[marcia]

Well I can't believe it, 8 months in, thought everything was going well, and this week for some reason I've hit this huge dirty great big brick wall! (not literally!!)

I've had a really rough week, feeling a bit better today (- not sure why - the sun is shining and I'm having the day off to read the new Harry Potter book!!!)

Anyway it really started when the kids went back to school on Monday, the house felt empty, I'd got no one to call in to see to have a cuppa and a natter with, felt really lonely, chatted to dad on skype, my grandad is not well at all, he's 94 and having loads of falls in the home he is in, ended up in hospital for a week, my auntie has had a knee replacement operation, my mum has flu and is in bed ill. I just feel so far away from them all, can't even go and hold my grandads hand, or make my mum a cake or some hot soup to make her feel better. Not good!

Anyway i've kept dragging myself around all week not really saying much, just snuggling up in my blanket on the settee in front of the TV all day with Emerson, watching flippin 'cars' again!! Bursting into to tears for no reason, shouting at the kids for every little thing (and no its not the time of the month!) The straw that broke the camels back came on Thursday after tea, kev had gone into the garage to do some of his superstock, the kids were on the computer, Emerson buzzing around, I was cleaning the tea stuff away and the kids starting bickering at each, then Emerson was screaming at them, I just picked up my keys and phone screamed at them all i was leaving, opening the garage shouted to kev, 'I'm going' jumped in my car and screeched off, got to the bottom of the road, tears pouring down my face thinking - ok you muppet where are you gonna go now???

We have friends here, but the really good ones have enough family problems without me turning up, I know they would have welcomed me but i just didn't want to burden them, the playcentre ladies have only known me 6 months and I didn't want to turn up on their doorsteps in such a state and scare them away thinking I was a mad woman, so I just set off driving into town, eventually i decided to go to a friend who we met through the stock cars, who has been out here two and a half years, i remembered her saying she went through a rough patch when she just didn't want to get out of bed! Well I scared her husband when he opened the door, and I was standing there crying saying I need a box of tissues and a cuppa I've hit a brick wall, he started to say where are you ok, and I realised he thought I'd had a crash!! Had to explain what i really meant!!

Well I had a good chat to Zoe, and having been in the same place herself, she could really understand, and it was nice to just chat about it to someone who does understand. My phone rang about 8.30 and it was our middle son, crying his eyes out asking if I was coming back -( made me feel like a wicked mother!)

Have to say the kids were all on their best behaviours yesterday (big bad dad must have had words!!) I am feeling a bit more human today but the hurt inside missing family is still there.

I just wanted to share this with you, to warn you that it can hit you out of the blue, i thought I was doing fine, yeah missing everyone, but coping with it. I have no desire to go back to the uk what so ever - i want them to come here. i also think as i've said to others before, that the time of year and the weather does play a big part in feeling really low. So I'm dusting myself off and trying to keep busy, planning to get some paint and decorate Mikas room for him, he wants a black and white checkered wall, so that will be a challenge!!

Right I'm off, nearly time for the book launch, teas in the crock pot so thats me done for the day! Told then 'do not disturb' unless its with a pot of tea and biscuits!!!!

[zardell]

You know where I am ..............

Julie

xx

[Lupin]

((((Marcia)))))

I'm struggling with missing family atm too, it's hard but must surely get better. Here's to warmer weather soon!

[auskiwi]

Hi Marcia,
I very much understand where you are coming from - I have mentioned in previous posts that I had never suffered any kind of depression (and have always considered myself a reasonably adjusted person!) but the struggle of adjusting to a completely new life, new people etc, etc really knocked me too.
I would cry every day and just felt very lonely and hopeless. It wasn't until we made the decision to return to the U.S that I started to feel human again.

I honestly hope you find the support and companionship in NZ that you will need to settle in and find some sense of belonging.

Hugs,
Amy.

[jen]

I just wanted to share this with you, to warn you that it can hit you out of the blue, i thought I was doing fine, yeah missing everyone, but coping with it. I have no desire to go back to the uk what so ever - i want them to come here. i also think as i've said to others before, that the time of year and the weather does play a big part in feeling really low. So I'm dusting myself off and trying to keep busy, planning to get some paint and decorate Mikas room for him, he wants a black and white checkered wall, so that will be a challenge!!


Great post, Marcia! You're not alone, I had the same kind of thing happen to me about 2 weeks ago (six months in). I got horribly depressed; spent one day on the couch reading, no interest in doing anything. I was looking up airfares to the States and seriously thinking about taking 3 weeks to go stay with my best friend as I missed her so badly & feeling so homesick. I was snapping at my poor OH to the point where I jumped in the car and just drove around for a couple hours trying to clear my head.

I don't want to move back either; we're so much better off here! I don't think there's any logic to these feelings when they hit you. I can tell myself over and over how much better things are here for us, but it doesn't make any difference when I hit that wall you're talking about because all I want to do is BE HOME RIGHT NOW even though it makes no sense.

Hope you'll be feeling better soon!

Jen

[Marie P]

Oh Marcia ................GREAT BIG HUG ..............

Give me a ring if you want to chat hon.

Only 9 more weeks to next School holidays ,then you can come and visit our teeny tiny little house ,we will try and squeeze you all in somehow.[no snooker table just a foozeball table :D ]

Big hug for Kev too .

Love from your Mates up North. xxxxxx

[Andy-Dee]

Big hugs to you Marcia - I know you miss family and friends but if you could see THE BLASTED RAIN here....

....and you are getting Harry Potter much earlier than us .....

Chin up - can I do anything from here in UK?

[jubjub]

You need a great big cyber hug (((((Marcia)))))

My friend has a mantra that gets her through many tough stages "this too shall pass.." it sounds so a bit soppy, but its true, even it does not feel like it at the moment.

Hubby is off just now to get a copy of HP, then he will need to keep quiet for a couple of days until I finish it too. (good job Im out tonight, wont be much conversation here!)

[gil]

{{{{{ B-I-G-H-U-G-S}}}}} Marcia
Love
Gil
xx

[willsken]

Thinking of you as I totally understand how you feel. I don't miss the UK at all but boy do I get pangs for my family and friends at times. One of the downsides to moving I guess. It will pass and get easier, I remember feeling the same way when we moved from one part of the UK to another 10 years ago. :)

[KD17]

{{{HUGS}}}}

Oh Marcia, I so feel for you. Its good that you found someone to talk to, although I'm sure the other people you know would not have minded you talking to them in the least.

I will send you a PM.

Take care

Debby
x

[nippa&pippa]

I agree with you marica, it is hard enough with two children, let alone three young children driving you up the wall (i will be facing this soon :o ) and did had moments that I want to escape to my mum so she can look after kids for a bit for my chill out time...That what I miss the most.

[leachio]

Sending loads of luv hun,

It's just so strange how 1 day we are functioning well and enjoying our new surroundings and the next we cry uncontrollably and bite anyone or anything that gets in our way :laugh I had the very same crisis a few wks ago and I also put my shoes on and grabbed the car keys and left Dan with the kids!! Its doubly hard when you have family members who are ill and you just cant get to them. Thinking of u all and please pm me when uve read Harry Potter cos I will never read it and after hearing about the last book from pink piggy i am somewhat curious???????????

Take care xxx

[Kim39]

Hey lass, remember back at those meets in the Salt Cellar and other public houses in that locality, we often spoke about us being able to have that network from the NW crew dotted around these shores and should one us ever hit that brick wall then we could rely on folk to listen in on the end of the phone. Well lass your time has come. As much as this is a very understanding community, there are folks here that know you guys pretty well, so whoever you decide to talk to out of the crew i'm sure they'll have a sympathetic ear. Just pick up the phone lass, as Jules has said.

Hope things will turn around over the next few days.

Kim

[holland]

Marcia

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>sending hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

J

[Carey]

Marcia, do hope this phase passes soon, it must be very tough.

You are very brave to be so open to your feelings on here; by doing so you are already 1/2 way there and friends that you've only known for a short time will become much closer friends in your hour of need, simply becaue you've had the courage to pour out your thoughts. People like to help others and in a bizarre way like to feel needed so you're giving them that opportunity and everyone benefits in the long run. Hope that makes sense but I'm saying it because we found duirng 6 difficult months in Sicily, that we became a lot closer to several friends just because we regularly and continually called on them for help and advise.
In addition, I have had days recently as you describe here, in my 'comfortable' life; not from missing family or friends but from not being able to find a good job. Now I have foiund one and what a difference to my overall happiness. Whatever you are missing, granted family and friends must be one of the hardest, it makes life hellish. Similarly when we were desperately trying for a child, had failed IVF, 5 miscarrages, I also drove off; kids were missing from my life and all was bad. In those times you can only focus on the big one thing that is missing and its tough. Very.

You sound very 'normal' to me, your other posts have inspired me many, many times. This is a blip, you'll pull through somehow. Look at what you have done, moved to NZ! Bound to be ups and downs which doesn't help when you're down but.......

And still summer has not arrived, hols loom long and empty and kids will be a challenge!

Hoping today will be a better day for you.
Hugs.

[marcia]

Thanks you lot for all the replies and pm's.

I am feelingmuch better today though, didn't get much reading done, we ended up going out yesterday afternoon, a couple of friends had called around on Thursday when i had walked out, (oops!!!) they are house sitting for her brother and he has a massive slot stox track, and they thought the kids would like to have a go - so Kev the biggest kid said of course we will come up! We had a lovely afternoon with them, a real laugh, and they had chatted about how difficult it must be for us with no one we can trust yet to look after the kids, so they said any time - Kev said 'ok are you free Mon, Tues Wed, Thu, you can have Friday off next week!!!!' The boys get on well with them and they don't have any kids of their own, but love playing with them, so at least we now have some babysitters. About 4.30, my mobile phone rang and another friend had been trying to get hold of us to invite us around to their house that evening. So we got home about 5.30, threw some veg in the pan, (the corned silverside was already in the crock pot!) and dashed back out again after tea.

So we had a lovely day visiting friends and didn't get home till about 10.45, so I've only managed to read a quarter of my book!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again for your messages, it really helps to know others have been there too, and that you care!!:nice1

[dilanium]

******HUG*******