[Pebbles]

... can't help thinking about coming back :uhoh
Other half decided that a couple weeks in was as good a time as any to come out and say that NZ is not for him. He had gone along to make me happy ... Must admit that I was pretty much the driver behind this move but never dared to think it might come this far. Things have been a terribly emotional roller coaster the last couple of months and we are now preparing to fly back in about a week.
The thing is that I still feel this could work out, if not for us as a couple than for me alone. It seems the chance of a life time and going back home makes me feel pretty depressed. NZ has my heart.
On the pratical side though, can anyone tell me if I would have a chance at all as non main applicant to apply for indefinite RRV if that time would come? If not then I might as well stop dreaming right now and start being as realistic (imo pessimistic) as oh.
Any help much appreciated.

[victoria24]

i cant give any advice as it sounds like an impossible situation but wish you all happiness for the future whatever it may bring you :-)

[Alive&Kicking]

Hi Pebbles

I really feel for you and would like to give you some advise - please PM me if you like.

With regards to the visa, unfortunately, for the first 2 years you are dependent on your partner. I tried to organise our IRRV here in NZ, but couldn't do it - only my partner (principal applicant) was eligible to organise that at NZIS - I was not needed in the whole procedure at all.
Strange feeling that was!

All the best,
Anita

[JandM]

Oh, no... So sorry to think of the mixture of feelings you must have right now. All the best for finding the right path. ((((()))))

[shakyle2906]

Pebbles

Sorry to hear your news,i do hope that you can sort things out!

Sharon
xx

Sending you hugsxx

[SNK05]

Oh Pebbles, must be an awful situation to be in.

We've not made the leap yet and honestly have no idea how we will feel when we get there! Is two weeks really enough time to make that decision?? Have you really had chance to settle?

I'm sure lots of aspects have influenced your OH's decision but would he be open to staying a little bit longer to get more of a feel for the place? Explore the possibilities etc.

Really sorry to hear that you're in the position you're in, can't imagine how it feels. Can't really help with the RRV/IRRV but wnat to wish you luck and every happiness in whatever you decide to do.....

Sue
xx

[JandM]

Do you have a job in NZ? Just thinking, even if you got there only on the basis of your partner's application in the first place, your eligibility to apply in your own right might have changed if you've found work in certain sectors. If that might be the case, it could be worth talking to NZIS, perhaps?

[5kings]

I also have no words of wisdom to offer, but understand what an awful situation you must be in.

I am the driving force behind all our NZ plans, although we are not there yet, I do worry OH could resent me if he is not happy there.

Hope everything works out how YOU want them too.

Helen

[Sam B]

What a difficult situation - and you've just experienced the worst weather ever since being here, which can't have helped. If only you could persuade him to stay for a summer...

[Moorf]

NZ has my heart.

More so than your partner? That's what I'd be thinking... I say that because you seem to be hinting at making a choice between the two. Surely even thinking you might come back alone is saying something?

What a tough place to be in, hope you can find a solution.

[Moorf]

If only you could persuade him to stay for a summer...

Absolutely!

[Mickstim]

Really feel for you Pebbles, and hope you manage to find a solution that will bring you both happiness.

Bx

[dharder]

Oh dear, that is difficult. I know the feeling if the two parties involved want this to such a different degree (just from the other side :)) Didn't someone suggest that should be its own thread the other day?

Here's what I think (and this is from someone who is counting down the months she still has to go): book the flight back sometime late next year, and give yourselves time to see what it's like. It helps me a lot to know that we have agreed on a trial period, and that I know it isn't forever. Maybe a date and plane ticket in hand would help your OH?

I have agreed to stick it out the three years, and my partner has agreed to go back at the end of those years if that is the decision then.

But that is of course assuming you want to try to find a way through this together, and it sounds a bit like maybe you don't?

Anyway, this is tricky. Good luck with your decisions,

Daniela

[Carol]

More so than your partner? .


Certainly a dilemma.... reading between the lines....


From my own perspective - I know in my heart - if I had been here on my own (ie without partner and kids) I would have returned "home" to the UK .... LONG ago.
But....


I love my husband much more than I love NZ.
My family (ie my children) and what I believe is best for them - is much more important to me than my low points.....
And so - I stay.

There is no real debate for me - because no matter where I live - I wouldn't ever want to be there without them.

But I do understand your feelings....
(if in reverse)

(((hug)))

[dusk]

how awful for you both. hope you find a way to deal with this that works out for you.

[Jo Jo]

What a difficult situation.

To answer your question about whether you could apply for an IRRV in your own right, my understanding is that yes, you can, but only if you get divorced (if you're married) or separate (if you're not married), or if your partner dies, or you have a non-molestation order against your partner, or they have been convicted of an offence against your person (I included those last ones for completeness - I hope they won't apply to you).

This information is from the "Residence" section of the Immigration New Zealand Operations Manual (http://www.immigration.govt.nz/NR/rdonlyres/B9297CAD-5D25-43BE-AFBC-FACA87C79884/0/Residence.pdf), sections X4.5 and X4.5.1.

Now, if you were living in NZ and your partner wasn't, you would be entitled to a RRV even if the above circumstances didn't apply, but you'd only be entitled to a 14-day one until the circumstances were such that you could apply for a longer one in your own right (this is because if you are in NZ and you have a residence permit, then you are entitled to a 14 day RRV automatically - see section X4.35 of the above manual). This means you'd be able to live in NZ, and would be able to leave and re-enter, but you'd only be able to leave for 2 weeks at a time.

So, you have the option to return to the UK while you still have your 2-year RRV, then if you decide NZ really is for you and you want to come back, you still can, even if your partner doesn't want to, as long as your current RRV is still valid. You could then apply for 14 day RRVs each time you wanted to leave NZ until such time as you are able to apply for a longer RRV in your own right.

I hope this helps. And I hope you and your partner can work this out amicably. Good luck.

[Jo Jo]

Here's the link to the online version of the manual (http://www.immigration.govt.nz/nzis/operations_manual/index.htm) (the links in my post above are for the pdf - sorry.)

To get to the relevant sections, click on "Residence", then "Returning Residents' Visa Policy", then "X4 General Policy", and you'll see the sections listed there.

[Scotty69]

Hi Pebbles
Sorry i cant give any advice, I hope you both make the right dicisions

Natasha

[Hejwitch_uk]

Just an awful situation for both of you..... hope it works out somehow.

[Pebbles]

Thanks to all of you for your kind and understanding words. Good to know that there are a few people who can sort of understand what I am going thru.
And yes, it is of course not as clear cut as it seems .... indeed not so sure if our relationship can take all of this. And the weather certainly has not helped. We are currently travelling north and (apart from the odd earth quake) the weather has been terrific. Unfortunately not good enough to make oh change his mind ..
We have decided together to travel back after nearly 3 months but I am not sure what that will do to us in general and me in particular. No-win situation?
We are 3 months into our 2 year RRV so I guess that should I decide to come back to NZ, find that all important job and settle within that time then I could still in the running, so to speak. Just not sure if I could hack it on my own.
I was all go and applied for jobs before we left as well as in the first month. Then the whole resession crap hit and that with the never stopping rain, damp living quarters and depressed and negative oh really got to me. Felt like something broke inside me - certainly was not prepared for all that although I guess I should have been had I paid more attention...
Anyhow, we will fly back and take it from there. Who knows, I might be back in time for another winter? That would be fourth in a row!
Well, thanks again and I will check back here in due time to let you know how it goes.

[JandM]

((((())))) Good vibes to you. The decision is one only you can make.

[Kea]

Moving is mega stressful and don't underestimate how that makes you feel. Best of luck for the future.


Julie

[dusk]

my best wishes go with you pebbles

[Maxx]

Pebbles,

Having a little knowledge and experience of the kind of things you are going through makes my heart go out to you. Only you can know what feels right, but don't make any hasty decisions. Work out what is most important to you. Did your partner explain why NZ is not for him? Has he given it enough time?

Max

[willsken]

The very best of luck in making a hugely hard decision. I really feel for you.

[Pebbles]

Yes, the move itself was enormously stressfull. For me, who really wanted (wants) to be here, and even more so for oh who first agreed to stay at least for a year, then changed his mind to six months and then admitted that this just felt absolutely wrong for him.
I was forced to make a fast decision whether to go back with him or stay here on my own. Since I cannot make that huge decision under the current circumstances we will head back togther. I am pretty sure that some distance to NZ and a good talk to some friends/family will clear things up in due time.
I know that no place is perfect but I still believe that I could have a good life here ... can't just let go of the dream that was so many years in the making.

[Ebeee]

Hi there...I went through pretty much the same. It's tricky. I came back alone! Feel free to PM me if you need any further support etc.

[Pebbles]

Thanks Ebeee. I am pretty much still in shock at the moment. At times being back feels like putting on an old pair of slippers but lying awake at night I can't help dreaming about putting on those new tramping boots and heading up the mountain.

[Ebeee]

Hi Pebbles, I can fully understand that feeling...it felt like that when I joined up with friends & family. However, the NZ thing was still very much a part of my future and what I wanted to do. I just couldn't let that go. I knew that if I didn't come back then I'd regret that so I decided to start planning. Looking back now I know how painful that whole process was but 2 years on I'm doing ok. I have control of my life again and can see where I'm going again. I wish you all the best with dealing with this and hope it all works ourt well. Take it easy & take care.

[castleclan]

Oh gosh, what a dilemma. We are not even there yet but the thought of not making it in NZ and having to return to the UK is a re-occuring night time thought for me. 3 Months through winter just seems such a short time to make that decision. Has your OH settled into a job?

[Pebbles]

No, neither of us had settled into a job yet. The jobs we had counted on fell through... Things would have been very different, I guess.
However, I do believe that things happen for a reason and oh has now realized that his main reason for rushing back is not as relevant as it seemed from way downunder... and taking the long way back has given us a chance to see places in NZ we had not seen before (in the same light). Places where we would be much happier to live than where we were initially.
Aagg. the benefit of hindsight :yes
I have learned a bit from the previous exercise though :clap and if we do decide to give it another chance then we will plan & decide together much more rather than me tugging him along.
Don't dare to be too enthousiastic yet but we are heading in the right direction .... :bluebanana

[5kings]

I am really pleased for you. It seems you are a lot happier, so that's great news.
Hope you can both find happiness wherever you end up!

Helen

[JandM]

Hear, hear. All the very best. (((())))

[Alive&Kicking]

Hi,

Great to read this news - the way you sound now, I am sure you guys are going to sort it all out!

Good luck,
Anita

[castleclan]

You sound much more positive. Are you already back in UK?( I'm a bit slow! )

[NZ Hopeful]

Glad to hear you sounding positive, best wishes to you both for the future wherever you may be :)