[Kitten Witten]

Hello you lovely people,

We have the list of things to do and that's going fine but things have suddenly started to speed up dramatically (emotionally) the last week or two for me and my OH now that we are flying in under 10 weeks.
Which we knew would happen but still....

I keep telling myself it's perfectly normal to be all over the shop but it's hard when I keep lurching from feeling that it's all very surreal, to being super-excited, to being super-worried and scared (about settling in general, about both of us being able to find jobs, about living with my in-laws even though they're lovely it will still be a big adjustment for all 4 of us, the £-$ exchange rate, learning to drive in NZ at the age of 30/31 :wah - that I'd be scared of wherever i was!...etc) to then feeling like it's not really happening to me at all. The latter is the one which makes me worry the most that I am making a mistake. Then I go back to super-excited....

It's all feeling a bit SUPER on the scale of emotions and I am usually such a calm cat - this last bit I might have made up ;)

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Is there some kind of a magic book that tells you everything will be okay? No? Oh dear....I just have to suck it up, don't I? :exit

[dilanium]

I remember going through that. I stressed so much I made myself sick (literally).

I recommend making lists of things to do and taking time to do relaxing things (art, massages, sports, whatever works for you).

It will be over before you know it!

[ricky1981]

We started planning cool (but cheap) stuff to do once we arrived and tried to find a few people to meet up with when we arrived. Drop me a line nearer your arrival, we're in Chch and would be happy to meet up and give you a break from the in-laws ;)

You'll love it here but you wouldn't be human if it didn't excite and scare you! We found it felt like home pretty quickly and as soon as we had sorted jobs, a car and a (short term) home our nerves disappeared.

That said, we still have to pinch ourselves sometimes that we're actually here :)

[Mamee & Co]

Kitten Witten

Your post mirrors my feelings to a certain extent. I was so overjoyed when PR came through this week but the next day I fell to earth for a while with a bit of a bump.

I think that there is jsut so much to do. So DH and I decided that we would leave doing anything for a week and just relax. I also remembered a CBT book that I had read that said to me "Would you do it if you could guarantee for certain that it would be ok?"

That is when I took the leap as it told me that it was really what I wanted to do, but like most humans it was the uncertainty that bothered me.

I am normally risk averse and think that this is the riskiest undertaking I will take in my life, getting on a plane, with all our worldly belongings in a container and ship ourselves, our kids and our pets to the otherside of the world where, for at least the first couple of weeks we will be homeless and unemployed. Am I nuts? I don't think so, as life is about new challenges and I think over anything hard that I have done in the past and think, after that I can do this. (DH's method of pepping me up when I am low is to remind me that I am a mother of twins...I can do anything. If only!:uhoh) I think if you face your fears, accept that they are there but then think that you can do this it does help. The CBT question definitely helped me.

That's not to say that over the coming months there wont be posts from me vacillating about the entire experience, because that I think is the way of dealing with the stress and getting it sorted out in your head. And at times I think too much to do is the panic stressor and it will happen. It is one big move.

I am trying to look at it in little steps and I know that, like every move I have ever done it will speed up more as I get to the end of it. I am hoping that next week we will have a chance to sit down and start our planning process. For work when it gets too much I list every small item I have to do, breaking down the big items into small tasks because when you get through the day you can tick so much more off and thus feel like you have achieved something rather than..arrrgghhh I have still not done so and so!

Have some ((((((((hugs)))))))))).

You can do this.

[Kitten Witten]

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't have children, or the complication of selling a house, shipping animals or vehicles (thankfully, as shipping a few boxes, TV, guitar and a bike seems quite complicated enough to me). Not that our list is not long :yes but me and OH are gradually ploughing through and shutting things down/starting things up as we go! We even have somewhere sorted to stay after leaving our rented flat.

It's just the emotional side but I will be okay I am just being a wuss. I am a strong independant woman or something :uhoh like that! And I am aware how lucky I am in that there'll be lots of emotional support once I am there from OH's family (whom I will officially adopt!) and his friends out there (a lot of whom, interestingly to me, have travelled and lived far and wide and come back to Chch).

I thought the point of lots of things to look forward to was really good. We already have a beach wedding to attend in beautiful Akaroa in Mid-Dec, NYE in Queenstown in a friend's holiday home and week's holiday in Australia in "in-laws"' (I haven't persuaded OH to propose yet!) timeshare in March - we're not spongers, I promise - people just keep offering us free accommodation!!!:D

It means a lot to have some online back-up so thank you :) I will be calm, I will be calm.....

[adacakes]

we are still a long way off (medicals tomorrow I hate needles), but even now I have the collywobbles, all my waking life I am briming with excitment but at night usually when I dream it is a feeling of dread, what are you doing?? taking your children away from their family and friends, but I figure I sleep for 7 hours a night so the other 17 hours are spent awake so that outweighs the negatives. all the luck in the world though to you :)

[Hagabel]

All I can tell you is that is normal.
My hubby and I emigrated over here 17 yrs ago and have since travelled from one side of the USA to the other (with 2 cats 1 car) 3000 miles and back recently with 1 large dog, 2 cars, big truck, 2 kids (another 3000 miles) and I approach panic mode every time we move.

I know your move is further and the move to NZ will be for us to but it will be fine....
deep breathe and enjoy wine....(in moderation)

hic hic....

:cheers

[victoria24]

embrace the fear, after living in the UK i'm sure it will feel quite natural! seriously though, it does dissapate once you're on the plane and becomes a nervous excitement :D

[Kitten Witten]

Thanks everyone, I feel reassured by all the comments that it's completely normal. Although you tell yourself that, it's more reassuring to have others say the same.

I really appreciate the back-up :)

[Arwen]

Ahhh little Kitty, 'it'll be alright on the night' hun. :nice1

[lin]

Hi Kittenwitten,

From one 'wuss' to another, I know what you mean! :o I'm very much in denial about it all - if it weren't for the fact my OH is gone & our apt is so tidy (cause all our belongings are 12k miles away!), I wouldn't believe its happening. I've about 6 weeks to go now & still can't believe it.

Keeping busy (making lists, crossing off the lists, shopping like I'll never see M&S again :D ) is what works for me. I'm also planning on 'being a tourist' at home before I leave - well, its another excuse for a day out! ;)

Good luck with all the organising & planning - plan in some treats for you over the next few weeks too!

I haven't read the book, but I really like the title - "Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway (http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/submit.cfm)" -maybe this could be our new mantra! :)

[Incognito]

Hi,

If it all does get too much to deal with you could try taking a complex B vitamin. This can help your body to cope with all of the nervous and emotional stresses.

[TimAck]

Hang in there KittenWitten - we are flying out to Chch in 6 weeks today. The shippers dropped of our packing boxes on Saturday so it's starting to feel very, very real.

Me and the OH are going through exactly the same things you are worries about jobs, exchange rates, adjustment, etc...

Don't worry about driving, NZ drivers are a lot better at driving and more considerate than the numbskulls I see on the road every day in the UK. Plus the roads are a lot quieter so it will be easier to learn.

[JandM]

I haven't read the book, but I really like the title - "Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway" -maybe this could be our new mantra!Do read it - you'll be able to make yourselves feel better. :nice1

[girlwithanewf]

Hope you are feeling much better now! There is so much to think about but it is much more exciting than just staying in the same place all the time. At least you sound more organised than us, my husband's job starts 1st feb and in the meantime we still have to sell our house, do our medicals, get checked out by the police, apply for visas, resign... Good luck and I hope it all goes well.

[Kitten Witten]

Thanks so much everyone. I do actually feel lots better :). I know a lot of other people on the forum have children and/or big issues like houses to sell or pets to ship and I don't, so I felt a bit silly posting that I was fretting. But it's so good to get so much support and you have no idea just how much it means to me (I am quite soppy ;))

[Toonster]

I know where you are coming from - we've got 37 days to go (6 hours...), and my emotions are swinging from Yaaaay to Oh Gaaawd what the heck are we doing??

I've started waking up in the night with those panic dreams (i.e. we turn up at Heathrow only we've forgotten to pack anything...), and the way that I cope with those is to write them down - they seem much sillier once they are on paper and you can look at it in the morning to see why you were stressed and work out what you can do about it.

I can really recommend not only making a to do list, but also giving yourself a timescale (if you are really anal like me, you can put it all into a Gantt chart or a spreadsheet :laugh) - e.g. just over a month before you go, call the water company to let them know etc. That way you can get a bit more of an idea on how much there is to do, and also how long you have to do it in (I also filled in on my chart the days that we were booked up, so I couldn't expect to get anything done that day) - it makes it a lot more manageable and spread out than just looking at a huge long list!

[lin]

I can really recommend not only making a to do list, but also giving yourself a timescale (if you are really anal like me, you can put it all into a Gantt chart or a spreadsheet :laugh)

Oh Toonster, I'm glad I'm not alone with my spreadsheets & tick lists!!! :D It is so much easier to see it all nicely printed and looking managable. :)

[lin]

Do read it - you'll be able to make yourselves feel better. :nice1

I think I've found my book for the plane so! :nice1

[A&G]

Hi Kitten Witten

It is only natural to feel like you are at the moment, it will settle down.

When you get to CHCH we will all have to go out for drinks :nice1

[thewoodies]

Have a look at my 18 weeks to go thread! Just coming out fo the roller caoster i am now 9 months in! Hang on its worth it! :cheers

[Kitten Witten]

When you get to CHCH we will all have to go out for drinks :nice1

Sounds good, I've started already. It's my new coping mechanism, I think on the whole it's a good idea :D My liver and purse are less sure.

Thanks everyone for all your support. We do feel relatively on top of the big to do list on our "kitchenette" (London flat!) wall, though I am sure given a few more weeks we'll feel significantly less so.

It really is the emotional side I was struggling with (just felt silly cos others have additional people/amimals to consider and other big stuff and I don't) but I am taking you all at your word that it's normal anyway :exit

Byyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x
(been at the red wine)

[mussomutts]

Go to a health food store and get yourself some rescue remedy (it's a mixture of Bach Flower remedies designed to take the edge off stress)
It is all natural and completely safe, and really works, I use it on my pets too, when they are travelling. I've used it to visit my in laws (!), or on flights. Or before a trip to the dentist! It's fab,
I completely understand what you're going through! but NZ is a great place. The people are wonderful, and I miss it terribly (So why am I nervous about our plans!!??? who knows!) I'm sure you will settle in just fine, and love it there!

[VileTraveller]

How do I stop (or at least calm down!) "the fear"?
A bit of Motorhead usually does the trick for me.

[Kitten Witten]

A bit of Motorhead usually does the trick for me.


:laugh:laugh

[mussomutts]

I hope you're feeling better!! every day is a step closer! once you're landed in NZ, cleared customs and all that stressful stuff, you can start having fun!!:bluebanana