[5kings]

Hi

My folks have known for a while we were thinking about NZ, but I don't think they realised how serious we were.
I asked if they'd baby-sit while we went to the Expo in October, which didn't go down well, then I said we were planning on selling up and moving in the next year, went down really badly.

My Mum is not so bad, obviously doesn't want us to go, but Dad was really negative. Apparently:

We'll never sell the house
It's too much of a gamble
We're risking the kids happiness
It's too much expense

and so on.

I feel really deflated. I agree with some things he has said, like we need a good reccie trip, but we just can't afford it. They seem to think we should try elsewhere in the UK first, but I really want to try this. Also it's OH last day at work today after being made redundant so I am all emotional. There is no stability here for us now, except family. There are no jos around here, and it's just a dead end for us.

Just hope my Dad is not right and we do manage to sell the house when we finish doing it up (he thinks that is a mistake too by the way!)

Ho hum

Helen

[Kalla]

Hi Helen

I'm so sorry to hear your family reacted like that. What a total anitclimax, especially when you have been excited about this obviously for some time.

I'm sure their response was only the shock of realising that you actually mean business and fear of never seeing their family. Flights are expensive and you will definitely see them less if you move to NZ so I can understand how they feel (having parents living on the other side of the world already).

Don't let it get you down though because at the end of the day, it is your decision and I'm sure they will come round when they see things are coming together for you.

[dusk]

Chin up.

Sounds like your dad is suffering a bit from worrying about you, which is only natural, just a shame he's let that come across in such a negative way - if you can discuss with them as you go through things and show how much planning you are putting in hopefully he will feel a bit better about things and be able to back you up in a more positive way :)

LOTS of people do this without a reccie first, it's a nice thing if you can afford it, but NZ is not the moon :)

[Jacqi B]

Hi
.
My Mum is not so bad, obviously doesn't want us to go, but Dad was really negative. Apparently:

We'll never sell the house
It's too much of a gamble
We're risking the kids happiness
It's too much expense

and so on.

I feel really deflated.

Helen

It's rotten that they can't be happy for you. It probably is that they will miss you but it's a rotten thing to do t you when you are so excited. You are adults, after all.

So your dad thinks you wont sell the house - well how will moving to a different part of the UK help with that? At least you should be able to get smething better in NZ for your money.

Sorry to hear that your OH was made redundant but, surely, all the more reason to try a new life in a country where his skills are needed (I'm assuming you're going as skilled migrants)?

Don't know how old your kids are but surely they are going to be happier in a country which is less crowded, less polluted, etc than the UK?

Too much expense? Assuming that your dad is not funding your move, that's your business, not his (that may sound harsh but its true). And if you all have a better, happier life, then it's worth it.

As for a reccie trip, well, I can't imagine emigrating to a country I'd never visited but thats me, not you. I'm sure you have your reasons for wanting to go and I'm sure you have done / are doing lots of research. Lots of other people have done it before you and been happy.

Just stay positive, I'm sure he'll come round. At least it sounds like your mum is pleased for you. Hugs

[Andy&Carol]

Sorry to hear you're so low at present, totally understandable though.

We've been chipping away at this whole moving to NZ thing for 14 months now, and we're almost there, but one thing that has kept me going throughout is the saying "If it's meant to be it will be".

In this current house selling situation who knows when you will sell, but if you hang on long enough you know it will sell one day, and in the meantime doing it up means you've got lovely new things in your 'current' home!

All best wishes, this whole process is emotional enough, without the added stress of redundacy, but it will all come right in the end - things always do!

[5kings]

Thanks everyone.

Just trying to price up a 2 week reccie trip, all depends if OH gets another job quickly etc.

The comfort zone has gone here now, no secure job to leave. I am starting at Uni in a couple of weeks for a year long course, and we had hoped to be on the move by this time next year.

We are hoping to go the skilled migrant route, OH a graphic designer. We also want to go before kids get into GCSEs etc, they are 3, 8 and 9 at the minute.

Well, what will be will be, funny as my Mum and Dad nearly emigrated to NZ when I was a kid. (we were over there for 6 months) He had a job, house flights paid for everything and changed his mind at the last minute.

Thanks for reassurance though...

Helen

[nickydwuk]

Hi Helen, we had a similar experience with the in-laws to begin with. When we first mentioned it they didn't want to discuss it and then started on the emotional blackmail with the kids. On the odd occasions they did mention it they were very negative - like your dad - you won't sell the house, you can't afford it etc... When I got a job and we put the house on the market I think they finally realised that no matter what they said it was happening. Now they discuss it and we have just got them set up with a web cam and skype. I won't say they are happy for us but they have accepted it. You have to live your life for yourselves not them. Harsh but true. It will work out in the end - just don't let them decide for you!!!

[victoria24]

our recce in feb for 4 of us is about 5500 on flights,rv rental and hotels. apparently 50% of migrants have never visited before. we agonized for months as whether to go on a recce or not. I took a payment holiday on our mortgage to ease the burden a bit

[5kings]

Hi Helen, we had a similar experience with the in-laws to begin with. When we first mentioned it they didn't want to discuss it and then started on the emotional blackmail with the kids. On the odd occasions they did mention it they were very negative - like your dad - you won't sell the house, you can't afford it etc... When I got a job and we put the house on the market I think they finally realised that no matter what they said it was happening. Now they discuss it and we have just got them set up with a web cam and skype. I won't say they are happy for us but they have accepted it. You have to live your life for yourselves not them. Harsh but true. It will work out in the end - just don't let them decide for you!!!

Very true, I just feel a bit unsupported by them, but there we go. Life is too short to ponder.

Not long for you now eh?

Helen

[5kings]

our recce in feb for 4 of us is about 5500 on flights,rv rental and hotels. apparently 50% of migrants have never visited before. we agonized for months as whether to go on a recce or not. I took a payment holiday on our mortgage to ease the burden a bit

I am pricing things up now, but we have an extra one, three kids makes everything more expensive, bigger motorhome for starters, and most hotels are two rooms for us.

I'm not giving up though, there's usually a way round things somehow.

Bet you can't wait for February!

Helen

[victoria24]

our price is for a 6 berth camper and a 2 room suite at the best western presidential in central auckland so should fit you all. we are flying singapore airlines for 3.5k for the 4 of us so yours will be a tad more. feel free to pm if you want any help.

[Tiggergirl]

I'm having the same problem with my mother. I've just come off the phone to her now & I've had nothing but negative comments from her:wah

She's known for 9 months that my daughter & I plan to move over with my fiance next year.

I've had the emotional blackmail, with myself & my daughter. I know it's hard for her to except, but NZ is not the moon like another poster said :yes

You need to do whats right for you & your family.

As I said to my mum, she & dad made choices for us as to where we lived. Because they almost moved to Australia before I was born, but my mum wouldn't go just incase she couldn't afford to come back.

I wish you good luck in whatever you decide & who know's maybe we might meet someday in NZ?:)

[Familyofmonkeys]

When we first started thinking about NZ and were casually discussing the idea with my dad, he started making comments like "all the houses are made of wood and get eaten by termites" and similarly negative comments, but eventually got to the stage of accepting we were going to leave no matter what anyone else said.

When your comfort factor has gone in life, it really does make you take a good look at where you are and what you want from life.......no one else can tell you what is right for you! Even if you got here and decided NZ wasn't for you....you could still make it a life enriching experience for yourself aswell as your kids and look on the whole experience as a working holiday for a couple of years. Yes there are risks involved, but a lot will also depend on how you evaluate what you are getting out of an experience. Better than spending the rest of your life thinking "what if?".

[janmommy]

your dad's probably just scared of losing his little girl

[timeanzbound]

Hi

My folks have known for a while we were thinking about NZ, but I don't think they realised how serious we were.
I asked if they'd baby-sit while we went to the Expo in October, which didn't go down well, then I said we were planning on selling up and moving in the next year, went down really badly.

My Mum is not so bad, obviously doesn't want us to go, but Dad was really negative. Apparently:

We'll never sell the house
It's too much of a gamble
We're risking the kids happiness
It's too much expense

and so on.

I feel really deflated. I agree with some things he has said, like we need a good reccie trip, but we just can't afford it. They seem to think we should try elsewhere in the UK first, but I really want to try this. Also it's OH last day at work today after being made redundant so I am all emotional. There is no stability here for us now, except family. There are no jos around here, and it's just a dead end for us.

Just hope my Dad is not right and we do manage to sell the house when we finish doing it up (he thinks that is a mistake too by the way!)

Ho hum

Helen

Sorry to hear that Helen. It must be really hard not getting support from ones close to you, but if you put yourself in their shoes, you would probably react the same way. It doesn't mean that they are right by any means, they are just sad and upset at your plans and your dad is just saying all those negative things out of anger.

Lots of people have been able to sell their house and move to NZ, their kids enjoy NZ, and the family unit thrives there bc they can spend more time together. Try to read some older posts about people already living there and you will see that things CAN work out.

Don't let your parent's voice influence you too much, if you do, you may never go and you will always wonder what it would have been like, maybe it would have been better. You will not know until you live there and try it. If that is what you truly desire, follow your heart. If worse was to come to worse, you can always come back...is that so bad? At least you went to a beautiful country, tried it, and will never be wondering again.

I say GO FOR IT!:exit You only live once!!!:yes

[Marsh]

Sorry but i want to be clear and in all honesty it has been said before. It is your life your decision. You did not tell them how to grow up or do with their lives etc. You have bigger life changing decisions to worry about now and that is the end of it. It will be hard enough getting settled etc. Yes it is expensive, yes you may not be able to sell your house but you do what it takes.

If you love your family, wife, partner, whatever, you do whatever it takes to protect them, but not at the expense that your turn them against you and they end up hating you.

The cost has been serious for my family as well, it is not stopping us, we have not sold ANY of our houses and we tried to sell two recently and are now back renting them (so tougher than selling one)....it will not stop me. Nothing will and my family have been supportive and even though they are sad we are leaving they have rallied round.

When times have been tough we have even been lent moneyhere and there (which we have paid back), but that is what families do. There is a way round most things, and if you are hurting etc...explain it once and move on don't let this take over Your Life. Now i hate repeating myself and i am sure you know what to do.....good luck.

[Toonster]

I'm sorry that your family aren't being supportive - I can relate to it, though - whilst my side of the family have been great about the fact that we want to move to the other side of the world (my mum is already planning her free holidays), my husband's mother has done all but full emotional blackmail (and we are wondering when she is going to try that) to make us stay - her reasoning? "I get airsick, which means that I will never see you again, so I will never get to meet my grandchildren" (not planning to start a family for another 3-4 years). But then she got upset when we decided to settle in Bristol - they live in Brighton, and the 3 hours travel is too much for her...!

Just remember that it is your life, and you only get one go through at it - much better to do something than spend the rest of your years wondering "what if...?"

I hope they come round and start supporting you in your decision.

[alan999]

Didn't have quite the family problems but as one with you for the no future part. Not just for us but our children. As I've said before on the forum, and I've been here over 18 months now I feel as though my life's been kickstarted in NZ whereas in th UK I was beginning to think it was over. I hope you get the same feelings too.

[tea drinker]

Hi Helen
Sorry to hear about their reaction. Keep in your head what is best for you.
Can't add anything that hasn't already been said so have one of these instead

( hug )

[shakyle2906]

HI Helen

Sorry to hear your news that family took badly. We had same thing happen to us!

They said we were breaking the family up, our son (then 4.5) would be unhappy and pine, go on a recce trip and leave him with them..........all kinds of things. It was quite nasty!

They didnt want to hear anything about hubbys job, where we were coming to, etc. The last few weeks were very difficult to co without this, plus then FIL admitted to hospital.

We left last April and it was awful enough without the unhappiness we left with them. We bought them a computer - it sat in their room for 8mths!

Every call was difficult - we would be on a high about something - buying car, house, me getting job - they didnt want to know.

Then, xmas time they wanted to see our soon - i got my ex boss to kindly lend them a laptop for the time - it ws very emotional indeed! I think that was a turning point too - they could see us all happy!

Things have been so much better since. They are now even planning to come out in December for a month!

We have a blog which i update weekly which i feel helps too!

It turned around for us and i hope it does for you too. All i can say is give it a bit of time. At the end of the day you have to do whats best for you and your family - even if its a huge gamble like we took - luckily it paid off. We couldnt afford to come on a recce trip either so was an enormous gamble.

Take care and you know where i am if i can help - would only be too glad too. Please feel free to PM me if you want to.

Sharon
xxx
Sending hugs xxx

[hosebergine]

Helen

I hope your OH gets work soon. Re: recce costs, lbefore you go, look at airpoints offers with airlines and any credit card deals offering points. Going to NZ on our recce and a new credit card has given us enough points to get to NZ one way - I think we may have to pay taxes and charges but it will save us a big pile of cash for that exciting one-way trip.

[thewoodies]

We havnt had a recce trip - watch dvds Aus Travel will send you a free one - look on their website - also Billy connolly has a dvd of New Zealand which is good - but my father in law thought there was too much of him in it!!! MY parents got offered NZ my mum told my dad she wanted to go back to uk we were living in the paciffic islands she was homesick - dad turned it down and has regretted it ever since - mum was having an affair and wanted to get back to him in the UK!! Go for what you want there may have been reasons for them not going that will never be discussed - maybee he wasnt as brave as you and what they forget it there is now skype, travel is cheaper and emigrating isnt always forever like it used to be. We have had so much C**p from family to be honest i cant wait to get away! Do whats best for your kids not them, my sympathies and good luck :clap:bluebanana

[canajanz]

I'm so sorry to hear your family reacted like that. What a total anitclimax, especially when you have been excited about this obviously for some time.

I'm sure their response was only the shock of realising that you actually mean business and fear of never seeing their family. .



Been there and DOne that

We saved up our great news till we had all the papers and told everyone at a huge family (in laws) reunion

NOT a good time ! LOL It allowed the mob mentality to take over !
One of the more geographically challenged family members said (nasty voice)
"well .. that's easy for YOU .. at least now you will be closer to YOUR family"

ummmmmmmmmmm welllllll yessssss
sort of

At that point I was 2500 miles from home
NZ would put me 11000+ miles from home
BUT
she was right in that I would now be closer to my family than he would be to his ... but the fact was that BOTH of us were going to be a long way from home

They do get used to the idea .. especially if you spend more time telling tham about what you DO have down here that what you don't have.

[stu & amanda]

Sorry to hear about your dads bad response - we have the same trouble with my mum. We told her about a year ago and she still refuses to talk about it, kind of blanks us then changes the subject to something a lot more interesting... like next doors cat! It's heart-breaking but what can you do.
Stay positive I'm sure he'll come around in the end. That's what we keep telling ourselves anyway.

Stu.