[Bernadette]

Hi
My husband, two sons and myself are looking at moving to NZ from Wales around July/August time next year. My youngest is 18 months so won't really care where he is as long as he got me & his dad. But its my 4 year old I am worried about. He is a bright boy but I just don't know how or when to tell him. I have spoken about NZ if we are looking at a map of the world but haven't had the courage to say "....and come next year that where we are living!"

How did you break the news? How did they react and did they settle when they got there?


Lots of questions, I Know!
Berni

[migratory birds]

I hadn't intended to break the news until much later in the application process but somehow my child, then 7, found out very early on in the game shortly after I submitted the EOI or rec'd the ITA. She was very excited but could never articulate why when asked. In hindsight I'm glad she's known all along - we can talk openly about the country, cultural differences, schools, neighbourhoods, environmental differences re: climate, marine access, bird life, what we're both looking for in a move - and if she had reacted differently it would give more time for plans to settle in.

[Familyofmonkeys]

We told our 4 year old daughter from the beginning. Apart from the usual looking at maps, we talked about spending a long time on the plane....how high up it goes, seeing the clouds....how the 'nice ladies' will bring you meals etc. We showed her pictures of thing in NZ like Sky Tower and beaches. This meant she had things to get excited about seeing, once we got here. We made time to go up Sky Tower in first few days, so we didn't spend all our time doing boring stuff like going to bank, finding rental etc.
I think kids are very adaptable as long as they have an idea of what to expect. Keeping to routines like bedtimes, meals and such really helps the adjust.

[shakyle2906]

Yes, we told our son then 4 about our plans, but had to be selective as parents in law hadnt known until further on, dad in law had been back and forth into Hospital.
There came the time when we had to tell them and then told our son more. He was very excited at the thought of going on a plane and getting a new house, with new toys!!

It was quite hard getting rid of a load of his toys and we did have a few tears when things were 'disappearing' from his bedroom, but we promised he would have new things when we got to our new house.

He has adapted fantastically, we had a few moments when we thought he wouldnt adjust, but he loves it out here ........ does get sad from time to time when he asks when he will see nanna and bampa again.....

He took the long plane journey all in his stride and the move when the family were upset as you can imagine.

The only thing he got slightly upset with was when we first came out he went to kindy but as he had been in full time school before coming out here, he couldnt understand why he didnt go back in the afternoon.

He has made lovely friends, enjoys school, does the hakka which has us in hysterics and just loves it here.

I remember when our residency came through and we had our passports back, he said 'what does that mean mum?' - i said 'it means we can stay here as long as we like', to which he replied, 'thats ok then as i dont want to go back to neath'!!
Hope this helps!!!
Sharon

[peebles16]

We haven't gone yet but have told kids 6 and 3 mainly cos the house is up for sale so they needed to know where we were moving to. I have done much the same as everyone else showing piccies, talking about NZ to them - google earth is great if you know where are moving to. They both seem fine about it and talk about it non-stop. I'm not sure that they understand the distance but they are practising with webcam to talk to grannies etc. I suppose I am anticipating a few problems settling in when we get to Christchurch and for that reason have budgeted me not working for a few months so I can spend a lot more time with them. I'll see how it goes on the other side :)
Karen

[hoffenberg]

wow..!! i had a look at the blog and i feel so happy. my daughter will be 1 years old when we leave for new zealand next year so it wont be a problem

[dharder]

But its my 4 year old I am worried about. He is a bright boy but I just don't know how or when to tell him. I have spoken about NZ if we are looking at a map of the world but haven't had the courage to say "....and come next year that where we are living!"


We decided last December when the older ones where 7, the little ones 3 (they are four now). We told all of them pretty much as we went along and things developed, and we told them where we're at, what is going on, etc.

When talking to the kids, we concentrate on the things that will change in their lives (the boys will have their own rooms for the first time, we will have room for a workshop to do some woodwork, the school has a playing field, there is a beach right down the road from us, etc).

We talk about where the stuff is now (well, where we think it is), what is happening to it, to some extent why. We have looked at the map to show them, but that actually depresses me (it is rather far away, isn't it?).

We tell the four year olds the same things, but obviously they understand differently. The main selling point for them was that we promised them a trampoline in the garden, and they seem happy with that.

Personally, I always opt for telling them as much as they can handle, because I think if they feel left out, or feel that things are going on that they don't know about, they get worried and unsettled.

A small difference though maybe that my partner is a Kiwi, and it was therefore always part of our lives (relatives there, vacation there, etc), and we have talked about moving before.

Good luck,
Daniela

[JoanneG]

My little boy is almost 4. We discuss everything around the children and don't hide anything but of course his understanding is limited. I think he is most excited about going on a plane.
His older sisters have made scrapbooks using pictures from all the stuff we have been collecting over the last year - they are 6 & 8 so this has been great for them.
He was also very interested at looking at houses on Open2View. We did some fun things like look up all the houses with swimming pools and big gardens - just for fun but it gives them an idea of what the houses look like.
If you look up website for individual areas they often have a picture gallery with parks and picnic sites etc.
We have also talked about the things that won't be good such as being on the plane all day and all night and that we might have to stay somewhere we don't like at the beginning - don't want them to think it's all going to be fantastic and then be miserable when the reality isn't what they were expecting.
Most of all we talk about it all being an adventure - we try not to let them feel the fear we feel at the thought of selling up and being 'in limbo' for a while without the security of knowing where 'home' is.

Good Luck

[Andy-Dee]

We went to a forum meet and our 6 year old daughter was told by other children, which made things difficult as she was cross we hadn't told her - quite rightly I thought.

We then we sat her down and talked it through properly with her and she was fine and started to get excited. Taught me never to underestimate her again.

Now she cannot wait.

[nippa&pippa]

We went to NZ for reccie trip and it was in NZ that we told our ds who was just 3half about we are thinking about moving to NZ. He had three weeks in NZ to absorbed the fact we may going to live there and we keep informed him when we got back. He took it well but too young to fully understood properly like grandparents won't coming around regularly.

[thezorbster]

Told our 4 yr old from the start, explained we'd be selling house but she'd have a nice new house somewhere, we'd have to sell some of her toys, she wouldn't be able to start in the village school with her playgroup friends etc etc. She has taken absolutely everything in her stride and has adapted amazingly well. She told me yesterday that she didn't want to go back to England as she 'loves the beautiful views here'. Had her first full day at school today and came home performing the Haka as her school are putting on a 150th reunion do this weekend so she was involved with rehearsals for that. Young kids are incredibly adaptable and accepting of situations so as long as you are upbeat about the situation they should be too.

[Rusty]

We've told our 7 year old son that we want to go, can't do more as we are still hoping to be picked. Explained the outdoors, even more sport (his favourite thing in the world) and that we will be near his cousins - who he was very close to before they moved. Have not said much more because of what he may say to grandparents and until we are picked, nothing is formal. I hope we get the chance to explain further. He has ups and downs on the idea, mostly about friends and family he will see less/more.
The others are 3 and 1, so it just goes over their heads at the moment.

[andrewandjane]

we said to our two ( 3 and 6) "hands up for newzealand" they both put their hands up so we moved here....

said they could bring all their toys as it was our choice to come not theirs, so we arrived with suitcases filled with their favourite toys, and 6 boxes by sea freight and a box each of stuff for me and jane.

boys found it all very exiting and the oldest (6) getS very upset at the thought of going back to the UK now! (weve only been here 7 months) kids are both very settled have some great friends and really enjoy it, they speak to people back in Uk on skype or msn with the webcam, so its all good.

[Tia Maria]

andrewandjane wrote:

we said to our two ( 3 and 6) "hands up for newzealand" they both put their hands up so we moved here....

I'm very impressed! If we ever ask our children to choose somewhere to go they always make a point of choosing the opposite to each other. Of course if they have to choose between toys then they always want the same thing at the exact same time! :D

Out of interest when you get home tonight say 'hands up for the North Pole', I'd be interested to see just how agreeable they are. :laugh

Cheers

Tia

[Familyofmonkeys]

If we ever ask our children to choose somewhere to go they always make a point of choosing the opposite to each other. Of course if they have to choose between toys then they always want the same thing at the exact same time! :D



Well it's not just ours that do that then....:roll

[flatshoes]

sometimes also playing out moving scenarios with their dollies or animals helps too.

[willsken]

Well it's not just ours that do that then....:roll
Great to know mine are normal as well!:roll

[irishliz]

We have been in NZ just over 3 weeks now - and so far so good. Our 7 and 5 year old have settled very well, and have even started school. I was adament before we left that relations etc didn't go on about missing them etc and we kept goodbyes to a minimum. To be honest as far as they were concerned so long as we were with them they were happy. We sold it as a big adventure, had maps and globe out and showed them pictures. Children are very resilient and we felt the more we involved them in the process the easier it would be.

Best of luck!

[ourquest]

Our three boys (now 6, 8 and 9) have been part of our decisions since we first considered moving to NZ. We have a policy of openess and honesty...too many issues are caused when parents try to keep important information from their children. Even if your children are really young, assume they know and understand more than you think and take it upon yourselves to share with them your plans. And not just the details, but your own uncertainties too...that way the will learn how to think through issues themselves when they are older. They will also learn to be open and authentic with people who matter to them from an early age.