[Croft]

OK, I've just finished watching (on BBC iplayer) an episode of the BBC series "Wanted Down Under" following a family from Scotland who wanted to emigrate to NZ. Well, I say family. The Mum and Step-Dad (together with very small child) wanted to. The 13 year-old girl was dead-set against it as she said she'd miss her (real) Dad too much.

Life in the UK was difficult for the parents, Dad working long hours, Mum often working nights, very rarely seeing each other and not being able to afford the kind of house or lifestyle they wanted. They appeared to be running themselves into the ground. The programme took them to Dunedin and the parents loved it, the houses they could afford, the lifestyle, the Mother could get a job in her field but with much better working conditions for near enough the same pay, and the Father a job outdoors which he wanted to do. Even the 13 year old started to waiver, but by the time the end of the programme came she voted against leaving the UK as, again, she said she'd miss her Dad - the Mum supported her so that was that.

Now, I'm talking as someone who has, as yet no children so I'm finding this whole concept rather difficult. To me it seems for the sake of this 13 year old the whole family has had to sacrifice their dreams and future happiness (and I suspect their health too given their work lives). Is she spoilt? Are they being realistic given they'll have several years of a very unhappy teenager making life hell for them? Will they regret it in a couple of years when she gets over this phase? Am I being to hard nosed about this (I moved a lot abroad as a child, and there was never any hint that I'd have a choice in the matter - nor did I expect to!!)?

[5kings]

Hi

I suspect the main problem here would be that she would miss her Dad. I have three kids, and the oldest (9) isn't too keen on our plans to move to NZ, but in her case it is down to missing her friends, and I may sound selfish, but she's 9, and will get over it!

If it was something like missing a parent, that becomes more complicated, but I didn't see the programme and it woulod depend how much contact she had with her Dad etc.

I personally won't be letting my kids make decisions like this, but then we are going out as a family (Mum and Dad both together) so it's a different situation. I reckon parents of teens will have more informed opinions than me though!

Helen

[James 1077]

I moved around a lot as a kid and never had any say over it (although when I was older I was involved in the decision making process).

Yes, it can be hard as a kid having to move away from your friends but one of the good things about being young is that it is VERY easy to make new mates!

My wife saw the Dunedin episode and thought that the kid was extremely spoilt and thinks that the family should have moved regardless of her wishes. At the end of the day a flight back to the UK to see her Dad once a year doesn't cost a huge amount of money if booked far enough in advance and the Dad could always come out and visit as well.

[Croft]

Thanks for your comments. Just watched the second NZ episode (can you guess I'm waiting for code to build at work?) with the family from Hampshire. This time it was a 15 year old girl not wanting to go (the younger sister seem relatively enthusiastic), but despite her reservations she had a much more realistic attitude, saying it was really up to her parents and they'd do what they thought best for the family. Having thought "another spoilt brat", I was actually very impressed with her attitude in the end.

5kings - the girl from the previous episode had regular contact with her father. To me he seemed a bit strange though!!

[river11]

I've seen this episode and it must be hard to be separated from her dad so can understand, but at 13, is she a bit young to spoil their chances of a new life?

At the end of the day a flight back to the UK to see her Dad once a year doesn't cost a huge amount of money if booked far enough in advance and the Dad could always come out and visit as well.

Unfortunately a flight back once a year if not earning a lot of money is hugely expensive as she wouldn't be going alone so it's probably the whole family going back so it's just not viable. It's a tough one for the dad also making him shell out 1000's to see his daughter once a year when it's not his decision for her to be taken away. They knew all this before they went on the programme though, so it may have just been a free jolly at the expense of the BBC (and you and me).

I've got a daughter who is 100% against moving she's nearly 15 and a son who's 12 who's not that keen. The other 2 are 5 & 6.
The 15yo is mad on horses and would love to move to the countyside with some land, but it's totally unaffordable in the UK especially in Cheshire. I've always wanted to live out in the sticks (my OH did for several years in Scotland) as I hate surburban life. We all want a change in life and NZ ticks so many boxes for us which the UK can't offer.
So for her we could have a house with land and own a couple of horses but she's still totally against it and doesn't even want to go on our reccie trip, it really is hard.

[Croft]

I've got a daughter who is 100% against moving she's nearly 15 and a son who's 12 who's not that keen. The other 2 are 5 & 6.
The 15yo is mad on horses and would love to move to the countyside with some land, but it's totally unaffordable in the UK especially in Cheshire. I've always wanted to live out in the sticks (my OH did for several years in Scotland) as I hate surburban life. We all want a change in life and NZ ticks so many boxes for us which the UK can't offer.
So for her we could have a house with land and own a couple of horses but she's still totally against it and doesn't even want to go on our reccie trip, it really is hard.

My heart goes out to you river11 - having seen these episodes I can just imagine what you're going through. Have you always lived int he same area? I quess you daughter feels she's she'll be leaving all she is familiar with, and not realising how easy it is at that age to pick up new friends.

[Red Devil]

... it can't be easy at all, we too live in Cheshire and like most things in the UK everything seems to cost a fortune. If only your children could appreciate that moving to NZ will give them more opportunities, just as many friends... and in a safer and healthier environment.

We're fortunate that our little one is only 5 and at that age is taking everything in his stride... if we don't do this move to NZ now then quite simply we'll never do it. We reckon we've got 5 years for us to say "well this is home and this is where we're staying"... for the foreseeable future that is!!!

It's not easy and I sympathise with all those having family issues with regards moving to NZ... it's bad enough having your ear bent listening to parents :roll

[Rusty]

Thanks for your comments. Just watched the second NZ episode (can you guess I'm waiting for code to build at work?) with the family from Hampshire. This time it was a 15 year old girl not wanting to go (the younger sister seem relatively enthusiastic), but despite her reservations she had a much more realistic attitude, saying it was really up to her parents and they'd do what they thought best for the family. Having thought "another spoilt brat", I was actually very impressed with her attitude in the end.

5kings - the girl from the previous episode had regular contact with her father. To me he seemed a bit strange though!!

There has been a discussion about them (the ChCh visit). Turns out the programme was very edited, the family went in Jan this year after all.

[river11]

Red Devil, I'm of the same opinion, if we don't do it now it'll never happen at all and we'll spend the next part of our life telling everyone we once thought of moving to NZ.

I used to live in Liverpool but moved when I was 20, moved to manchester, moved back to Liverpool then over to Cheshire, I think in total it's 6 moves in 20 years. The OH even more than me.
As my daughter is into horses she doesn't mix with anyone at school it's just people who have interests similar to her, but she thinks were ruining her life (sod the rest of us she thinks). She is probably the only one (apart from NZIS) who'll put a stop on the whole thing and I'm worried resentment will kick in.
My son plays rugby and tennis so I'm figuring he'll adapt a bit easier and being in a club environment I find really helps you to socialise and mix with people easier, (as well as having kids).

As for parents, thats another story...