[nickydwuk]

After spending the last 12 months trying to convince my OH to agree to moving to NZ we finally submitted our EOI last week. Up until now the kids have been ok about it. My 16 yr old has said that he would miss his girlfriend but knew NZ had a lot to offer. Then today he visit's his grandparents (the outlaws who will not discuss NZ 'cos it upsets them) and apparently begins crying because he doesn't want to go but doesn't want to let us down.:wah I spoke to him last night and he was ok about the move. Concerned about his girlfriend but her parents have said she can visit and when she leaves school if she wants to come to NZ permanently she can. Not sure practical that will be but it is an option. I have also told Mark that after 2 years when he has his IRRV he can return to the UK if he wants. So what do I do? OH has now said that if Mark is not happy about going he won't go :mad: We haven't yet spoken to Mark - OH has been working and is too tired tonight to discuss it rationally. Just as I think everything is going ok something happens to stop it. The one consolation is that OH has said we will definitely be going to NZ if not this year then in a couple of years - but then my daughter is likely to be too old to go on our application and my youngest son will be in the same position as Mark is now. Help - I am going slightly mad :eek:

[benandclare]

OOoohh never easy is it!!

Don't know if this is helpful for you and yours but just to let you know that my 16 yr old son Sam is coming over in June to live with us - currently staying with his dad (although he always lived with me/us before the big move). Thought it may help your son to know he will not be the only 16 year old newby Brit in CHCH.

Clare x

[Andy&Carol]

Nickyduck, I was in exactly the same situation in July, I REALLY sympathise/empathise and anything else that ends in 'thise'! All I can say, from my experience is pull right back - you've got time, be low key and just wait and see what happens.

If you feel you want to you're welcome to pm me and I'll share our experience of the combination of NZ and a teenager in love!

Love Carole x

[colandros]

My 17 yr old doesnt want to go. Its a very tricky situation.
we have no one here for him to stay with (well no one i'd trust)
and it is a very worrying situation.
He's gone along with everything upto now (medicals etc) but we can only wait and see what happens.
The worst thing is getting critisised by my older brother (who has no kids of his own) who berates me and says how meen and unfair we are being to our son. Like we dont live his anguish and feel for him. Its just that we're looking further than a year ahead and i know when he's older he will be glad we made the move.
(Sorry for ranting on)

[willsken]

What a horrible and frustrating situation for you to be in. My oldest is 14 at the moment and I think we'd have the same problems as you if we waited another couple of years. I don't know what the right thing to do is because it is such a delicate situation. The only thing I can suggest is to ask him to give it a year in NZ and then agree to assess the situation. Hopefully by then he will be settled and happy there and won't miss the UK. It also sounds as if he doesn't want to let you down and in the end he may go because of this. Maybe it sounds mean to guilt trip him into it but if you are sure this is the right move for him then as his parent maybe you have to. 16 still seems very young to be making huge decisions. The best of luck, whatever you decide. :nice1

[Tomsk]

I'm in a very similar situation, teenage son age 16 has recently met his first proper girlfriend, and of course he's all loved up and hormonal...............and has changed his mind about NZ! Hubby starts his NZ job in Feb, I'm only delaying our departure until late June to allow son to sit his GCSEs first, and we've been planning this move for well over a year.
We're going, son knows this, everything's pretty much in place now, but boy is he laying on the guilt trip.
I have no answers or advice, I'm struggling with it all myself, but just to let you know you're not the only one having problems convincing teenagers.
Good luck with it.

[nickydwuk]

Thanks for all the support & stories - it does seem a common problem with teenagers. However we have resolved our problem :clap. Mark's main worry was leaving his girlfriend - he accepted that NZ was the best option for him, his brother & us and wanted to go but the hormones & emotions were strong. Although her parents have said she can come at Christmas (if they have the funds) Mark's main worry was not being here for her 16th birthday on 16th September :no . We had planned to leave end of August so I could start work mid Sept. We have agreed to try to compromise - if I can delay my start date until beginning of October we can fly out after 16th Sept allowing them to be together for her birthday. He is happy about this and this would mean we will be going with 2 happy teenagers instead of one happy & one miserable one. So a good reult all round :raebanana

There is light at the end of the tunnel - it's just that sometimes the tunnel is longer than you think !!!

[Andy&Carol]

Good news! Kids eh - they never stop giving us something to think/worry about! Callum's (18) reason for not wanting to go was the girlfriend - he also believed that NZ would offer him more than the UK. Teenage years are angst ridden enough without having to make these kinds of descisions. In the end his descision was made for him because they split up (amicably) I've given hin strict instructions NOT to fall in love for at least 6 months!

We've all decided that if we're not ready to go by July then we won't go at all because Ryan (19) has a place at uni over here starting September and Callum will continue with his college course over here.

C x

[Steadybears]

Oh boy I read this thread with heavy heart - we have an 18 yr old who has a serious girlfriend - but he sems keen to go and get going in Uni next year - but do feel so sad for him with all his friends from Nursery school all going off to Uni this week here in SA. Girlfriend still young and still at school but - first love!! So hope we doing the right thing - he keeps saying hes happy with the decision. So we going and sure to give it 100% to make it work. Hope we can meet up with some others on forum who have boys Andrews age - so he can settle in quickly.

Good luck to everyone with teenagers - guess we all need it!

Jayne

[Andy&Carol]

Jayne, that's a lovely post. Meeting up with our teenage offspring would be great, they can support each other too. Just need to get there!

Carole

[nickydwuk]

Meeting up with our teenage offspring would be great, they can support each other too. Just need to get there!

Carole

I have suggested the same to my son - but he is reluctant. He is like his dad, quite shy with people he doesn't know. Prefers to make his own friends. However if the families met as groups who knows???

[Steadybears]

Hi Carole and Nickydwuk - we all in the same boat and am sure we can have a get together for the teenagers and even better for the Moms - we leave in March having just received our PR today - hooray - so will be waiting for you all to get there as well. Good luck for the move - think we all going to meed each other.

Jayne

[nickydwuk]

Sounds good to me Jayne. Where are you going to settle? We will be in Chch area.

[benandclare]

Hi Carole and Nickydwuk - we all in the same boat and am sure we can have a get together for the teenagers and even better for the Moms - we leave in March having just received our PR today - hooray - so will be waiting for you all to get there as well. Good luck for the move - think we all going to meed each other.

Jayne

Hey thats :raebanana :raebanana :raebanana :raebanana time for the PR

[homertonian]

Our boys are 17 and 18 and we have come to an arrangement that is they want after the 1st 6 months they can return to England as long as they can support themselves and return for a further 6 months to meet visa requirements. They are happy with this and have been making (wholly unrealistic idealistic) plans for their return. We then just hope that when they get there they will settle and not want to return here. My eldest has already said he does not think his brother will want to return as he makes friends quickly and is not deeply attached to anyone as we have only been in Newmarket 5 years. His 'best', mate at the moment he has only known for 6 months. My boys tend to share mates being close in age and interests so will be able to do things together in Auckland. The down side for my eldest is that he is in a signed band and his first album is in the shops next month, however tey have 23 date tour in the summer and don't get along well at the best of times so that may come to a natural end in time for him to move on without regret. He recognises that the band will nor support him as an adult and wants to retturn to college next year doing more music tech.

[homertonian]

So hopefully things will all work out ok. We have naughtily dangled the possibility of a car in front of them as well as we here public transport is ot the best in Auckland. Mind you it is pretty rubbish here but they manage. Fingers crossed for us all. Has anyone experienced there kids going back home to uk. How did it pan out??

[gonzo]

Hi there,

We have been in NZ nearly three years and have two sons currently aged 19 & 17. They were happy to come to NZ but last year the eldest expressed a desire to return to the UK to study for a degree as rightly or wrongly he did not feel that NZ Universities were up to the mark (he was concerned that the 3yr courses in NZ did not qualify for honours grading as in the UK)

Whilst he was fortunate enough to be offered places at top UK universities he did not qualify for UK course funding and was not eligible for a UK student subsistence loan and therefore would be treated as an overseas student as apparently you need to be resident in the UK for three years prior to the commencement of the course "the three year rule" to qualify. We were told that as we had permanent residency in NZ and no place of abode in the UK that there was no basis for appeal. We remain UK citizens but despite all our protestations, including a letter of support from our ex local Member of Parliament to the Department of Education for we have been unable to get the decision overturned.

Needless to say this has caused considerable distress.

Just something to remember for those dangling the carrot of a return to the UK to their teenage progeny if the move "does not work out"

[victoria24]

homertonian... off piste a bit, whats the band called?

[Potato]

Hi there,

We have been in NZ nearly three years and have two sons currently aged 19 & 17. They were happy to come to NZ but last year the eldest expressed a desire to return to the UK to study for a degree as rightly or wrongly he did not feel that NZ Universities were up to the mark (he was concerned that the 3yr courses in NZ did not qualify for honours grading as in the UK)

Whilst he was fortunate enough to be offered places at top UK universities he did not qualify for UK course funding and was not eligible for a UK student subsistence loan and therefore would be treated as an overseas student as apparently you need to be resident in the UK for three years prior to the commencement of the course "the three year rule" to qualify. We were told that as we had permanent residency in NZ and no place of abode in the UK that there was no basis for appeal. We remain UK citizens but despite all our protestations, including a letter of support from our ex local Member of Parliament to the Department of Education for we have been unable to get the decision overturned.

Needless to say this has caused considerable distress.

Just something to remember for those dangling the carrot of a return to the UK to their teenage progeny if the move "does not work out"

Very valuable information there for many people I'm sure. I am quite shocked that it turned out that way.

It's true that 3 years in NZ universities does not give you honours, it gives you what in the UK is called an "Ordinary Degree", which would put you in the minority. But I don't think it's a huge deal to be honest, as the experience of living abroad would make up for that (if he were to seek work back in the UK). In general I don't believe that the academic content of NZ degrees is lower than in the UK. This is from a science perspective.