[Belmont Babes]

Hi everyone

My Husband and I were talking this morning about how stressed we both feel. I understand it is part of the course with so much to do and so many emotions but we have both seemed to lose our spark, if you know what I mean? I'm really not a needy person, usually, but would just like to ask if this is normal at the end of the process (it's been 15 months so far)? Also will it be worth it and will the spark come back soon? I guess I just want to know that others have felt exactly the same :uhoh

Thanks, a bedraggled Nat :wah

[Mels]

Hi Nat,

I've looked at this forum about half a dozen times this am.. My mind is totally distracted all I can think of is NZ. I've forgotten to do so many things this week the kids think I'm going batty.
Spark? I couldn't even muster a fizzle.

I found myself pacing about, I just want to get the paperwork that people promised confirming exams - not here yet. I need an OK on all our medical tests. I need someone to buy our house.

Our process has been about 18 months and it has taken a large chunk of my time even when OH was still waiting for job offer. Now it is getting to crunch time as we have to be there in May, it has become an all consuming preoccupation.

I think we are perfectly 'normal' and this is part of the 'process'.
Just imagine what you will be doing in a few months time having settled in to NZ. I feel lifted just thinking about it. So the spark is still there just flattened out of sight at the mo. :exit

Rambling is something I do often too.

Mels

[Jo Jo]

Oh yes, completely normal, don't worry. My move to NZ had been planned for 3 years, and in the last few months before leaving I woke up on many days saying, "I don't want to go. I don't want to go." The whole process is so tough and stressful that you are bound to feel jaded at times. Will it be worth it? Well, that depends - for some (most?) people it is, and for some people it isn't. I have been here for four months now, and I don't regret my decision to move here at all, although there are days when I do feel dreadfully homesick. On the whole, though, I am very happy here, and I have noticed I wake up in the morning and jump out of bed ready for the new day, rather than tryng to snuggle down for more sleep. My feelings of homesickness weren't unexpected, and knowing others who have resettled successfully have felt the same helps.

Someone told me before I came that no matter how it turned out it would be a win win situation - either my new life in NZ would be happier than my lfe in the UK had been, or it wouldn't be and I could go back to the UK and really appreciate my life there anew.

Anyway, sorry for blathering on so much. I am sure your zest for life will return again soon.

Good luck!

[Caroline and Dave]

Hi Nat,
I feel for you and everyone else going through this major change in your lives.
There is so much stress involved in emmigrating, even we, who usually take things in our stride found the whole thing very stressful. I do a lot of meditation and although it helps it was still a very stressful thing which does drain you.We find in NZ, although we still have problems and challenges (Especially where building is concerned) we are able to take things as they come and deal with them at a more leisurely pace.
I don't know of anyone who did not find moving to the other side of the world stressful. Once you are here at first it will seem like you are on holiday but then gradually you will start to settle in. Most of the new friends we have made here who had emmigrated tell us that it was really about a year untill they could really relax and become part of NZ although we feel we are relaxed now but I know what they are getting at. Everyone is different and some will settle quicker than others but we all go through the stress factor which is perfectly normal.
Enough of my waffling, I am sure that you will be able to settle in very well and I will be thinking of you all the way

Kindest regards

Dave and Caroline.

[JandM]

All good wishes.

[Mickstim]

Yes Nat - absolutely. Same here! Michael is particularly stressed having to give in his notice at work when we haven't exchanged (but we can't wait for that to happen). I sometimes think 'oh, let's just stay here cos I can't be dealing with it all'

But last night my 3 year old grandson in Tauranga phoned me to tell me he had a tape measure and was measuring everything and ended with 'Love you, Nanna'. And I can't wait to get there!!

I used to lose weight when I was stressed but seem to be putting it on these days. Thank heavens I've passed the medical!!

B x

[Mels]

Barb - I know how Michael feels.

OH has given his notice in and we haven't got PR yet let alone sorted the house. We had to do this as he has to start work within 3 mths of getting visa. OH calm as proverbial cucumber while I'm pacing the floor :uhoh

Mels

[heatherc]

Hi - glad I'm not alone at feeling stressed. We haven't even made our final choice whether to stay in UK or go to NZ (OH has had a job offer in NZ, but has another final interview for a different job here in 2 wks. He's a kiwi with indefinate leave for uk, so can choose either). Think we'd be better here financially but he wants to go home. 3 kids to consider, no idea how we choose!

[JandM]

You're saying your oh 'wants to go home'. All of this is so much a matter of gut feelings. None of us is happy for long on the grounds that, 'I've got enough to eat and drink and a roof over my head.' We're after other things as well. In a family who would be all going together, it must be tough balancing the wants of the different people.

[peebles16]

Totally normal Nat and Mels. I was totally frazzled by the end of it all and we had christmas and New Year to say our goodbyes - not a spark in sight!! I think it was a real mix of emotions but I always wondered why I didn't fell more 'excited' about the move rather than the OMGs!! I also felt I had to keep trying to be bubbly and up for family and friends who were worried about us going. Now we are here I do feel the spark is coming back - in fact I do remember feeling lighter somehow on the plane. No mean feat when I was travelling with the kids :D But yep spark is coming back although it's not been long here in NZ for us yet and I, as expected, do miss family and friends dreadfully but getting there..

I suppose what I'm trying to say is even though it's early days for us is yes it's worth it and overall I do feel good about our move :)

Take care
Karenx

[Rusty]

Totally agree about the stress and feel for anyone in the same situation.
We don't notice it until we miss a little sleep or have a harder day and then we 'bite' with the kids too easily when we should let things go - obviously followed by guilt and wondering if we are doing the right thing, and so on.
I think the trouble is that it just takes sooo long and because nothing is gauranteed until the magical blue stickers, we have only told a few people and of those, not many are happy and want to talk about it. Talking is probably what we actually need, someone else to share our dreams with and hopefully show it makes sense taking our family to the other side of the world. That's where ENZ has been invaluable, other normal, sane people making the same rational decision.
Does anyone else just want to stand infront of their house/friends/school playground and just shout out what you want to do and be rid of a secret?
Looking forward to getting there and being able to chill out with some of these :cheers

[holland]

Hello,

I just echo what everyone else has been saying really....I lost my spark...When I was back in the UK I was walking on the beach and saw someone I hadn't seen for a while and she said 'gosh, you have lost your bounce'....I looked at her a little strange and she said 'normally you are like tigger, really upbeat and here, there and everywhere and you seem to have lost it'.....suffice to say I went home and cried!!! ha ha

But I think I am back!! When you are sorting all of the stuff out in the UK, it is such a mountain of stuff, you feel like it isn't going to end or get done, but then you know it has to!!!! Nat...what you are experiencing is the norm I promise....it may be a while longer until you are feeling like your usual self, but it will happen xxxxx

Stay strong and you know where I am !!

J xx

PS- When we meet up over here...we will be walking on the beach....munching some biscuits and you will wonder how you got through all the stress back in UK....but you will have done and you'll have made it!!!

[Lupin]

Totally normal and I'm afraid the rollercoaster doesn't stop once you land. Over a year in and I can honestly say the last two years have been the toughest and most exhausting of my life.

No regrets though :)

[willsken]

Yup, I felt the same way. Come the end when it was all sorted and the flights were booked I really started questioning whether I wanted to go. Felt very down for a while. Like Lupin said, it doesn't end when you get here either as there are new stresses to deal with once you arrive. Now, just over a year in I can say we are all settled and happy. :D (Still miss family though).

[shakyle2906]

Things have been hard for us too.

We made the decision to move over, having 6yrs previously paid an absolute fortune to emigrate to Australia, then i fell pregnant and parents in law talked us out of it. We have kicked ourselves ever since.

When we told parents in law about our move, they went mental............ it was very nasty!! We talked about still making the move, and decided that yes we would, its our lives and our future after all.

The last few weeks we were so busy with things, we didnt have much chance to think. I think it hit me the night before we were due to fly and we were actually laying in bed talking and i though 'its really happening, we are going to NZ tomorrow..........'

The next few weeks were up and down, sorting things over here, hubby starting his new job( me and little one spending days just 2 of us and me feeling quite lonely), then me looking and eventually starting work, little one starting school, buying our house..........

I think Christmas i felt the worst, the lead up to it just wasnt the same, i am usually so hyper and like a child, but couldnt get into it, to the fact i dreaded Christmas, even listening to the usual christmas songs had me welling up.

But, it was great and we havent looked back!

Things will work out, its like everyone says, just needs a bit of time!

Sharon
xx

[Belmont Babes]

Well a huge thank you to everyone, those lovely words are just what we needed to hear. When I feel down again I will go back and read these words again.

Barb - Paul hands in notice Monday, yes scarey stuff

Jade - you're a diamond, get choosing those biscuits

Love Nat X

[Pip]

Someone told me before I came that no matter how it turned out it would be a win win situation - either my new life in NZ would be happier than my lfe in the UK had been, or it wouldn't be and I could go back to the UK and really appreciate my life there anew.


Good luck!

Just wanted to say that that was exactly our way of thinking. we didn't want to spend our lives always wondering "what if", and we figured if we came and it wasn't for us, then we'd be a lot more content with our lot back in the UK. yes - we'd have lost a shed load of cash in the process, but at least we'd we wouldn't be wondering whether the grass was greener....

[nickydwuk]

My 'spark' seems to have disappeared this week too. Possibly something to do with wanting the house to sell so that I can tick that off my to do list and impatience 'cos I just want to be there. I can't talk abuot it to many people. In-laws don't want to know, I only see my mum occasionally and no one at work knows yet as I haven't got my PR or sold the house yet. Plus I have had some really days at work this week. It is nice to know it is normal. :wah

[Lupin]

Are you moving to beautiful Hawkes Bay Nat?

[brightonbean]

stressed? nah... i've been awake since 4am and trying to achieve things rather than keep running things through in my mind, but there ain't much you can do on a sunday morning! sympathy to everybody in the same situation, it's horrid, but we're doing it for a reason, and eventually we'll reap the benefits. at least, I hope so!

nzis now want to look into my OH's medical before issuing visa, which is going to delay our job start and flights, means we have to put our stuff into storage here before it ships, and we'll be homeless in two weeks, with a one-year-old and me 24 weeks pg! apart from that, plain sailing. it'll make a great dinner story though. another glass of pinot with that? oh I think so.

[Lupin]

It'll come good BrightonBean- hang in there :)

[brightonbean]

Thanks Lupin. I guess if we wanted a quiet life we wouldn't be doing this in the first place! OH very good at positive thinking and perspective. I'm just good at worrying, but it does get me moving!

[Mels]

If it's any help I was pacing the floor at 4:30 this morning too. Like you fretting over selling house and medical results. I know we have been on the house market a very short time, but I feel pressure from deadlines for starting work and school for the kids. We have yet to return our ITA, hopefully soon.

keep positive

Mels

[Sam B]

I actually think the emigration process is the most stressful and life-changing thing I have ever done - even more so than having children in some ways.

[Mickstim]

Oh heck, Brightonbean - you have a load on your shoulders! Hope it all works out.

Our stress levels have just risen again due to second offer on house and not knowing what to do but we are hanging in their by our finger nails and drinking more wine than we should!

Bxx

[Lara Croft]

I am normally a calm & organised sort of person, but the last 3 weeks before I flew out to NZ.... OMG I wouldn't have believed it could be so stressful!!

We had the Christmas period to pack up our stuff, and say goodbye to family & friends, and tie up all the hundreds of loose ends that needed attention... we barely slept the last week, hardly ate, just collapsed on the settee with a large glass of wine, then fell into bed for a few hours. Consequently, I was living on caffeine and alcohol, and totally (physically and emotionally) wrecked when I finally staggered onto my flight from Manchester. Hubby and little'un had already set sail, so I wouldn't see them for 6 weeks... that was pretty hard too...

The first 2 weeks were tough. I was on my own here, and felt almost agoraphobic at first... but I had to get myself sorted, start work etc.
Now, 6 weeks in, and things are so much better. I feel like pinching myself as I travel into work and look at the beautiful Wellington harbour - I find it difficult to believe we finally made it here. It still seems like a dream!!!

Hang on in there, it will all come good in the end :)

Jane

[Mels]

Jane,

I am amazed at how well you coped, moving out on your own and starting work etc. I don't think it's something I could do.

You deserve some bananas for bravery. :raebanana :raebanana

Mels

[peebles16]

Great and honest post Jane thanks for that. Summed up exactly how I had been feeling before we left. Thankfully it's all getting better now we are here :)

Cheers
Karenx

[Lara Croft]

We've confirmed a date for our container delivery - this Friday! Whoopee to finally get all our goods back.... and another hefty dose of stress to look forward to....

It does get easier though :)

And having managed by myself (I wouldn't have thought I could, but it's surprising what you can do when you have to!), I feel braver and more confident than I did - so it has paid off all ways round!

I arrived on the Wednesday evening, and took posession of my hire car on the Friday - I was sooo nervous about driving it, it was ridiculous! I just wanted to hide away in my motel room, but I knew that I had to drive into Wellington on the Saturday (to collect my cats), so I had to get out there. I've been driving for over 20 years in England, I have no idea why I felt so nerve-wracked, but I did.

I had some very wobbly moments the first couple of weeks, and still have blips, but I think that it to be expected, so I just try to 'ride them out' - so far the strategy is working!

Thanks for all your good wishes - quite honestly, the support and friendliness of the forum kept me going at first - it was an absolute lifeline.

Jane
x

[RamblingPaddies]

we've 10 days left before we travel - passports still with NZIS in london - no communication from them whatsover ... know exactly how you feel

[Kate D]

Can't work out if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I've been "forced" into doing this so fast. I think if I'd had 18 months to think about it and plan it I'd have found more reasons not to do it! As it is, I accpted a job offer just bevore Christmas and it's been all systems go since just after then. I'm so glad now now that I actually took a week's proper holiday then to recharge my batteries. I've got just under three weeks to go at work, four weeks before I fly out, my house went on the market only a week ago, still to sort out shipping quotes (tomorrow) and sell my car... Oh yes, and acquire a work permit (boss has promised the late requirement form will be with me tomorrow, NIZS here I come AGAIN on Wed.).

Did the big family farewell thing at the weekend at my parents 400 miles away for 18 of us - too busy prepping food and socialising for the enormity of the situation to sink in thankfully. All I know is I am permanently tired, not getting anywhere near enough sleep, drinking too much wine and have put on a ton of weight with comfort eating and sugar cravings. But at least I'm less flustered and more focused on the omni present lists than even two weeks ago and in spite of what's still to do, I am steadily ticking things off.

Oh yes, and my addiction to this forum has probably done more to a) keep me going so a thousand thanks, and b) terrify me for all the things still to do be done! But at least I know the scale of the problem that way:-) For better or worse I'm a project manger and I just keep telling myself this is Project New Zealand, and work my way through the lists... I've done some stressul projects but this just about takes the biscuit. But it seems most people come out smiling on the other side. I sure plan on being one of them! It's rough but it's temporary, and the rewards will soon be ours. She says through gritted teeth...!

Kate

[Lara Croft]

:) Yay for another PM... it definately helps when going through the detail and all the plans!

I thought of it as Project NZ as well, and even constructed a schedule in MSP (how sad is that...). Good luck Kate, it will all come together in the end, and you can catch up on your sleep when you get here!

Jane

[Kate D]

Ah well Jane - I can at least say I don't have an MSP plan! Well not on paper anyway as I'd get too much stick from colleagues otherwise..:-) But in my head I do, and everything is worked backwards form the end date of going out there. So, on a critical path analysis approach and applying contingency, it seems that shipping is a competitive market so with almost four weeks to go I'll get someone, even if I pay a premium, and my house can sit empty and unsold for a while after I've gone!

Oh boy, I actually said "critical path" there on a public forum didn't I? I'm clearly WAY further gone than I realised...::(

[Lara Croft]

I work in Welly too, started a job there a month ago. Where are going to be working? PM me if you'd rather not say in open forum!

Jane

[holland]

My system for remembering everything was bright yellow post it's on the fridge....I covered it!!!

[shakyle2906]

Can't work out if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I've been "forced" into doing this so fast. I think if I'd had 18 months to think about it and plan it I'd have found more reasons not to do it! As it is, I accpted a job offer just bevore Christmas and it's been all systems go since just after then. I'm so glad now now that I actually took a week's proper holiday then to recharge my batteries. I've got just under three weeks to go at work, four weeks before I fly out, my house went on the market only a week ago, still to sort out shipping quotes (tomorrow) and sell my car... Oh yes, and acquire a work permit (boss has promised the late requirement form will be with me tomorrow, NIZS here I come AGAIN on Wed.).

Did the big family farewell thing at the weekend at my parents 400 miles away for 18 of us - too busy prepping food and socialising for the enormity of the situation to sink in thankfully. All I know is I am permanently tired, not getting anywhere near enough sleep, drinking too much wine and have put on a ton of weight with comfort eating and sugar cravings. But at least I'm less flustered and more focused on the omni present lists than even two weeks ago and in spite of what's still to do, I am steadily ticking things off.

Oh yes, and my addiction to this forum has probably done more to a) keep me going so a thousand thanks, and b) terrify me for all the things still to do be done! But at least I know the scale of the problem that way:-) For better or worse I'm a project manger and I just keep telling myself this is Project New Zealand, and work my way through the lists... I've done some stressul projects but this just about takes the biscuit. But it seems most people come out smiling on the other side. I sure plan on being one of them! It's rough but it's temporary, and the rewards will soon be ours. She says through gritted teeth...!

Kate


I know, it takes youre life over doesnt it!!! Many sleep less night had by me whilst hubby had no sleeplessness at all. We did it in just over 6 weeks from start to finish and when i look back now i wonder how the hell we did!

Good luck

Sharon
x