[shakyle2906]

My little one, 5.5 has been so so happy at school and life in general since we got here.

Then, last month, a boy a year or so older than him,took his cars he had sneaked to school, off him and refused to give them back. He came home very upset and learnt the lesson he shouldnt have taken things to school! I spoke to the teacher and she was great, kindly dealt with it and got his cars back.

Then, last night, hubby went to pick him up from his after school care, whihc again he loves, for him to run crying to him. Steven asked whats up and was told that this boy had gone up to him and bent his middle 3 fingers back. Well, as you can imagine, hubby was furious! He spoke to the lady in charge, who is funnily enough one of his work mates' wife and she was not a happy bunny either!

It works out that he has picked on him once or twice before, but Kyle hadnt told them or us.

I have now had a very restless night, his fingers have had to be strapped and are still sore and been up in night also with him, not wanting to go to school.

I hope to get to speak to the acting head mistress this morning and put a lid on it once and for all.

I feel so upset!

Sorry for sounding of, but as any parent will admit, when you hurt one of your own, you hurt yourself too!

Sharon
x

[peebles16]

Ah Sharon tis hard when kids can be so cruel but schools here seem to have good anti-bullying policies and at least Kyle is speaking to you about it so you can get it sorted with school... We had similar problem with one of our wee ones pals in the class picking on him, spoke to class teacher who sorted it out with the wee boy and I spoke to his Mum and he's coming round for afternoon tea :)

Hope it all gets sorted out today at school and the wee man feels better :yes

Take care
Karenx

[napiers]

It's good to rant and get it out of your system - what a horrible situation for all of you. You've done the right thing in dealing with it straight away, and it's good that your son has now told someone that this has happened, and has happened before. I can't speak from a parental viewpoint but as a teacher I always want to know what's going on so that things can be dealt with straight away and then everyone can move on. I hope that you manage to speak to the acting head, it's really important that it's sorted swiftly so that your son can get back to feeling safe and enjoying his time at school again. There's nothing I enjoy more than parents telling me their children enjoy coming to school and equally there's nothing worse than hearing they don't. Good luck and I hope his fingers are better soon.

[Georgebulldog]

I dread to think how your feeling Sharon, it's my worst nightmare & she's only 2 1/2 but such an awful thing to go through, I'd be in tears
It does sound like they take it seriousley so that is a good thing
I hope it all sorts itself out

[JandM]

You've done exactly the right things, and so's he. All the best for everything going better from now on.

[willsken]

Sharon, it's a very hard issue to deal with when it's happening to your child. It won't make you feel any better but kids are very cruel and unfortunately things like this happen all the time. :no Just make sure you keep talking to Kyle about it and keep in touch with his teachers so they can keep an eye on the situation. Try not to let Kyle see how upset you are as it will make him anxious and less inclined to tell you about these things. In the end he will naturally learn to stick up for himself and those kinds of kids will leave him alone. I have very strong opinions about my kids sticking up for themselves and have clashed with their schools at times over this. :uhoh

Big hugs to you both. :)

[StevieD]

Sharon, no matter where you are in the world there are little s***s everywhere. That is the sad fact of it. Yes we have seen it to a lesser degree, partly because my 2 are black belts in Ju-Jitsu (not that they seem to remember it :laugh) but they have this air of confidence. But, it does manifest itself everywhere.

A forum member who has just moved here (who I won't name as it is her business) told us last night that her son was tapped on the shoulder the other day and asked "who the F*** are you"?!!! I mean these kids are 9 and 10. There were one or two other incidents to deal with but it seems to have settled down now.

We had the usual "Pom" bashing when we arrived, which ceased once the main protagonist was pinned to the floor with a thumb on his throat and a chair about to be administered to his head, (yes, he pushed him that much!!) We got a call from the head teacher for that one.... :(


It is not nice, we have to realise that kids are cruel to the extreme, and unfortunately for us moving here, we now realise that it is not just confined to our country of origin.

But on the whole, it is much better here in our estimation.

We hope that you son comes through this without any fears.

Steve

[Pedro]

Yes we have seen it to a lesser degree, partly because my 2 are black belts in Ju-Jitsu (not that they seem to remember it :laugh) but they have this air of confidence. But, it does manifest itself everywhere.
Steve

If I had kids, They'd have Jiu-Jitsu classes as well. Not only for self defense, but to improve coordination, have discipline, spend energy, etc.

And I'd warn him that if he started a fight, no more classes.

[willsken]

And I'd warn him that if he started a fight, no more classes.

That's the thing isn't it? Start a fight. I have always told my boys they must never hit first but they must always hit back, hard. Schools don't generally agree with my philosophy (as I’m sure many other won’t) and in the past when my oldest was having problems with a boy hurting him, I was told if he hits back he could get into trouble. I made it clear to the school that I didn’t care and I would support my sons right not to be pushed around by anyone. He did hit back and the boy never touched him again.

[Nienke]

That's the thing isn't it? Start a fight. I have always told my boys they must never hit first but they must always hit back, hard. Schools don't generally agree with my philosophy (as I’m sure many other won’t)

Oh yeah, I so agree with you.
I've put my 5 year old son on karate lessons. Not for being able to hit back (but that's a bonus :D ) but to have that confidence of knowing how to defend yourself.

Did you manage to speak to the head mistress, Sharon? Hope this gets resolved soon, I can only imagine how you must feel:(

[LesleyS]

Sharon, I know just how you feel, although funnily enough we have never experienced any form of bullying in the UK whatsoever (which is probably unusual).

However, my 16 year old since arriving at her NZ school has been pushed and shoved and name called by one particular individual, until one day it was just a push and a taunt too far for her and she lashed out sending the tormentor into a heap in the playground!!
We don't advocater any form of violence in this house, but boy was I glad that she had the courage to stick up for herself. strangely enough, there has been no re occurance since!!!

It's a sad fact about growing up I'm afraid, but it is shocking when it happens to a little boy Kyle's age.

I'm sure the head teacher will do the right thing by nipping this sort of behaviour in the bud, but I guess your little chap feels a bit hurt and scared right now - BIG HUGS xx

[shakyle2906]

Thanks all for your kind words everyone. I have to admit it has played on me all day, my boss and work colleagues have been very supportive!

I managed to get the acting head mistress on my way to taking Kyle into school today which was great.

She was very very nice and handled the situation very good. She was sympathetic and caring.

She said she would speak to them seperately, speak to the teachers and then bring them together.

She called me at work and assured me it would be ok and the situation would be monitored.

I emailed the other lady in charge at after school care to make sure they were aware of the situation (two ladies in charge, work alternate days). I was re-assured that the situation would be taken care of.

Hubby picked him up tonight and he seems a whole lot happier.

Hubby has been thinking of taking him to karate lessons too funnily enough and we are going to look into this too, so anyone know any in Hastings, please let me know.

Sharon
xx

[thezorbster]

Hope all is resolved promptly for Kyle and that he is not put off school.

Our school had an anti-bullying fortnight just before end of term which involved a local policeman coming in everyday to talk to the different classes. Their final end of term assembly (which the policeman also attended) was then all about bullying and prevention and how to be a good friend - different classes presented their work on it including poetry, art and little sketches. It was incredibly moving and the kids had obviously taken it all to heart and thought about their actions and consequences.

I was also very impressed that a policeman had time to spend time each day at school and also heartening that the school had invested time and effort in addressing the subject so thoroughly.

[napiers]

That's the thing isn't it? Start a fight. I have always told my boys they must never hit first but they must always hit back, hard. Schools don't generally agree with my philosophy (as I’m sure many other won’t) and in the past when my oldest was having problems with a boy hurting him, I was told if he hits back he could get into trouble. I made it clear to the school that I didn’t care and I would support my sons right not to be pushed around by anyone. He did hit back and the boy never touched him again.

Yes, where I teach, as in all schools I imagine, the school view is that hitting back isn't acceptable; but there are rare occasions when a child does hit back that you think 'good on you'. I feel guilty even saying that as I do believe that most situations in primary schools (I wouldn't even contemplate commenting on secondary schools) can be resolved in a more constructive and appropriate way. That's in my experience and relates to the way that I am and how I try to deal with things asap.

Glad the situation seems to been dealt with and improved - I'm sure it's a big relief.

[dusk]

aww, that's a shame sharon - glad to hear that the school are dealing with it promptly.

[Kiwi-In-Texas]

Sorry to hear that Sharon... Hopefully the teacher will deal with it promptly and the person/persons concerned are disciplined for their actions.



Suzanne.

[nippa&pippa]

After a week of battle getting my eldest son to kindy (he normally very exciting going to kindy) he finally opened up on friday evening
He said "R is naughty". I asked him "why?" then he clammed up...
My OH mentioned to me on sunday that he kept said "R is naughty and I don't want go to Kindy" then finally my OH managed to get information of him gently.
Turn out R had hurt him at kindy...
Saw one of teacher this morning to talk about R and my son. I did explain that my son can be sensitive that might be nothing, just little boys' fight. She said "might be not little fight" and I saw a boy coming up and hit another boy in the back with foot :eek:. Poor him, he was crying. I pointed out to teacher that she got crying kid and she didn't see it happened so I explain what happened. She whisper to me "that is R" and went off to deal with it....but R continue to hit objects as he get away from teacher :exit
Since then, I have spoken to friends and turn out R is very disprutive kid and has hurt lots of kids at kindy, they are trying get him to withdrawn from kindy. But I felt this might be wrong way? Any suggest?

[shakyle2906]

So sorry to hear that.

I do hope that they sort R out.........seems like he is ruling the place, or at least trying to !

Kyle is a lot better and seems happier. It turns out that the mum had no idea until Friday when the teacher spoke with her. We are told that this kid is leaving in a month for Australia.........lets hope he keeps out of Kyles' way in meantime.

Good luck, hope it works out with your little one. I know how you feel, you want to lash out yourself when someone hurts yours dont you.

Sharon
xx

[peebles16]

After a week of battle getting my eldest son to kindy (he normally very exciting going to kindy) he finally opened up on friday evening
He said "R is naughty". I asked him "why?" then he clammed up...
My OH mentioned to me on sunday that he kept said "R is naughty and I don't want go to Kindy" then finally my OH managed to get information of him gently.
Turn out R had hurt him at kindy...
Saw one of teacher this morning to talk about R and my son. I did explain that my son can be sensitive that might be nothing, just little boys' fight. She said "might be not little fight" and I saw a boy coming up and hit another boy in the back with foot :eek:. Poor him, he was crying. I pointed out to teacher that she got crying kid and she didn't see it happened so I explain what happened. She whisper to me "that is R" and went off to deal with it....but R continue to hit objects as he get away from teacher :exit
Since then, I have spoken to friends and turn out R is very disprutive kid and has hurt lots of kids at kindy, they are trying get him to withdrawn from kindy. But I felt this might be wrong way? Any suggest?


I think there is sometimes a knee jerk reaction to remove children in these kinds of situations and it can be incredibly damaging especially in a child so young.. I know it's incredibly hard when it's your child being picked on or hit etc but I would be asking what kindy are doing about it, how do they manage this kind of behaviour, what have they tried so far, have R's parents been involved, what strategies do they have in place..

I've seen kids labelled and excluded at this age (sometimes due to the pressure put on nurseries or schools by parents) and the impact on their education and subsequent social development has been dreadful to be honest. It really should be a last resort :yes

Then again it could just be a simple blip and R is just testing boundaries and will turn it around with a bit of extra attention and support.

Just my tuppence worth :)
Hope it gets sorted out soon Sophia
Karenx

[nippa&pippa]

I think there is sometimes a knee jerk reaction to remove children in these kinds of situations and it can be incredibly damaging especially in a child so young.. I know it's incredibly hard when it's your child being picked on or hit etc but I would be asking what kindy are doing about it, how do they manage this kind of behaviour, what have they tried so far, have R's parents been involved, what strategies do they have in place..

I've seen kids labelled and excluded at this age (sometimes due to the pressure put on nurseries or schools by parents) and the impact on their education and subsequent social development has been dreadful to be honest. It really should be a last resort :yes

Then again it could just be a simple blip and R is just testing boundaries and will turn it around with a bit of extra attention and support.

Just my tuppence worth :)
Hope it gets sorted out soon Sophia
Karenx


That what I thought as seem wrong to remove child too. Today R had time-out twice accord to my son...so teachers is dealing with it and he is under supervision at same time. My OH pointed out that other kids is missing out of teacher's attention 100% because she is focus on R more to avoid more kids getting hurt. I don't know how long this had been going on...will find out from friends tomorrow.
Took advice from my sister on how to deal with it as she has dealing with this situation every days, that dean's job :uhoh

[Sam B]

Poor R, he sounds very disturbed. I agree with Karen, although all the other kids may be glad to see the back of R, it certainly won't do R any good, and it doesn't encourage compassion and tolerance in the other kids. Hopefully the kindy will put in careful behaviour management strategies and get it sorted. Maybe your son will learn to give R a wide berth until he's a bit more settled?

[nippa&pippa]

I have told him to walk away from R if he feel threating from R and continue to play with R if he is good boy. I don't know what is the full story at home or why he is behaving like this. I think teachers is fully aware because of few parents already complained.

[shakyle2906]

I have told him to walk away from R if he feel threating from R and continue to play with R if he is good boy. I don't know what is the full story at home or why he is behaving like this. I think teachers is fully aware because of few parents already complained.

Thats exactly what we told Kyle, if this kid comes up to him, just tell that he doesnt want to play with him.

Things seem better at the moment with Kyle which is good, back to sleeping through the night again which is a great relief in itself!!

We have looked into karate classes to, as we mentioned it to him and he seems quite keen. Hope to go and view one this week and see how he feels about them.......... I think it will give him a bout of confidence and also give him another interest, as apart from school and after school care, he hasnt any interests at the moment, except the dreaded tv...........

Keep you posted.

Hope all goes well with your little one Sophia!

Sharon
xx

[Carol]

One of the best PD courses I ever did in 18 years of teaching was an anti-bullying one in the UK. It has stuck in my mind for a long long time.

THere is always a reason for kids behaving like that. Particularly kindy age kids.
(eg - the little guy going off to Aussie in a month and having his entire world turned upside down). Much more often than that though is reflected behaviour from a kid who is being bullied themselves.)
How the kindy/school deals with the behaviour is crucial in helping the bully as much as the victim.

That's all very well - but when you are a parent on the other end of it (and I've been there too) all that logical thinking just goes out the window in the attempt to keep your own child safe and happy.
It's so hard.
Hope its all sorted soon!

[StevieD]

Hope all is resolved promptly for Kyle and that he is not put off school.

Our school had an anti-bullying fortnight just before end of term which involved a local policeman coming in everyday to talk to the different classes. Their final end of term assembly (which the policeman also attended) was then all about bullying and prevention and how to be a good friend - different classes presented their work on it including poetry, art and little sketches. It was incredibly moving and the kids had obviously taken it all to heart and thought about their actions and consequences.

I was also very impressed that a policeman had time to spend time each day at school and also heartening that the school had invested time and effort in addressing the subject so thoroughly.

Our school had this last term with "PC Lance" the community bobby coming in over the term. He was using the work to go to his exam he was taking in community policing so it was really good.

The reason we took Kieran to his self defence/Ju-Jitsu was due to some little bullies taking it in to their heads that it would be good for one of them to hold his arms behind his back while the other one kicked him so hard in the testicles, he still suffering from it today! Nothing much happened to the kids either sad to say.

Louisa also suffered it too, and went from being a bright, outgoing child to a introvert kid who used to turn to jelly when she saw this kid. One day she decided to fight back and clobbered this kid, no more trouble after that, except from the hysterical mother (think she had a screw loose to be honest!) saying how her son had learning difficulties etc. etc. We kindly pointed out to her that she had been informed of the situation on numerous occasions by the school and it still persisted so she hasn't got any grounds for complaint as she didn't stop it either. She blubbed and ranted and we also pointed out that Louisa also had learning difficulties but didn't go round punching other kids in the back of the head or pulling their hair... she got the message.

Good luck Sharon, it seems that positive things are happening.

[Carol]

NZ Approach:
http://www.police.govt.nz/service/yes/nobully/kia_kaha/

and

This was the course I did in the UK
http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/approach/bullying


No matter where.... it's always a team effort........

[Philip10]

Dear All, as a professional working with disturbed children I felt compelled to put my bit in on the often misunderstood subject of bullying. First I need to say understanding behaviour does not mean excusing it, but rather to understand in order to change. One must remember that the bully is often feeling very hurt and painful inside and is sometimes the victim of child abuse, physical or mental. Therefore hitting the bully back often reinforces their understanding of the world, that physical violence is acceptable and necessary. They might feel it is better to hurt some first to avoid them hurting you or not to feel their own feelings of being hurt. Adults are not immune to their own feelings of being bullied or being a bully and will often want others - including children - to act out these feelings. Telling children to hit another child back in order to hurt them is an example. However as a parent I know how it feels when your own child is bullied and the overwhelming feelings of wishing to protect them and to hurt the bully.

I feel the best approach is to show your child and the bully that you are able to maintain an adult stance, trying to keeping all children safe and insuring nobody is going to hurt anyone. The nobody is allowed to hit or hurt anyone rule. Try and have a meeting with the school and the bully’s parents and later on with the children involved. This is not a make up and be friends approach, but an attempted to show children that adults can think about them and try and help them through difficulties. In my experience this approach only fails if the adults “fight” each other rather then be able to think about their children. Always remember the bully could be suffering from physical abuse themselves, so you might not only be helping your own child but also enabling the bully to speak about their worries.

Hope this all makes sense, and would like to hear other peoples thoughts.

[Red Devil]

Sharon... I shuddered when I read about this horrible incident with your little boy, mainly due to your little one being exactly the same age as our little one. It must be every parent's worst nightmare and I'm only too pleased that matters have been resolved.

I must admit, the idea of Karate or any self-defense lesson is a great idea... especially in today's society :roll

[Sam B]

I really agree with everything Philip10 said, although I know how much I HATED the girl who picked on my girl at school in England. But he's right, and I wouldn't advocate hitting back.

[peebles16]

I really agree with everything Philip10 said, although I know how much I HATED the girl who picked on my girl at school in England. But he's right, and I wouldn't advocate hitting back.


Have to say I agree too and also harboured very unkind thoughts towards kids who have picked on mine :yes Both my boys know to turn away and tell the nearest grownup. At their age I think it's the best approach how that will work when they get older time will tell.

Karenx

[willsken]

Dear All, as a professional working with disturbed children I felt compelled to put my bit in on the often misunderstood subject of bullying. First I need to say understanding behaviour does not mean excusing it, but rather to understand in order to change. One must remember that the bully is often feeling very hurt and painful inside and is sometimes the victim of child abuse, physical or mental. Therefore hitting the bully back often reinforces their understanding of the world, that physical violence is acceptable and necessary. They might feel it is better to hurt some first to avoid them hurting you or not to feel their own feelings of being hurt. Adults are not immune to their own feelings of being bullied or being a bully and will often want others - including children - to act out these feelings. Telling children to hit another child back in order to hurt them is an example. However as a parent I know how it feels when your own child is bullied and the overwhelming feelings of wishing to protect them and to hurt the bully.

I feel the best approach is to show your child and the bully that you are able to maintain an adult stance, trying to keeping all children safe and insuring nobody is going to hurt anyone. The nobody is allowed to hit or hurt anyone rule. Try and have a meeting with the school and the bully’s parents and later on with the children involved. This is not a make up and be friends approach, but an attempted to show children that adults can think about them and try and help them through difficulties. In my experience this approach only fails if the adults “fight” each other rather then be able to think about their children. Always remember the bully could be suffering from physical abuse themselves, so you might not only be helping your own child but also enabling the bully to speak about their worries.

Hope this all makes sense, and would like to hear other peoples thoughts.

In principal I agree 100%. However, I have experience of bullying in school being dealt with in this way and they can take months to resolve. No child should have to put up with this for the sake of another child, even if that child has problems. My son was treated viciously every day until he hit back. The bullying lasted under a week. I have worked with teenagers for a long time both as a teacher and social worker, I have been to all the training and I still won't change the way I feel about this issue. I would never tell the kids at school to behave in this way as it isn't school policy and I support the school in what it tries to achieve. As a parent I teach my children to look after themselves.

I have at times felt my heart ache for some of the young people I have worked with and go as far as I can to help them. But then, I don't agree with problem kids being kept in a classroom where they are constantly very disruptive either. I acknowledge their right to an equal education but should this be at the expense of the other 30 kids in the class? What about their rights to an education? We need to help these youngsters but not at the expense of other innocent ones.

[pieeater]

My beautiful 8 year old son was bullied in Primary School.We brought him up to respect other people the School rules and the Teachers.He also has a lovely kind nature and was very big for his age.This made him a target for a couple of toe rags in the school.I was distraught that my perfect little boys lovely life was being made miserable by these two.Firstly in an effort to work with the school and within their framework I spoke to the teachers and they assured me it would be dealt with.In short it wasn't and another even more disturbing incident happened.After this second attack I again tried to work with the school and was still quite hopeful for a for a positive resolution.I was really stressed worried and angry by now but felt helpless and frustrated as we attempted to sort things out together.When a third incident happened I had had enough.I put my complaint in writing to the school and handed it to the Headmistress in a meeting with her.I included descriptions of the incidents times places etc.I had no faith in the schools ability to resolve this isssue their way by now and took things into my own hands.I found out more about the two boys and learned they were playing for a local Rugby League Club.I enrolled my son with the same club and told him to go and sort these two Scrot@s out.He flattened them in training sessions.I was so proud of him.One of the yobs left the club soon after and the other started giving my boy a wide berth.My son has learnt some important lessons in life through this unfortunate experience.He is now 17 and gone on to be well respected, popular,head boy and is on the Board of Trustees at his School here.I don't know what has happened to the perpetraters but I know my son does wonder what they are up to now.I didn't blame the school for it's inadequacies,they were lovely staff just trying to working within the rules.

[willsken]

My beautiful 8 year old son was bullied in Primary School.We brought him up to respect other people the School rules and the Teachers.He also has a lovely kind nature and was very big for his age.This made him a target for a couple of toe rags in the school.I was distraught that my perfect little boys lovely life was being made miserable by these two.Firstly in an effort to work with the school and within their framework I spoke to the teachers and they assured me it would be dealt with.In short it wasn't and another even more disturbing incident happened.After this second attack I again tried to work with the school and was still quite hopeful for a for a positive resolution.I was really stressed worried and angry by now but felt helpless and frustrated as we attempted to sort things out together.When a third incident happened I had had enough.I put my complaint in writing to the school and handed it to the Headmistress in a meeting with her.I included descriptions of the incidents times places etc.I had no faith in the schools ability to resolve this isssue their way by now and took things into my own hands.I found out more about the two boys and learned they were playing for a local Rugby League Club.I enrolled my son with the same club and told him to go and sort these two Scrot@s out.He flattened them in training sessions.I was so proud of him.One of the yobs left the club soon after and the other started giving my boy a wide berth.My son has learnt some important lessons in life through this unfortunate experience.He is now 17 and gone on to be well respected, popular,head boy and is on the Board of Trustees at his School here.I don't know what has happened to the perpetraters but I know my son does wonder what they are up to now.I didn't blame the school for it's inadequacies,they were lovely staff just trying to working within the rules.

I really don't think that people who haven't experienced one of their children being bullied, can ever know the pain, anguish, frustration and sheer sense of helplessness families suffer when the see their child trying to cope. That's why, even as someone who works with these kids and tries to help them the best I can, I will not allow my own kids to stand by when anyone gives them a hard time. I would never expect my own children to make that kind of sacrifice for the “troubled” youngster, no matter what the home/life circumstances. That may strike as "look after your own" but that's ultimately what we do isn't it? My own children come first in my life, even though for a job I work with needy kids.

[Nienke]

I will not allow my own kids to stand by when anyone gives them a hard time. I would never expect my own children to make that kind of sacrifice for the “troubled” youngster, no matter what the home/life circumstances.

Could'nt agree more. It would only create another very troubled youngster, suffering trauma's that could last a lifetime.

[Philip10]

Hi

I think people should consider before the wish to administer physical justice on the bully; that nearly all bullies have been subjected to being bullied. Therefore if your child is being bullied there is a chance that he/she may wish to hurt/bully other children. This does not mean they have turned into a "bad" child that needs to be taught a lesson, but a child that needs help and understanding from the adults in their life, in order they can feel safe from being bullied or from wishing hurt others. I do need to add that I feel bullying is totally unacceptable and all children should be able to feel safe within in their environment. However I do feel that it is a complex issue and needs to be carefully thought about, rather then the completely normal and understandable wish to hurt the bully, which I have wanted to do so many times myself, when witnessing the distress to children that bulling causes.

Philip

[Carol]

As I said....


THere is always a reason

but... I agree with Nicola.
At some point your kids will have to deal with a bully without the backup of their parents. No matter what country they live in!
And the sooner they learn how to cope the better.

Yes - bullies need all the help they can get too.
But - without a doubt - they can do some terrible damage in their wake...before they "see the light"

[Carey]

Quote "I do need to add that I feel bullying is totally unacceptable and all children should be able to feel safe within in their environment. However I do feel that it is a complex issue and needs to be carefully thought about, rather then the completely normal and understandable wish to hurt the bully, which I have wanted to do so many times myself, when witnessing the distress to children that bulling causes."

Definitely a complex issue (my bold & underline), each case has to be evaluated very carefully. Involves lots of heart-ache whether you are a parent or teacher and believe me most teachers care an awful lot about each and every child in their school. In my experience it is the parents of the 'bully' that are the most complex to deal with.

One last thing, I think the word 'bully' is banded about far too often without evidence......someone said to me the other day ' I hear your school has a reputation for bullying'? Excuse me, I only work there! Found it almost offensive actually because not backed up with any evidence what-so-ever.

[willsken]

Hi

administer physical justice on the bully;

Philip

I don't agree that my son hitting back is doing this. He is showing the bully that he won't put up with his behaviour and if the bully chooses to hit him there will be consequence of a similar nature for the bully himself. The fact that the bully in my sons case never hit him again shows that the bully was in fact capable of making this choice for himself.

[Carol]

I don't think anyone is saying that the problem shouldn't be addressed in terms of questioning/following up on why the kid needs to bully (or to use another term - abuse) others.

Because what happens time and time again - is, when they realise they can't push some kids around (like Nic's boys) they simply move on to someone else who is weaker.
And there are PLENTY of victims for them to choose in the average school.

That is why it is so important for the incidents to be both reported on (by the kids who have been attacked.... either physically, mentally, and I guess the latest version in High Schools ... txtually ) AND acted on asap by the school to avoid further emotional damage to both the bully and the victims.
If that doesn't happen - THAT is when the real problems start....
:mad: