[walshy]

I cant believe that after 4/5 months of being desperate to go and all the stress of having our eoi turnt down 2/3 times we are now nearly at the point of going.

Our police checks should be here Tuesday, medicals are done and ITA will be sent to NZIS this week.

Now im having 2nd thoughts!!! Will I miss friends too much, will my wife miss her family, the kids their grandparents, no footy on tv in the evening, will my wifes job work out, will the business im buying bring in enough money? Will we make friends, will the kids hate us for it when they grow up?

What if it doesent work out and we come home, our house will have been rented while away and wont feel like home anymore, we are both leaving good jobs and wont have them anymore :wah:wah

Does it always feel like this once it gets close? Reassure me please.

[victoria24]

what have you got to lose? even if you stay a couple of years and go back to the uk it will have been a great adventure!

[walshy]

what have you got to lose? even if you stay a couple of years and go back to the uk it will have been a great adventure!Not as simple as that, got a 2 year old and a 5 month old, lot of upheaval for them, my wife just said what you did, but cant help worrying.

Leaving behind a very well paid business that wont be here if i come back

just keep reading about the damp housing and constant rain, also cant get a straight answer if our hopeful earnings there will be a comfortable life and just worrying my head off:exit

[tyhapus]

We're kind of at the same stage as you, and ahave a young family as well so I know what you are going through.

However, if we don't do this now then we have to be prepared to spend the rest of our lives saying "What if .. ?"

If you can do that, then that's fine. We can't and so it's got to happen!! (provided we pass our medicals this week!!)

[walshy]

Im sure we will do it, it just seems so real now, this place is going downhill fast and i dont want to be kicking myself in 10 years, but it is JUST SO FAR AND SUCH A BIG MOVE.

Once that police check is back, thats it, app form off, then the next bit, telling my business partner and trying to get some money for my share of a business that has no money(estate agency)

[janrzm]

Life is full of what if's and if you don't try you'll never know.
It scares me too, probably more so because I can't say that I'm unhappy here.
I shouldn't worry about the kids too much, they are so young that it wouldn't disrupt them as much as if they were school age.
As long as they've got their parents they'll be fine.
I'm sure it's completely natural to feel like you do.
Good Luck

[victoria24]

if it makes you feel any better walshy, my mortgage packaging business would have been worth about £800,000 by now if things hadnt transpired and now i couldnt pay someone to take it off my hands!
my kids are 10 and 6 and whats really sad is that they dont play out. not because of us but their friends' parents think the uk is unsafe so they have noone to play out with.
the weather is atrocious here anyway and i dont think on balance that new zealand would be a worse option. im so worried about robbing our kids of their childhood if we were to stay.

[NikT]

It's only natural to have these feelings.

I'll bet most of the people who moved here go through the same.

Focus on the end result.

She'll be right.;):laugh

Nick.:cheers

[victoria]

Firstly you're children will be fine. My parents immigrated when us 4 were littl'ns & even though we returned to England many years later I'm forever grateful to them for a wonderful childhood.The anxiety you feel is perfectly normal.As in your post "What if..."
Well that works both ways. What if we stayed & how would our lives in have Nz been? It is a big step you are taking but it is wonderful to live in a time of choices.You are raising a family BLIMEY!!! That's the scariest thing people do. Yes, leaving the familar to go into the unknown is a tad nervy & you're feelings reflect that. As other forumites have posted before, "emotional rollercoaster". Enjoy the ride & remember that the forumites are over here to walk along aside you.

[JandM]

JUST SO FAR NZ and UK are just a day apart.

[Gar1]

Not as simple as that, got a 2 year old and a 5 month old, lot of upheaval for them

IMHO thats the best age, better than waiting till they are at school, have friends etc. At that age they will know nothing about any upheavel.

[TrentBridge]

IMHO thats the best age, better than waiting till they are at school, have friends etc.

Absolutely agree with this. Wish we had done it 16 years ago when we first considered it. Now we have an 18 yr old and a 15 yr old and we have to take their opinions/wishes into consideration (which seem to change daily!!) It can be really difficult trying to keep everyone happy.

It is a big move, but you can always come back. Nothing is cast in stone.

It's just a great opportunity and as others have said it's only one day away.

Go on...... give it a go :nice1

[JoJo76]

I feel like that too. I go from raving about how great it's going to be to thinking oh dear god what am I doing. I'm leaving behind great friends and I love my current job and can't imagine having such good work mates and great manager anywhere else. I'll probably moan once i'm there (I can't help myself) and think what a terrible mistake I've made but I'll just have to make the best of it.


I would rather go and if I discover it's a mistake then come back, but not having kids to consider I realise it is easy for me to think this way.

Anyway, business is in the process of selling so no turning back now.

Good luck to you :)

[Mickstim]

Life's a journey - enjoy the ride!

Bx

[Joolzr]

The weather was awful for our first two months (july and august). But OMG, the last few days have been amazing. And the clocks haven't even changed yet. It's already equivalent to an Edinburgh summer.

Julie

[dharder]

Not as simple as that, got a 2 year old and a 5 month old, lot of upheaval for them, my wife just said what you did, but cant help worrying.

Of all the reasons to be worried about going (and I think it is fairly normal to worry), the children really shouldn't be one of them. At this stage, they are far too little to care. Even if you came here for 2 years and decided to move back, they'd still be little enough to not have a problem at all.

Personally, I think once they start school it will be a more significant change in their lives, but really, at the toddler stage, they'll be fine.

Now with all the other worries, I don't have any advice. I had the same worries, and I still worry about some things.

But I think if you are going to do this, if you only go by your kids' ages, now is the time :)

Daniela

[irishliz]

I wondered about posting as everybodies else has been focused on the positive. But I do think you raise valid points so will answer from our experience.

We have been here nearly a year and would absolutely do it all over again. Our children are young and they have taken to moving across the world very well. So in my opinion young children cope very well, and I actually think they have a great time at school and nursery. My only advise is if you are looking for nursery places when your wife goes to work it is worth getting them on the waiting list now as places can be hard to come by dependant on where you are. I had to delay returning to work by 5 months as I had to wait for their places to come up - and that was after putting them on the waiting list in the UK. Obviously we could have used a nanny but are expensive and we didn't want to disrupt the kids too much.

But we have been struck by two things - financially we are much worse off. And we knew that would be the case. My OH is on a very good wage but there is no way we could just manage on his. In the UK my wage was extra, here it is essential to us breaking even. Then there are school donations, doctors' fees, etc. I don't know your financial situation but if you are mortgage free, or your rent is covered by rent in the UK, or interest, and you have a very good wage you should be ok. But the cost of living here is high. And there is very little chance if we stayed here that we could travel to see family and friends every few years as we first thought - and there are 6 of us.

More importantly, I am desperately homesick and miss family and friends hugely - much more than I thought. My father in law died a few months ago and the trauma and expence of OH going back to UK was awful. Plus even though it is only a day's flight - it is shattering. He travelled there and back in two weeks and said he wouldn't do it again unless he had to. For me it was a real "smack in the teeth" feeling that we were so far away. Also my best friend and sister had babies, my brother and his wife are expecting a baby, and my mum said she hates the fact that she has not seen our youngest walk and talk.

But we love it here. We have just been approved for PR and really excited. I have not answered your questions, and to be fair not one person could. But the important thing is to take all information, and others experiences on board but ultimately it is your decision whether you come or not. Your wife seems up for it and it sounds that financially you will be fine. But it might be worth having some options open in case it doesn't work out. Like you we rent a house in the UK, and have jobs to go back to if we decide to return within the next two years. And I am glad to have these just in case it doesn't work out.

So good luck with your decision and keep us posted.

[irishliz]

Sorry should clarify - OH is on very good money for NZ, not good if you looked at his UK pay rate.

[timeanzbound]

Having second thoughts are normal, its part of doing something you have never done before. When doubt arises, just think of the main reasons why you decided to go in the first place, at that time it seemed like a good idea.

[Hejwitch_uk]

A cliche I know, but one I constantly remind myself of...."I'd rather regret the things I've tried than the things I haven't"

[walshy]

Another fly in the ointment is that my father is 85, he is going to come with us initially on the parents visa which lasts 9 months, how is he going to cope flying home by himself 9 months later and looking after himself at home?

We cant wait until he is not around anymore, he could live until 100!! He wants to come with us for the initiail nine months, but told us if he is too much bother go without him, he doesent want to hold us back but there is no way we would leave him here, but I suppose in effect we are because he will have to go home eventually barring a massive change in ruling by the new zealand goverment.

Our situation isnt that clear cut, we have my dad to think about, we want our house sold so we can buy asap out there and put down roots in a nice house but at the moment that involves taking £50k less than we were offered 9 months ago, at the same time if we rent our house it will pay half the rent out there and give us someone to come back to if it dosent go well.

Stressful time

[Leanne]

In my last couple of weeks at home, I spent alot of time thinking "what the heck have you done?" I think it's only natural to have second thoughts.

[Sam B]

One thing I can say for definite, the weather is better than British weather. Even after 2 months of solid rain this winter.

[Mrs Pony]

I think we all have those thoughts... I know I have and you all know how bad we want to be in NZ! It's a scary thing but you only live once!

[Parsley]

Totally agree with everyone who's said that second thoughts and Omigodwhatthehellamidoing moments are completely normal - I'm very much in the "Hey isn't this a great idea" phase and we haven't even done the recce yet. I'm fully anticipating The Rollercoaster, as everyone describes it, and I'm fully expecting to have moments when I think I'm going completely bonkers. But, in the grand scheme of things, do you want to get to old age and say you wish you had?! If you weren't pretty sure that this was the best move for you and your family, you wouldn't have pursued it this far, and when it all goes well, you'll be able to look back and be happy that you made the best decision you could based on all the info/factors available at the time.

You'll make the right decision for you regardless. :)

[wolfysmith]

The main thing is you have still got your house so if things don't work out you will have that to fall back on. Go for it!! We moved out to NZ in 2002 we sold up and took everything, because we cut all ties and psycologically because we had made it all so final we had a natural pull to come back. We came back a year later, if we had gone with a different mindset i.e we will go and see how we get on as opposed to thats it we are going for good we may still be there now. Its about five years on and now we wish we were still there, we have two children under five and wish we had stayed. Just go and don't pressure yourself just see how it goes. Goodluck;)

[thewoodies]

The best thing my parents did for me was work abroad, i got to see the world(cruise ships back from the pacific islands) and disney LA on the way out. I got to experience different cultures etc etc I will never forget. Even if NZ ends up a disaster my kids will have had experiences you cant buy - the UK isnt great to grow up in now - knife fights, terrorism, not being able to play out, deterioration of the state education system(where we are anyway!) NHS etc etc - sometimes i just worry what if i didnt go and they are left in this sinking ship.:exit

[broadsword08]

i believe it comes down to whether you are the kind of people who embrace change and have the desire to try different things and challenge yourselves, happy to be proved wrong and make some mistakes along the way... if you are not then there can be no 'what if's' at a later date

new zealand is no panacea and we all have things which complicate our situations... the grass is only ever a different shade of green as it's all in our heads ;o)

it is a long way, its not cheap living when you are earning kiwi dollars and there is limited choice in consumer goods

we live in the far south where everyone thinks the weather's abominable... as long as they keep thinking that we'll be fine!!!

[walshy]

i believe it comes down to whether you are the kind of people who embrace change and have the desire to try different things and challenge yourselves, happy to be proved wrong and make some mistakes along the way... if you are not then there can be no 'what if's' at a later date

new zealand is no panacea and we all have things which complicate our situations... the grass is only ever a different shade of green as it's all in our heads ;o)

it is a long way, its not cheap living when you are earning kiwi dollars and there is limited choice in consumer goods

we live in the far south where everyone thinks the weather's abominable... as long as they keep thinking that we'll be fine!!!
Its strange that there is such limited choice in goods when there isnt in Australia over the road.

[leachio]

Oh Walshy & IrishLiz I have been quite emotional reading this thread.

No-one will ever know if it's gonna work out for you guys but you guys. There is a heck of a lot to be said for 'better to try than always wonder'. However as I read all your worries and fears in your first post I was nodding to the laptop, yes yes yes they are all absolute possibilities and if Im being honest its a bit of a worry that your so worried about it before you go (if that makes sense). Prior to us boarding singapore airlines we were for the most part excited about everythin, somewhat naive to thinking we could get by on NZ $ but hey ho you live and learn. We went out with an 8mth old and a 3yr old, they incidentally were fine settled really well and were def young enough to start over.

There is no doubt atall for me the problem was the sheer distance from family & friends, the kids not seeing their grandparents, missing their big milestones (walking, talking, school etc etc). Our parents were young and fit enough to travel several times if need be but as always money came into play, it is true that NZ & UK are only a day away but that flight with wee ones aint a breeze. We sold our home, resigned our jobs, left all our loved ones but ultimately we only stayed 7mths and by that time I was rapidly turning into a basket case!!

I am most def not going to slate NZ, its climate, its people, our jobs etc because all of these were absolutley great. Most importantley we had the fantastic support of a few forumites, invaluable to me they were, cried on most of them :wah What I will say in agreement with IrishLiz re the money is that even as a policeman and a nurse we were poor and dipped into our savings every week. We only rented thankfully but would have struggled big time to get a decent house and would def not have had any money to fund hols etc. The houses out there are improving with new ones being built but the fact is that they are just not built to the standard you will be used to. A number of threads have been started on here regarding the cost of living so have a search.

I feel so much for Irishliz reading her heartfelt post and I can only say good luck. For us personally no amount of money, sun, sea and sand would have made me happy and the lights of manchester airport on an overcast weekday afternoon in oct 2007 was better than........................chocolate :yes You will be pleased to know that we are in the minority and for the most part the forumites have made the big move and have no regrets. I and a few others who have returned still pop on now and then and are open to any Q's.

In conclusion, would we do it again, not on your life! Am I glad we tried? Im sure I will be one day but not yet!

[wolfysmith]

Amanda

Sad to read you came back but like us, you went, you tried and you came back.

As someone once said, those who have never 'failed' at something are those who have never done anything.

However, 'failure' is not a term I would use. You tried something new and it didn't work out. There is no shame in that. We have been down the same road as you.

One thing I would say is that it is sometimes this fear of trying to make a new life and it not working out as some kind of failure and almost being ashamed of the fact.

At least you have the knowledge that the grass is not greener for you and at least you had the guts to give it a go.

I would recommend anyone else to go see and try. Otherwise you'll have a lifetime of regrets of 'if only'

Chris