[Jo Jo]

It’s been a month now since I arrived in New Zealand. On the whole, I am happy, and feel very positive about the future. I do feel a little unsettled from time to time, but when it happens I know it will pass. I just try not to think about what I am missing by being here, and instead try to focus on the positives. And if that fails, I just have a glass of wine (or three…:D ) But the first few weeks are a bit strange, aren’t they? If I hadn’t been reading this forum for so long I’d start worrying that I was going mad sometimes!

It is, I think, quite different coming here as the partner of a kiwi to coming here when your whole family is emigrating. On the one hand, it is much easier in so many ways: I have a ready-made family here, who have helped us so much, and I am meeting friends of my husband’s. Plus, I didn’t have to contend with the whole EOI, ITA, NZQA stuff, (but then I do have to live with a Kiwi for the rest of my life so it all balances out!) But on the other hand, our experiences of this move are quite different – he has come home, and I have left home. I miss my family; he is delighted to be back with his family. I haven’t got any friends; he has lots of friends. Everything is unfamiliar to me; everything is familiar to him. He doesn’t really understand how I feel, as when he moved to the UK it was only ever going to be temporary, whereas this move is permanent. It’s not a great problem, and he is being as supportive as he can, but sometimes I think it would be nice if we were in the same boat, if you see what I mean. But we’re not, and there’s nothing we can do about it, and I’m not moaning, honest – I’m just typing out a stream of consciousness, really. (Actually, I was just about to delete this whole paragraph but I think I’ll leave it just in case someone else finds the same thing when they move here with a kiwi partner).

On a more positive note, I love being by the sea! I love my new house (and I love the fact that property is so cheap compared to Central London). I love that when I went to the shop to buy a fridge freezer and asked how soon it could be delivered the man apologised because he wouldn’t be able to deliver it for another three hours! I love the fact that the people who just delivered my new dishwasher saw my old one and offered to take it away when I said it was broken. I know that New Zealand isn’t perfect, and I’m not expecting it to be, but I do like what I have seen so far, and hope I will be very happy here. Which is good, because when the going gets tough I can’t remind myself of all the reasons I came here; there’s only one reason and that’s because I fell in love with a New Zealander who wanted to come home.

[mgbridges]

Hey Jo Jo, well done on making it through the first month! The first step of many towards being 100% settled.

I've only been here 3mths and you seem to be going through exactly the ups and downs that I did in my first month although I'm not married to a Kiwi (a Yorkshireman in fact) and we both came here as immigrants. One of the other mums at school who came her from SA 15yrs ago (married to a Kiwi) said to me if you can survive the first 3mths your doing great, after 1yr it will get easier and after 3yrs NZ will feel like home. So when I have wobbly days I don't worry too much, its just going to take time....

Anneliese

[victoria]

Very thought provoking post Jo Jo. I'm glad you didn't delete that paragraph because there certainly is bound to be others that may well identify with you.Thanks for sharing with us & good luck.

[Helsandfamily]

Thabk you jo jo - Hels

[Mickstim]

Great post Jo Jo - thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings! Hope things continue to get better.

Barbx

[dharder]

Which is good, because when the going gets tough I can’t remind myself of all the reasons I came here; there’s only one reason and that’s because I fell in love with a New Zealander who wanted to come home.

Gosh, you almost made me cry here! I should print this out and re-read it whenever I wonder what on earth I'm doing and why...

I wonder what it will be like, all new for me, no friends, no family (sniff), unfamiliar with territory and customs (and not the most positive attitude to begin with). But I wonder if after 12 years away, NZ is going to be what my partner expects. Has your partner found it to be very different? Have you (maybe it is too early) encountered any of that 'reverse culture shock'?

I keep pointing out to my partner that 12 years is a long time, and maybe things have changed, and people have changed, and you can't just pick up where you left of a decade ago. But I guess only time will tell.

Do keep us posted :)

Daniela

[Jo Jo]

My husband was away for 12 years, too. On the whole I think he is loving it back here - he has been fishing, and diving, and barbecuing and doing all the things he loves but couldn't do very often in the UK. I'm not quite sure what his views are about how NZ has changed since he has been away as his circumstances are very different now to when he left - he was a farmer before and now he is running his own business, and we are living in a different place to where he used to live, so he's not picking up where he left before. Plus, of course, he's now much older! But before he came he was worried that NZ would have changed so much since he left that he wouldn't actually like it. Luckily, that doesn't seem to be the case.

As for me, there has been a little culture shock, but from reading this forum, I knew it was likely to happen, so it has been more culture surprise than culture shock :D . It's mainly little things that are the most unsettling - like not knowing what day the rubbish is collected and that we had to buy special bin bags from the supermarket to put the rubbish in - just not knowing how to do things. And not knowing whether something is a good deal or not because I don't know how much things are supposed to cost - that sort of thing.

I have been reading and re-reading Sam B's thread (http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?t=9987) from when she first got here where she described really well her feelings about the unfamiliarity of the everyday and it has really helped me. (Had a lovely weekend with Sam B and her family last weekend - she's even funnier in real life than she is on the forum. And it was so nice to not be the only Brit for a change!)

I have also found that even though I am happy here in general, small things really throw me. I was talking to a driving instructor last week who is a Brit and has been here a year, and she told me she was living with friends, and I felt quite jealous that she had friends here - I wish a few of my friends would move over here. And my niece turns 3 on Saturday, and when I thought about that I just felt so sad as I'm not going to see her so often now (until recently my sister and her family lived in the same block of flats as me, and I saw my niece virtually every day, although they moved out before I left the UK so even if I was still in the UK I wouldn't see them as often). But I am having many more ups than downs.

I am finding facebook a real life-saver - it's such a great way to keep in touch, especially with people that you aren't so close to.

And my cats are LOVING it here. I was so worried about the journey, as they are very nervy cats, but although they were very wide-eyed when we picked them up and yowled for three hours in the car on the way to the house, they settled in really quickly. They have eaten most of the daddy-long-leg spiders (hurray!) and have cleared the cobwebs from nooks and crannies with their whiskers. And they are loving the food - they've had crayfish, scallops, snapper, and are being spoilt rotten.

[Gemini]

JoJo you've put it all so well. We arrived 27th September but like you I came with my Kiwi partner who was coming home (after 22 years!!!). In some ways its similar, his family have been so welcoming and helped us a lot, but those little things do catch you when you least expect it.

Because he was away so long its actually been a period of adjustment for hiim too, he'd forgotten how cold the houses can be etc. All in all though, I'm pretty happy here and hope I remain so, our cats have settled really well too and a lottery win would just top it all off :)

[Sam B]

Aw shucks - we thought you were great too!

I know exactly what you mean about the little things you don't know. It shocked me after a month when I realised I didn't know what the emergency services phone number was, or where the nearest A&E was etc, plus not knowing how all the services work like bins and councils and all that stuff that you just KNOW by osmosis if you live in England.

But glad to hear that things are mainly positive, because you are defo not allowed to leave NZ until we have got our Henry Hoover that you kindly brought for us in your container!!

[jspokes]

Hey

Have been reading your posts for a while and found them all very relevant and useful as we're going through the partnership application as we speak. But my other half is a Jo Jo too!

I'll be in the same boat as you when we arrive sometime in 2008 so can completely appreciate how you're feeling. Even now it all seems so far away.

I've not got much family left in the UK, my folks and bro (hey a kiwi-ism!) are in Spain, aunties in USA. Plus I left the UK 5 years ago, so not many friends I'm still in touch with to miss. We have made a decision NOT to live in Jo's home town for a number of reasons, so we will both be in the same boat friend wise when we arrive, although Jo does have her family there of course, which will be a big help.

Every hoop we've been jumping through has had it's challenges and I sure do feel the stress of it all sometimes, but I can just imagine in around 2 years time, once we're settled, have some friends, know how to DO most of those little things that you are struggling with it will all be worth it. Of course the process will never be over, but will just get easier over time.

So next step IRRV eh? Best of luck to you both. Good luck with your container!

Jon