[denisesykes]

Hi all , just thought I would try to make myself feel better by having a bit of a moan in public and wonder whether anyone else feels the same at the mo.
When we returned from a month staying with family in Chch we were all 100% commited to emigration.The kids had to be literally dragged onto the plane , we all just wanted to stay there and then particulary as Paul had a job offer.
The last 6 months have been a familar story to you all , NZQA, Medicals , X rays , estate agents etc.
Unfortunately at this moment,
1) The job offer has fallen through,
2) The house has been on the market for 14 weeks , not one offer,
3) My aunt in NZ has upset my mum in the UK by phoning to say that she is getting in a tizz about nothing (really helpful, not!)and caused even further family upset,
4) The kids no longer want to go and are settled back into their lives
5) Hubby may be about to offered a promotion at work,
6) Despite appying for numerous jobs and registering with numerous agencies, we are not even recieivng acknowledgements of appliations let alone job offers .
7) Our medical certs will expire on Thursday.
Understandably we are now at the stage of thinking that maybe it is just not meant to be .This is a massive thing to accept after 6 months of constant worrying and planning and family upsets etc! But maybe something is saying that it is not right for us.
The thing is that if we don't go now , life will be so flat , we would have to do something drastic anyway instead!
Someone please tell me that it is not just us!(not that I wish bad luck on anyone else but it would be nice to think that we are not alone!(or am I making a huge fuss about nothing?

[AliJax]

Sounds to me like you may have given up, and anything I say may not be enough.

One thing that I would say that if you are commited but your family is'nt at this time - give another 6 months you may have to go through the sameold routine like the rest of has & you'll find yourself in British Winter.

Thats when things will pick up and you'll get the injection of Kiwi Fever you had before the setbacks.

Yes the house has been on the market for ages, yes the job offer has gone, yes the kids are having a summer - but you'll still have that niggling twitch in the back of your mind ----- What will be will be, you have to put in to get something out.

The job offer for your hubby was probably as simple as the fact he was in the flesh and not a number - many times on the forum people have been passive about jobs they put in for 2 months previous and not heard anything, Don't wait pick up the phone and Knock the employers door down with your CV, and show them how keen you are to get moving and not stay stagnent.

Kick up the A** and go ! :exit

[ruthyroo]

TBH it sounds like you are destined to stay in the UK for now! But having been in NZ for a year, IMVHO there is not much here that can't be acheived in the UK - you don't have to move to the other side of the world to acheive a simpler life (if that is what you are after?). Have you considered changing your life at home at all? It may well not be the case, but I know that on reflection Mr Rr and I would probably have been just as happy having an extended holiday in NZ at some point, and pursuing our lives in the UK a bit more - instead of totally jumping ship. But there you go - you don't know that until you've done it!

Not much help but best wishes all the same!

[Diny]

I can really sympathise with you. At the moment we are going through a real 'pain in the neck' period and it just seems that every hurdle possible is being put in our way.

I have to admit to having the occasional "is it all really worth it" thought. Or I tell myself that these problems are arising for a reason .... and that reason is to prevent us going.

It would be just too easy to fling our arms up in the air and say 'sod it'. But we've come too far to back down now.

Just put yourself in this scenario. ..... Pretend you've made the decision to stay in the UK. Put all thoughts of moving to NZ out of your mind. How do you feel? Do you feel relieved, relaxed and as though you've just weathered a particularly bad storm. Or do you feel disappointed, hollow and as though everything from here on will be dull and 2nd best.

Whatever your answer is will indicate which way you need to go.

I've come to realise that this whole immigration process is the most stressful time you'll ever go through. Will it be worth it? I don't know - that remains to be seen. I just know that I want to find out. I don't want to be sitting here 15 years down the line thinking ... 'what if'.

But after saying all that .... I must say that I agree with Ruthy. I believe that life in the UK can be just as enjoyable - you don't need to relocate to the other side of the world to discover what's right on your own doorstep. I never have been and never will be one of those people who make England out to be some kind of Beirut and NZ to be the land of daisy chains and blue skies. Happiness is where you find it - NOT where others say it should be. But there you go ..... how about that for another contradiction to clog up the works.

Try to take comfort from the fact that for a variety of reasons there's heaps of other forum members having endless hurdles put in their way. These hurdles can be jumped - but it takes balls.

Good luck and I hope that whatever decision you make you'll be happy.

Diny

[sarahw]

Well Diny & AliJax have summed up what I was going to say :nice1

Its a tough and stressful time getting over here & getting residency & setting up life, leaving all your friends & family isn't easy - its not for everyone. Can you do it? I know its a question that goes through a lot of people's heads (including our own) at the later stages of the process - are you sure you're not just going through last minute panic?? :?

I think you have to really look at your reasons for coming over and see if you're all still as committed to the idea as at first (kids are never easy, especially when it means leaving all their friends behind and changing schools), family will be family - although we've been lucky we've heard some terrible stories about families falling out because of the move, the house market is awful at the moment - there are a lot of us who have and are still experiencing that at the moment, but if you're committed to coming all that won't matter.

Are you reliant on having jobs to apply for residency? If so have you thought of just going to NZ once you've sold the house, setting up & finding jobs when you get there & applying for residency once you've got work permits etc? Or for your other half to go over on his own on a reccy trip and look for work - applications via e-mail/internet tend not to be taken seriously - would you employ someone on an e-mail from the other side of the world?? Damn sure I wouldn't. Being here in the flesh really shows how serious you are - its a matter of tactics. Are you both willing for him to go out there on his own if necessary to start the job whilst you stay at home to sell the house? - or do you have a relative that could do it for you? (We left the UK 6 months before our house sold to make sure that Ian didn't lose the job opportunity and our key to residency - its not been cheap but its been 1000% worth it) - these are all questions you need to ask yourself.

Good luck! :nice1

[Mildred]

Denise

Do you want the same lifestyle you have now until you are old or do you want a bit of excitement in it? I'm only asking this as I have had so many times when I wanted to jump on the next plane to NZ. The following week I will wake up and think I don't want to go! I'm 43 years old now and feel frightened that I am no longer going to do anything extreme with my life. At the moment I really want to go.

Is there any possibility you could rent your house out for maybe 2 years and go on your NZ adventure? That way if you love the place you can stay, if not you will still have your house to come back to.

[Mildred]

Denise

Forgot to say that your other half should still take the promotion whilst you try to sell your house. It might make him realise that he hates the job and make the family want to go even more.

Perhaps its about time we had that Herne Bay meet up!

[Paul and Linda]

Sarah summed it up for me, and in addition:

We didn't have any problems with getting the permits, difficulties, yes, but they didn't turn into problems. So that said I don't think I can comment on your feelings at this very difficult time.

We, (possibly partly due to the encouragement of getting our PR visas over about 10 months with delays but no hitches) dropped the price of our house by £20K (now that's on a 150K house!). We did this because the market is dead. The only way we could tempt a buyer was to make the deal irresistable. Our house was completely house doctored (didn't put a new kitchen in just tidied it up) and then we made the house price such that there would be plenty of equity in it immediately for the new owner, thus negating the worries about the housing market at the moment.

That's $50K NZD that we lost, and it was lost, 3 estate agents valued us at 150K and assured us it would sell with time at that price.

We did not want our visas to run out or to have to waste £5K GBP and 1 month on a trip to NZ just to get them stamped, only to return to the UK to wait for the house to sell.

We moved to NZ 15 months ago.......mentally. I think we sent our souls ahead to wait for us.

It's not paradise (we'll be arriving with no home no cars no jobs), it's going to be as much if not more hard work than the UK, but, the point is that for us it will be worth it.

Not just because of the rewards of living in NZ, but because we were going crazy repeating year in year out in the UK, with very little change and quickly growing older! :wah

We may not stay forever in NZ, it would be great for our kids to have lived all over the world, but then again we may never be able to pull ourselves away.

I hope you will be happy with the choice that you make, but remember that nothing is set in stone, nothing is forever.

I wish you all the very best.

Paul

[wayne]

Frances and Denise you'd better hurry up with the Herne Bay meet as we fly out on the 8th August :clap
Denise I know what you mean by the big "IF".
we had our place in Whitstable on the market since december 04 and didnt get any lookers until easter 05 we still are being sodded about by solicitors, I still wake up at night with the "what the hell am I doing thoughts" but its too late to listen to them now its just get on with all the tasks that need sorting

[Mildred]

Well we are free this weekend!

[wayne]

I will have to check with the boss but we are in full swing of goodbye meets at the moment

[veronica]

Denise, why not just rent the house out and come here , get a job sorted for hubby and then just go on the work visa route, that leaves you the option to review it in 18 months or so time and really decide what you want. most people seem to have very little trouble getting a job offer once they are here on the spot. I can understand that the job offer here was withdrawn as 6 months is a long time to hold open a position for someone in commercial terms.

[robothamma]

Hi Denise,

My advice to you would be to get your application in now before the Meds expire. Yes you will still have to pay the application fee, but then you can give yourselves time off from NZ while it is all processed if you are offered residency you get 12 months to take it up after you have paid your migrant levy (think I read somewhere that in theory that gives you 18 mths) Don't burn your bridges (very costly :eek ) just because things are going wrong at the moment. We were in a similar situation last year but as the house was sold we moved into rented in the UK and gave ourselves 6 mths off NZ to see how we felt. It really is alot of pressure this emmigrating lark and probably the biggest life changing thing you can do (bar a sex change :eek :laugh ) but it is something you ALL need to be happy with. One thing to remember though - It is as permanent as you want it to be :nice1 At least when you are older you will have a real story to tell the grandkids other than a what might have been story. The only way to know is to go! I would definatley get that application in though If you do decide you want to go in a few months time do you really want to go through everything again? That is the mistake we made thankfully we didn't get the meds done first time around, but our ITA lapsed and we had to get that done again new police certs etc.. :wah

No-one can tell you what is best for you, but I do hope you find what you are looking for be it in NZ or UK or wherever. All the best and good luck

Michelle

[jo b]

Denise,

The decision can only be yours but if I can pout my feelings down you will see they are very similar.

1. Hubby and I have great jobs. But we work all hours god send as it is expected in our workplace and miss out on lots of important family time.

2. House has been on the market for 10 weeks only 1 viewer (had 2 but the other is a different story). But I will percevere I think it will pick up soon if inflation rises the BOE should have to put interest rates down.
3. The kids are settled but they have to be it is easy for kids to adjust to routines, I am glad my kids don't feel in limbo, but I also make sure they are included in every decision and informed about what is going on. That in itself makes them feel better about the move.
4. Jobs in NZ are easier to get when you are there in the flesh. Your hubby got offered one before there is no reason why he wouldn't be offered one even more so when he can "Start on Monday". Being there is far easier sending cv's not just think how many overseas cv's employers get in NZ, you need to prove you are serious by being there.


It is normal to get wobbles especially when the memories of your trip fade and everything you want seems out of reach, it is how much you want it that's important.

It is only up to you but IMHO I think everyone goes through this the life seems hunky dorey and you question why you are going.
Put pros and cons down on paper. For us my kids are the reason we are going, I don't bash the UK but it sure aint' getting better.

Hope this helps Denise

Jo

[A & M]

Denise

As Frances and Veronica have suggested, why not rent your house and get over here? Although it was pretty stressful sorting our house and putting 20 years worth of "stuff" into store, this is what we did - came over for a holiday, got a job, got a work permit and found a place to rent. It's been a fantastic adventure so far, has been a wonderful experience for the children and given us the break from the old routine that we craved.

I have met a few UK families recently who are dithering about returning to the UK but having sold up completely are worried about getting back on the housing ladder. If you are not 100% sure about the move then it's a good way to try it out without burning all your boats or bridges or whatever it is you burn!

Good luck, Mandy

[wayne]

Herne bay meet this weekend saturday is good for us where and what time do you want ??

[Mildred]

Saturday is fine for us. Don't mind driving up to Herne Bay.

Denise what about you? We need you to be there!!!

[denisesykes]

Thanks to everyone for all your excellent advice and supportive messages.I do feel much better and less defeated now.We have another viewing tomorrow and we are now taking your advice and thinking about renting the house out and just ****ing off!
Thanks again, good luck to everyone
(I have started a new topic about a meet in Herne Bay on Saturday)