[Tui2too]

Warning:this is long....
We listed our house for sale today on a popular for sale by owner website. I gave OH's work number as I am phone-phobic...I never expected he'd receive so many calls! And now people are coming on Sunday already to see it...:eek:

I am suddenly having major doubts and panic over the possibility of actually selling our house. It should make me happy as we need to do this to get to nz...but I feel a sense of dread instead. We are both questioning 'why' are we doing this all over again. We've been to nz before, it didn't work out and we came back and settled in our lovely comfy house....why are we returning??!! It seemed alot clearer days/weeks/months ago now suddenly it feels too real and scary (if that makes any sense?!)

Is this normal????? Have any others out there gone through this?
Is it part of the letting go process that is very difficult in order to ultimately obtain one's dream of nz. Or is it a dire warning sign to turn back now, do not advance, stay where its comfortable?

There was once a thread on here about why do we leave our comfy homes, I've searched and searched for it and can't find it. It was truly inspiring. I don't know if the OP ever did emigrate or not. I wish I could find that thread again!!

I feel like we are about to leap off a diving board into something we already have tried and failed at. It is sooo hard to find the faith to leap again (especially now that we are lot older). It is so hard to give up a home that you know for complete instability and unknown for a good while until we settle again. Yikes. We're getting a little old for this!

I really need a 'counselling on nz' therapy session. lol. this is probably not the place, but didn't know where else to spill my guts! and thought maybe just maybe its part of the immigration roller-coaster and if its not I should really get off this ride and leave it to the younger generation! lol

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OH expected to start work in Wellington in June
ITA not sent yet

[dilanium]

I'm sure it's part of the process. Even though I didn't have a house to sell I was definitely panicking and hated leaving where we were living.

I can't say if it's right for you to go, but it was right for me. :)

Just breathe and go through the process. I'm sure you'll be fine.

[mcacmartin]

I don't have a house to sell, but we are selling everything IN the house and leaving with just our suitcases. I too have had a few of those same moments of panic and doubt, and I'm sure there are more to come.

The thing that gets me through is like Liz said....this is the right move for US...for our family. I think about all the things that are waiting for us, the opportunities, the change....and try not to think too much about what we're leaving behind.

Take a few deep breaths ...... it'll all be ok. I know it's overwhelming.

[lindreth]

I have felt a lot of these same feelings -- why would I leave a secure and comfortable life? why would we leave our great house, great friends, great jobs?? Strangely for me, selling the house did not give me the greatest anxiety. For me, the greatest source of anxiety is not knowing where we will land, who will hire us, who will rent to us, who will be our friends. I think this anxiety has to be part of the process. If we were never uncomfortable or anxious, that would probably mean that we were not pushing our boundaries a little bit. and pushing a little bit past (or, thousands of miles past) the comfort zone has got to be good for our spirits, right? That's what I'm telling myself anyway. :)
If nothing else, this adventure will surely make all of us more interesting dinner guests...
lindsay

[peebles16]

Perfectly normal or at least it was for me :o
We had a great life back in Scotland with good jobs, good friends, family support and lovely house.... No complaints really maybe except the weather :) But we always had a wee niggle in the back of our minds that it wasn't quite right and that's how we ended up on the rollercoaster ride to NZ.

Every step closer to NZ brought huge feelings of doubt and dread along for me as well as excitement - I felt at times that I was going slightly loopy :o I questioned again and again what the heck we were doing however, Meg hit the nail on the head for us too it was family and what was best for all of us....

I suppose what I am trying to say is that it's all part of the rollercoaster and emotionally the ups and downs can be hard but when you get to the other side it's worth it :yes

All the best
Karenx

[Carey]

I'm sure you've looked at the reasons this went 'wrong' last time and have taken steps to ensure the same thing doesn't happen again. The fact that you're even prepared to try again, tells us that you are made of strong stuff. Not sure how much age comes into it; it;s just another variable to factor in! Saying that, we wish we'd made this move 20 yrs ago, when we first visited and fell in love with NZ!

Good luck and maybe what will be, will be?

[JasonS]

hi tui,
glad to hear that people are coming to look at your house. that is a positive. :nice1

i am sorry that you are still feeling really anxious about this whole thing. that is perfectly normal. maybe what you and DH need to do is sit down and write up a list of pros and cons of moving to NZ and discuss them. maybe that will help to put things into perspective.

i loved NZ each time we visited, but it still took jason over 2 years to convince me that moving here was the right thing to do. i took my time to thoroughly think it through, and once my mind was made up i was determined that we were going to get here. when jason went through periods of doubts as well, i told him we had come to far in the process and there was no way i was going to let him or us back down.

i agree with what lindsay said, it is good for the spirit. to me, moving here was like taking a leap of faith. i wish i had an easy answer for you, but you have to really listen to your heart and decide what you think will be best for you and your family. (o.k., my oprah moment is over :o )

laurel

[Tui2too]

Thanks Laurel I needed an oprah moment (was scared of a dr phil lecture!)
Lindreth you are definitely invited to dinner! Thanks everyone!
I was kind of hoping someone would say 'obviously this isn't something you want, stop whining, you can exit the ride now' ...I don't think I have the courage to admit that. NZ holds too much of an attraction to me. Pros and Cons, that is a scary prospect, I'm too afraid staying would win on that one. It seems to go against all logic to throw everything away here to head to the other side of the world (weather was a big motivator for us too). But I guess this isn't about logic at all.
I'm going to let OH do the house showings and go somewhere with the dogs and kids, that will help advoid the stress. I think if it turns out to be nice people who will take care of the gardens and love it here as much as we do it may make it easier to let the house go. Very silly of me, I know. It's not just bricks and mortar.

[Silverwing86]

Hi Tui,

I think it's totally natural to be feeling as you do. Whether the move is right for you or not, you are stepping possibly as far out of your comfort zone as is humanly possible so it's very understandable that it's going to 'scare' you ! We are after all, creatures of habit, and the current situation that you have created in your life is known to you, so whether it be good or bad, at least you know what you are dealing with and that's comfortable (hence we call it our 'comfort zone' ;)). Where you are going to is still very much an unknown and doesn't constitute any kind of 'comfort zone' yet, which makes it totally scary to contemplate !

Noone can predict the future or know beforehand how things are going to turn out. Keep in mind that part of the 'charm' of this whole emigrating thing is the fact that you're letting go of amost all the old and replacing it with something new. And because it is new, we can't yet know how we are going to feel about it once we get there.

As others have stated, you've been there and done that, you have at least some idea of what to expect. Only you can understand yourself well enough to know whether or not you are able to let go of your current comfort zone and be confident that you can create a new one for yourself in a new place.

Perhaps it would help to keep in mind that nothing has to be forever, you always have choices. You can always come back again if things don't turn out as you had hoped or planned. As you have done before and you managed to do that just fine even though you probably didn't go back to exactly the same 'comfort zone' that you had before you left ? Yet you persevered and managed to create a new 'comfort zone' for yourself, take heart in that !

Don't fear the possibility that this might happen again because it really doesn't matter if it does. As you long as you tried, you cannot fault yourself for that. It's been said many times before that it's better to have tried and found out it wasn't for you, than to never have tried at all out of feeelings of fear. It is a great life experience and teaches us a lot about ourselves. Our feelings can't be 'wrong' as such, they are what they are, and these kind of life experiences help us realise exactly what those feelings really are and what in life is really important to us (if that makes any sense :o ?).

Okay, rambling over now :D. Easy for me to talk as hubby and I had no doubts at all, either about wanting to be in NZ, or not wanting to be where we were. Not that it was bad as such; we had a good life there, and security, but we just didn't feel we were 'home', which we absolutely do feel ever since we set foot in NZ two years ago. Despite having no doubts, there were definitely moments of fear (how could there not be when you're going into the 'unknown' ?!) and selling the house was certainly one of them. A house feels very much like 'security' to us human beings and letting go of that is scary.

On the other hand (and important to us), we also found all this 'letting go' of 'old stuff' and ingrained habits to be very liberating indeed. Don't forget that being able to 'start over' creates enormous opportunities as well :clap, after all, by emigrating you've already broken out of ingrained habits, which makes it much easier to do things differently if you so choose !

Good luck with it all and I hope you find the answers within yourself.

Cheers,
Silver

[lockstock]

Normal. Totally.:nice1

[NikT]

I was kind of hoping someone would say 'obviously this isn't something you want, stop whining, you can exit the ride now' ...I don't think I have the courage to admit that.

Everything you are feeling is totally natural.
You're never too old.
Follow your heart, you know whats right!

There's loads of support here on the forum.
Feel free to PM me.:)

Nick.:cheers

[JandM]

Normal. The adrenalin is up ready for lots of action, and because you can't immediately launch all that action, you feel really edgy.

This 'comfort zone' thing is really recent in terms of the development of the human race. We descend from thousands of generations of hunter-gatherers who never knew from one hour to the next what was coming - if we dig for it in our minds, we have the programming to be able to react to the unknown, and even to enjoy the challenges.

I think I remember the thread about homes that you mention. I'll see if I can find it, too.

[JandM]

Is this what you were thinking of? http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?p=221983&highlight=family+home#post221983

[Mels]

You sound normal to me. I remember at some point around the middle of our application process thinking 'we'll never get to NZ - I don't have the courage to go through with it'
Umm - been here nearly 6 months and settling nicely. Waiting for the big 'bump' but so far biggest thing I miss is my closest friends and pooch. Long may it continue. :clap

Good luck you will be fine, just believe in yourself :yes

Mels

[Tui2too]

Thank you so much! You are all so wonderful! There is no way I could have this discussion with friends or family, they don't want us to leave, so any doubts we may have get pounced on as a positive sign we are finally 'coming to our senses'.

It is infinitely helpful to see this letting go angst as a stage in the process. After reading all of your good advice, things really started to make clearer sense.

For me its giving up the house, for OH it is giving up job security/pension/benefits (the golden handcuffs).....we had a quick conversation this morning and I was able to quote some of the good advice here that answers to both of those issues! THANKS (and you're all invited to dinner btw!)

JandM that is exactly the thread I have been searching for!!!thank you!! I remembered it as being longer (lol) but the sentiments and advice in there are still just as valuable and meaningful to me.

Okay....onto the next hurdle (the dreaded medicals) Thanks everyone!!

[JandM]

((())) All the best, and hang in there.