[beth&rich]

Well, I feel a bit foolish, and quite a lot poorer for the experience, but 6 months in we've decided that NZ just isn't for us. So, we're back off to Blighty as soon as we can afford to go (probably September at the earliest...at least we haven't bought a house!)

We'd travelled here extensively and the OH had even worked here for a few months before we made the decision to come out, but while its an amazing place to be a tourist, we're finding it a pretty unbearable place to live.

I do wonder if we'd have been happier in a different location, or with different employers, but there is far far more to it than that. And its more than just missing family and friends......we don't suit NZ, and NZ doesn't suit us.

But hey, no looking back - at least we know now!:o

[JandM]

But hey, no looking back - at least we know now!
You seem to be taking it all quite philosophically - all the best for sorting things out.

[Shones]

Hi, all the best for when you get back to the UK
glad you've been brave enough to admit it just wasn't a "good fit"
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so they say! So, I'm glad you can see it in the light it was an experience. :)

[Shones]

P.S. As a potential migrant, I'm always interested in what ways the move didn't suit people, I truly believe that it does help forumites not yet here see a balanced picture before they take the plunge, and can see if the factors you bring up may or may not affect them.

[Sam B]

I don't know if it's just my perception, but there seems to be a much higher rate of people returning to their home countries on the forum at the moment. I wonder if the recession has had an effect on this? I know this might have nothing to do with your personal circimstances however. It sounds like it just wasn't meant to be.

It must be a massive upheaval for you after all the effort of getting here, and I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can. Best wishes.

[Georgebulldog]

At least you can you tried it, good luck in the future

[victoria24]

we're finding it a pretty unbearable place to live.


good luck with your plans :nice1 would you mind sharing what made it unbearable for you?

[BkyMonster]

I don't know if it's just my perception, but there seems to be a much higher rate of people returning to their home countries on the forum at the moment. I wonder if the recession has had an effect on this? I know this might have nothing to do with your personal circimstances however. It sounds like it just wasn't meant to be.


I noticed this as well, but I was wondering if there is a similar surge yearly because of the weather. Maybe exacerbated by the recession or vice versa. Little things that don't bother you as much normally can push you over the edge into not liking where your at.

To the OP: Good luck with finding what makes you happy!

[leachio]

Hey SamB did we start somethin??????????
Soemtimes I think that its very difficult to come here and say it doesnt suit you and that you are leaving. Perhaps because there have been a couple of forumites opening up about it it has given others the courage to do the same. Make sense???????

Sometimes despite all the research and visits and money in the bank it just doesn't feel like home! :exit

For all those goin home or plannin to and have all those normal 'what if........?' running through their heads, I would say follow your hearts and I can 100% say my broken heart was healed as soon as we touched down in Manchester on a gorgeous Oct day in 2007!!!

Good luck to all xx

[beth&rich]

good luck with your plans :nice1 would you mind sharing what made it unbearable for you?

Happy to share! Though actually thinking about what I'm about to write I guess a significant part of it is homesickness - I guess there is stuff I miss more than I expected I would.......

Things pulling us back to the UK (other than friends and family - thats just obvious):

- heritage
- footpaths, OS maps and the right to roam that will take you almost anywhere in the country, rather than having to stick to well worn paths.
- witty banter
- the BBC
- decent wages

And things pushing us from NZ:
- poor quality housing
- getting so little money for working such long hours (and we're both on pretty decent wages by kiwi standards....dual income no kids yet)
- I'm what might be called quite "bookish" and I struggle with the level of conversation that I get with most kiwis I've met/ work with - it never seems to move far beyond bum and fart gags/ sport/ binge drinking stories.
- the weird boy vs girl split that seems to happen socially - not sure if its just me thats seen this?
- poor healthcare - the OH is a bit sickly and his GP thinks he should see a consultant . The DHB wrote back to say that they didn't have any available appointments for him. I stress that this was not "we can't see you for a while, but let us put you on a waiting list...", this was simply "nope, we can't see you."
- We don't like Hamilton much. Its basically a small town which likes to market itself as a city, but has none of the facilities/ cultural events that you would expect of a city. I can accept that it simply doesn't have any of this stuff, and that suits some people fine, but Hamilton should really stop marketing itself as a city. Its a lie.
- we both work very long hours, exacerbated at least in part by the kiwi "she'll be right..." attitude which can result in very slapdash, frankly rubbish work. We seem to be the people that end up cleaning up the mess when others have gone fishing.
- also I travel a lot with work, which has made it difficult to join clubs and activities where I might meet people and make friends - so thats made it a pretty isolating experience. Its not healthy to rely on your OH to be everything to you - partner, best friend..everything!

Its not all negative though - I've seen some beautiful places!

[victoria24]

aw.. thanks beth, it's always interesting to hear the reasons behind the decision just as it is for the journey to nz also. keep us updated.

[beth&rich]

I don't know if it's just my perception, but there seems to be a much higher rate of people returning to their home countries on the forum at the moment. I wonder if the recession has had an effect on this?

I've noticed exactly the same thing. When we were first looking at coming out here, there had been very few recent posts on this thread. But there have been loads recently. It can't just be a coincidence.

But, I can honestly say that recession isn't part of our reason for moving - we're both in secure, well paid work. In fact, from that point of view we're probably crazy to be going back to the UK. Gulp!

[Chiba]

It can't just be a coincidence.

Statistically there are plenty of people arriving in New Zealand, and plenty of people leaving too. Net migration is a pretty small number. If you only saw stories from people arriving when you first started looking, then you're likely to see a peak the other way at some point too. Of course, there's some bias towards immigrant stories on this forum because that's what it's about, but there are still going to be peaks both ways.

[A&G]

Hi

Just wanted to wish you all the best with your move home, I hope it works out for you both :)

[Carey]

I don't know if it's just my perception, but there seems to be a much higher rate of people returning to their home countries on the forum at the moment. I wonder if the recession has had an effect on this? I know this might have nothing to do with your personal circimstances however. It sounds like it just wasn't meant to be.


And quite a few after 6 to 9 months....is that a watershed mark, in that, if you're not happy after that amount of time, you can't see it changing? From personal experience in another country, we certainly knew after 6 months that we could never live there.

Thanks for sharing your reasons; interesting and I also don't feel any great attractions to Hamilton! Best of luck for your trip back and new life in the UK.

[grady bunch]

Funny that most of your reasons for going back were ones that brought us here!!

Long hours, rubbish health service etc

I guess it is down to personal experience and where you land! So hard to work it out before you come, and as most people seem to stay where they arrive, very important.

Most of the people I've met had never been here before and chose an area out of "Where to live in Auckland" book, seems we were just lucky in where we arrived and the fact we stayed in apartments with many others doing the same thing and met some great friends there who are now my friends/support/babysitting circle/drinking partners.....

Good Luck back in the Uk, hope you get jobs before you leap back, its pretty grim there.

The Gradys

[Kanga]

And quite a few after 6 to 9 months....is that a watershed mark, in that, if you're not happy after that amount of time, you can't see it changing? From personal experience in another country, we certainly knew after 6 months that we could never live there.

Thanks for sharing your reasons; interesting and I also don't feel any great attractions to Hamilton! Best of luck for your trip back and new life in the UK.

I knew within a few weeks of arriving here :o

Those initial months in NZ were full of adjustment and people-sickness but nothing like the feeling of "this just isn't right" that I have about here in Oz.

To the OP- don't feel foolish, you couldn't have known until you tried and in some ways it's more foolish to stick it out because you feel too foolish to head home! Good luck to you :)

[beth&rich]

I knew within a few weeks of arriving here

I think I did too, but by 6 months you have to accept that its more than just homesickness and that nothing is going to change. Time to cut your losses and run. :exit

[victoria24]

soo.. could you also conclude that if you love it in the first month, then things should be ok?

[beth&rich]

soo.. could you also conclude that if you love it in the first month, then things should be ok?

Thats an interesting point - looking at some of the other threads (where people have left because they wanted to, not because circumstances made it impossible to stay), several of them do suggest that they'd known quite quickly that NZ wasn't for them, even if they didn't admit it to themselves at the time.

And if thats the case, there's a lot to be said for not shipping your stuff over until you've been here for at least a couple of months!

[Sam B]

I can identify with many of the things that you don't like about NZ, and Hamilton. I still miss the footpaths crisscrossing Cornwall, despite the wonderful walks here. I miss the same things as you do about Britain. My experience in NZ is probably a bit different due to having a young family and socialising differently, so we have been able to find enough to like (and love) and work through the homesickness. But I know where you're coming from.

[Ngeru]

And things pushing us from NZ:
- poor quality housing
- getting so little money for working such long hours (and we're both on pretty decent wages by kiwi standards....dual income no kids yet)
- I'm what might be called quite "bookish" and I struggle with the level of conversation that I get with most kiwis I've met/ work with - it never seems to move far beyond bum and fart gags/ sport/ binge drinking stories.
- the weird boy vs girl split that seems to happen socially - not sure if its just me thats seen this?
- We don't like Hamilton much. Its basically a small town which likes to market itself as a city, but has none of the facilities/ cultural events that you would expect of a city. I can accept that it simply doesn't have any of this stuff, and that suits some people fine, but Hamilton should really stop marketing itself as a city. Its a lie.
- we both work very long hours, exacerbated at least in part by the kiwi "she'll be right..." attitude which can result in very slapdash, frankly rubbish work. We seem to be the people that end up cleaning up the mess when others have gone fishing.

Its not healthy to rely on your OH to be everything to you - partner, best friend..everything!

Its not all negative though - I've seen some beautiful places!

I can relate to so much of your post there, it's hard sometimes to explain or put your finger on the things that are 'missing' or that don't suit. Often it is a collection of seemingly minor issues to others, but as a whole they go a long way to making one feel that things are not right to the extent that it makes you unhappy with your lot overall.

Work issues are a big factor, we spend so much of our time there and being put upon in the workplace by people who quite frankly do not give a damn, is very demoralising. Changing jobs four times now, hasn't provided much improvement for me and I'm at the stage now where I am fearful of changing again for something worse.

You made a brave decision this early on, because I think too many of us soldier on, knowing that it's not for us, but knowing we invested so much time money and hope in this move; admitting defeat suggests WE failed rather than NZ failed us. All too often we struggle along, hoping that things will improve or that we might eventually get it.

It is also not easy to come to a forum such as this, and say to people this didn't work and I don't like.... blah, blah. People are all too quick to judge your character and assume it was something wrong with YOU: they naturally assume and jump to a conclusion that you were negative / had the wrong attitude / didn't try hard enough and that this could not possibly happen to them.

Having made the decision to leave must be a relief and I hope you get to enjoy your remaining time here. Good luck!!

[carahafner]

Thank you for sharing your story. It is good for those of us who are in the process of emigrating to keep things in perspective as we make our own journeys and that includes hearing stories/experiences from those of you who do not find that NZ is the right fit.

Ngeru, your post was also really insightful. Thanks for sharing.

Good luck to you Beth and Rich.

[Tesall]

Funny that most of your reasons for going back were ones that brought us here!!

Long hours, rubbish health service etc


The Gradys

That is what I was thinking!

I also am perplexed with the footpath comment. Dont you like the tramping tracks? Or are they to rough? I have a book of tramping tracks in the Kaimai's and I ahve prob done about 1% of them (I have done about 20), I am planning a long walk around parts of the Eats Cape for next summer. Cannot wait.
I have found the idea of girls/boys night out far mroe entrenched in the UK than NZ, if anything I thought NZers socialised as couple more than Brits.

But I guess this all just confirms that it isnt eally the country that often makes you miserable it is the social circle or lack thereof.

[beth&rich]

That is what I was thinking!

I also am perplexed with the footpath comment. Dont you like the tramping tracks? Or are they to rough?

I do like the tramping tracks - sadly the majority of them are a very significant distance from Hamilton in terms of travelling time and expense. Its also very restrictive in the sense that you can only really walk on the designated tracks, of which there are actually very very few , when you consider the size of the country.

In the UK I was lucky enough to grow up in Herefordshire and there were many hundreds of miles of alternative, varying footpaths right on my doorstep. I could honestly have spent my lifetime walking within 20 miles of my house and never have covered them all. I have even climber Cader Idris through a foot and a half of snow.

Its not that NZ tramping tracks are too challenging - its that access rights are actually very restrictive. As I'm unfortunate enough to live on a terribly bland, overcrowded estate, with only a view of my neighbours fence and no easy access to a footpath out of it, I actually feel a thousand times less free and more trapped than I ever did in the UK. And I've even lived in Birmingham city centre, so thats saying something!

I accept it might have seemed an odd comment on the surface - but I actually think its a very well reasoned one once explained.

[sweetpea]

But I guess this all just confirms that it isnt eally the country that often makes you miserable it is the social circle or lack thereof.

Interesting. I feel like I have some great friends and an extensive support system here. In my case, they serve to offset some of the more grating aspects of NZ living. In my case, it is the country - the low standards, the lacksadaisical attitudes, the provincialism - that get me down sometimes. A fair number of my expat friends commiserate.

[dharder]

But I guess this all just confirms that it isnt eally the country that often makes you miserable it is the social circle or lack thereof.

Can't read that at all in the OP's comments, or any others, really. Of course the family/social circle and lack thereof are difficult, but a lot of the points in the OP's post have everything to do with the country and not much with friends and family.

I think pretty much all of those points I agree with, and had to laugh at the line about missing 'witty banter'. I'm glad I'm not the only one to miss that :)

Daniela

[dharder]

I actually feel a thousand times less free and more trapped than I ever did in the UK. And I've even lived in Birmingham city centre, so thats saying something!

I keep telling people that it took us 20 minutes to get out of London into Epping Forest, and it takes us ages to get to any walkable tracks here. A consequence of that is that we used to just pack everyone in the car and go, even if we just had a couple of hours, whereas now it is much more of an enterprise and happens less often. Go figure: Much more impressive nature, less time spent in it.

And the odd thing is that we still seem to do more walking and tramping and spending time outdoors as a family than all the kids' classmates and my colleagues at work.

Daniela

[Kanga]

Oh, I so so so feel your pain re walking trails and OS maps. We lived in rural Herefordshire some years ago (Near Leominster) and we had so many paths from our gate. Then we lived in Taunton and we were so often just nipping onto the Quantocks or Blackdowns for a stroll or day walk and sometimes just to munch breakfast or supper in endless Heather.

:big sigh:

I could almost abandon ship for the UK countryside- bluebell woods and wild garlic, beech forests and spring sunshine ...


I do like the tramping tracks - sadly the majority of them are a very significant distance from Hamilton in terms of travelling time and expense. Its also very restrictive in the sense that you can only really walk on the designated tracks, of which there are actually very very few , when you consider the size of the country.

In the UK I was lucky enough to grow up in Herefordshire and there were many hundreds of miles of alternative, varying footpaths right on my doorstep. I could honestly have spent my lifetime walking within 20 miles of my house and never have covered them all. I have even climber Cader Idris through a foot and a half of snow.

Its not that NZ tramping tracks are too challenging - its that access rights are actually very restrictive. As I'm unfortunate enough to live on a terribly bland, overcrowded estate, with only a view of my neighbours fence and no easy access to a footpath out of it, I actually feel a thousand times less free and more trapped than I ever did in the UK. And I've even lived in Birmingham city centre, so thats saying something!

I accept it might have seemed an odd comment on the surface - but I actually think its a very well reasoned one once explained.

[benandclare]

In the UK I was lucky enough to grow up in Herefordshire and there were many hundreds of miles of alternative, varying footpaths right on my doorstep. I could honestly have spent my lifetime walking within 20 miles of my house and never have covered them all. I have even climber Cader Idris through a foot and a half of snow.

It

Hello from an Old Herefordian too :nice1

Know exactly what you mean about the many footpaths but because where we now live in the South Island I get to see snow capped mountains most days and indeed our view from our new build will include Mount Thomas, which is taller than Scafell Pike. For a man of the mountains like myself it makes the footpaths of Llangarron to St Weonards pale into the watery sunset.
We are lucky in that we've been able to settle here in Canterbury because that's where the job was for Clare.

IIRC the National parks here give you the freedom to roam free and indeed camp freely, not so easy in the UK. We've wild camped and not seen a soul :clap

Any how all the best for your plans :)

[Tesall]

I keep telling people that it took us 20 minutes to get out of London into Epping Forest, and it takes us ages to get to any walkable tracks here. A consequence of that is that we used to just pack everyone in the car and go, even if we just had a couple of hours, whereas now it is much more of an enterprise and happens less often. Go figure: Much more impressive nature, less time spent in it.

And the odd thing is that we still seem to do more walking and tramping and spending time outdoors as a family than all the kids' classmates and my colleagues at work.

Daniela

It would have taken me 2 hours to get to Epping forest from London!
But that just goes to show the folly of comparing apples with oranges. In fact it took ages to get anywhere remotely countryish. I cant take anyone seriously who uses London as an example of somewhere close to the great outdoors. Maybe you should move from East Auckland if you want to be closer to walking tracks.... in fact could there be a worse place for you to have chosen in regards to walking tracks being near by?

[JandM]

It would have taken me 2 hours to get to Epping forest from London!This doesn't invalidate what Daniela said - London is huge, and from someone's home inside it to anywhere beyond the outer edge, times aren't ONLY going to vary with the (potentially very variable) distance, but also with personal access to major road routes or other transport.

[dharder]

I cant take anyone seriously who uses London as an example of somewhere close to the great outdoors.

Up to you, of course, who you want to take seriously or not.

It took me 20 minutes to the countryside from where I lived in London. It is immaterial to what I wrote how long it took you.

I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at with your 'apples and oranges' comment.

Daniela

[nickydwuk]

I can really identify with what you are going through. We felt prettty soon after arriving that we would not be able to settle and after 3 months decided to return. Unfortunately we have a house to sell so our return has been delayed. So many people said that we had not given it long enough etc... but if in your heart you know it isn't right then no matter how long you stay it will never work. Once we decided to return we felt better even if we were still stuck in NZ. I have detailed in a previous post our reasons for returning so won't reiterate them now. All I will say is best of luck with it all and if you want to PM at all to compare stories then please do so.

[johanpet]

Thanks for these posts - :nice1
I agree that it put things in prospective when we hear it straight from the people that had the experiences. Good and Bad.

This helps us that is still busy with the process making better decisions.

[Shones]

:nice1 thanks for sharing - wish you all the best in the UK

Leachio, your comment brought tears to my eyes!!! Miss the UK soo much but as Mexican hubby hates it, I'm hoping NZ will be the next best thing:)


I can 100% say my broken heart was healed as soon as
we touched down in Manchester on a gorgeous Oct day in 2007!!!

Good luck to all xx

[Tesall]

This doesn't invalidate what Daniela said - London is huge, and from someone's home inside it to anywhere beyond the outer edge, times aren't ONLY going to vary with the (potentially very variable) distance, but also with personal access to major road routes or other transport.


That was my point, the same thing can be said for Auckland, so any comparisms and complaints are kinda pointless. It isnt a country issue, it an issue of where you choose to live in that country.


I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at with your 'apples and oranges' comment.

See above.

[seattle]

We are leaving after only a few months for many of the same reasons (our leave has nothing to do with the recession). Thanks for sharing your post and good luck!

[willsken]

Good luck with the return, sounds like the right decision for you. :nice1

I'm pretty sure you know quite quickly if you're going to like it here or not. Even though I had a few issues to work through in the first year, I was certain I didn't ever want to go back. Must be the same the other way round. I also think where you choose to settle plays a huge part to.

I know what you mean about the witty banter.... I feel very lucky to work along side about 10 Poms. I know I'd miss it otherwise! :D

[thewoodies]

I have a friend who has returned home after giving it 6 months!!!

- to find they cant get jobs
- the recession is alot worse than they thought
- people are miserable and worried about being laid off
- its colder than they remembered etc etc

----- just pointing out its easy to remeber things in a rosey glow !!

- they may have to move back to the NZ as her OH kiwi can easily get his job back here !! --------.

She was very people sick when she was here and we all felt for her , lots of mums find it hard with no family back up./support when they get here. I am no worse off because i didnt get much help anyway --- but it is really hard and if i had lots of support in the UK - maybe i would want to go back ! - i dont know - but being with small children 24/7 is very exhausting let alone in a new country.

I love it here and want to stay --- I am currently 5 months in !!!

[Tesall]

I think the place you are most familiar with will always be best in a recession. I feel for emigrants who cant get work in NZ, but I am sure it is equally bad for recent emigrants to the UK /USA/Canada who cannot get work.

[beth&rich]

Somebody at work asked me today what I missed most about the UK....I think at the time I said "cheese".......but I its just dawned on me that if I had to pick one thing that encapsulates everything that I miss about home, everything that I find lacking in NZ, it would be...........


Stephen Fry

That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?!

[Jo Jo]

Somebody at work asked me today what I missed most about the UK....I think at the time I said "cheese".......but I its just dawned on me that if I had to pick one thing that encapsulates everything that I miss about home, everything that I find lacking in NZ, it would be...........


Stephen Fry

That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?!

No, not at all. I follow him on twitter! http://twitter.com/stephenfry :laugh

Just before I came to New Zealand, I was having a minor panic, and worrying that I wouldn't like New Zealand: that I'd get here and realise that I actually preferred my life in the UK and want to go back. A wise man that I worked with said, "You're off on a big adventure, and you'll either love it there, in which case you'll be fine, or you'll hate it, in which case you can come back and you'll find you appreciate everything you have here all the more for having left. Either way you'll be better off in the long term."

I feel very lucky that I like it here in NZ and don't have to test out his theory, but I always liked his simple take on the matter.

Best of luck with your future plans.

[JandM]

I think the place you are most familiar with will always be best in a recession. Yes, assuming you were equally affected in your old home and in the new country. You'd know all the wrinkles, by hearsay even if you hadn't had to use them yourself before, and already have a good idea of where to ask for info/assistance.

[dharder]

Stephen Fry

That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?!

Absolutely not ridiculous at all. In one of my less glorious moments in which I tried to put everything I don't like about NZ and miss about the UK into a one line accusation, I stared down my (Kiwi) OH and hissed 'And where is YOUR Stephen Fry? Huh? Huh?'

Fortunately, she got what I meant right away, it could potentially have sounded rather silly...

Daniela

[beth&rich]

, I stared down my (Kiwi) OH and hissed 'And where is YOUR Stephen Fry? Huh? Huh?'

:laugh

[mgf]

Good luck on your trip back and can totally relate to things you have said. If it doesn't work for you than it doesn't work.. The most important thing is that you gave it a go.

[broadsword08]

i sure miss cheese... dribble... drool... can't say I have really given much thought to whether i miss stephen fry though...

[M-Squared]

----- just pointing out its easy to remeber things in a rosey glow !!

This really cannot be over-emphasised! While some may have rose-tinted glasses on when they come here on holiday / for a recce, it really does need pointing out that the opposite is all too common. "Oh, I miss my family, so I belong in the UK". "I can't get decent fish 'n' chips here, so I belong in the UK". "I miss my best mates from childhood, so I belong in the UK". "It rains too much in <insert NZ location here>, so I belong in the UK". The list is pretty much endless. Please think twice before packing up and moving 12,000 miles back to the UK / wherever you moved from. I've been known to have rose-tinted glasses as trips back to the UK loomed. I've been an expat (from 3 different countries) for over 17 years now, so I know what I'm talking about. It seemed like it would be so fantastic, so wonderful! Then factor in what life would really be like to move back... make a very serious, life-changing decision. Let's be honest, how big is my family, really? (ok, mine's small, granted) How often would I see them, really? (my brother sees my parents - in the same town - maybe once every 6 weeks) How close *are* my childhood friends? Well, you only know when you move away (actually, I'm closer - online - to my childhood friends than any friends I made in the other 2 countries I've lived in).

Take a DEEP look inside - HOW ADAPTABLE ARE YOU? That's what it boils down to. :)

[M-Squared]

i sure miss cheese... dribble... drool... can't say I have really given much thought to whether i miss stephen fry though...

He's on Twitter :)

[beth&rich]

While some may have rose-tinted glasses on when they come here on holiday / for a recce, it really does need pointing out that the opposite is all too common.

I think everybody, if they're being honest about it, comes out here with rose tinted glasses - if you didn't, you almost certainly wouldn't commit all that time and money and actually make the journey.

Everybody's rational side will be telling them "beware! Big step....expense......what if...?"

The only problem is that while one side of your brain is telling you this, the other side is saying "you'll be fine....you're adaptable, keen for adventure, resilient.....it'll be different for you"

I read all the negative posts before I came out, I made a list of all the bad points. Sadly I listened to the wrong part of me. I didn't believe I would become one of the unhappy ones.

Suck it and see....sadly its the only way to find out!

[M-Squared]

I think everybody, if they're being honest about it, comes out here with rose tinted glasses - if you didn't, you almost certainly wouldn't commit all that time and money and actually make the journey.

Like I pointed out... too many put on the rose-tinted glasses when it comes to how "wonderful" the UK is.

[beth&rich]

Sorry, I think I skimmed your post and missed the point that you were making (although I stand by my comments above).

To be honest, there were very good reasons why we left the UK and wanted to give NZ a try, and I don't imagine for a moment that they've been miraculously fixed while we've been away. The UK, like NZ, is far from "wonderful". Its just more my kind of "broken" than NZ is.

[M-Squared]

I hope it's just chance that I've seen rather a lot of people post about leaving NZ to go back to the UK from Hamilton / Waikato?... does seem rather a trend, to me.

[beth&rich]

Yeah, I'd have to say I don't think thats a coincidence. Its not the sort of inspirational place that you dream of when you decide to emigrate to NZ!

[DejaVoo]

Very interesting thread. It makes me really think "Do I really want to do this?" The lazy part of me says "No way, take the easy path and stay put." The adventurous side of me says, "Don't look back 5, 10, 15 years from now and regret that you did not take the chance to find out what it was like and see if you could have made it work." We only have one life to live, and we should live it to the best of our ability. I guess my point is, though it scares the crap out of me that this could be a big mistake... so what. I should still try and just take reasonable steps to try to ensure success. And if it doesn't work out for me, well, at least I tried and now onto the next adventure.

Good luck to you, and thanks for sharing your experiences, it helps those of us who are going through the same things you did.

[GrumpyGoat]

Those are lovely words, M Squared!!

I have lots of empathy for all the leavers. I totally understand what you are feeling. I am feeling it too.
I have had a love/hate relationship with NZ since we landed (to me, from the southern US, it's cold, the people are not as friendly as home, it's expensive, etc) . And, of course, I miss what is familiar.

I try not to use my emotions, but use my logic to try to work through it each day. Ultimately, it was too hard work to get here for me to turn around and work that hard to just go back. End up right where I started? Less all that money? I am just tooooo cheap for that. And lazy. Thinking in those terms helps me get through it when I get the urge to chuck it all.

I know it will be better (or at least different) in a few months, or a few years. I am not loving the journey at the moment but I can't wait to find out where it takes me.

If we go anywhere, it will be to try out the north island---maybe the warmth will do us good? If that doesn't work, we might try Oz in 5 years.

Going back where we came from is NOT an option. It is like a bad relationship break-up---you know it is a bad idea to work it out--there was a reason you broke up in the first place. :wah We left because we weren't happy there and----Nothing has changed about that (even if I am a touch sentimental now).

Our motto?
This is going to work even if it kills us :D

disclaimer:
I am sure other people have different experiences. I know if you have family back home that you miss, it could be unbearable. I am not trying to judge anyone else's decision. And I support everyone's decision to do what is right for their family. I am just trying to give a balanced perspective.
Lots of us are having adjustment issues. Some of us leave. Some of us stay.

[stellachiara]

I am very glad to read everyone's experiences, and it makes me glad that we are only committing to a year there at first, and not applying for PR and shipping our whole lives over, etc. I feel fairly confident that we will want to stay, but we'll never know for sure until we are actually there. I'm just glad we have an escape hatch after a year. Good luck to everyone who's going back home, and everyone who is trying to make it work in NZ!

[winka]

I do like the tramping tracks - sadly the majority of them are a very significant distance from Hamilton in terms of travelling time and expense. Its also very restrictive in the sense that you can only really walk on the designated tracks, of which there are actually very very few , when you consider the size of the country.

In the UK I was lucky enough to grow up in Herefordshire and there were many hundreds of miles of alternative, varying footpaths right on my doorstep. I could honestly have spent my lifetime walking within 20 miles of my house and never have covered them all. I have even climber Cader Idris through a foot and a half of snow.

Its not that NZ tramping tracks are too challenging - its that access rights are actually very restrictive. As I'm unfortunate enough to live on a terribly bland, overcrowded estate, with only a view of my neighbours fence and no easy access to a footpath out of it, I actually feel a thousand times less free and more trapped than I ever did in the UK. And I've even lived in Birmingham city centre, so thats saying something!

I accept it might have seemed an odd comment on the surface - but I actually think its a very well reasoned one once explained.

Seems the problem is related to that unattractive place your currently inhabiting in little ol Hamilton?

Have you tried living in in the nice suburbs of Christchurch or Wellington??
Can work miracles.

[mylesdw]

Winka makes a good point. Maybe it is a change of location you need rather than a change of country. In our little corner of North Canterbury there is lots of room to ramble, some at our doorstep and some a short drive away: rivers, hills, beaches, that sort of thing.

[winka]

Absolutely not ridiculous at all. In one of my less glorious moments in which I tried to put everything I don't like about NZ and miss about the UK into a one line accusation, I stared down my (Kiwi) OH and hissed 'And where is YOUR Stephen Fry? Huh? Huh?'

Fortunately, she got what I meant right away, it could potentially have sounded rather silly...

Daniela

Good point! :laugh

Although when you have 60 million people to choose from 1 x Stephen Fry is easier to find.

[Janey]

'Winka makes a good point. Maybe it is a change of location you need rather than a change of country. In our little corner of North Canterbury there is lots of room to ramble, some at our doorstep and some a short drive away: rivers, hills, beaches, that sort of thing.'

but do they allow dogs thats the issue? my OH there are plenty of one way! walking tracks in wellington 90% of them say no dogs and tend to be very long um!

In cornwall where we lived we could leave our house and walk a circular walk for an hour at least 10-15 different routes when you have a dog requiring 2 hours a day the local streets around the suburb at 5 am and 6 pm get a bit monotinous. I know its winter, I know there are places but they require a drive having said that there is a lot of things I do not miss so this for me this is a minor issue but I understand where you are coming from, the other is a country pub after the walk but hey ho can not have everything! at least i do not live in a nanny state any more.

[mylesdw]

I've not come across any dog restrictions although some of the popular beaches nearer town certainly have them. Some of the walking near home is simply on the roads around the area which is not fantastically interesting but they are gravel roads with wide verges and very few cars so lots of folk use them for dog exercising. The pub with its beer garden is about 15 mins walk from home and from there you can follow the river down to the beach. Great for dogs, horses, motorbikes and all sorts.

[Moorf]

If there's one thing I've gleaned from the nearly 5 years we've been here and watched immigrants from all over the world come and go, it's that there really isn't a debate to be had over NZ "as a whole".

It's even more apparent on a forum where there are people posting from vastly different social settings - urban, suburban, rural with vastly different values and perceptions of what makes their lives so good/bad and all coming from vastly different lifestyles in the UK.. AND with a huge variety of expectations and wants from NZ!

Someone in urban Auckland isn't necessarily going to see access to the countryside/dog walks etc as being particularly good - whereas people like us who live rurally are left scratching their heads and wondering what on earth they're talking about.

Some people love Hamilton, some hate it. Some people hate Chch, some love it. Some people hate woodburners, some love them. Some find Kiwis friendly, some find them stand-offish. Some find NZ backwards, some find it practical and honest.

We have good friends here in NZ who can't, for the life of them, get their heads round why we live where we do and who don't "see" the surroundings in the same way - yet appreciate them all the same. Case in point - friend goes to a remote area my hubby and I adore - they hate it. Why? Because there's "nothing there" - no cafe, no shop... for us, that's the point, for them it was boring.

If this forum tells you anything it's that you're just going to have to try it for yourself because each to their own :)

All the best to those who have returned or in the process of doing so. :)

Moorf

[peebles16]

Wot Moorf said as she says it sooooo much better than me :D

All the best on your journey :)

Karenx

[bobo]

Things pulling us back to the UK (other than friends and family - thats just obvious):

- heritage


I don’t miss much from the UK but this I do, and its something that I never imagined would bother me as I have never been into anything historical. In fact it took me months to realise what seemed wrong.

For example when walking through the town centre you don’t pass a lot of old buildings like you will in Edinburgh or any other European city, and for some reason I just miss this sense of history that I was surrounded by in the UK.

Sorry struggling a bit to put into words what I mean, sound like a strange emotional hippy person

[AlastairUK]

I can kind of relate as I left Canada last year for reasons I still haven't quite figured out. I felt that going back to the UK was the right thing to do and when I got back, all the reasons I left came flooding back in no time.

I also missed heritage, the BBC, perhaps not Stephen Fry so much but all the "nice" things about the UK. On arriving back home, it soon became clear that all the not so nice things about the UK pretty much overwhelmed the good things. It probably took little more than a month for me to realise that I had to get away and this time for good. The UK has never been a good fit for me and I've always felt it's a great place to visit but a better to leave!

Good luck for your return home!

[napiers]

Very interesting thread. It makes me really think "Do I really want to do this?" The lazy part of me says "No way, take the easy path and stay put." The adventurous side of me says, "Don't look back 5, 10, 15 years from now and regret that you did not take the chance to find out what it was like and see if you could have made it work." We only have one life to live, and we should live it to the best of our ability. I guess my point is, though it scares the crap out of me that this could be a big mistake... so what. I should still try and just take reasonable steps to try to ensure success. And if it doesn't work out for me, well, at least I tried and now onto the next adventure.

Good luck to you, and thanks for sharing your experiences, it helps those of us who are going through the same things you did.

Totally, totally understand what you're saying. You've summed it up for us I think - easy, lazy option is to stay where we are and get on with life. It does scare the life out of me but in the end we'd regret it if we didn't try ...

[Red Devil]

Beth & Rich... a brave, honest post and sorry to hear it's not worked out for you.

It's surprising how many folk don't settle for one reason or another... now I'm not suggesting for one minute that you'll fall into this group, but there's a high percentage of folk who become transient with the whole situation. That being, they try NZ for a period of time and it doesn't work out, then head back to their homeland and realise they had what they wanted in NZ in the first place...I think Alastair's comments pretty much sum up what I'm trying to get at.

I'm not going too deep with this topic as it's a personal thing, but I wish you well with settling back in the UK... at the end of the day you gave NZ a try and no one can take that away from you. For some, these kind of moves are not set in stone, what is important is for you to be happy with life... no matter where that may be!

Good luck :nice1

[Monkies4]

- I'm what might be called quite "bookish" and I struggle with the level of conversation that I get with most kiwis I've met/ work with - it never seems to move far beyond bum and fart gags/ sport/ binge drinking stories.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience... very helpful.
I have some similar concerns about us fitting in, being rather "bookish" ourselves.
Wondering if people find the same thing in Auckland, or if being the biggest city, that we'd find more like-minded people among the families there?
For instance, how likely would it be for me to find fellow moms interested in participating in a book club, where there is thoughtful discussion on a wide range of topics? Will my boy who is interested in computers, science, engineering, legos, animals, art etc. and not particularly skilled at sports and rather sensitive (likely to cry over a banged knee), going to find it hard to fit in? I know everyone's experience is different, but I'm interested in hearing them! :)

[Sam B]

We moved to Cambridge, and I was asked to join a book club within a month of arriving, and I'm still in it now. It's a mix of Kiwis and ex-pats, and they are all real book lovers, we have some great discussions, and I've read some great books through it. My children are both book worms and not at all sporty and they have found their niche in school and their literary talents have been celebrated. My daughter is in a literacy acceleration class, she has just taken part in a literacy quiz, and is encouraged to enter pieces into creative writing competitions. Children here seem to be nurtured and encouraged whatever their talents.

[Moorf]

I know plenty of "bookish" Kiwis - having worked in the library system I suppose that's to be expected but I feel the literary scene round here is really cool - little pockets of creative peeps, lots of book clubs and writing groups and great library system. I feel uncomfortable when I read things like "Kiwis dislike intellectualism" or "Kiwis aren't bookish" - I feel it's a bit insulting really - they are, to me, just the usual mix and enclaves of people I've found the world over...

[Tia Maria]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience... very helpful.
I have some similar concerns about us fitting in, being rather "bookish" ourselves.
Wondering if people find the same thing in Auckland, or if being the biggest city, that we'd find more like-minded people among the families there?
For instance, how likely would it be for me to find fellow moms interested in participating in a book club, where there is thoughtful discussion on a wide range of topics? Will my boy who is interested in computers, science, engineering, legos, animals, art etc. and not particularly skilled at sports and rather sensitive (likely to cry over a banged knee), going to find it hard to fit in? I know everyone's experience is different, but I'm interested in hearing them! :)

Book Clubs galore round our way (North Shore, Auckland) and lego is the toy of the moment!

Sport is a big deal in schools and amongst parents so it is harder on those that don't enjoy it just basically because all their mates will be doing it.

However, there are plenty of alternatives, our school participates in Mathletics, has a chess club (over subscribed), is currently looking at 'forces' as its topic for the term (its a primary school). Last year one group of students wrote and published a book of poems and promoted it on TV, last week one of the students got to write a piece for the local paper etc etc

There is a certain amount of pressure to participate in sports but this doesn't stop a whole host of other activities being promoted.

Oooh nearly forgot music, loads of music opportunities plus one of the most highly attended after school clubs is Art Club.

I think different schools will have different 'personalities' so it may be worth checking that you can find one that values the same things that you do. :)

Cheers

Tia