[SueQiwi]

My husband and I immigrated to NZ from USA in October 2006. We just went back for our first visit since we left. Im afraid that seeing my friends and family again and being a mere visitor in my old life has made me more homesick. It was also such a tease to spend only 24 hours with people I havnt seen in almost a year. (we covered a lot of ground on the trip and only spent a couple of days in each place.) Did this happen to anybody else when they first visited there home country after immigrating?
: ) sue
+ it also didn't help to come back to winter after visting sunny summertime!

[Joanne100]

Thats why we havent gone home for a visit, we would spend too much time traveling from one place to another and very little time with the people we wanted to see.
Way too painful for me to even think about going back for a visit, i miss them all so much but its easier just to think about them , phone them and email them.
Harsh maybe, protective defo, broke my heart saying goodbye once cant do it twice!
Joanne

[Familyofmonkeys]

I think the only cure for those feelings is time. The more established you become in your new life here, the less you will pine for your old life. It takes time for new things to become familiar, for strong friendships to develop and for you to 'let go ' of your old life.

[Aussie Pom]

I have been away from the UK for 13 years and the draw is still the same when you see your family and friends. This last holiday was the first time that we went over and made a point of having a holiday ourselves, not just running around trying to see people which ultimately is tiring and unrewarding. We found that most people were willing to come to us or make arrangements around us. We even rented a cabin in Wales with some friends. It did make a difference because we came back feeling like we had had a great time, rather than feeling like we hadn't done everything we wanted.
I don't imagine a time when I will leave the UK and feel totally happy, however many friends I have in OZ or soon NZ, I think I have accepted that, I know if I went back to the UK nobody could guarantee my happiness there either. It will always be some sort of a compromise.
Gina

My husband however never takes a backward glance! Maybe it is a male thing?

[SueQiwi]

Thanks so much for the responses. Now I know Im not crazy.
It was painful having to say goodbye all over again! I think the visit kinda set me back in my settling into New Zealand life.

[marky]

I think the only cure for those feelings is time. The more established you become in your new life here, the less you will pine for your old life. It takes time for new things to become familiar, for strong friendships to develop and for you to 'let go ' of your old life.

how long do you give for'strong' friendships to develop? the kiwis here are the coldest people i've met despite me joining clubs, voluntary work etc

[Familyofmonkeys]

how long do you give for'strong' friendships to develop? the kiwis here are the coldest people i've met despite me joining clubs, voluntary work etc

Personally I have found people here are very friendly and welcoming.....I suppose my experience is at the other end of the spectrum to you.

[Silverwing86]

Personally I have found people here are very friendly and welcoming.....I suppose my experience is at the other end of the spectrum to you.

I agree wholeheartedly with you on this Familyofmonkeys. I lived in Asia as a child and loved it. Then in The Netherlands (where I was born) for twenty odd years, where I never felt at home partly due to how difficult I sometimes found it to relate to people (initially defensive/disintersted in others). I did build a life there though, and eventually some good friendships as well, but still always felt somehow 'out of place'.

I find it refreshingly easy to connect with Kiwi's. Admittedly I never expected to have 'strong friendships' right off the bat since IMO only time (years, as that's how long it took to shape the friendships I left behind), i.e.; creating memories together, and effort can develop those. I find Kiwi's generally to be warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in others. Fascinating how different people can have such different experiences, isn't it ?

I'm very sorry to hear that you're having such trouble connecting with people here Marky :no. Considering my own positive experiences I find it a real pity that you haven't had the pleasure of experiencing similar and can imagine that doesn't help at all towards a positive settling process.

Just out of interest, have you tried making contact with other immigrants at all since you've been here ? Like minded people who share your experience of moving to the other side of the world and leaving everything you ever knew behind ? After all, making this move is IMO a huge undertaking, which can have unexpected and very unsettling effects upon our lives.

Not sure if this is worth anything to you of course, just a suggestion on my part, thinking that perhaps connecting with someone may help alleviate some of the negative feelings you seem to be having and maybe help lift your spirits a bit ?

I wish you all the best and sincerely hope some positive change will come your way, whether it be here or back home if you should choose to return. Good luck !

Silver

[Pookeko]

how long do you give for'strong' friendships to develop? the kiwis here are the coldest people i've met despite me joining clubs, voluntary work etc

Everyone's experiences vary of course... it might be more difficult for blokes because (generalising) NZ blokes are a bit stand-off-ish (see "strong silent type"). Looking at the way things are over here in UK, I would say people are a lot more social; and seem to be better at just making general chitchat and stuff. Which is one of the big differences that we noticed from being in NZ.

On nearly every occasion over here I have found that talking to other NZers has been like pulling teeth. That's not to say they haven't probably been nice people, just not very talkative and had an attitude like they didn't really want to know. Whereas Aussies, friendly as. Never a moment when they haven't been happy to talk to us and usually always very friendly and chatty. (In both situations I'm referring to people we have never met before.)

I'd just like to clarify that the opportunity to speak to fellow Kiwis is still exciting to us after 6 years as we do not live in London (or Edinburgh or Dublin for that matter); it's about as rare an experience as actually seeing a real kiwi (bird). :laugh

So, that's not really helped you I know, but just to say that I expect it will be quite some time, but that I wouldn't give up coz it's all part of the process. You'll end up with friends-for-life buddies though :D
It's taken me 2 years to really feel like my two best friends here (both English) are indeed my bestest buddies. That's after knowing & being friends with them already for 2 years previously. And they're really nice social people btw (not hard to get to know types :laugh)... it's just me that's the anti-social kiwi stereotype :exit lol