[mgbridges]

Hi folks,

Only been here a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if we've unknowingly upset a couple who (via our son) we have become acquainted with (can't quite call them friends yet).

They invited us to have a fish & chip dinner with them last Friday and although I took a 6 pack of Speights and Tim Tams with me it wasn't until we were driving away that I wondered if we should have offered to contribute to the cost of the takeaway?

What is the expected 'etiquette' in these situations? We can't really invite them back as we are living in an unfurnished rental with minimal stuff, toys etc. Equally they have a 4mth old baby so its harder for them to come out in the evenings. However, they did say we 'must do this again' or words to that effect.

Any thoughts welcome...
Anneliese

[Moorf]

Hiya

I doubt you've upset them. Just from my point of view - I'd have probably taken a dessert or rang them in advance and asked if there was anything I could bring.

Also, if take-out, I'd usually offer to pay for our part of it. Often not accepted if you've taken along food and drink but I'd always offer.

Don't panic - have a friendly chat with them next time before you go to theirs and just ask what you could bring :nice1 - tell them you're not entirely sure of the etiquette here - be open and have a laugh with them about your new observations on NZ life :nice1

Have fun - at least you've been out and are making an effort.

Moorf

[Tia Maria]

I agree with Moorf, I find everyone does/expects different things, so often the best thing is to ask in advance to contribute and you usually get refused. I think for many, bringing the beer would have been enough, but maybe not for everyone.

At the beginning I was constantly asking people what 'bring a plate' means, it not only gave me lots of ideas but it also let people know it was new to me as a concept. I think people do understand that you are new to the area and country.

(In the same way I constantly ask about taking my shoes off, its still not natural to me and I often get half way through an evening and notice everyone else in their socks and I feel guilty!).

If they've got a 4 month old you could offer to babysit one evening or afternoon, while Mum has a nap. Or if they have an older child offer to take them after school, either to play at yours or over to the park. This way even if you have upset them, which I think is unlikely, they will soon realise that it was not intentional and you are not just 'takers'.

Cheers

Tia

[Howie]

(In the same way I constantly ask about taking my shoes off, its still not natural to me and I often get half way through an evening and notice everyone else in their socks and I feel guilty!).


Canadians take their shoes off. Americans do not. I feel at home here :)
But I don't take my shoes off at my own home because of all of the sand the dogs bring home from the beach! It goes on my feet then in my bed.

[Park City Partner]

Hey Susan, it depends on where the Americans are from, thank you very much:) Having lived in Park City UT where there is a lot of snow, it is very common to take your shoes off...but it is very climate driven in the States....

[swissmissdesigner]

Canadians take their shoes off. Americans do not. I feel at home here :)
But I don't take my shoes off at my own home because of all of the sand the dogs bring home from the beach! It goes on my feet then in my bed.

GRRRRRRRRRR. Another falls info about American..
I know a lot of American who has a big sign at the entry door.

"Please take off your shoes or covered. Thanks."

[SarahEDH]

Agree with SwissMiss and Park City -- many Americans take their shoes off before entering their own homes or others'. I've seen this often in the Midwest as well as California, particularly in dusty regions or in snow as mentioned above. My family's been doing it for the last 20+ years no matter where we lived ... it keeps your home so much cleaner.

A sign near the door works well, and so does a seating bench with a built-in shoe shelf underneath. Anyone who comes to the door and sees all those shoes lined up will know without asking that they should remove theirs ...

[stu70]

Actually as for taking the shoes off while entering homes, it is true that Canadians are more inclined to do so than the Americans I have met and interacted with. Again, it is my experience only and as other have said, it could be very regional thing. I think it is not only polite but also necessary to take the shoes off;you do not want to bring in the outside guck (into your homes) do you? Kiwis are bang on, I like them already!

[Happyfeet]

I dont think you would have upset them but they might wonder why you didnt offer to pay your part. Generally in my experience here and been here a while, if people ask you over for a take away, they dont generally mean they are going to pay for it all.

[mgbridges]

Thanks everyone, I'm sure I'm over analysing things again (I do it all the time, ask my OH :o ) and am sure I didn't upset them. As Martin keeps saying we can always offer to pay next time we go over for takeaway!

Anneliese

[Tia Maria]

stu70 wrote:

I think it is not only polite but also necessary to take the shoes off;you do not want to bring in the outside guck (into your homes) do you? Kiwis are bang on, I like them already!

I think this must be a 'where you live thing' also. I would always take dirty/wet shoes off and in the UK if I spot a cream carpet my shoes always came off! But to be honest unless I've been over the park/beach and then haven't walked home my shoes aren't dirty - not to the level they leave marks on floors and carpets.

I think also I don't particualrly like bare feet all over my home either, I'm afraid some people have some pretty grotty looking feet - would it be impolite to ask them to put socks on do you think!? :laugh

I like the idea of a sign or a shoe bench, as I would say 60% of the people round my way expect shoes off and 40% don't. Also do you leave them outside or inside? What if its doing the usual horizontal rain thing, can you bring them inside then?

We had a advert in our local paper recently placed by a lady whose cat liked to steal shoes from verandahs, it said if you are missing your shoes come to 101 Devonport Close (not the real address!), and see if they are here, I've got hundreds! :laugh

In the end, as with all etiquette things - if in doubt ask!

Cheers

Tia

[Tia Maria]

Oh and I've just thought, what about all the people who walk around barefeet outside - are they bringing in the dirt from outside, or does it only count if it comes in on your shoes?! :laugh

Aren't there some countries where they have slippers you can wear once you take your shoes off?

Cheers

Tia

[Howie]

OK, I admit to generalizing about Canadians and Americans. Bad Susan. When I lived in NJ and went to someone's house, GENERALLY, the only shoes left at the door belonged to Canadians. I seem to remember some Canadian TV star, living in Hollywood comenting on the same thing when people came to his house.
Appology for the generalization. Canadians always say sorry for EVERYTHING :)

[SarahEDH]

I like the idea of a sign or a shoe bench, as I would say 60% of the people round my way expect shoes off and 40% don't. Also do you leave them outside or inside? What if its doing the usual horizontal rain thing, can you bring them inside then? Tia

Even though my porch is covered, if it's raining or cold guests usually carry their shoes in (or I slip out and grab them during the general arrival hubbub) and then the shoes are dropped on a mat inside.

I rarely bother to bring in my own shoes unless they are running/hiking gear -- the only footwear I spend real money on.

I've thought about the bare feet issue too, but decided I could live with that more easily than ... shoes that might recently have been in public bathrooms, for instance. Just picturing a bathroom floor at an airport, cinema, amusement park ... and then thinking of those same shoes walking that bacteria inside my house ... eeeww.

Always, though, a guest's comfort comes first, and if someone clearly doesn't want to take off their shoes, that's fine. Floors can be spot-mopped or otherwise tidied up once they're gone -- no big deal.

[Moorf]

I've been told our front door looks like the entrance to a mosque. :D I always insist on shoes off, did in the UK, too.

[jen]

I was very surprised when we started house-hunting in NZ to see rows of shoes outside the front door and sometimes a sign saying the owners requested no shoes inside. I would have LOVED to be able to request people take their shoes off when I was selling my California condo which had cream carpet inherited from the previous owner - the realtor ended up putting down plastic runners to save me from having the carpet cleaned every other week. It would have been considered a very strange thing to ask & I've never seen anybody take off their shoes before going into a home for sale in California & I would never think of it myself.

I love the story about the shoe-stealing cat. Our neighbors have a very cheeky cat & if my garden boots go missing I'll have to see if he's taken them home as prey :laugh

[Chiba]

When we last visited the UK, after two weeks my 3 year old son was still saying, "shoes? in the house? shoes?" I also think wearing shoes indoors is just wrong. My Japanese indoctrination is now complete.

I'm torn though. In the UK I was a barefoot person most of the time, even wandering around outside without shoes. I don't wear shoes in the office here either, which has caused all manner of stunned looks and bemused comments from Japanese people over the years - I get looked at in a similar way to a Victorian grandma seeing a lady's ankles. Never dared not wear shoes in the neighbourhood! Anyway, I'm looking forward to shedding my shoes in NZ, but how does that fit with no shoes indoors? Maybe some kind of foot bath in the genkan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genkan) is in order? :)

[jubjub]

I find it depends.... some people always take their shoes off,. some don't, and some ask.... mostly it seems to be off, and I always take mine off unless someone tells me not to bother.. it can get quite messy outside though if you have more than a couple of guests!

If we are invited for dinner, I generally ask what to bring (usually get told nothing) so take along some drinks and a nibbles or dessert dish anyway. Not had the takeaway dilemma though...

[xanctus]

10 years living in US, it's quite a mix experience about taking the shoes off from americans. Some yes they do, some they don't.

[Tia Maria]

Sarah EHD erote:

I've thought about the bare feet issue too, but decided I could live with that more easily than ... shoes that might recently have been in public bathrooms, for instance. Just picturing a bathroom floor at an airport, cinema, amusement park ... and then thinking of those same shoes walking that bacteria inside my house ... eeeww.

Now think of the kids (and quite a few of the dads), running round all these places barefoot, the beach/park toilets are particularly foul - would that get a double eeeww? :laugh

And I'm not sure whether its just where I live but there is a lot of dog poo about, as I do the WSB I'm constatly shouting 'watch out for the poo/glass/snails'. If a child spots any of these items on route, it is their job to stand in front of it, so the others can walk round. Its really sweet watching them protect a snail!

Chiba wrote:

Maybe some kind of foot bath in the genkan is in order? :)

It sounds like a much more civilised version of a porch. The footbath idea makes me think of the veruca pool at swimming pools - do they have them in NZ? Do they still have them in the UK?

I do like the idea of taking off shoes to put on slippers, as I said I've seen a lot of fungally feet here, not sure whether its the whole barefoot thing or just I've seen more feet!

When I flew Japanese airlines once, within 5 minutes of taking off, everyone took of their shoes, put on their slippers, got out their eucalyptus oil and spritzer sprays and started playing cards with anyone who was interested - it was a thoroughly relaxing flight! :nice1

On the whole, with the shoe thing, I just do as I'm told and hope my socks match and haven't got holes in! :laugh

Cheers

Tia

[SarahEDH]

Now think of the kids (and quite a few of the dads), running round all these places barefoot, the beach/park toilets are particularly foul - would that get a double eeeww?

Yes, it would! I'm overcome just thinking about it:eek:

So glad I rarely have drop-in barefooted visitors . . . so very, very glad . . .

[Chiba]

It sounds like a much more civilised version of a porch. The footbath idea makes me think of the veruca pool at swimming pools - do they have them in NZ? Do they still have them in the UK?

My mate went to a pool here in Japan a couple of weeks back and it had three washing baths. One was a chemical cleaner for his feet, the next some kind of rinse for his feet, and the last was a, err, spud bath. No joke! They made him squat down and dip his crotch in the water. They then told him he had to do warm up exercises - there was a helpful wall chart - before he could go into the pool. At that point he gave it up as too much hassle. :laugh

And he had to wear speedos instead of baggies. And he had to wear a hairnet thing. :roll

[Sam B]

I LOVE the shoe thing (i.e. the way people take them off) because I hate it when people wear shoes in my house but I'm too wet to tell them to take them off. In fact, I don't like it when people ask, because I'm STILL too wet, I usually mutter something like "oh no, don't worry" and then spend the evening glaring at their shoes in a passive aggressive manner. So I love the way kiwis just don't even ask and always take them off - it's great! It's right up there with no tipping for me. 2 reasons to emigrate!

Where I work (Tokoroa) is an area with a very high percentage of Maori families, so I quickly learned to always take my shoes off. I always regret the days when I wear knee high boots or lace-ups, as the parents open the door to me laid out on their step, wrestling with my footwear.

[jubjub]

I always regret the days when I wear knee high boots or lace-ups, as the parents open the door to me laid out on their step, wrestling with my footwear.

Sam, thats why I dont wear any shoes with fasteners hardly any more, its a total PITA when you are trying to carry a baby at the same time! Explains why many people were jandals all year!

[Chiba]

Sam, thats why I dont wear any shoes with fasteners hardly any more ...

Agreed. I used to think slip-on shoes were kind of tacky, but in a country where not removing your shoes isn't even an option, I eventually just gave up and followed the locals. Now I think they're super cool! :D

True story: burglars in Japan who're disturbed by the homeowner coming back early are often caught by the police quite quickly. Why? Because they were walking in the street without shoes - they'd left them in the genkan. Even a burglar wouldn't be so crass as to wear shoes indoors!

[swissmissdesigner]

My mate went to a pool here in Japan a couple of weeks back and it had three washing baths. One was a chemical cleaner for his feet, the next some kind of rinse for his feet, and the last was a, err, spud bath. No joke! They made him squat down and dip his crotch in the water. They then told him he had to do warm up exercises - there was a helpful wall chart - before he could go into the pool. At that point he gave it up as too much hassle. :laugh

And he had to wear speedos instead of baggies. And he had to wear a hairnet thing. :roll

We have very similar washing bath system in Switzerland.
You can't go into any public pools without those desinfection feet rinses.

[holland]

ok, Im still in England, have cream carpets and I have bought some of those plastic blue shoe things that are in baskets when you go to show homes!! guests can either take their shoes off...most don't mind!! or put the blue plastics on.

3 weeks ago a guy came to read my gas meter, I asked him to take his shoes off and he said no, and I had no blue plastics!! I said carpets are cream, its raining and I dont want his shoes on my carpet...he said he couldnt remove shoes for Health and Safety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:uhoh

Ha ha, another funny scenario ( as I am known in the family for being a bit obsessed with my carpets), is that at Christmas an elderly relative came around, I bent down and put the blue plastics on, and then sat down in complete disbelief as his walking stick left black circles accross my lounge!!:laugh

J xx

[Caroline and Dave]

Being that I was in New Zealand for 3 months before going back to the UK I got in the habit of taking my shoes off and leaving them by the door. I now do this regulary in the UK and people think I'm nuts, even more so as we only have wooden floors in our house. But I wouldn't walk around outside without any on


Dave and Caroline

[stu70]

3 weeks ago a guy came to read my gas meter, I asked him to take his shoes off and he said no, and I had no blue plastics!! I said carpets are cream, its raining and I dont want his shoes on my carpet...he said he couldnt remove shoes for Health and Safety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:uhoh


J xx

Happens in Canada too, all the hydro, gas, appliance folks are required to wear shoes at all times. Just provide them grocery bags to wrap around their shoes if you are running out of booties. One guy told me he went to the mall after a call with two Sobeys bags still attached to him. He started to think he was hot when all these women started looking at him only to realize later that he looked like a fool with the bags on! Any how with so much discussion over shoes and such, I am starting to think a lot of folks on this forum have serious shoe fetish :D

[holland]

Im proud of my shoe fetish!!!:laugh

Well, the end result of my story was that he gave me a blinkin torch and told me to do it myself!!!! serves me right!

[stu70]

Im proud of my shoe fetish!!!:laugh

Well, the end result of my story was that he gave me a blinkin torch and told me to do it myself!!!! serves me right!

Some nerve he had eh! I would phone the company and tell them that the "bill is in the mail" for your services :laugh

[holland]

ha ha good thinking!!!

J xx