[pinkpiggy]

I have really struggled this past couple of weeks. Firstly I had to come to terms with Dan & Amanda returning to the UK, which whilst not a surprise, as I knew Amanda was struggling, iwas a shock in terms of how quickly they did it (in just over a week). I had become used to our chats and regular visits.

Then last weekend I found out my dad (who is 87 and disabled) was admitted to A & E and was left untreated for some 8-10 hours and was writhing around in agony before passing out. I won't go into detail but it revolves around his prostate and catherisation. He was finally seen by a Dr some 12 hours after his problems started. :no

He was allowed to go home the next day but has now gone back into hospital and had another operation (Sat UK time). What is making it even more difficult is that I am having to rely on his neighbours letting me know what is happening. My dad, phoned my brother last week to let him know he had been in hospital and hasn't even had a reply from him, so doesn't know he is back in hospital.

It's the first time since we've been here that I've wanted to be somewhere else. It's been difficult for Sam and the boys as even though I've tried hard I've actually been quite grumpy and quiet. I did ring the hospital but they don't tell you anything and he is unable to come to the phone. All I can do is sit and wait and check my email first thing in the morning for an update.

Sorry for my ramblings but it's been an emotional couple of weeks and I'm trying my hardest to stay positive.

[willsken]

Paula I'm not surprised you feel like this. It must be hard to lose a friend like you have and it doesn't make the whole process of settling very easy.

The situation with your dad must be so hard. It's at times like this you feel the distance. I know it's hard but keep telling yourself to be positive. Look at the good things going on in your life and try and focus on them.

Huge hug from me and positive thoughts for your dad. May his recovery be speedy.

xx

[jubjub]

Your brother does not sound very helpful! Could you maybe give him a remote boot up the jacksy to go and do something? I feel for you, its hard when people are ill and you can do nothing about it, makes you feel pretty helpless.

At least you dad has good kind neighbours.

I was wondering if you were missing Amanda, you guys seemed quite a team down there.

Hugs...

[lockstock]

This is so upsetting, I really feel for you. The touble with trying to galvanise your brother into action is likely to be the accusation that it's ok for you because you're so far away and he's left to cope. I've got that with my brother already - OH has with his sister too - and we haven't even left yet! It's a major guilt trip and it's because you care. You must be in bits with worry. Keep trying to contact the hospital and your brother - it will help you see that you are doing someting positive.

I do hope your dad gets better very soon. We're here for you - so just you go ahead and ramble. It's ok.

G

[Marie P]

Big cyber hugs Paula .

Marie x

[M&J]

Hi Paula

Sorry to here about your Dad, I can't imagine what it is like when your so far away.

If you ever fancy a coffee and a chat just let me know,I'm not working so many hours now if you free in the week, if not a weekend. I am off all day most fridays too.

Hope you get some good news soon.

Jo

[Sam B]

This is where it all gets really difficult - when things start to go wrong back in the UK and you realise how far away you really are. I really feel for you, my Dad is off to hospital tomorrow for an operation on his prostate and he is all alone, I feel a long way away and not much help. Hope things work out ok for you.

[pinkpiggy]

Thanks guys for all your kind thoughts. I am trying to think positive but it's difficult when you don't know what's going on.

Your brother does not sound very helpful! Could you maybe give him a remote boot up the jacksy to go and do something? I feel for you, its hard when people are ill and you can do nothing about it, makes you feel pretty helpless.

At least you dad has good kind neighbours.

I was wondering if you were missing Amanda, you guys seemed quite a team down there.

Sal: The problem is that my dad has now asked me not to contact my brother about his being in hospital. This is the second time he's done something like this and to be honest he's not worth the hassle. Thank goodness for his neighbours.

Yes I am missing Amanda although she rang during the week and is very happy. I can just tell from the tone of her voice that she's made the right choice. They have yet to find jobs although they are both hopeful that Dan will be able to return to his old team in the Police and Amanda may even be lucky enough to return to her old place of work too!

The touble with trying to galvanise your brother into action is likely to be the accusation that it's ok for you because you're so far away and he's left to cope. I've got that with my brother already - OH has with his sister too - and we haven't even left yet! It's a major guilt trip and it's because you care. You must be in bits with worry.

G: I definitely don't have the guilt trip because my brother never made much of an effort to see him even when we were all in the same city. He will jump through hoops for his wife's family but unfortunately as far as we're concerned we come a very poor second. In fact, he doesn't talk to my mother at all (but that's a whole different story).

If you ever fancy a coffee and a chat just let me know,I'm not working so many hours now if you free in the week, if not a weekend. I am off all day most fridays too.

Jo, will definitely take you up on your offer. In fact I've been meaning to ring you to find out how the house sale is going?

[pinkpiggy]

Sam, i've PM'd you.

[marcia]

Paula - first some

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}

I can really empathise with you Paula, I felt just the same in Sept when my grandad died, wanted to be over there not here, and sooooooooo grampy and snappy with kev and the kids.

All you can do is sit tight and be thankful that he is at least in hospital now being looked after, and he sounds to have wonderful neighbours.

Families what a pain, kev's brother was on to me for an hour and a half the other morning, hasn't hardly been in touch all year - now says we are making my mother in law ill, putting pressure on her to get a computer and also make the flight over, and he is having to deal with all the hassle from her!! Scuse me - who has dealt with his mum for the last 7 years, helped her through losing her husband??!! Muggings here!! Its about time he took some responsibility and watched out for his mum for a change, and as to us putting pressure on her - we steer clear of both subjects because it causes too much grief, in fact Kev daren't even mention to her the fact that my parents are coming over for nearly 3 months!!!

My mum is one of 7 and sorting out all the funeral and probate stuff has been left down to her (and my dad)- the others are just sitting with their hands out waiting!!! Well she says they can flippin wait now till she gets back from her visit to see us!

Its the same in most familie you have givers and you have takers!

BUT YOUR CYBER FAMILY ON THE FORUM IS ALWAYS HERE TO LEAN ON!:D

HOPE THINGS WORK OUT SOON AND YOUR DAD GETS WELL QUICKLY!

[Lupin]

Ditto the *big* hugs; no wonder you're feeling rotten :(

Argh to your brother!!!

[Helsandfamily]

Big hugs from me too paula, not just to you but your dad also !

Hels
xx

[jackie m]

Bigs hugs from me too Paula. I'm dreading the day we have a message from UK re parents but hopefully not for a while. Thinking of you xx
Jackie x

[holland]

Paula...huge e hugs xxxxxxx

Has you dad not got a phone above his bed that you can ring?? I know it is really expensive to ring them, but most hospital beds have a tv unti with phone attached and he wouldn't have to get out of bed. I'm sure you've probably thought of this, but just thought I would mention it.

I understand where you are coming from with your brother, sons and daughters just reacet so different in a crisis, I think it is inbuilt as a daughter to 'look after' and protect loved ones....I'd just do what you can do and leave your brother to get on with whatever he is doing.

Can you send an email to the ward with a letter for your dad??

J xx

[nickydwuk]

I really feel for you Paula - dealing with any crisis whilst thousands of miles away is tough and then to combine it with losing a good friend no wonder you are in a bit of a state. As a UK nurse I am sure your Dad is in good hands - as Holland suggested you could always ask for his phone number from his bedside unit - I know they are expensive but at least you would be able to talk to him directly.

They say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your families - if only you could then we would all have great families. Big hugs to you:)

[Danny & Julie]

Paula so sorry to hear about your Dad, it's not easy been so far away.
Sending you big hugs
Julie x

[Smiler]

Big Hugs from me too.

I think most of us dread something like this happening. :no

Do the hospital realise you are calling from NZ, dumb question as I'm sure you've told them though.

If you can't email him, or if he hasn't got the telephone by the bed (you have to pay for this, I'm sure) call the hospital patient admin office and ask if they would pass on a fax (or email) to your Dad. Quicker than a letter and that will cheer him up no end.

I hope he is on the mend soon. :)

[vixxann]

cannot say much more than everyone else but hugs from us too :yes

[Jo Jo]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Big hugs and best wishes.

[Andy-Dee]

Paula
Can I make a phone call for you? PM me if I can help
D

[leachio]

Ahhhh Babes, we miss u too! It has been strange on sat afternoons without the clan turnin up :) You were there hugging me thru the bad times and I will forever be thankfull for that. I would be 1st on hand to hug u right back if I could reach u ;)

Take care and give me a shout any time xxx

[peebles16]

Paula
Big hugs from us too! Can't imagine how stressful it must be for you but if there's anything we can do from the UK to help contact hospital etc I'd be happy to do so.
Take care
Karen

[speckythecky]

Big hugs Paula.

The distance makes things so difficult doesn't it. I know what you mean about wishing you were somewhere else. My sister is going thro Chemo and I miss just phoning for a chat, fortunately she also has a good support network.

Hope you get positive news from the neighbours in the morning.

John

[pinkpiggy]

Thank you all for your offers to help.

Good news. My boss told me to ring the hospital from work this morning, which I did and I managed to speak to my dad. So far so good. His operation has gone well, although he has yet to gain control of his bladder but considering he's had a catheter for 2 years, that's hardly surprising. He was over the moon to hear from me and even managed to crack a joke.

He had a rough night and kept the orderlies in business - he had to have his bedding changed about a dozen times! They've told him that if all goes according to plan he should be home in the next couple of days.

I can't tell you how relieved I am. There's still a way to go but hopefully a less uncertain one.

[Smiler]

That's brilliant news Paula, you must be very relieved. :)

I hope your Dad makes a speedy recovery and is well enough to go home soon. :nice1

Big hugs D x x x x

[victoria]

I hope that hearing your voice will also help him towards a speedy recovery. The power of love eh?

[jubjub]

I am so glad you got to speak to your dad... must help a little bit to get the story from the horses mouth (so to speak)

Here's to a speedy recovery :cheers

[willsken]

Paula I'm so glad you spoke to him. I still think of you and I hope things get back to normal for you soon - get well soon dad!:nice1

[nickydwuk]

Really pleased you have spoken to your dad - must be a great help to him and to you. Lets hope he makes a really swift recovery. Our thoughts are still with you :)

[dilanium]

*hug* *hug hug hug*

I'm sending good thoughts out for your father.

[M&J]

Great news, you must have been so relieved to speak to him.

Lets hope it is a speedy recovery.

[Mels]

[QUOTE=pinkpiggy;161188]
His operation has gone well, although he has yet to gain control of his bladder but considering he's had a catheter for 2 years, that's hardly surprising.

QUOTE]

Hope he's not shy :o :exit

great to hear all has gone well

[Myrkk]

big hugs girl. I'm glad that you've spoken to your father and things seem to be progressing.

[thezorbster]

Paula, only just logged on after a few days and so sorry to hear your news. Nothing to add that others haven't already said but we're thinking of you and wish your Dad a speedy recovery, so glad you've now been able to speak with him.

Take care
S
xxx

[pinkpiggy]

Well, woke up to an email from my dad this morning! They've sent him home. He sounds like he is in good spirits and is going to ring me tonight, after he's spent his first night at home. Will post again later after I've spoken to him.

[peebles16]

Brilliant news Paula and best wishes to your Dad for a full recovery :)
Karen

[Helsandfamily]

Fantastic news !!

Best wishes
Hels

[shakyle2906]

Paula

I know exactly what you are going through, we are going through the same thing at the moment with my dad in law!

He got readmitted last Tuesday and it is so hard being so far away! He has been in and out of Hospital since before we moved over here in April, we even had to say our goodbyes the night before we flew, at the Hospital.

My sister in law keeps us up to date and texts my hubby when things happen but its not the same. Hubby goes into his 'shell' and wont talk about things and how he is feeling and i find this so hard personally!

They never wanted us to come so that in itself has been a huge difficulty. Even after 6mths here we still have the tears at every conversation saying they have nothing to live for since our little one (only grandchild) moved over with us. So, you can imagine calls at the moment with mum in law are even more strained!!

I hope everything works out well for your dad and that you are feeling more yourself soon!

We are told that dad in law will be in hospital indefinetly (heart probs again!) and has to have an op as well as a blood transfusion. So we have resigned ourselves to that now and are trying to get on with things!

Please feel free to PM me and we can both moan at each other!

Take care

Sharon
xx

[Angie and Mick]

Hi Paula

So glad your dad is on the mend. Best place for him is at home.

Does your dad live in Scotland or Leeds? If ever in same situation again and you have problems obtaining information get in touch, and I would try and help.

Will keep you updated on our progress

LOL Angie

[Kim39]

Good to hear all is well Paula. You need to chat you know we are only down the road.


Kim