[Belmont Babes]

Hi all. We lost our first child 11 years ago and when we emigrate we will obviously be leaving behind her resting place. My Mum has offered to keep it tidy but we all feel a little sad about it. Just wondered if anyone else has been through this type of process? Thanks

[CjChris]

Natalie, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss; leaving your daughter's resting place behind must be so difficult. I understand why you would feel sadness to leave.

It's interesting that you bring this up now because I've been thinking about how odd it is that I'm comfortable leaving so many things behind, even the beautiful trout stream where I released my late husband's ashes.

There was a time when I would not have wanted to leave because I didn't want to leave that place behind. I have always felt closer to him by sitting on the riverbank overlooking the area where he used to love to fly fish, the same area he instructed me to spread his ashes should anything happen to him. But in the 3 years since his death, I've gradually realized I don't need to go there to feel closer to him (I mean, I know "he" is not there, in the river, where his ashes painted the rocks white for days) but he is instead everywhere and with me always--in the sweet sound of a violinist on the street corner in Rome, in the heart-throbbing vibration of a hummingbird's wings, through the words of a stranger echoing a line of a favorite poem, or through the most vibrant flowers on the greyest of days.

I'm leaving for NZ in just five weeks. Right now, I do feel melancholy about leaving his resting place, but I also know his spirit feels great joy that I have found a new love, that I and my girls are happy, and that we are embarking upon a new life together.

That joy is what I want to hang onto, not because it seems romantic or sentimental to say so, but because I truly feel it in the deep heart's core.

Christine

[Belmont Babes]

Christine what lovely words. I am so sorry to hear of your loss too. A few years ago I wouldn't have been able to contemplate moving to the other side of the world but as you know time does help heal. I will remember your words when I am having numerous wobbly moments in the future.

Good Luck with your move and hope you get to live some dreams X

[holland]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx to you both xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[CjChris]

Thank you, Holland.

Natalie, surely we aren't the only ones to have experienced a close loss?

I was thinking about your situation, and while I know you are glad that your mum has agreed to keep your daughter's resting place tidy, of course you'd rather do this yourself. I don't know what your current practice is (and of course this is a private thing for many people) but maybe you could send your mum special things to read when she goes there, or instruct her to take a certain kind of flower?

I bet your Mum would feel really special taking care of such an important act of love for you.

Christine

[Nicola]

Hi

I know exactly where you are coming from. I lost my first baby when he was seven months old. Even though that was now 18 years ago, it was still difficult to leave the UK knowing that I was moving so far away from the place he existed in. As I have re-married it is not something I can share with my husband, although he would be a rock, he did not ever know my first son and therefore has no memory of him. At first it felt as if I was deserting him. But his memory is still strong within me all the time. I still count the years that would have been and miss him.

So basically what I am trying to say is yes it is hard, but your memories of your child will take them with you to the new place.

[zardell]

Natalie, surely we aren't the only ones to have experienced a close loss?




No Christine, I don't think you are alone in this, but somehow, I felt rude to interrupt what seemed to be something so personal as yours and Natalie's posts.

Many years ago, in the newness of my grief I too used to visit the graveside and take comfort by doing so.

I now carry in my heart the love that I used to carry to the graveside, secure in the knowledge that that love is felt and shared by those I miss so much.

They will be forever with me wherever I am, sharing and caring as always.

Julie

xx

[Tia Maria]

I had a friend who lost a close family member and decided to name a star after them as that way she could remember them wherever she was in the world, as she could always look up in the night sky and see her star.

Wishing you all, all the best, its such a difficult subject and you all speak so eloquently about it.

Tia

[Belmont Babes]

Hi all
What lovely postings. Yes the star is a really good idea and I have thought about it on many occasions. Christine, yes I could give my Mum something to read or write each birthday and Christmas that is a really good idea. I guess I will just take all our memories and love with us and get through it like many people before. X

[CjChris]

I now carry in my heart the love that I used to carry to the graveside, secure in the knowledge that that love is felt and shared by those I miss so much.
Julie

xx

Julie, this is just beautiful...and I would never take anything you say (or anyone else for that matter) as an interruption, but thank you for this consideration. And, I'll add here that you are always so eloquent, supportive, and wise in your responses and I appreciate that!

I did feel that lack of responses was because of the personal nature of the topic. It's a hard one and possibly uncomfortable for some, and I'm thankful that Natalie was strong enough to bring it up and to all of you who posted as well.

Your lovely words bring to mind a poem by ee cummings, "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)" which you may read here (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-carry-your-heart-with-me-2/). It is one of my favorite cummings poems.

[Belmont Babes]

What a beautiful poem. I will keep that one. Thank you Christine X