[wcoetsee]

Hi All,

This is my second thread about this topic. I would like to know on anyone that knows someone that has gone back to South Africa.

I posted some time back that we where thinking of returning as we miss our family, pets and old life to much and my oh is really not happy chappy over here.

We have now being in NZ for 3months and still feel uneasy and still think about returning everyday. I know that when you make the right decision in live doesn't matter what then you normally feel at ease once you have made your choice. So why do we still feel like returning to SA and not to stay in NZ.

Yes we do want our future kids to grow up in safe environment and to have good futures but think of all the things they would miss like grandparents and tradition. Life is so short and can be taken away in a blink, so why live your life somewhere where you are unhappy just to be save???

I lived in SA for 26 years wand was never touched directly by crime, after 2months in NZ we had our car broken into (in secure underground carpark with CCTV cameras) and exspensive items stolen from it. How ironic is that....

I received a GOOD job offer from my previous employer in SA and this looks like some sort of sign to me not that i want it to be.

What can we do, say we return and after 1-5years discover that it was a mistake what would stop us then to just get on plane and move to different country. Nothing really... I have done this once then i can do it again.

Would like to hear your thoughts?

Werner

[willsken]

Werner

I remember you original post and as you say, if after 3 months you still want to go back maybe you should. NZ isn't for everyone and I know missing family is awful for some. Has the feeling toward NZ gotten any better since your last post? Happiness is so important and as you say, life is short. Be happy and if that is being in SA then go. If, once you return and it feels like a mistake, you can always move again. It's doesn't have to be back to NZ either, it's a big world out there. :)

[Island Moose]

My plan with NZ is to commit to a year at least, to get a true feel for the country after the shock of immigration subsides. I think after 3 months you are still in that awkward stage, finding your place etc.

I imagine you left SA for a reason, try to recall what that was and what drew you to NZ. I miss my family right up to the point when I reunited...then I realize that I like some distance!

[zardell]

I miss my family right up to the point when I reunited...then I realize that I like some distance!



:laugh :laugh :laugh

Yes, after talking (or maybe I should say listening) on the phone for over an hour to my MIL who's still in the UK I think I can relate to that one Moose.

Wcoetsee, I remember your first post too and I really feel for you.

No-one can make your mind up for you and we all feel differently, but if being in NZ when you long to be in SA is really too much to bear, then why stay?

There are days I too would love to turn tail and go back to the UK, but I know if I did that once the first flush of excitement at seeing family, friends and familiar places was over I would remember why I came to NZ.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am going to grow old here, who knows whats in the future, but I know one thing - my hubby and I went through hoops to get here and we feel very privileged to be here, so we won't be giving that privilege away without a fight.

We are fortunate in that we are going back to the UK next year for a holiday and I am really looking forward to it. We are going back for our daughters wedding and obviously that is going to create a lot of emotion and a pulling of the heart strings !

The truth is, I don't particularly want to go back to live in the UK, I just want everyone in the UK to be here in NZ with me !!!

Good luck with your decision........

Julie

xx

[wcoetsee]

Yeah know what you mean, what a mission it was to finally get here, BIG mission!!!

But hey, what a learning experience was that, i learned a lot from myself and life.

I mean i am sure i would be able to do this again.

Thats the good thing about making mistakes, you learn lots and get wiser. :)

[wcoetsee]

Then again, i cant just think of myself and stay in NZ whilst my OH is miserable...

Thats just selfish and not fair.

[nippa&pippa]

My OH was, in fact, very unsettled in first few months here, thinking he have made big mistake to emigrated while I was learning to settling in really well than he did. We did have some discussion on this and in the end, he willing to try stay for a year or so as it was too early to make final decision at that stages. Now he is very glad and much happier since we finally brought our own house, because it was turn out to be a rental house cause so much unsettle to both of us and children. Wish we could move into our house earlier but couldn't with UK house wasn't sold yet.
Everyone go through unsettle periods for first few months...but if your heart is strongly on going back to SA, then go.

[stu70]

Then again, i cant just think of myself and stay in NZ whilst my OH is miserable...

Thats just selfish and not fair.
You show real character. I would do anything to make my family happy even if meant going to other side of the universe. I think you should give SA a whirl. You managed to get to NZ once and I don't think it is going to be that difficult to do it again if need be. Or you could try Europe for that matter. The world is a big place. And you are right, life is very short and everything is an uncertainty. You are here today and gone tomorrow. Do what your gut says. No decision in life has to be final, so just follow your instincts. Good luck with it all.

[wcoetsee]

Thanks for all the replies, appreciate it!

We have not yet made a decision but have drilled into depth into the PROs and CONs of both choices.

Thing that makes the decision harder is the my previous employer in SA have made me a real good offer financially with a good career progression plan.

Seeing that we already know for sure that we are not going to stay in NZ fore ever and want to return to SA one day makes this difficult. I would not want to say no to a good opportunity. Only thing we are really going to sacrifice when leaving is PR, if we stay i might sacrifice a good job opportunity back home. I might not ever have the need for that PR and have then wasted 2 years of my life.

Then again should SA turn to custard (which i am sure that nobody wants this to happen) would i really want to be in a different country away from my family and leave them to face the music, no i don't think so, i would want to be there to help my family.

So yeah, tough times and real life decisions need to be made.

[immortal167]

I think that is the problem: the moment you make the decision that you don't really want to be here anymore, it is hard to not just want to drop everything and run. We decided to give ourselves six months to go to the UK, but it seems like it is taking forever and I just want to be GONE. I've stopped connecting to this place in a way, it's like my body is still here but the rest of me on the plane already! It is a damned difficult situation for you stu, but I think that sometimes you have to go with your heart...

[wcoetsee]

So very true!!!

Well let me tell you what our situation is now since my last post. I mentioned I was made a good offer but not great one and we decided to turn the offer down and sit NZ out for at least 2 years to secure that PR.

Then 3 days later they made me even a better offer... We gave ourself a couple of days to think it through again and then decided it is really good and we would be financially beter of than before we left in the 1st place and decided to go back.

I handed in my resignation today in NZ and I signed my employment contract for the new job back in SA in the same town where we are from so things will be back to normal. SO yeah we are going back and we are very postive about this!

[zardell]

Congrats on your new job offer and your decision to take it.

Bet you feel like a weight had been lifted don't you ?

Wishing you all the very best.

:cheers

Julie

xx

[leachio]

Congrats guys on reachin a satisfactory decision :clap :clap :clap

But do tell how u managed to get better job offers on the table, I may need to approach my old boss and try that :laugh

[Carol]

Sounds like destiny has dealt you a winning hand...... a choice of countries AND the life experience you have gained while you have been here.

Congratulations - and good luck wherever you end up....
:cheers

[Questor]

Yay, this is how I like these threads to end up - not slanging matches debating the relative merits of NZ and "the other place" wherever that may be!

All the best, and come back for holidays, we're more than happy to take the tourist $$$ ;)

Jon

[stu70]

Congrats! All the best to you and your family.

[MJ71]

I know I can't really talk because I am not in NZ yet but don't you think 3 months is not really long enough. I think you should give yourselves at least a year as during the first year you will be up and down emotionally. My husband and I and two kids moved to the US in 2000 and after three months we decided to return to SA because it was "easier". There is not a day that we have not wished we tried harder to stay in the US as we would never get back in there again. At the time homesickness and familiarity of how things were done at home clouded our judgement. I know you say you have never been touched by crime directly but coming back here you are more than likely to become a statistic.
I don't mean to try and force my views on you and you will do what you know is right for you. Do you have a support system on that side of South Africans that might be able to understand what you are going through?

[Steadybears]

wcoetsee
We arent there yet but also planning to get to Auckland - we left Zimbabwe in 1981 and I cried everytime I went to the aiport and saw someone with the Zimbabwe flag - but how glad we not there now. It does take time and big adjustment - I say hang in there for abit longer.My OH and I had big discussion before we made the PR application - that we give ourselves 2 years before thinking of going back - if after 2 years -we havent burnt our bridges -we can change our minds. I would say think carefully - we worry for our childrens futures here and thats what we thinking of before we get too old to make the move. Everyone to their own- But good luck and hope for the best for you and your family.
Jayne

[jent]

Werner
I am pleading with you to look 5 and 10 years ahead. When, not if, crime touches you as it did me and 5 or six of my immediate family and friends( It was never going to get me!!!) how easy will it be to pick up the pieces and move back to NZ. Do you want your kids to only be able to chose to live in one of the few 'safer' places left in SA? What will their choices be if they have affirmative action to cope with? (Both my Neice and Nephew Honours graduate and CA have been nabbed by overseas companies as SA did not value them enough!) What is it all worth if one of you has some ghastly experience?
I'm afraid, the latest news stories about the criminals who are part of our govt make me think that we are in for a dodgy future at best.
Sorry to sound so negative everyone, but until you have lived with the daily fear for you family's safety it is easy to be nostalgic!!

Come on Werner. VASBYT BOET!!!

[jent]

Hi again Werner
I plead ignorance about your situation. I have now been back and read some of your prior posts. As a fanatical Jack Russell owner(2 of them) and with no kids of your own, you are understanderbly missing them. Please don't be put off by some of the SA expats on this forum. I am very sad when I read some of the very obviously racist posts. As you are a surfer, and fellow coastal person, I know you are probably missing the warmth and familiarity of things. The family thing is also huge!! This all makes me so sad. Especially when I read some of the bitter SA posts. I hope that hasn't driven you one step closer to returning. Good luck with whatever you decide. You have no huge responsibilities. So go for it!
Just think really hard first.
Regards
jent

[wcoetsee]

Thanks or all the replies!

We made up our minds weeks ago already and are still going back to SA. My fiance is already back as she started a new job in SA and she is very happy to be back with family and friends! I am flying out in a weeks time (next sunday) and looking forward to it!

My time hear in NZ taught me a lot about myself and about life. Life is so short we need to be happy with what we do in life, yes it is good to look a bit forward and to plan ahead but for goodness sake why live your life misearable just because you think you will be save in a particular place anything can happen to anyone at any time, that is life! I am a Christian and I believe in God and my life and my future is in his hands not my own, i am not in control and that is the one thing what i learned, so please stop trying to always control everyting because you can't.

SA has lots of crime and problems i agree i am not blind but with the bad there is the good, family, friends, heritage, our dogs and all the other things that make us happy. Yes in SA we are more cautious and take the necessary measures for our safety that is true. Yes we are not sure about what the future brings but that is not going to stop me from living, and from doing the things that makes me happy. God will provide, and i trust in Him! Our life hear on earth so so small compared to the bigger picture, that is why i am at peace with everything as i know and understand that all of this is only temporary.

We are still going ahead with our PR application as this will be transfered back to SA for completion, we are in the final stages now. Should we decide that we do not want to continue our lifes in SA then we will end up back in NZ if that is what has to happen then it will. Yes i am human and i am a person that likes to be in control of situations and i have my doubts about SA and me and my families future there, but i must just let go and let it be.

Sometimes we take things for granted and you only really miss them ones you lost it all. So all of you out there comenting on me going back to SA please think before you speak, you havn't even experienced what we have being through. I was made a very good offer financially in SA and that is part of the reason why we are going back, yes i understand fully why people leave SA because they are educated but can't find work there and i feel for them if that was the case for me then yes i would also have stayed in NZ as i have a great job here too.

By being pessimistic you are not going to help yourself or anyone else for that matter and you will be miserable anywhere in this small world.

So come on be happy and live a little! :)

To all of you planning on leaving your home country to look for greener pastures, good luck to you and i wish you all the very best. Just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side!

Werner

[leachio]

Excellent post Werner :clap :clap :clap :clap

[Moorf]

Just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side...

... and it's just as hard to mow :yes

Great post - you sound like you know what you want - that's half the battle - I suspect you'll be happier back at home now, too, knowing that you appreciate what you have there.

Best of luck
Moorf

[stu70]

Very good post. You are right, very little there is in life that you genuinely control. A lot in life is all about acceptance and letting it go. Have fun where erver you go

[dscholtz]

Hi Werner,

I've sent you an e-mail to your hotmail. Hope you don't mind.

D.