my another sister in UK..nothing from them, no calls, no emails etc...
I finally asked my sister in auckland yesterday about my parents' lack of communications, turned out she also had same problem, and hearing about my other sister's children all the time too....we can't win!

[KerryS]

Homesickness can hit at any time. I'm having huge waves of it at the moment, and I've been here for almost 5 years now. I truly just want to go back and see all my mates and catch up with all their news and gossip.

Sophia, I can sympathise with the lack of communication - my family are rubbish at staying in contact. I hear from my brother in Australia on a regular basis, but my sister back in the UK has never contacted me since I left! I am always the one who calls her, or sends emails and cards. She is so lazy and selfish - I wouldn't bother anymore, I have nothing in common with her and really wouldn't care, but I don't want to lose contact with my niece and nephews.

I was supposed to go back last year for a visit, but that was scuppered so that we could go over this year and watch a couple of world cup games. I arranged the rugby tickets, but we still don't have flights booked. I can't see my contract allowing me a break either...

[Ana&Steve]

I
I get this weird feeling some days, like we've had our big adventure in NZ and now I'd like to go home, tell everyone about it, then settle back in my old life :confused: Maybe it's because we completed all our big goals: OH found a job, we moved, got our container, bought a car, bought a house, and now for the first time since we sent in our PR application I don't have some goal I'm striving toward or waiting to happen.

Jen
Interesting...I could imagine myself feeling that way, and being confused about what brought it on.

So sorry you have the blues, Lupin. I can't advise anything more than what's been said, I only hope it eases a bit!
Ana

[marcia]

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

I think 5 months in is a difficult time anyway, never mind the fact that its winter too.

After all the months?years of preparation, rushing around like a headless chicken to get here, then the first few hectic months waiting for stuff to arrive, searching for a rental/house, jobs scholls etc, things start to settle down and suddenly it feels as though there are no longer any goals, its a kind of empty well what next feeling. So next is to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to get to here in Nz, but when its the middle of winter, and bucketing it down (I've just heard the rain on the tin rooof again!!!) its hard to get out there and enjoy it. You're in a kind of a lull stage, but it will pass I'm sure.

I always found the winters in the UK hard, its so cold you run around from one place to another, school run, shopping etc, then jump out of the car and shoot inside to the warm, you don't end up chatting in the garden to the neighbours or popping round to friends for the afternoon/evening and sitting in the garden whilst the kids play out. It kind be quite a lonely time.

Try and get out to friends if you can, make the effort, or invite people around to yours for an evening, get the cards or the dominoes out, and have a games evening and a few mugs of hot chocolate with a splash of brandy to warm you up!

Hang in there I'm sure you'll feel much better once the spring comes, and you know you always have the back up of everyone on the forum, when you have those low moments! :nice1

[Lupin]

I think there is some truth in the above posts. We started the emigration process in earnest 18 months ago (although were contemplating and planning for five years before that), so have been busy working towards something big all that time. I started my job today, which I really enjoyed and has given me something new to think about etc and the house should be starting to be built in the next 6 weeks, so it's all good really.

And we've had the shortest day...roll on summer :D

Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts; they've meant a lot to me :)

[willsken]

Hey Lupin, sorry you're feeling bad. I'm off for a couple of weeks from next week so if you fancy meeting for a coffee and a moan let me know. I really think the weather has a part to play and I know it's affected my mood. You are cold in the house and there is nothing more depressing in my mind. Also you will start work soon so the finances should be a little better. Chin up, another few weeks and we should see things brightening up! :)

[Lupin]

Thanks Nicola, have pm'd you :)

[JoanneG]

Wow Lupin you have certainly evoked lots of varying emotions!

It has been amazing to read all these replies. I'm glad you're feeling a little better now you've started your job and a housebuild - how exciting!

It does seem to me that there is some common threads here: the initial adrenaline rush, the six month slump and some communication issues. I guess there's a point when life just becomes life again.

We have just had a visit from some distant senior family members who emigrated to America 20 years ago with their teenage children. They said that they have missed family growing up and yet the reality is that our two families where never in contact because their father and his brother simply stopped talking. They were all brought up in York and our side of the family in London and although the family in America have now visited we haven't actually met the members based in the UK!

On a funny note, we have been researching our move now for 12 months and there is one common item that comes up again and again, the one thing that many UK expats seem to miss the most is................................................ .............................PORK PIES!