[ourquest]

One of the most frustrating aspects of choosing to move to a new country is the strange feeling that developes soon after your decision, whereby you no longer feel comfortable or at home in your exisiting country.

I am sure that most go through this in one way or another, and I wondered what particular ways you feel you are coping with it now or coped with it before you moved?

I think any suggestions will benefit us all. I'll start.

[ourquest]

To be honest, I don't really have a way of coping and that is why this particular emotion frustrates me. Having said that, concentrating on my own interests which are not dependent on where I live does help, as well as finding ways of switching off my mind (through music, or a good book for example). And in a strange way the negative reports which are written about NZ help a bit too, because it reminds me/us that a move of this nature is by no means an end in itself, and that the new life will just be a bit different, that's all.

But I would prefer to carry on life here as if we were not about to move (not exactly made easy by all the process and need to sell houses etc) and the resistance we have to doing anything remotely dangerous (in case we jeopardise our plans) is bizarre. Where we live has some inherent dangers anyway, so this doesn't really make us want to be here any longer than necessary. To overcome these kind of thoughts is an ongoing process and really takes work, and it can put a negative spin on the whole goal (and this despite me having a particular interest in positive philosophies and psychology, which might just have come through in some of my posts to date...).

Let's see what some group wisdom can produce from other contributions :) .

[Jo Jo]

I coped by getting married 5 weeks before we were due to fly to NZ. That took my mind off it nicely....

[holland]

I coped by getting married 5 weeks before we were due to fly to NZ. That took my mind off it nicely....

:D That would do it!!!

Living in Limbo is awful...I remember it well and still feel like that a little now and we are here...I suppose I just live through it and get on with it...I find just being honest with myself and those around me about my emotions always helps, if i feel happy I smile and laugh...if I feel sad I just cry and feel it!

Unfortunately the limbo feeling is part of the process...it is hard...I felt like I didn't belong in the Uk towards the end as the house had gone and our belongings we're on their way and we just had suitcases...and here, months down the line, we still just have our cases...I think I just 'accept' that being in limbo, as horrible as it is...is all part of it...

J x

[Gemini]

I coped by getting married 5 weeks before we were due to fly to NZ. That took my mind off it nicely....

I got married 5 weeks after arriving and that worked pretty well too with all the planning to think of :laugh

[jshack52]

Hi

Try to just go with the flow. We have just moved to NZ and have been here a week. We were trying to sell our house for 2 years (the sale fell through several times due to stupid first time buyers) and it was hell but i just kept thinking i will be in NZ one day. We spend the last 2 weeks in our house before we flew out on the 9th Jan with 2 plates, a couple of knives, 1 pan and a blow up bed and to us it was the best 2 weeks ever. Once you have your visa it is the best feeling in the world and nothing can get you down and we have had to do it all with a small baby and no family to help.

My only worries were once we were on the plane and i began to thing oh no what if it is not like i have imagined and it is not as great as we thought but I can assure you that now we are here it is the best decision we have ever made.

The kiwis are the most friendly people you can ever meet, NZ is just as nice if not better than we thought and the weather is better than we thought it would be in the summer. Everything so far is great. I know it has only been a week and we may have rose tinted glasses on but i just think always think positively, see the best in things, dont worry about the move and how you will cope.

If you take each day and each task one at a time (and believe me there are enough of them) in no time at all you will be here and you will never look back. You will only struggle if you are a glass is 1/2 empty kind of person.

Wishing you all the best with your emigration.

Regards

Jess, Alan and Isabelle Shackleton

[Mickstim]

We are trying to remain positive but have to admit that with every set back with selling the house we get slightly more depressed. I will be looking with interest to see what coping skills others use!

Bx

[Familyofmonkeys]

I know that feeling very well. It is the waiting that gets me...when you know that you are definitely going...you just want to get on with it and have it all planned. Personally I coped by 'doing'...anything that would help us on our way...that could be packing, paperwork, anything useful that would facilitate our move......positive steps :nice1

[blearyjane]

It's challenging in our house, especially as my glass is always half full and OH's is always half empty!

In our situation we know that a number of things have to slot into place before we get to NZ - and I just remain focussed on the next piece of the jigsaw! However, sometimes even I get that ' we will never do it' feeling - which reminds me of a little ryhyme...

"Everyone said that it couldn't be done,
But she gritted her teeth and set to it -
And she tackled the job that couldn't be done,
And she couldn't do it!"

Let's hope that's not how it really works out!

[nickydwuk]

Now our EOI has been selelected we are in the same boat. The way I get through it is by doing all the jobs that need to be done -I have my 'to do' list and think that every time I finish something that is one step nearer to NZ. The house goes on the market this week and although the market isn't brilliant we live in an area that is in demand by a particular culture so the agent is confident that it will sell quick. As we don't want to complete the sale until September we have given ourselves plenty of time. Time will fly and before we know it we will be getting on that plane!! :clap

[vixxann]

The kiwis are the most friendly people you can ever meet, NZ is just as nice if not better than we thought and the weather is better than we thought it would be in the summer. Everything so far is great.

I think one of the best ways to keep going whilst living in this awful limbo time is to read posts like this one above...
Also keep positive, stay focused, do anything you can to prepare (sell stuff on ebay, de-clutter, organise photos) And keep looking at SamBs excellent photos to remind yourself what you are waiting for ;)

[gil]

"Everyone said that it couldn't be done,
But she gritted her teeth and set to it -
And she tackled the job that couldn't be done,
And she couldn't do it!"

Let's hope that's not how it really works out!

What about the girl who set to the task that everyone said couldn't be done, but 'cos she didn't know it couldn't be done, she did it! :D

Our main strategies were "doing" and following an old precept that has served us well many a time: be where you are. Part of the frustration is the negative emotions attached to not wanting to be "here" but to be somewhere else. We've found that by living fully where and when you are, it minimises the frustration.

Gil
x

[brightonbean]

Just another way to look at it... I'm trying my hardest to find time to catch up with all those friends we know we're not going to see for quite a while, and even then probably only once or twice again in our lives, if we end up staying in NZ. There's a lot to look forward to, but quite a bit we'll miss too. I'm determined to make these last few weeks count and enjoy the time we have left here before our exciting adventure begins. Not sure if that helps at all!

[Tia Maria]

I know that feeling very well. It is the waiting that gets me...when you know that you are definitely going...you just want to get on with it and have it all planned. Personally I coped by 'doing'...anything that would help us on our way...that could be packing, paperwork, anything useful that would facilitate our move......positive steps :nice1

I did this as there really is tons you can do that can make your first few weeks a lot easier.

And we also balanced it with sightseeing in our own country. This involved some big trips to places we'd always wanted to go to but it was also quite nice to enjoy the local things that we'd stop 'noticing' - like lunch at the local pub with the children feeding the ducks afterwards.

We also made time to do stuff for others. We sorted out a lot of things that needed doing round the house for our parents, I had lots of girlie nights and did things with friends we'd always said we'd do but never found time to. I made an effort not to say things like 'before we go....', as we had plenty of time for the stressful goodbyes later. My friends and I treated it more as a 'seize the day...' kind of thing.

You do get to the stage when you have searched the internet so much it can offer you no more, no more new houses, no more new forum posts, no more information websites. This really is the time to say 'tonight is an emigration free night', either go out to dinner, or get a take away and hire all of Johnny Depp's film, whatever you enjoy but with no emigration talk. Its a bit like banning talking about the children when you have the odd night out.

Cheers

Tia

[Familyofmonkeys]

And we also balanced it with sightseeing in our own country. This involved some big trips to places we'd always wanted to go to but it was also quite nice to enjoy the local things that we'd stop 'noticing' - like lunch at the local pub with the children feeding the ducks afterwards.

I had lots of girlie nights and did things with friends we'd always said we'd do but never found time to.

We also did these things....lots of trips to various local parks and meals out with friends etc. Even managed a few girlie nights with newborn baby in tow....didn't want to regret missing opportunities while we had the chance!

[jubjub]

I was pregnant for the last couple of months before we moved, so that distracted me a bit, and hubby came over 6 weeks before i did too, so I dragged my mum and dad up to stay!

Prior to that was a bit awkward, as until we had our PR confirmed we didnt want to tell anyone our plans, but at the same time had to make preparations, preening the house etc, not planning anything too far in advance.

We did manage a holiday with each set of parents, even got mine to a foreign country for the first time!

[dharder]

I was just in complete denial about the whole thing.

Actually, to some extent, I think I still am :)

But seriously, for the most part, I lived as if we didn't leave. I did manage to meet a few more people than before because I made the extra effort, but in general, I decided not to put my life on hold, or do things differently.

Daniela

[Potato]

I think that in the modern world, we have too much time to think about ourselves. So to solve the limbo problem, I just tried to get on with things and not think about it all.

[Lara Croft]

Like one of the other posters, I arrived here a week ago, and still feel in limbo! I am living out of suitcases and have no actual home (unless you count the hotel I'm staying in...)...

Also my hubby and little'un will not be here for another month, so I don't really want to go out seeing all the sights until they get here, so that we can experience everything new together.

That probably sounds very muddled, but it is fairly late in the evening!

Jane