[leslie]

its kinda funny that everyone panics at this thought when it comes to emigrating. we probably ask ourselves this a hundred time a week on an unconcious level, but with a new life and the hyper-awareness, over-stimulation and such that comes with it you'd have to be comatose not to be asking yourself this conciously from time to time. and with your emotions so high it seems so big a question, doesn't it? occasional self-checks and sensitivty are positive and can make us better people, they are 100% normal.

i remember flying back into toronto and as the landing gear hit the runway was consumed by anxiety and the thought - it came with flashing lights and loud loud horns. toronto was a compromise for us and while we had a good 4 years there can honestly say wish we'd gone to nz or oz instead! in other moves, where we took 1st choice, landing was merely a case of the usual jitters over the skills of the pilot etc, the question came up later as time for reflection allowed. i was excited first, then as reality set in, so did the 'checks'.

anyone want to share their thoughts on the experience/ onset of doubt? how did you overcome it?

[wilson182]

I had loads of doubt in England, when I was trying to sort out the house. It took so long to do and Paul was here in New Zealand on his own and quite ill. (He has colitus) Our original mortage company wouldnt play ball with us, and we had to wait for our financial advisor to come back from holiday before we could proceed. Then the remortage company took 6 weeks to send the mortgage offer out. Paul was so ill by this time it was touch and go whether he could leave the house in the mornings. I kept thinking that maybe this was fates way of telling us not to bother. It was something that we had dreamed about for so long, and things had got so bad for us in England, I think I found it hard to believe at times that things would work out for us. I felt stupid when people kept asking when I was leaving and I had to tell them that I didnt know. Then factor in the guilt of taking the grandchildren away from their grandparents. When we very first talked of moving to NZ about two years ago, my mum was so angry she didnt talk to me for about six months. This time I think she accepted that it was something we had to do, and couldnt have helped me more. I think in a way it was easier when she wasnt talking to me.

I was worried about whether it would work or not, Just surviving on Paul's wages wouldnt have worked, and I didnt know whether we would manage on whatever I would earn also. It turns out we can, but I wasnt bothered about going back home if it didnt. At least we would have tried to give our dream a chance, many people dont.

Sorry for the ramble :oops:

Debs

[Danpoll]

I have just been Pming wilson with the very same anxieties of the last few days. do i dont i should I be braver and back out now or sell evreything knowing that the uk would be unaffordable to return too.
leslie; I used to live on Victoria and Lawrence and victoria Sheppard Intersection In Toronto I am occasionally thinking that I want to go back there I loved the place okay centre of t.o I didnt like too much but living in oshawa would of been fine. If nz is better than toronto then it must be a good place.

dan

[Carol]

I've been here nearly 9 years and still get the "what have I done" attacks.

Only they are intersprsed by some quite cool living these days.
Normally - when things are going wrong - I like to blame "NZ"
And all those who live in her.




But really......... most days - I drive to work around one of the most beautiful inlets in Wellington and I prefer to think - "look what I did"

:nice1

[veronica]

I am pretty sure that most people think these thoughts even if they don't admit to them. In that sort of situation I tend to block the 'what have I done' and replace them with 'right, forward only now'. Perhaps a bit simplistic but it works for me most of the time.

[Diny]

I can second what Deb says when she reports she felt so stupid when people kept asking her when they would be leaving. This is my major 'gripe' at the moment. It's almost as though folks are thinking we're 'stalling' on purpose. They can see the for sale sign up and they know what the housing market is like around here - but that doesn't seem to make a difference.

Because of this unexpected delay in our departure I find I have alot of time to ponder over 'should we/shouldn't we'.

At the end of the day the words of my dear PB always come ringing through ..........."Auckland has a departure lounge aswell as an arrival".

Who can say what the future will hold - who knows where we'll be in 5, 10 or 15 years time. We just know that at this point in time NZ is for us, what follows is the great unknown, which fuels the desire to find out. This won't be the first time we've lived away from the UK but it will be an adventure.

If anybody says they don't have these feelings from time to time I'd go as far as saying they're kidding themselves.

Diny

[Jo and Andy]

I get the should we shouldn't we feelings all the time, sometimes worry that I feel them too much. But then I find myself explaining to one of the few who know our plans, why we want to go, can't decide if I am convincing myself or then. But everything I say seems right. Maybe we just need to say it outload sometimes.

I feel guilty about leaving my family, my younger sister, says but I won't be think I need to see Jo and be there in 2.5 hours. Thing is it only ever happens about 1 or 2 times a year, factor in Christmas and Easter and we would probably see them more in NZ, on the occasional holiday.

My Mum and Dad are getting older, Mum just hit 70, and feel how often would I see them, how would Rhiannon get to know her Grandma, But I only really see them 4 / 5 times a year at weekends. But feel they would not be able to make the trip to see me, unless I have another Grandchild that is. But at least they have my sisters kids, so aren't losing their whole family, and I have sisters and brothers.

My mother in law, comes and stays everyweek, and has a wonderful relationship with Rhiannon, babysits loads. Rhiannon is her ONLY grandchild and Andy only has 1 brother. So major guilt, especially as Andy's Dad died a year before Rhiannon died.

But with all this in my mind, I still feel we have to try, give it a few more years and we may not be able too. Our daughters future, we feel, will be better cared for in NZ. If not, we have to come back and start again.

Sorry for the rant, but sometimes it is good to put it on writing, as Leslie did.

It is one of the good things about this forum. We are positive but not forgetting the negatives of emigrating and everyone seems to share good and bad thoughts, which I feel help everyone.

So now I will make you all barf, by saying Thanks to you all.

(What am I on today)

Jo

[Jo and Andy]

Should have re-read this sentance

I feel guilty about leaving my family, my younger sister, says but I won't be think I need to see Jo and be there in 2.5 hours.

I feel guilty about leaving my family. My younger sister says, "but I won't be able to just think, I need to see Jo, and be there in 2.5 hours.

Must start to re-read carefully.

Sorry everyone who had to work their way through it.

:oops:

[Moorf]

Even after nearly 6 months here my heart still skips a beat sometimes and I wonder what we have done... its only natural.. and whilst things haven't always gone smoothly we just look to the future and the wonderful things around us here in NZ and the heart rate returns to normal :nice1

It would be very easy to return to the UK and our "comfort zone" and some days it takes alot for me to appreciate what we have here (especially if it's cold or money is low or we stress about buying a house), but then a walk on the beach or on the hills sorts us out and we remember why we moved here... :P

[jo b]

Oh

I get the wobbles just like anyone. I ring my mum nearly everyday and my daughter is her first grandchild and my son her only grandson.

Only this morning I was checking with her again "You are going to come and visit aren't you"

My brother has no kids of his own and he absolutely dotes on my two.

I have to say I have real guilt about taking them away.
My sister who I am very close to has been very distant lately, she is moving house herself but I know she is distancing herself because she is hurting inside. :no Her best friend told me. :(

But thinking about it I will proabably have more meaningful conversations with my family when in NZ as I can't just pick up the phone and say "Oh mum forgot to say before xxxxx"

But My parents both say that I have to think of the kids and give them a better life and had it been thier time they would be doing the same thing to.

If we don't get wobbles then we aren't in reality. I need to understand how bad I will feel in NZ so I can face it, if I don't expect to be homesick then I am only kidding myself. but like Jo said we will probably spend more time with family on visits in NZ than added up visits during the year that we have now.

Sorry for rambling

Jo

[kiwidebs]

Oh yes. And I'm a Kiwi going home!! I sometimes have panics when I wonder if we are making the right move for the kids sake, for hubbie's sake. I know I will love being closer to my family and catching up with old friends, but after eight years people have moved on in their lives and aren't used to fitting me in - so it will be starting over in some ways. It is definately not a great financial move for us (Hubbie's in IT in London - def won't get that sort of financial renumeration in NZ) but it's not about the money its about the kids being close to grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles....

Watch this space. I'm having panic attacks at the moment cos hubbie's just set up medicals/Xrays, sent off police check......OMG it's actually happening!! :eek :eek :eek

Debs

[Nicola]

It would be very easy to return to the UK and our "comfort zone"

You have hit the nail on the head here Moorf. We are all taking the leap out of our "comfort zone", which is one of the hardest things to do. When times are hard we will have no comfort zone to lean back on and hide. We will have to build a new one in NZ. Part of this fills me with the desire to make the move now, to jump on the first plane. But there is a small part of me that is still scared witless by the whole thing. Especially as it is not just me and Peter, we are uprooting the kids aswell. Have we made the right choice. There is only one way to find out.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night and doing the "Oh my god" thing, why are we doing this. But now we have started the process we have to keep moving forward, and we can always come back if it is not for us.

We both know in our hearts that we can not stay here now. I do not want to be one of the people that says "We were going to do that". I want to be the one that did it. Just as all of you that are already there have bravely done.

I have a lot of regrets in my life of things that I wanted to do but did not for various reasons. New Zealand is not going to be another one.

Nic

[markkellaway]

I get the "what if's" all the time at the moment, from the "what if I mess up the interview?" to "what if this is the wrong move?" and "why are we really doing this? (not always sure about the answer to that one. :? ).

The thing I always tell myself is that I don't want to spend every day of my life saying "what if we'd moved to NZ that time?". Comfort zones are very fickle things, that secure job can go down the pan over night, that property value can fall and your good health can fail anytime. Grab it while you can guys! :clap

Mark. :P

[veronica]

I'll second that about 'secure jobs' Mark, Pete was made redundant from a senior management position in a successfull Uk company after 22 years on the whim of an American head office CEO. they thought it would be good to move into Europe as property and labour were cheaper there. Funny have heard on the grapevine back here in the UK that they are now seriously considering moving back to the UK as its not worked out. they put 300 people locally out of work and that upset a lot of lives. Was one of our trigger to start the NZ move.

[joanne]

Thats what I love about this site..here Iam thinking Iam slowly going crazy, then I read posts like these and realise that hey I am normal after all.
People asking when we are going is really starting to grate on my nerves, infact one of the mums told everyone at school that we had gone!! - so when we returned on Monday after the school hols everyone was asking even more questions than normal.
Hopefully the house will exchange this month - what a relief that will be.

[sarahw]

Joanne,

You are so right :clap this site is great for reassurance that you're not alone! I remember thinking I was going mad back home just before we moved with all the stuff going on. It was so worth going through to get here.

I occassionally think 'why did we come away from all of our friends & family?' but after having been here only 7 weeks we're not feeling homesick really yet. I have felt really lonely being in all day studying on my own whilst Ian is out at work which has made me really miss people, but I think that's people in general & human interaction. I reckon I'd have had the same feelings even if I was studying at home in the UK all day every day.

I know Ian had the wobbles when he started his job & the first week he came home saying he hated it :eek & was comparing it directly to his last work experience where they just chucked him in the deep end & he didn't have the time to do a proper job on things - 4 weeks on he absolutely loves it! Its only natural to feel aprehensive about change - afterall it is a huge change in our lives to make such a move - if you weren't worried about leaving all the things & people you love behind I think then there'd be a problem!!!

[Going2NZ]

Long ago, a dear friend told me "All change is scary, even the good kind." It sounds simple but it is very true. My husband and I are just getting started but I know we'll hit moments of pure terror and pure joy about our decision.

Taking a chance isn't the reason to make the choice to go to NZ, but I can't imagine looking back in 30 years and wondering what I was afraid of and why I didn't try.

Susan

[jan]

I have a very close, tight network of family and friends. I get MAJOR `what are we doing?` thoughts. But everything is justified when I think of the opportunity we are being given. One which I would hate to regret in many years to come if we didn' take it by the horns and run with it (as do quite a few people who said they had an opportunity but never took it.)

When people hear about us leaving they have an amazing look on their faces :eek :eek , followed by a `you lucky things` `How brave are you` ` I wish we would have done that`. I don't feel brave, I'm quite scared but know for a fact its an opportunity we are not going to miss. Going back to my first line I know if we try it and its not for us, we come back simple as that for us. We have a great big safety net waiting back home to welcome us back.

Jan xx

[veronica]

As Sarah says it is very important to distinguish between being lonely and being homesick. If you are lonely its possible to go and do something about that. Clubs to join, charities to help, schools to aid etc.

[Diny]

I'm in the same boat as Jan ...... I have a very very close knit family here inthe UK. I sometimes get the major wobbles but I too can justify all our decisions.

This forum is a massive source of encouragement, help and advice. Last week Jan and I laughed at the fact that before both of us joined this forum we hd no idea that so many people were 'going through the same as us'.

I for one was stupid/arrogant enough to think that there were maybe 4 or 5 other families in the UK moving to NZ apart from us. What an eye opener !!!!!!!!!

I'm sure I'll continue to get the wobbles long after we've arrived in NZ - it's only natural (and keeps us on our toes).

Diny

[freeflyer]

I guess that worries about emigrating are normal ,

there are very few things that you can do in the UK (especially once you have a family) to get off the treadmill and do something to make your life different and exciting.

At the end of the day, what do you have to lose? at least it will be an experience to remember ,whether it works in NZ or not.
:nice1
Anna

[Jo and Andy]

I agree Joanne, this site keeps me sane.

So major guilt, especially as Andy's Dad died a year before Rhiannon died.


Sorry, I had a bad day the other day, Pleased to say my daughter did nto die, and is looking forward to moving to NZ. THought that the ITA meant we could go straight away.

To those who sent personal messages, thank you for your kind thoughts, I am just a ditsy blonde, (I know Mark, I am blonde).


With schools, before we leave (do you ask the school to do a special report on our kids for their new school?

With regard to employment, I can remember Andy being made redundant from a sales job, and the main reason was his boss didn't like the fact that Andy sold more than him. Life can be very fickle, and we have to try new things.

:yes

[Diny]

At the end of the day, what do you have to lose? at least it will be an experience to remember ,whether it works in NZ or not.

Anna .......... some of the most level headed, sensible words I've read. Good on you.

Diny

[zsj]

We had 2 months in the UK from getting the job offer to getting on the plane. In that time we sold the house, filled in the forms, did medicals, had the house packed, did christmas (boy that got in the way), dealt with kids and schools and all the other myriad of things that you have to do before you finish your old life to start a new one.

In that time lots of people said those same things - you are so brave, you are so adventurous, you are coping so well etc. It didn't feel like a big deal to me cos there was no time to think about the implications of what we were doing. Through the whole of this process and I think the thing that has kept me going is the agreement we have that we will give it everything for 2 years (why 2 years? Cos American husbands UK PR runs out after 2 years out of UK!)and if after that time it is not working, we will go back.

Nothing is forever except regret and I would hate to live with the regret of not doing this.

Sarah.

[sweetpea]

You have no idea how reassuring these posts have been. I have been completely freaking out for the past three days with "What the he!! am I doing?" thoughts. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. :eek

Thankfully, two news articles came out today that helped me feel better, in a schadenfreude kind of way. One predicting a catastrophic earthquake in San Francisco any second now (sure, they've been saying that for years, but still...) and the other noting that Bay Area housing prices have increased another 20%.

(Breathe!)

[Diny]

schadenfreude

What a wonderful word - and so long since I've heard it used.

Diny

[sweetpea]

Yeah, why didn't schadenfreude make the full transition into English, like, say, angst? I'm gonna have to lobby for weltschmertz too. Why should Germans corner the market on complicated emotions?

[Gran]

Think of it this way guys, you are a pioneer, you are the one out of all your future generations who crossed the world to establish yourselves in a new and prommising
country, in say 3 more generations what will England be like for instance? what will NZ be like? Sure, the earlier pioneers left their streets and factories in England, spent "6 months in a leaky boat" and ended up in tents and log cabins etc. but most of their decendents are now very well off thank you, having picked up land for next to nothing.
It will be the same for you, comfort zone be dammed break the mould and live a little.

[Moorf]

Oh I like that.. pioneer :clap

[Zoush]

Yeah, why didn't schadenfreude make the full transition into English, like, say, angst? I'm gonna have to lobby for weltschmertz too. Why should Germans corner the market on complicated emotions?

I wonder why all those german words you mention express some kind of negative or sad feelings. Must have something to do with weltschmerz. Are there any positive german words which are used in the english language? I'm just curious because I'm learning english.

Sorry for digressing.

Frithjof

[Timbo]

Well said Gran :nice1
Members of my family have talked the talk over the years, but none actually got around to walking the walk as it were. Hope to be the first. Not the first Muirs as such though, there are loads of them out there already. Just not related to this one unfortunately. :wah

[jo b]

Gran,

My parents talked about Canada and NZ when we were kids.....sadly it never transpired but maybe its fate. I wouldn't have met Ian if I was in another country. My parents now say go for it girl we wish we had done it.


Oh btw my sons name Kurtis apparantly means courteous in German.

jo