[spid]

:laugh Okay, I'm happy with the education system in NZ all the way from kindy to Uni, I am happy with damp houses, I am happy with hoons and grafitti, I am happy with NZ. I am a happy thing, thining happy thoughts, and doing happy things. I am happy. :laugh

But . . . can anybody give me stats on those youngsters that are leaving NZ after Uni or before, and those that stay. DO you have any personal experiences with your children and what they did post 18 years? Do those of you with teenagers feel confident your children will stay in NZ or will you encourage them to leave and explore the world.

Thanks

[JandM]

No stats. But some first-hand knowledge.

My Kiwi d-i-l is one of four sisters with dual NZ/UK nationality, their father having emigrated with his family as a small boy. All four sisters travelled overseas post 18. The eldest only ever intended to do a short-ish trip, and while in the UK met the fellow Kiwi who became her husband. They went back home and are raising their family there. The second sister is a high-flier in finance who has lived in Asia, the US and Europe, but is currently based in London with her partner. My d-i-l spent a year travelling in Africa, then settled in England and worked there for two more years, with no particular plan but to see what happened next - which included meeting my son and marrying him. After a trip back to NZ for both of them, they lived in England for another couple of years, then decided that NZ had more of what they wanted in the way of opportunities for themselves and of the lifestyle they wanted for bringing up future children, so they travelled back, visiting India, Burma, Thailand and Malaya on the way, and then having a working holiday in Australia while waiting for D's residency (partner basis) to come through. The fourth sister worked for several years with the Olympic organization, and travelled all over the world in that job, but is now recently married with a small baby, back in NZ, again because she preferred the kind of life available for children there.

So, the three of the four who so far have children have decided their NZ roots are the place for them in that situation.

[spid]

Thanks for that - that is exactly the sort of info I'm after. Mine are presently 13, 11 and 8 (ggb) and whislt I fully believe that NZ is the best place for us short-term I am worried about losing them all to other coutries and rarely seeing them (one of the reason for considering this move - boarding school for both girls from Sept (eldest already there) as we lead such a transitory life with the forces and it's very hard to get them into good state schools when constatnly changing areas). We are looking at this long term also.

Anyone got any more anecdotal experience?

[migratory birds]

I am worried about losing them all to other coutries and rarely seeing them

That is one of my concerns, too, Spid...will my child grow up and want to emigrate to another country just like her mum did 10-20 yrs earlier? Will I be facing the prospects of seeing her leave NZ to seek greener pastures just as my dad and brothers may be seeing us leave to move to NZ?

Well, I've already decided...I'll just have to follow her!

[spid]

That is one of my concerns, too, Spid...will my child grow up and want to emigrate to another country just like her mum did 10-20 yrs earlier? Will I be facing the prospects of seeing her leave NZ to seek greener pastures just as my dad and brothers may be seeing us leave to move to NZ?

Well, I've already decided...I'll just have to follow her!

Ha, ha - we thought of that too - but I have 3 - can't follow all three if they end up in different counrties. This has been doing my head in over the last week. But I've tried to think about it logically. They may go away - but they will probably (hopefully) return again. It's a biggie really. ANd quite worrying what with NZ wages being 'uncompetitive':roll and house prices being high in comparision:no . And in the end it all has to be considered.

[Flo jo]

I also discussed the possibility that our son would disappear back to the UK & I came to the same conclusion as Migratory Birds & declared that our son would be the only man on his OE with his mum in tow. And hubbie thought I was joking!!!!

[spid]

I also discussed the possibility that our son would disappear back to the UK & I came to the same conclusion as Migratory Birds & declared that our son would be the only man on his OE with his mum in tow. And hubbie thought I was joking!!!!

Apart from a year or so OE - do you think he will go? How old is he now?

[mgbridges]

My son is only 6 but I've already resigned myself to the fact that one day he is going to want to go and do an OE. Hopefully it will only be for a year or so but I've had to accept the fact that he may want to settle in a different country to the one his parents are resident in. Assuming we are still in NZ I'm trying to console myself with the fact that all the Kiwis I met in the UK said - yes we go on OEs but at the end of the day most Kiwis go home to breed! :laugh

Hopefully by the time he goes on an OE he'll feel like a true Kiwi and will 'come home' when the time is right. If not I'm going to have to deal with it and be supportive. I've been so wound up by my mother's reaction to us emigrating and she has made it so hard on us that I'm determined NEVER to make my son go through the same feelings.

As one of our fridge magnets says - 'Count your blessings every day until they're grown and flown away'

Anneliese

[Flo jo]

My son is still only 3 years old but I think these feelings also came from my mother who made it clear that he will go & take any grandchildren away from me, just like I did to her. I just know that I will definitly be a lot more supportive to him whatever he decides to do in life.

[JandM]

As you'll see from the above, we saw our son leave to set up home on the other side of the world. When he first started talking about this woman from New Zealand, I just knew that she was the one for him, and that he'd be going home with her one day. Of course it hurt, but we love him, so we wanted for him what he wanted for himself, and she's lovely. Everyone hopes their children will be independent-minded people as adults, so it's no use putting fences round them the first time their wishes aren't what you'd choose yourself - all that does is make them desperate to get away. If as they grow, you can gradually change the relationship to become a friendship, then that's the best chance of being included in whatever they decide to do longterm. If it turns out to be in another country, at least these days there's much easier travel and communication than ever before. Thanks to webcams in both houses, our grandchildren, then 3 and a bit and 18 months, instantly recognized us at Auckland airport last year, and came straight to our arms. Distance in kilometres doesn't matter if there's nearness in hearts.

All that said, when we can (because of responsibilities to the older generation), we hope to spend some time physically nearer, too, which is why we joined this site.

[spid]

Guys, thanks for all of this - it sort of exactly what I expected and dreaded, and I know I need to come to terms with. I am a very over emotional mother I think I need to loose those apron string s and encourage them to go so that they feel free to come back to me.:yes

[JandM]

Guys, thanks for all of this - it sort of exactly what I expected and dreaded, and I know I need to come to terms with. I am a very over emotional mother I think I need to loose those apron string s and encourage them to go so that they feel free to come back to me.:yes

All the best with it. And along the way, remember to give some time to being your own person, following your path, as well as their mother. It helps, honestly. (But being emotional is part of being a mother for most mothers - what varies is what you do about it.)

[willsken]

You could try reverse psychology. Mine are 11 and 14 and I tell how much I look forward to them leaving home. They both assure me that with house prices the way they are they won't be leaving until they are 30!

I'm only joking of course, it's the thing most mothers dread but in the end we have to let them go, just so they will come back to us.

[JandM]

in the end we have to let them go, just so they will come back to us.And of course, this is true wherever in the world we are, whether the family have moved countries or not.

[Tia Maria]

This is something that has concerned me, especially as I know NZ wouldn't have suited me in my late teens/twenties.

So I'm firmly in the, 'if they go, I'm going with them' camp. OK well I'm not literally going to go with them but I think if I do have one in the UK, one in OZ and one in Hawaii (:) ), then I've got some great holidays lined up. As I like traveling I think it will be great to go visit, then head off for a bit of our own sightseeing.

The major obstacles I can see to this are money and health, but I think its worth saving up for and there isn't a lot I can do about my health (note to self - start exercising!).

Having spoken to numerous Kiwis on the subject it seems that the ones that don't return from Europe don't because they have met someone. And those that don't return from OZ, either like the money, have met someone or are gay.

It often seems to me that there are some siblings that love to fly as far away as possible and others that are home birds. Some thrive on adventure others find contentment in what they know.

Being the former, maybe I should be worrying that all my kids will stay in NZ but I'll be off to pastures new!

Cheers

Tia

[Carey]

We look at it that if we stay here in UK, the kids will surely head off to NZ as they've already been there, know we love it and yes they may meet someone there or they may not! Likewise if we ever get to NZ they will surely return here at some point; if you love them, you have to let them go!

[All Aboard]

Thinking about my own child leaving can only be a small indication of how my own parents (and in laws) must have truly felt when we have told them were off and taking their grandchild with us. It must have been heartbreaking. Yes if you have supportive parents (like we have had) it does make it easier (only slightly - I miss them dearly as they do us).

Its a nice idea to think that if our children move to the country of origin where we have moved from, or anywhere else for that matter, we could move with them but as an example how could you afford to move back to the UK in say 20 years if you have lived in NZ for all that time - I know this happens. Ladys 2 sons are moving to the UK, leaving her and her husband here (who is quite poorly) She cannot move - she simply cannot afford it. They are both retired

[thezorbster]

When I told my Mum I was emigrating she told me that she had given birth to me in order that I could be a free spirit and live my life the way I wanted - she waved us off with love in her heart but a tear in her eye and was totally supportive of our decision, no matter how much that was hurting her inside. I hope that when the time comes, if it comes, then I will be as supportive of our daughter as my Mum, and in-laws were for us. I never want her to go (she's only 5 so we're talking a few years yet!) but feel it is probably inevitable she will want to stretch her wings and fly a little. I just want her to be happy!

[Tia Maria]

When I told my Mum I was emigrating she told me that she had given birth to me in order that I could be a free spirit and live my life the way I wanted - she waved us off with love in her heart but a tear in her eye and was totally supportive of our decision, no matter how much that was hurting her inside. I hope that when the time comes, if it comes, then I will be as supportive of our daughter as my Mum, and in-laws were for us. I never want her to go (she's only 5 so we're talking a few years yet!) but feel it is probably inevitable she will want to stretch her wings and fly a little. I just want her to be happy!

On an intellectual level I agree, but on an emotional level I am a long way off from that point. I suspect though it has a lot to do with having young children who need me 24/7 and once they've reached the teens and started to become their own people it will be a 'shorter leap' (although probably still not an easy one), to letting them go.

(runs off to start her 'following her children all round the world fund' :exit )

Cheers

Tia

[willsken]

and once they've reached the teens (although probably still not an easy one)

Cheers

Tia

Wanna bet!!:laugh

[Tia Maria]

Wanna bet!!:laugh

Do you mean its still just as hard to let them go, or you can't wait to see the back of them!?! :laugh

Cheers

Tia

[johnrt]

When I told my Mum I was emigrating she told me that she had given birth to me in order that I could be a free spirit and live my life the way I wanted - she waved us off with love in her heart but a tear in her eye and was totally supportive of our decision, no matter how much that was hurting her inside. I hope that when the time comes, if it comes, then I will be as supportive of our daughter as my Mum, and in-laws were for us. I never want her to go (she's only 5 so we're talking a few years yet!) but feel it is probably inevitable she will want to stretch her wings and fly a little. I just want her to be happy!

Your mum's a saint - and she's right, however difficult it can be to accept as parents.

[willsken]

Do you mean its still just as hard to let them go, or you can't wait to see the back of them!?! :laugh

Cheers

Tia

Their backs would be a great picture!! :laugh :laugh