[holland]

Hello everyone,

Have any of you got to NZ, felt strange and unsettled, given it some time, still felt the same,.....so then put it down to renting...bought a property...but ended up with the same unsettled feeling?

Feel strange at the moment, difficult to put into words:confused:

[holland]

or ( on a more positive note!!!!!) bought a house and the unsettled feeling went a little???

[lockstock]

We rented at first and hated it. It didn't help that we didn't have our own furniture (any furniture actually!) but the thought of all that dead money was awful. We had to 'buy' ourselves out of the contract but the landlord was very good about it really. We could have been stung for the whole amount. We bought very quickly and like the new house although it's a world away from what we left in Mid-Wales. I suppose it would be though wouldn't it?

I can't say that I'm totally settled but I'm not sure I know what that feels like anyway. I try to think about what I'm missing in the UK and it's only really the cats we had to leave behind. I looked at my old school on tinternet last night and that felt a bit weird. I think it's the old 'life goes on without you' thing. Why hasn't it closed down now I am no longer there???


We're not going back so we're going to have to settle. OH was in the Royal Navy so he's used to being on the move.

Give it time I suppose.

[holland]

Thanks Lockstock...

We will be staying in current rental for 6 months and then we will take it from there. I really can't explain what it is I am feeling. I put on another thread, that I kind of feel like I am waiting for something...but there is nothing to wait for as this is it...I am living in NZ! Maybe it is because we all have to wait for so many things to click into place before we get over here...that the feeling lurks around for a while!!! I don't know!

It is just over 3 months for us now...and I have surprised myself at how composed I have been...but this last 2 weeks I have noticed a real change...I'm quiet and subdued and unable to articulate what I am feeling!!!!

J x

[phatsharpie]

It's very normal to feel unsettled after any major life changes. I've heard that it takes over 6 months before a person feels comfortable for a new job. And that's not just a job, not moving to a brand new country! So I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel "strange". I'd just acknowledge it and give it time.

-B

[sizzlingbadger]

I think that 'unsettled' feeling is some times you don't have a project or goal to work towards anymore. You're here over the emigrating part that (probably) consumed your life for up to a year or more.

We found the same as lockstock - moving into our own house settled us back down again. We've moved again since and I've already got the itchy feet back after 6 months :exit Hoping now I'm back at work it'll start to settle me down and re focus. As a stay at home mum for the past 7 years I've got to find myself again and that's not easy :uhoh

[zardell]

I tend to look at it this way...

Whilst we were back in our homelands, even though we were going through the trauma of this immigration roller-coaster ride and all the uncertainties that went with it, we were, to a certain degree settled into a continual, familiar, everyday existence. No, it may not have been where we wanted to be and the goal we were aiming for was NZ, but nevertheless where we were at was 'home' and therefor a relatively comfortable and secure place to be whilst we awaited the start of our 'new life'

So we arrive in NZ and nothing is familiar, so what do we do? Well, we rise to the challenge and embark on yet another, if somewhat different roller coaster ride and try to settle. Some of us enjoy the ride whilst some others of us wish the ride would slow down a bit so we can take stock. Then the remainder of us just want the ride to stop so that we can get off and have a bit of peace!!

And (if I'm honest) I think that word 'peace' is the crux of the matter. Personal peace means different things to different people and purely because of it's subjective nature we can only begin to imagine what peace would mean to us as individuals.

You're not at peace at the minute Jade because of all the problems you are having with your shipment and I'm sure that there are other factors in your life that may be proving more difficult to come to terms with than you expected, so who could blame you if the thought 'Why the heck did we do this?' fleetingly or otherwise passes through your mind? I know it's passed through my mind on more than one occasion !

I suppose that we just have to accept that the immigration ride is less troublesome for some than others. Some immediately feel at home,whilst for others this feeling of being unsettled is par for the course.

All I can say is that I hope this feeling soon disappears both for you and any others feeling the same.

Julie

xx

[ourquest]

The post above (Julie) is very well put and applicable.

I would just like to add that it is an unfortunate fact that if we are not happy in our existing lives then a big change is in most cases unlikely to provide us with happiness either.

"Emigration materialism" is all about believing that when we are in New Zealand then we will be happy.

The lesson to be learned? Understand that wherever you are, right now, is the only existence you've got, and this will remain true for the rest of your life. Let go of the need to change anything, and appreciate what you have. By all means make plans, progress etc but recognise that those things of true value can still exist in you even in your last few moments on earth when all future plans and material wishes will seem a bit pointless.

This attitude is not easy to gain. It requires constant awareness and work, but you carry the result with you always once it is achieved. Inner peace, as Julie noted, is the goal here. It makes everything else acceptable.

[mgbridges]

Have any of you got to NZ, felt strange and unsettled, given it some time, still felt the same,.....so then put it down to renting...bought a property...but ended up with the same unsettled feeling?

In a word - Yes!

I could ramble on about it all but to be honest Julie has expressed it all in a much clearer way than I ever could. The added thing I'm finding is that having visitors to stay for 3mths only 3mths after we arrived and only 1mth after we moved into our own home made the settling in process feel like it was 'on hold'. So despite having been here for 6mths in a lot of ways it feels like we have only been here for 3mths.

We've been a little caught out by the cost of living and are having to do some fairly major budgetting and re-evaluating on that front. I also keep thinking we purchased a house too quickly given the current state of the market despite the fact I know we got a good deal. I'm also having to think about who I really am as I've gone from a being a fulltime working Mum to a SAHM and its hard to adjust.

And... and... and... Ok I'll admit I over analyse things and am somewhat of a worrier, anyway I am now rambling so I'll stop, suffice to say you are not alone.

Anneliese

[Sam B]

Well, I felt very unsettled for about 4-5 months, then bought a house and got my stuff and then .... felt settled.

[thezorbster]

Buying our house was the best thing we could have done. I couldn't wait to get out of our rental as it just wasn't a home. I now have such a feeling of calm as I turn into our road and drive down with fantastic views of the Western ranges, then turn off the road over our own little bridge to our very own home. I feel so settled now we are in it, I've unpacked photos and pictures which I just couldn't face in the rental. My house has made a world of difference to me. It is a home! :)

ps - that's not to say I don't still get the occasional wobbly moment but those moments are few and far between and usually caused by totally unexpected things.

[oldest]

I know the feeling well. But I live with the positive thought that it is only temporary and tommorrow will be a better day. Small steps and one day you will feel settled and not even realise that you no longer felt any other way.

[northernfive]

Buying our house was the best thing we could have done. I couldn't wait to get out of our rental as it just wasn't a home. I now have such a feeling of calm as I turn into our road and drive down with fantastic views of the Western ranges, then turn off the road over our own little bridge to our very own home. I feel so settled now we are in it, I've unpacked photos and pictures which I just couldn't face in the rental. My house has made a world of difference to me. It is a home! :)

ps - that's not to say I don't still get the occasional wobbly moment but those moments are few and far between and usually caused by totally unexpected things.


Yup - same for us, we were renting for 3 months when we first got here, it was pretty hard-going and probebly the most unsettled we have ever been in our lives, of course it really didn't help that our container was delayed and we had just our suitcases to live out of and three children to keep happy - when I look back at it I don't know how we coped. I guess the important thing to always remember is you have each other and that 'this too shall pass' ......(like having three under 5's on the flight from UK to NZ !!!:D :uhoh )

Now, 10 weeks after moving into our own home (which folks back in the UK said we were mad to buy so soon) and it's the best thing ever. We have all our things, the kids are very settled into a rountine and so are we.
Apart from the missing family, which I do a lot, life is as near perfect as we ever thought it would be.
We were realistic when we started this journey - we new it was going to be tough and it has been, but now we are starting to feel that yes, it was all worth it.
The best advise I got when we were about to leave the UK was from my Dad, who said "you've got each other and if you work at it together it will always come good".

[Pugwash]

Hi,

this is myfirst post on this forum for 4 years! So I have had time to settle.

For those that may have read some of my earlier postings I can tell you that time changes everything. I am settled now. I never thought I would be and used to feel quite bitter about my experiences.

When we first came here we had a terrible experience in our first rental, a better one in our second rental, but only started 'living' once we bought a house.

We moved again 2 years later 'cos our chosen rural lifestyle was not conducive to networking and making friends. Our kids felt a bit cut off too.
So, we moved again, to a new sub-division. Great house, nice area but not 100% what we wanted ultimately. A great investment tho! We had a great two years, during which time we accumulated a host of new friends and contacts and really established ourselves.

We have just moved again to something and somewhere that we know is right for us. I reckon that's the important factor in settling. And our friends are still with us - our social life is just so much better than in the UK.

In my opinion, some of us tend to arrive in NZ and want to try all of the things that weren't available to us at 'home' - and why not? But they aren't always right for us? We did the rural thing -sheep, chooks etc - then beach, and now have settled on a hillside, in a great house with great views. I think this'll do us for a while.

Putting down roots helps you settle. Even if you uproot from time to time...

Brian (Pugwash)

[Red Devil]

... I understand where you're all coming from. We're hoping that our move to France 18 months ago will steady us for such a big move to NZ. I've mentioned it before in another post that although I appreciate you can't compare the 2 moves... France & NZ, it should at least prepare us for the task in hand. Sure, when we were in France we had parents and friends only 700 miles away, but the reality is France was in fact a difficult move for us mainly due to the language barrier and how slow they do things over there, but strangely enough we've learnt from it.

We lived in a rental before moving to France, as we sold our UK property in August '05 and had half of our belongings put in storage, so we know what it's like to be without personal belongings for a period of time. We're also currently living without our belongings now, as we're back in the UK and living at our parents whilst trying to sell our French property, so you can sort of see where I'm coming from... once we hit NZ soil then having all of our belongings back again will feel like heaven, even if it's initially in a rental... and when we buy again, well that will be bliss :D

It's common nature for the human mind to always look back on where they've come from, but you've made this move for a reason and at first it's going to feel strange and uncomfortable. I guess you've got to take the positives from it all and live for the moment... afterall life is too short. I guess the big uncertainty is will NZ ever be home, for good... I'll be surprised if anyone can answer that in the early months or years of moving.

Enjoy it... you've made it over :nice1