[Kerry and David]

Hi All,

We have just joined the forum after reading the entries for a week or so, what a fantastic website!
Just wanted to introduce ourselves!
David and I are just in the process of starting to complete the paperwork and have lots of emotions flying around about it all!
We got married in Lake Tekapo 3 years ago and fell in love with New Zealand and have wanted to move out ever since.
We are looking at Christchurch as we have range of ages to please (my son is 3 and my eldest stepson is 17).
We are thinking that Christchurch Uni would be good but also want the beach side of life, perhaps someone could give advice on Uni and good beach locations I have always dreamed of being able to walk to the beach at the end of the working day so would like a property in a good position.
The downside of all of our plans is that my 15 year old stepson doesn't want to move out to N.Z. He doesn't want to leave his friends and start a fresh.
We want to come to get a better quality of life and because we think that N.Z has better prospects for our families future than the U.K. There are 7 of us in total, David, myself and 5 boys - 17,15,13,10 and 3, but how do you explain that to a child of 15? Any advice would be greatly received!

Many thanks!

Kerry x

[benandclare]

Welcome aboard guys :clap

[kanatakiwi]

do your boys like sports? because this country is sports mad and its great for kids int hat respect. also a very strong beach culture here and if surfing appeals its very popular with many good surfing beaches.

Being a long narrow country (Aotearoa means the land of the long white cloud) it pretty hard to get too far away from a beach, if you like christchurch there are some good beaches there, but same is true just about anywhere on north and south island.

Welcome to the forum, there are lots of folks from the UK on this site, both those settled in NZ and those in the UK in the process of making the move, so should be lots of answers for your questions.

[The Hodges]

Good Luck with your plans. You will find a lot of answers to your questions on this forum. :clap

[StevieD]

Welcome to the forum guys - you will find plenty of things on here about difficult teens and not wanting to leave friends behind.

One downside of NZ for some teens is the quietness if you move out into the sticks, especially if you are from a town or city. However, that said, the great outdoors here is fantastic. Sports as people have said is well up on the agenda, with a huge range available. And you don't have to spend a fortune to enjoy the outdoors either.

Just last weekend we went for a plain old simple walk on the beach at Mt. Manganui (Tauranga) - collected shells for the wife's scrapbooking, climbed some rockfaces (for the 3 kids - dad included :laugh), went to the hot saltwater pools to ease our aching bodies, ice cream and drove home again to some stunning views, especially of a snow covered Mt. Ruapehu in the evening sun in the distance.

While it can't be easy with your son at this time, you do find that sitting down and talking to them, finding out what they want apart from the usual knee-jerk reaction of "I'm not going and I want my mates" comments, and talking through your reasons can usually sway them around.

There are people on here who have made the painful decision of leaving children behind, and that can be shattering. Best bet is to have a real good talk, before you go too far down the road. It is emotional enough as it is without this on the agenda.

I wish you good luck. Have a look at this site and show it to your son if you think it is going to help. There are lots of things on it to look at. This forum will provide many answers to your questions I'm sure.

http://www.aatravel.co.nz/101-must-dos-for-kiwis/Mount-Maunganui-Mauao.html

Hope this helps

Steve

[Kerry and David]

Hi Stevie

Thanks for your information, had a look at the link really usefull. Its tough with regards to the boys as we really have got everyones interest in mind. He has said that he would come out after college in two years time to try living for six months but is adament that he wouldn't come next year.
The problem is that next year is a good time for everyone else as my 3 year old son is due to start school in the UK Sep 2008 and our 17 year old finishes college July 08 and the 10 year old is due to start school Sep 08 so we thought that Sep 08 would be a great time before everyone moves schools etc.
Its a tough decission to contemplate leaving him behind but could it be short term loss for a long term gain? Will read through some of the other links on simular subjects!
After all that, we may not get accepted then back to the drawing board!
Thanks again
Kerry

[Kerry and David]

Should have pointed out in our intro that the son who doesn't want to come does have a Mum to live with, thought I had better mention it before people thought we were leaving a 15 year old home alone!
Kerry

[james the mechanic]

Welcome aboard Kerry & David
I’m afraid you cant explain it.
I remember my parents decided to move from the US to the UK when I was a similar age. My sister and I of coarse were coming with them whether we liked it or not, it’s a difficult age full of uncertainty for the future, its just starting to dawn on you that you wont be a child for ever, whether you like it or not. Yet massive decisions are being make for you as though you’re still a child, it’s so unfair. Of course what you still have to learn is life is not fair and basically you are/were still a child.
I was talking to my sister about that move the other day and we both agreed that it was still the most stressful experiences / times of our lives. That may sound very dramatic or a bit sad, and I assure you that we have both been through some very stressful and traumatic times since. But none can recapture the stress of being torn from our friends at that important time in life. We both agreed that at that age we both felt closer to friends than to family whom we were unable to identify with during the snotty, grotty teenage years.
That was 20 years ago so there was no, email, skipe, my-space, text, mobiles or instant messaging and we were not aloud to dial out of town numbers let alone transatlantic calls and letter writing was very uncool. So you certainly have technology on you side.
The prospect of the UK seemed very dull to us, no MTV, cable TV, Mall, crap weather and worst of all no friends. To him this might sound a lot like NZ from the UK.
Don’t try to convince him by telling him he will make new friends that’s insulting his intelligence, he’s got his friends here in the UK.
Someone on this forums mantra is, ‘by the time I realised my father was right my son thought I was wrong’ Its so true.
Stevie I really can’t agree with you, that’s why he’s upset, you say ‘It is emotional enough as it is without this on the agenda.’ IT’S EMOTIONAL FOR HIM IT’S NOT HIS AGENDA. Until you fully understand that you have no chance of ‘having a really good talk’ you may as well drag him by the hair to NZ.
My advice is win over his friends and you may win him over, his main gripe may actually be that he feels he has no choice, it is a very difficult age and my sympathies are with him.
He can start to learn to drive at 15 and that may well impress his UK friends, find out what else he can do in NZ that he can’t in the UK, talk to him like an adult as though he has an option (even if he doesn’t). For god sake don’t let him see the school uniforms.
Good luck
James

[Bruckner]

Just wanted to say welcome to the forum!

Emily

[Kerry and David]

Thanks James for your message, you made some really good points.
It's interesting to understand that you have never forgotten your experience of moving, I would never want to cause our son any long term issues. If we do decide to make the move we certainly wont force him to come if he doesn't want to, he would have the option to stay here with his Mum and then join us as he has suggested in a couple of years time.

[steviec]

Hi Kerry and David
Welcome to the forum.
Most of us on this forum were 15 once and all our situations were different. Only you and your partner KNOW your child.
We have trouble with our 4, 10 and 12 year olds, not at school I am happy to say, so whatever age there can be a problem ( not serious tho).
Our only child that doesn't cause any trouble is our 1 year old but she is watching and learning from her sisters.
I am being a little light hearted about 'our child troubles'. They are just being normal kids.
I am sure you will make the correct choice for you and your family.
Good Luck and this forum is here to help