[nickydwuk]

I think I missed my 1 month post and I have missed my 3 month post so thought I would go for a ‘not quite 4 month’ post. I thought I would post the reasons for coming to NZ and whether these had been met.

More space & less people
Better house & quieter environment
More relaxed working environment
More relaxed schooling
Chance for OH to become semi-retired (work part time)

More space & less people – definitely. The space here in CHCH and surrounding areas is fantastic. The views of the countryside are great and there do not seem so many people around or cars on the road. This may be an illusion as the roads are so wide!!!
Better house & quieter environment – definitely. We bought our house before arriving in the country – a gamble I know but one that paid off. The house is more than we could have asked for and the area is superb. The ‘village’ has all that you want – the down side is the commute to work but even that is not too bad. I enjoy driving and it only takes about 45 -50 minutes each way. And the views as I am driving are breathtaking.
More relaxed working environment – again a big yes. As a nurse I am used to running around like a blue a***d fly all day every day and not having time to care properly. Here the patient seems to come first and as a nurse they make sure your workload is never too much.
More relaxed schooling – My youngest goes to the local school and seems to really enjoy it. The sports lessons are not about competitive sports but more about fitness and in lessons he is not pushed too hard and seems to be achieving better than the UK at this level. However he is about to start year 10 so who knows!!
Chance for OH to become semi-retired (work part time) – since arriving here OH has had 2 weeks temporary work. Financially this has put a small strain on our finances but we have managed. He is enjoying taking time out of the rat race and I have enjoyed having him at home to do all the chores so I can relax when I come home.

So it seems we have achieved all we set out to achieve in such a short space of time. For those thinking of emigrating or about to embark on their journey please do not be put off by the next part of this post. We are all individuals and have different expectations.

Having achieved all this why don’t we feel happy? Most days we both have spells where we either cry or are very near to tears. I posted a while ago about being homesick and received a lot of encouraging and supportive posts. Thank you all. We have listened to all that people have said and know that it does take a lot of time to really settle somewhere. I have tried to remain positive about this move and encourage the family by pointing out all the good things NZ has to offer and we all agree it is a wonderful place with wonderful people. But there is this constant nagging doubt that will not go away. It is a need for all things British and all our family & friends left behind. Maybe if our family where here with us or we had good friends from way back here too it would be different. Since we arrived I have felt like it is just temporary and although we have tried to make friends and go to meets etc… it just does not feel right. Maybe we have isolated ourselves too much – I don’t know. DD has now booked her plane tickets and flies back to the UK at the end of March. This will mean we will have 2 children in the UK as well the rest of family. This is too much and we have decided to sell up and return as soon as the house is sold. We discussed the option of renting the house out to keep our options open but all our money is tied up in the house so we would not be able to fund our flights or anything else without the capital from the house. Some days – like today – we really enjoy ourselves and can see ourselves settling here but these days are far and few. I am not sure if we will be able to settle properly when we return to the UK only time will tell. It has been a positive experience and we have learnt an awful lot about ourselves from it. What we thought we wanted out of life was not right and what it seems we do want was right under out noses all along. At least we won’t be sitting in our rocking chairs when we are 70 and wondering ‘what if??’

[clairelouise]

Oh wow Nickydwuk, thanks for such an honest and forthcoming post. I truly hope you and your family can be happy if/when you return to the UK. And you're right that at least you tried, there will be no what ifs. My thoughts go out to you. ((((hugs))))

Claire

[Tui2too]

Oh Nicky...I've followed your posts from the beginning (on this board and the other one), I've always admired your bravery and ability to make your plans become reality. We both have teen-aged sons (mine is insisting he isn't coming with us) and I was encouraged when your son came with you and seemed to settle in. I am saddened you aren't feeling at home in nz after all that effort to get there, but I really appreciate the honesty of your post. No regrets. Best of luck. I hope you keep posting even after you leave nz.


---------------------------------
job offer in hand
time to submit eoi!
house not quite listed (renos done!)
plan to be in Wellington March - June

[dilanium]

I wish you the best and hope you settle in nicely once you get back to the UK.

[Scotty69]

I like your honest post and hope everything works out for you back in the UK good luck :nice1

Natasha

[Carey]

Best of luck with your future plans; you have been an inspiration to others by actually making the move to NZ, asking lots of sensible questions that have helped so many on this forum; keep in touch and good luck!

[lockstock]

That's very sad news on one hand but a brave decision on the other. There are so many things to consider in this immigration lark. And some things you just can't put a name to. I really hope things turn out well for you all. look on the bright side - the interest rates back in the UK are incredibly low and you'll get a good return on your dollar!

[Gemini]

As you said you've tried it and won't ever have to wonder what if. It isn't for everyone and I think you're very wise to recognise it and not try to plod on and on till you really hate where you are.

Good luck and I hope that you find what it is that is right for you all, whatever that might be.

[YouMeAndThree]

All the very best of luck with your future plans........wherever they may take you.

Lx

[Belmont Babes]

Hi Nicki,
Thanks for such an honest post. Please do keep in touch and best wishes to you all. Yeah, no regrets hey! ;)

[JandM]

They've said it all. Very good luck.

[Red Devil]

Hi Nicky

I know we've spoken frequently via PM, however we're still shocked with your decision. We've mentioned in PM's that 4 months is still an incredibly short period of time to make such a decision... you seem to have jumped through hoops and done all sorts to get to NZ, it's such a shame you can't weather the storm for another 6 months or so to see the bigger picture.

Having said that, I agree entirely with others... at least you've tried it and can never question yourselves.

We really admire you for the honest post... we wish you and your family the very best of luck :)

Take care and keep in touch :nice1

[Sovenok]

Dear nickydwuk,
I'm ipressed, don't know how to deal with it all. I agree with Gemini that the immigration is not for everyone.
However, I've changed some cities during my life and every time I felt myseft a stranger in a new place for the first time. But time passed and I begun feeling as I'm at home.
Have a good time anyway :)

[Jacqi B]

Wow, I'm gobsmacked!
I really hope that you will be happy whatever you do and wherever you end up living.
As Red Devil says, it's very early days yet. I'm sure you've already thought about that. You are right that you wont be saying in the future 'what if we had moved to NZ' but you might be saying 'what if we had given it a bit longer'?

Obviously, having children in the UK makes it a more difficult situation. I really hope that whatever you do, you are happy. Even if you are determined to come back to the UK, it's probably a good idea to stay in NZ for the NZ summer / UK winter.

Good luck
PS I can't beleive it is nearly four months already

[vixxann]

Nicky - wow .
Not much I can think to say right now. I totally sympathise for you for ANY problems you are having - and having unhappy children must be awful - but I cannot begin to imagine going back (in my own personal opinion obviously).

If this is what you feel is right then well done for making the decision. It must always have been difficult for your daughter (didn't she leave a boyfriend in UK?).

Perhaps, in hindsight, being so far out of the city has not helped? Ways and means of socialising, for you and the rest of the family, are bound to be easier where there are more people. If you sold, or rented, your house - could you try a couple of months renting somewhere more central (before you leave) to see if it helps?

anyway - good luck whatever
:)

[leachio]

Hi Nicky,

This is all very familiar and I knew after 4mths that it wasnt for me but stuck it out till 7mths, nearly broke me/us.

Follow ur heart hun and fate will take its course for u,
any Q's feel free to ask

take care Amanda xxx

[elleann]

Wow, Nicky. That was a hard post to read - and I guess a hard one to write too. I'm sad to hear that things aren't working out for you guys ... and I'm quite sure your decision to return has not been made on a whim ... however, to play devil's advocate for a minute, are you guys like 100% sure that 'almost four months' is a fair enough time trial? I've heard so many people saying that the first year is always hard and that two years is generally considered a good length of time to know if you're going to settle successfully.

But either way, I wish you only the best in the future and well done for having undertaken the adventure in the first place!!:clap

[Carey]

Wow, Nicky. That was a hard post to read - and I guess a hard one to write too. I'm sad to hear that things aren't working out for you guys ... and I'm quite sure your decision to return has not been made on a whim ... however, to play devil's advocate for a minute, are you guys like 100% sure that 'almost four months' is a fair enough time trial? I've heard so many people saying that the first year is always hard and that two years is generally considered a good length of time to know if you're going to settle successfully.

But either way, I wish you only the best in the future and well done for having undertaken the adventure in the first place!!:clap

I've found myself thinking about you guys alot of the night and have to agree with several others that you've had such a relatively short time and that, if you can, a few more months would give you a truer picture of your feelings; after all it takes at least 3 to 4 months to just cover the bascis, like where to shop, know your way from A to B. So from now on, it might get better? I'd encourage you to hang on in there for a little while?

[Janey]

Hi Nicky
Sorry Life is not too good best wishes for where ever you end up keep in touch!

[LesleyS]

Can identify with your feelings totally....I too cannot put my finger on it specifically, but 'something's missing'. We've been here 15 months now, and I haven't been able to write a 12 month post yet!
4 months in is still very new but you gotta follow your heart.
Good luck with all you decide - keep in touch though with forum friends x

[dharder]

Thank you for such an honest post, and sorry to hear that things are working out differently than you thought.

My five year old asked the other day 'Where do we REALLY live?' and her sister (also 5) replied 'In London, of course, that's where our house is'. That is after a bit more than a year, so I don't necessarily think that simply giving it more time is going to change the feelings.

Good luck with everything, and do keep us posted!

Daniela

[JayBee]

So sorry to read your post - I'd missed your other post about homesickness. I know even moving a distance in the UK can be difficult, let alone NZ.
Making all the connections and building a new life takes time and this first Christmas in the sunshine certainly seemed strange.
If you met all your goals, perhaps they weren't the right ones afterall. I really hope everything works out for you all.
Take Care

[britzy]

Nicky ,only just read your post.I hope everything works out ok for you and your family.You have been a real inspiration to me and have given me so much support.I hoped to meet up with you in New Zealand but I know we will keep in touch.
Take care. x
Helen

[Mels]

Nicky I am so sorry it has not been an easy time for you. We kind of chased each others timelines with ITA and stuff - you beat us to PR :wah - then helped me when I was going dotty with the eternal wait for our PR :yes and then we beat you here :)

You have to go with your gut feelings and I hope you find 'home' in which ever country it is. If you feel you have stuck it out for as long as you can in New Zealand then you have given it your best. As you say you won't be sitting in your bath chairs wondering what if? Not that I can imagine you in a bath chair anyway :D

Take care

Mels

[Jon-and-Lou]

Hi Nicky,


Only just seen this. Sorry to hear your decision, but like everyone else has said, you just need to do what is right for you and your family. All the best with whatever happens.

Are you actively selling your house now then? I know a while back, you were asking about estate agents, fees etc,

Lou

[nickydwuk]

Hi Nicky,


Only just seen this. Sorry to hear your decision, but like everyone else has said, you just need to do what is right for you and your family. All the best with whatever happens.

Are you actively selling your house now then? I know a while back, you were asking about estate agents, fees etc,

Lou


We have agreed terms with an agent and it should be on the market by the end of the week. However with the market like it is we will probably still be here in 6 months time. :)

Not that I can imagine you in a bath chair anyway


:D

If you met all your goals, perhaps they weren't the right ones afterall. I really hope everything works out for you all.

Thats it. Obviously what we thought we wanted to achieve wasn't what we were looking for. Now we have eliminated those goals we can look to the next challenge - whatever that may be.

[dusk]

a tough call and one I am sure you have spent a great deal of time considering, so all I can say is good luck with the house and the move home to your family and friends :)

[NikT]

Hi

A lot of people have said to try it for a little longer.
I do agree to a certain extent.

BUT....

If you're like me, you know, in your heart when something is "the right thing to do".
Which, it looks like, you do.

All the best for the future.

Nick.:cheers

[Mels]

I forgot to add....

Big Cyber HUGS too

Mels

[jo b]

Hi Nicky,
well I decided within that time frame too. I knew my way around NZ pretty much anyway before we moved as we had 3 visits before, so I didn't need/have a honeymoon period. I also needed to get back sooner to get my daughter into the high school we wanted once we had made the decision to come home otherwise we would be struggling to get her in a good one. I know many people say give it more time, they did me but I felt that many (not all mind some did settle) ex pats I knew just accepted that feeling of not being that settled, then couldn't afford to come home. I personally couldn't cope with the thought of being trapped or getting cabin fever. What I have learned from my experience is that I still have similar goals but know I need to achieve them nearer to home.
Good luck Nicky, I am sure a few of us returnees will be on hand to offer any advice as feelings and emotions can still do the roller coaster rides for many months after returning.

Jo
xx

[Red Devil]

Perhaps, in hindsight, being so far out of the city has not helped? Ways and means of socialising, for you and the rest of the family, are bound to be easier where there are more people. If you sold, or rented, your house - could you try a couple of months renting somewhere more central (before you leave) to see if it helps?

It's a fair point Nicky... if we decide on settling in Oxford, then we'd certainly be interested in renting your property as it helps out both parties I guess... only if you approve of us mind, you'll probably end up running a mile when we meet up in March ;) :D

[zardell]

This will mean we will have 2 children in the UK as well the rest of family. This is too much and we have decided to sell up and return as soon as the house is sold. We discussed the option of renting the house out to keep our options open but all our money is tied up in the house so we would not be able to fund our flights or anything else without the capital from the house. Some days – like today – we really enjoy ourselves and can see ourselves settling here but these days are far and few. I am not sure if we will be able to settle properly when we return to the UK only time will tell. It has been a positive experience and we have learnt an awful lot about ourselves from it. What we thought we wanted out of life was not right and what it seems we do want was right under out noses all along. At least we won’t be sitting in our rocking chairs when we are 70 and wondering ‘what if??’


I could have written that Nicky, word for word.

We've been back home in the UK for 4 months now and I LOVE IT !!!!

NZ has an awful lot going for it, but only if your heart can settle.

Take care and don't worry about a thing - you'll be fine.

Love,

Julie

xx

[Mickstim]

One of my sons and his wife came here having spent a year getting PR and putting their heart and soul into being in NZ and after 4 months they decided it wasn't for them and returned to London where they are very happy. I felt at the time that it took a lot of courage for them to do that - and the same applies to you. It isn't easy to say 'this is not for me' when it has taken you so long to achieve the goal. I hope you find peace and happiness, wherever you end up, and wish you all the very, vey best.

Bx

[willow]

you are absolutley right, so many people spend their lives thinking "if only". you were brave enough to have a go.

you have to do what is right for you and your family. at least you can sit back in your old age and know you had the guts to follow your dream rather than just dreaming.

good luck with the next stage of your adventure

[Jim&Karen]

"We discussed the option of renting the house out to keep our options open"

Hi Nicky as quoted " " are you certain that NZ is not for you? as why would you want to keep your options open. Or are your emotions behaviour driven am i reading wrong things into your post. I wish you all the luck in the world I was and still am having simular wobbly days as yourself, hey ho- nothing is forever. What superb experiences you will all have to share when you return to the other side. Hope we can meet before you return.

kind regards

Karen:)

[veronica]

I wish you luck but I have to say that I to am of the 4 months is a very short time. I've got kids in the UK too, one foster and one natural. but I know that as kids get older they are going to follow their own path, (as they have) they won't and shouldn't stay at home for us.

I am presently staying in the UK for two months with the kids and working on a project with a friend and I can't wait to get back to NZ. After almost 5 years in New Zealand thats home. Don't get me wrong I know about being homesick from having the kids in Australia many years ago, we came back to the UK after 6 years there and spent the next 20 years in the UK.

its not my business but having cocked up in OZ by not getting citizenship and regretting it later would it be worth your while to stick it out until you can get the visa that confirms your access to return to NZ. perhaps if your OH got a job then the money from that could be put to a holiday to make it more bearable. just be carefull not to burn the bridges behind you. there were obviously things in the UK that made you think about leaving there, those things will still be there.

whatever you decide I wish you well and my heart goes out to you with the decisions you are making.

[Carey]

I could have written that Nicky, word for word.

We've been back home in the UK for 4 months now and I LOVE IT !!!!

NZ has an awful lot going for it, but only if your heart can settle.

Take care and don't worry about a thing - you'll be fine.

Love,

Julie

xx

Not trying to hijack this thread in any way, but was surprised to hear you were back in UK Julie? Was Oz not what you'd hoped? Interesting that you still log onto here? Ignore if this is too nosy!

[zardell]

Not trying to hijack this thread in any way, but was surprised to hear you were back in UK Julie? Was Oz not what you'd hoped? Interesting that you still log onto here? Ignore if this is too nosy!



Not nosey at all...:)

I posted on the 'Leaving' section - have a look, you must have missed it.

Why do I still log on here? Not just because I have a lot of friends on this forum and it's just another way of keeping in touch, but because and irrespective of where I now live, I can still help out with some forum members questions seeing as I've been there and worn the T-shirt - my T-shirt that is, as we all have our own lives and experiences don't we? As an example of my metaphoric T-shirt, I know JUST how Nicky is feeling and sometimes advice (although I'm sure Nicky welcomes it) is not always all one needs. Sometimes, just having someone who understands and doesn't offer advice makes you feel less lonely in what can seem like a very dark, confusing time.

Julie

xx

[tea drinker]

Thanks for your honesty and pointing out the positives as well as your wishes to return.
Whatever you do hope that it works out for you.

Take care

[jo b]

Not nosey at all...:)

I posted on the 'Leaving' section - have a look, you must have missed it.

Why do I still log on here? Not just because I have a lot of friends on this forum and it's just another way of keeping in touch, but because and irrespective of where I now live, I can still help out with some forum members questions seeing as I've been there and worn the T-shirt - my T-shirt that is, as we all have our own lives and experiences don't we? As an example of my metaphoric T-shirt, I know JUST how Nicky is feeling and sometimes advice (although I'm sure Nicky welcomes it) is not always all one needs. Sometimes, just having someone who understands and doesn't offer advice makes you feel less lonely in what can seem like a very dark, confusing time.

Julie

xx

Julie

tried to rep you but it won't let me. I think you have very articulately put how I felt too, didn't really want advice just wanted someone to listen and understand, and also to tell me it was okay to feel this way.

Hope you are doing ok Nicky.
Jo

[peebles16]

Just caught up with this Nicky and have nothing to add really just hope that you and your family find the happiness you deserve wherever that may be :yes And if you fancy catching up for a coffee just drop me a PM :)

Karenx

[Carey]

Not nosey at all...:)

I posted on the 'Leaving' section - have a look, you must have missed it.

Why do I still log on here? Not just because I have a lot of friends on this forum and it's just another way of keeping in touch, but because and irrespective of where I now live, I can still help out with some forum members questions seeing as I've been there and worn the T-shirt - my T-shirt that is, as we all have our own lives and experiences don't we? As an example of my metaphoric T-shirt, I know JUST how Nicky is feeling and sometimes advice (although I'm sure Nicky welcomes it) is not always all one needs. Sometimes, just having someone who understands and doesn't offer advice makes you feel less lonely in what can seem like a very dark, confusing time.

Julie

xx

Thanks Julie; yes I had missed your post as we had just arrived at end of Aug and were computerless for a while.

Wise words you wrote for Nicky.

Continue to enjoy yourselves in the UK. and definitely keep contributing those wise words on here.

[nickydwuk]

Just caught up with this Nicky and have nothing to add really just hope that you and your family find the happiness you deserve wherever that may be :yes And if you fancy catching up for a coffee just drop me a PM :)

Karenx

I might take you up on that later Karen :yes

"We discussed the option of renting the house out to keep our options open"

Hi Nicky as quoted " " are you certain that NZ is not for you? as why would you want to keep your options open. Or are your emotions behaviour driven am i reading wrong things into your post.

With the housing market like it is we thought that renting might be easier and then if we did realise that we had made a mistake in returning we could always come back. A few more weeks of being unhappy confirmed that we probably would never feel settled here. The decison is mainly emotional but partly practical as a very large part of the family (including 2 children) will be in the UK.

Julie

tried to rep you but it won't let me. I think you have very articulately put how I felt too, didn't really want advice just wanted someone to listen and understand, and also to tell me it was okay to feel this way.

Hope you are doing ok Nicky.
Jo

Thanks Jo.

[victoria24]

good luck nicky, out of interest, have you experienced anything that will change your location in the UK?

[Kerry and David]

No wise words to add but just wanted to wish you and your family all the best:)

[nickydwuk]

good luck nicky, out of interest, have you experienced anything that will change your location in the UK?

Not really. As our family is all based in the same area and so is my job (hopefully) we will head back to where we came from.

[willsken]

Hi Nicky

Just caught up with this and wanted to wish you the very best of luck. NZ isn't for all and sometimes those family ties are just too strong to be cut. If you found all you were looking for here and you still can't settle then that's surely telling you something! :yes Go back and enjoy your family, I'll bet the move will make you see them as even more precious than before. :nice1