[DLW]

Hi all,

I'm not a regular contributer to the site, more a voyeur!.....aha! that's got your attention now hasn't it !!!.

I logged on looking for people's reaction to the London Bombings. I have been quite surprised by my feelings of homesickness, and I wondered if anyone else felt the same. I read Han's post about being back in London, and even though I'm from the North I understand how she felt, that she needed to be around her family and friends.

I can't fathom it out!... I am from West Yorkshire, and I am not at all surprised that islamic extremist suicide bombers have been 'nurtured' there. The atmosphere in the major towns and cities of West Yorkshire is one of contempt, nervousness and fear and was a major contribution to emigrating 12,000 miles across the world.

I can't quite understand why officials are so surprised, including Sir Iqbal Sacranie, (Muslim Council of Britain). I worked in a High School in a West Yorkshire Inner City and it's no sad surprise to me! It annoys me that the powers that be try to smooth the surface and don't get in there and deal with the problems that result in last Thursday's attack. I know that it's a huge job sorting out the Osama's but surely they could stop the loonies that do the recruiting. There have been numerous TV programmes (undercover doco type) showing that young muslim asian males were being targetted for this very thing. They know where it's going on and who's doing it.....maybe now they will do something about it!

Sorry for that bit of a rant! :uhoh

In saying all that I still feel homesick....I feel a bit 'homeless' knowing that if I went back to the UK I would feel that I had made a mistake, but also feeling that this isn't home either! :(

Does anyone think that there is certain length of time that you SHOULD feel like you have made the right decision for sure? people have said to us ....ah, you've got to give it 12 months,....others have said two years!

I just wanted to get that off my chest....Is there anyone else that feels they are caught between the devil and the deep blue? Or is it just me in need of a shrink? :?

Has the London Bombings made anyone else feel uneasy and homesick?

Thanks to anyone that reads my rantings, I think this site is great and very theraputic!!!!!!!!!!!!

DLW.

[acisman]

We have been here for 3 months and fully expect and are prepared for the homesickness that we will suffer at some time. We have decided that if and when it happens we will overcome it for at least 2 years. This forum has been great in hearing how others have dealt with the homesickness element of emigrating and resulted in us discussing it fully before we came.

That 2 years will be to decide whether we like NZ enough to live the rest of our lifes here. We certainly have no desire to go back to the UK and the recent bombing and Blairs re-election have only enforced that view. If we feel that NZ is not for us we will move to Spain.

That said, we have seen nothing in the 3 months we have been here to suggest we will ever leave NZ, except for holidays and visits to UK. Mind you there are a few things that can get you down, like NZ TV and electric plugs to name but two. However we can live with these.

Pam & Dave

[Moorf]

The bombings in London really tore me in two as to where I want to be. Half of me wants to be with my family and friends, and half of them wants them to be here with me. :?

Add to that the fact that I really can't see NZ as a permanent home yet! :? Having lived abroad before I knew that after the first three or four months we'd be in for homesickness and doubt, and that happened and we got through it. We've never put a time limit on our stay here - it was always a case of suck it and see. Don't get me wrong, it's stunning here, but quite honestly once we've seen it / done it all I can see us wanting to travel further abroad. It helps not having kids I suppose.

Nearly a year on we do feel settled in terms of jobs/money/house etc, but there's something niggling us. Perhaps it's because we are back working for someone else whereas in the UK we worked for ourselves and we intended to start a business here in NZ which we have not yet achieved. *shrug*

Woz should be starting a job from the UK soon, and working from home on a UK salary. We are therefore investigating the possibility of living in both the UK and NZ - perhaps this will be a happy medium for us.

[jan]

I'm 50/50 and only been here 2 months!

I have no problems with NZ, I havent seen enough of it yet to comment. I just miss F & F horrendously. And I question my reasons for being here. Why should I deprive myself and my children , of growing up without a nan or a grandad , aunty or even a cousin around us????
They were our world, and yes I feel lonely.

I also keep in touch with the local news where we were from, and things have not changed but somehow those things don't seem as bad!!!

I know we have to give it a go. God knows I am sick to death of saying that to myself, but the question is, as DLW so rightly posed `How long?`

I cant leave myself in this feeling for the quoted `2 years`

We will have to see. :nice1

[Moorf]

I cant leave myself in this feeling for the quoted `2 years`

Yes Jan, I think that's exactly it - I guess I thought I'd have got over the "questioning" part by now and I'd hate to think how I'd feel if we had bought over children.

[DLW]

Hey,

Nice to see that after only an hour of posting I have a few people that feel the same way!. The Two year time limit seems to be common.

I agree about the TV and the plugs, but these are very 'small things' that will always be different, and dare I say it ....inferior !!!! :uhoh But those are the sorts of things I would imagine it being possible to get used to. My major worry is the feeling that I just don't belong will never go away!

I guess it's a constant weigh-up pf pros and con. I agree totally with you Jan.. I do find my self questioning the decision to emigrate! Was it worth giving up Grandma's and Grandad's etc. I think if I made a rational and concise list with a title Pros and Cons I'm fairly sure that NZ would probably still come out on top, but it's irrational events like the London Bombings that are hard to quantify on a list and makes you question why you came and why you left everybody that matters to you behind?

Thanks,
DLW

[Moorf]

I often wonder if it might be easier if we didn't have the luxury of choice - i.e. we're here and we're staying - a bit like the early settlers who just knuckled down and made NZ their home. :?

[eric_amanda]

I just sat and watched close-up on TV1, and feel sick that these bombers lived in West Yorkshire and even worse, just around the corner from Eric's brother.

It terrifies me what has happened and I have tried to avoid the news somewhat, but I can't hide forever.

As for the 'belonging' feeling, I feel just the same. I feel as if I don't 'beleong' in NZ and yet if we went back to England I don't think we would feel 'settled' there again....I think we would have 'itchy feet' - and not sure I would now want to return to W Yorks...although I am not originally from there myself anyway.

[Moorf]

Whew - and I thought it was just me who was dwelling on the "belonging" issue. I thought I was being a right old misery guts but thankfully it's something others on the forum are also experiencing which makes me feel a little better. :nice1

[GeorgeM]

I often wonder if it might be easier if we didn't have the luxury of choice - i.e. we're here and we're staying - a bit like the early settlers who just knuckled down and made NZ their home. :?

I think that this is a very valid point. In some ways we have far too much choice these days and if we're not careful can spend much of our life wondering if we chose correctly and if we shouldn't change for some other option.

We've been here 3 years and still go through some ups and downs but would probably experience the same to some extent had we stayed in the UK but moved to a different area. The homesickness comes and goes, and doesn't last that long, so even if we were 'only' in Norfolk or Cornwall it would probably be passed before we could make a visit to family or long established friends. And apart from the problems relating to the time difference other forms of contact - phone, email - are as convenient.

I think that after our visit back to the UK at Christmas we will feel more settled - we'll be reminded of why we left the UK and will be glad to get back to the relative peace and quiet of NZ. Sure, leaving family again will be a wrench but important as they are these are only part of life for us, not the whole of it.

Looking at the pictures on the news over the last week has cemented my views that we did the right thing. Not because the threat of terrorism is less here, rather that the pictures of The City and the tube with all its overcrowding and dirt reminded me of my time spent working in Ledenhall St and how I hated the daily journey from Salisbury to Waterloo, from Waterloo to Bank and back again. A 35 minute commute from Sumner to Harewood, driving towards mountains in the morning and to the Pacific Ocean in the evening is a far better way to get to and from work than South West Trains and London Transport in the company of hundreds of thousands of others...

[Carol]

I'm not sure that I should say anything here.........but I guess there is no point in beating about the bush.

We are now into our tenth year.
It took me until my recent trip home in January to know I wont ever go back.......I have really struggled with many aspects of life here.
i tried very very hard too make kiwi friends - and i have made many.
But they are all what I would call "surface" friends. No-one I have met has ever taken the place of my dearest friends who i can still call upon in England and know they will give me as much time to rant as I need - and love me even more for it.
I think this year has been a turning point for me in a number of ways.
i have met lots of people who have all told me the same story. Some of them have become friends - some of them, people I talked to in the bus queue. They all said the same thing - it takes time.
I have also met this year a teacher who was brought here by here parents when she was 7. Exactly as we did with our oldest son.
It is interesting to me that my perception of her is nothing but kiwi. In fact I would never have guessed she was indeed British.
What that told me was - one day my kids will be seen in the same way.
THEY will feel as if they belong - and THEY will be part of kiwi society with no questions asked.
Unfortunately - I dont think I will ever feel that this is "home". But I AM starting to come to terms with that fact.

I also think being a member of this forum has helped me a lot. I have met 3 couples - all of whom are lovely. There is an understanding with those people that isnt there with kiwis. they are friends who i know understand the whole situation and will listen to you without accusing you of whinging. It makes such a difference.
I am looking forward to the arrival of a number of others..........

I really do believe time is the healer.
What your time scale is - well I think that is personal to you.
But I know one thing - the longer you are here the harder it is to "go back". Especially if you have children.
They need stability. And tooing and froing doesn't do a lot for their self confidence.

Good luck in your decisions.

This "permanent departure lounge" I live in is home to me now...... but there are HEAPS of others waiting here too.....anyone fancy a coffee??
:nice1

[Carol]

I often wonder if it might be easier if we didn't have the luxury of choice - i.e. we're here and we're staying - a bit like the early settlers who just knuckled down and made NZ their home. :?

I've ALWAYS said this Moorf.........

from what I've heard about those settler ships you would never want to set foot on a ship again as long as you lived!!!




A bit like Jennie feels about flying with toddlers at the moment! :laugh

[sarahw]

I've found this quite an interesting post - we've been here 6 months & whilst I know we'll never move back home, I must admit that I thought that any acts of terrorism against the UK would reinforce our decision, however, it hasn't - it has left me feeling homesick! I wasn't expecting this as I'm the least patriotic person & haven't felt homesick at all since we left - I even cheered on the All Blacks when they played the Lions recently :oops: :oops: :oops:, but this has all brought home to me how dear some people are to me back home & I've missed certain things about home too since the bombings - its an amazing emotional reaction.

Its been an interesting week - I know its all gut feelings but its quite unsettling! So DLW don't worry about your 50/50 feelings - I guess its just a matter of course.

:nice1

[Moorf]

From what I've read, getting a passage home to the UK wasn't an option unless you struck gold :no Hey, nothing changes eh! :laugh :laugh :laugh

[Carol]

nope!
:laugh :laugh :laugh

[Bubbles]

Hi
This makes really interesting reading looking at your views after being in NZ for some time.
I cant comment on how I or my family will feel as we are not over there yet, but I guess that we will experience very similar feelings at some point or another. I guess it will be down to how we look at the problems emigrating throws our way and how we overcome them.

John

[marcia]

Just read this post and it made me give a big gulp - thinking about taking my boys away from their grandparents. Very very hard.

Another scary thing happened here in west yorkshire today, the ring road around huddersfield town centre was shut off due to a bomb scare - talk about getting close to home thats only 1.5 miles from my house!! :wah :no

[Simon & Emily]

As someone still in the UK, I cannot comment on any of the feelings here, but the one thing that makes me feel sad about moving so far away from home in the UK is taking the children away from the grandparents and extended family. Having said that, I think Carol summed it up very well with her post. I have this uneasy feeling in my bones - and have had from the start of the process - that I would always feel as though I didn't quite belong in NZ, but hoped that my children would be accepted as natural kiwi's(they are only 3 and 4).

If this feeling of 'not belonging' is the only permanent downside of moving away from local family then I think it will be worth it - but watch this space, as I'm still in the UK :uhoh :uhoh :uhoh

Emily

[baboonworld]

Bradford council buildings had a bomb scare, as did Leeds bus depot. I feel uneasy about going into town centre's at the moment and would advise anyone to avoid it!

I live in a multi-cultural area and welcome it - but there are always groups (on both sides) with extremists. This is the same in NZ with Maori activists. - however i have never feared a bomb might get set off in Wgtn!

Please people - remember home is where the heart is - as long as i have my fella and my daughter with me i will feel strong and i hope he will too.

Of course i have it a bit easier with my family living in NZ - but i will miss his family and the friends i have made over the last 11 years in West Yorkshire.

To anyone struggling to make friends - join a club - i used to belong to a rock n roll club in NZ and there are plenty of social activities (and you can be a crap dancer if u want - or just go for the piss up!)

Being the cynic i am - part of the homelessness is perhaps just a feeling of being left out - family and friends are "in amoungst it all" and NZ is very much on the outside.

Trust me - the grass isnt always greener!!!

[Carol]

One up side of the process - just to throw a more positive light on my feelings.... is that we (me my husband and the kids) are a team. We decide things together and sort problems out together. The kids stick together through thick and thin. Dont know if that part of who we are but I tend to believe it is down to the fact that we are here on our own as a unit. It is, I guess, a sort of pack mentality.

And I like it......


I agree - joining in with social activities opens you up to more people but that is about it. Statistically you are more likely to meet someone you click with so yes - do it.
For me personally - I've given away the thought that I will ever be thought of as anything but a pom. It doesnt matter anymore to me - I spend time with who I want to - and if I am really honest the vast majority of them are Brits.
So be it.

[markkellaway]

I feel we are in a position where it is one way, sure we could come back but it would hit us hard financially and I'm not sure I'd get a decent enough job in an area we would want to live again.

Having kids is a great reason to stick it out, only tonight I had our son in tears because he wants to go to London to visit Highbury with his friend next week, but doesn't want to die on the underground. Please those of you who haven't been there too long and are wanting to come back, sit back and take a breath, remember EVERYTHING that you've left behind, not just the good bits.

I know this is easy to say, and I do worry how hard the relocation will be for Anne, but I'm sure with a positive outlook and a few good friends we will make it. It's very easy to read these threads, and valuable. But those reading it thinking "oh God, maybe we shouldn't do this" just remember there are as many peple who have never looked back!!! :nice1

Mark. :P

[Paul and Linda]

remember EVERYTHING that you've left behind, not just the good bits.

Wise words

;) [/code]

[StevieD]

As for feeling an "outsider", is it the same feeling you get on visiting a strange country when on holiday? Just a thought.
But don't you feel strange walking through a strange city or town in the uk?
True friends are to be valued, but they will still be true friends regardless of distance as you said. But how can you say that you have only made surface friends in NZ? Aren't they supposedly very friendly people?

It seems that distance is a great healer, and while feelings for the country are natural and understandable during this black time, I'm pretty sure that on returning to the country you would shortly be wanting to return.
A young girl has been murdered again just up the East Lancs Rd. in Leigh, having her head battered in by an 18 year old, yet more instances of rapes, murders, muggings, violence and more every day of the week.
But it is not just the youths, males that are solely responsible for this, it is young girls too.

Just my tuppence ha'penny worth... good luck to you all.

Steve

[Moorf]

I see what you are all trying to say, but this feeling of "not belonging" - it's a very different feeling to "being in a strange town". It's really hard to put into words.

We have lots of friends here and I wouldn't say that they were "surface" friends. They are true friends and we all help each other out, meet up when we can and are forming true and deep friendships. And thats with both Kiwi's and Brits. The "surface" friends (strange term that, haven't come across it before) I guess are what you'd call acquaintances and this is just as in the UK - work colleagues, neighbours, local shopkeeper etc.

We've moved around alot and spent the last few years living in Scotland where we knew no-one, didn't know the local area etc etc but we didn't feel what we're feeling here. Probably because we were still on "home ground"?

It's no reflection on the Kiwi's either - I find them very friendly (not gushing, just down to earth and polite and friendly).

I do think a trip back to the UK will settle our minds a little, either way. :nice1

[jan]

What I find amazing (in my meagre 2 months here!) is how no two days together, are the same for me.

I find one day a real drag on my emotions, its hard to want to be here anymore, the pull to go back to my `familiar lifestyle` is major. i dont want to be here and try to like it. Uk problems are tiny towards my feelings. I will go back to what we had. :roll:

The next day... Ah well, how lucky are we? This is fantastic. My family are all coming over soon, the kids are great , hubby is great and wow what a beautiful existenec I now lead.

Explain; I cant. It may be a woman thing , in the fact that I can change my mind whenever I want to!!

The weather can play a massive part too. Hearing the gorgeous weather they are having back home is yearning, especially as we have had a couple of wet ones ( still not a complaint for winter).

So don't know if you can tell from todays post, but I feel a lot better today , and yes the sun is shining. :laugh

Rollercoaster ride at Alton towers has nothing on how I feel!!

Funny too that one day i have a bad one and txt hubby to ask ` Have we done the right thing?` for him to reply `Deffo , we will be fine`
For him to txt me the day after with the `have we done the right thing?` question, for me to reply `Deffo we will be fine` ???????????

:nice1

[Moorf]

Jan - all very familiar and very normal.

The first 2 - 4 mths are the toughest in terms of emotions, in my opinion. Even for me, and I think of myself as a tough nut when it comes to family emotions as I've never been close (or lived close!) to my family. But boy it hit hard at about month 3.

However, even now, 10 mths on, there are days when I feel I want to return to the UK, but the feelings don't last long and are usually triggered by a frustrating situation, a family event back home (I'm gutted that I won't be in the UK for my dads 60th :( ) or events like the London bombings.

[DLW]

Hi all,

Thank you for your posts. It's good to know that I'm not going loopy! :e

I knew that an event like the Bombings would happen, and I fully believed that it would only cement the feeling that we had made the right decision emigrating,.... so the feelings of homesickness really took me by surprise. I feel alot better now, knowing that I'm not the only one. :nice1

And as for the feeling of belonging, I agree with Morf...It's a feeling that is hard to explain, not the feeling of disorientation and unfamiliarity you feel when on a short term stay in another country, but an uneasy deep feeling. But like Jan, I feel much better today! thanks!. :roll:

I hope I've not worried readers who are just about to embark on the migration process with this thread. I'm sorry if I have. I guess it's the same with any life changing event....The honeymoon period is over, and it's winter.

To all the ex pats that have only been here a few months...Summer in NZ is just brilliant! and it starts earlier that UK and lasts longer, so don't make a judgement until you've had a Summer here. :cool

I think we will stick it out, my kids are young and are rapidly becoming kiwis.

DLW.

[dave k]

I often think about going back to the UK for many of the same reasons everyone has pointed to. But then I think it'd be amazing for a week, mebbe two, y'know catching up with friends, family and what have you...and then I'm pretty sure I'd be getting itchy feet again.
My girlfriend & I have been here since October last year and we reckoned that Winter would be the test, since Summer in Wellington has no earthly rival :clap
It has been a test too, but I think we sort of passed & now I can almost smell Spring round the corner. I'm happy to give it another year.

The whole Kiwis as close friends thing is funny isn't it? I always thought that, on the whole, we were a fairly insular & reserved nation us Brits & that the Kiwis were laid back, open & genuinely friendly like the Aussies.
And some of them truly are.
But I'm not so sure that's true for the larger part.. I don't think most Kiwis are laid-back at all...I think they can be very insecure, uptight, machismo-crazed and hide-bound to a puritanical work ethic. And I think us Poms have shed much of our old stiff upper lip image & become more...dare I say it...European?
Sorry, I feel the beginnings of a rant coming on here and I don't want to get into that :laugh

Just my 2c.

[Carol]

The whole Kiwis as close friends thing is funny isn't it? I always thought that, on the whole, we were a fairly insular & reserved nation us Brits & that the Kiwis were laid back, open & genuinely friendly like the Aussies.
And some of them truly are.
But I'm not so sure that's true for the larger part.. I don't think most Kiwis are laid-back at all...I think they can be very insecure, uptight, machismo-crazed and hide-bound to a puritanical work ethic. And I think us Poms have shed much of our old stiff upper lip image & become more...dare I say it...European?


Just my 2c.


Yep - my thoughts too.........odd eh?
I'm not saying they aren't friendly - they are - but I found myself kept at arms length so many times.
I thought it was just me.....

[Jodie]

I even cheered on the All Blacks when they played the Lions recently :oops: :oops: :oops:,

She was even wearing an All Blacks scarf too! :eek That I could deal with, but cheering on Umaga..... :exit

:laugh :laugh ;)

[Carol]

SARAH!!!!

:eek :eek :eek :eek :laugh

[jubjub]

I obviously watched too much of the rugby, I began to think Umaga was cute (but then my hormones are all over the place) ;)

Know what folks mean about the up/down thing, have days where I could sit and cry (boredom mainly!) and other days where I am out and about with the dog, rediscovering baking skills and generally chilling out and enjoying being lazy! Cant say I have missed much from the UK as yet, but we did not have a large family, and my three closest friends have always stayed in touch with me wherever I am, only see one of them once a year anyhow. (one is now in Aus)

Were we right to come here?, so far I have not had cause to question it, and hope things all work out, testing times ahead with new baby and no-one close to help, but in UK it would have been similar, we would see in laws (inc. neices) about once a month, and my parents every two months.

[Carol]

I was particularly close to my family.......still am of course. But I think this was the hardest part for me - just not being able to see them - I was quite emotional when we were back on holiday seeing everyone fill up their calenders with family "dos" and milestone events.....

Still - onwards and upwards!
:yes

[sarahw]

Jubjub - take a look at Nonu - hmmmm! Much nicer than Umaga!

I think we all have wobbles sometimes with regards to the homesickness & feeling like you don't belong - bit like a fish out of water. I've had an added change (sure some others have experienced this too) that I've completely changed the field of work I'm in - I've gone from 16 years of Admin management in huge multinational corporates to working (right from the bottom) for an NGO and not being the authority on how everything runs (or everyone's boss) - its been a hell of a difficult thing to come to terms with. Some days I feel a bit like a 'fish out of water' and put it down to being in a different country but I think its actually due to the complete change of job.

I was planning on doing the same job change in the UK so I do wonder if I would be going through very similar feelings if we'd've stayed in the UK but wouldn't be blaming it on my being a foreigner.

[shagen]

I've gone from 16 years of Admin management in huge multinational corporates to working (right from the bottom) for an NGO and not being the authority on how everything runs (or everyone's boss) - its been a hell of a difficult thing to come to terms with.

I know how it feels, Sarah. I took up this job coz it sounded good. After having people report to me for over 10 years, I find it rather difficult to adjust to taking instructions! Especially on a subject I feel I know just as much! :no

But its only a month now...

[sarahw]

Yeah its tough - Ian's gone back to doing what they used to have young old lads doing on site at home - he's feeling a bit frustrated with it but I guess its the price for having a less stressful life!

[Kenny]

"I even cheered on the All Blacks when they played the Lions recently"


Go wash your mouth out with soap Sarah :yes :yes

[sarahw]

:laugh :laugh

[Gran]

Talking about Umaga, how lucky was Angie!!!!! see article.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/index.cfm?ObjectID=10335817

[sarahw]

Very lucky indeed - I think I might have enquired what he'd been doing to make his boot land on my balcony though!!! :laugh

[zsj]

Back to homesickness etc. I think the point about having a choice is the most important point, in fact, the only point - you know you can go back! I have lived in SE Asia most of my life, my mother returned to the UK in 1990, my father has become a SE Asian nomad, having nowhere to call home, not wanting to return to the UK but having no right of abode in SE asia which is the place that is 'home' to him. So he goes where the work is and constantly wonders what life would be like over the fence in the next country where the grass *is* greener. The problem is he has a choice! And will never settle.

I never wanted to live like that, I never felt settled in UK, I think I like being a foreigner in a foreign land cos that is what I am used to feeling, NZ is just foreign enough and I love it.

We have said 2 years cos my husband is American and his UK PR will 'run out' after 24months out of the country. Get this though - he is feeling homesick...for UK! Takes all sorts eh?!

Good luck to everyone, it is a momentous upheaval and challange on every level and in every way. At the very end of the day, no matter what happens - you gave it a shot.

[Soon2baKiwi]

I had a conversation with my sister in law last night about this subject. They moved up from Wellington 3 years ago and she feels as if she doesn't belong in Auckland. And she's a Kiwi! She misses having a close friend and says that it's very difficult in Auckland to get close to people. Mind you, like Carol, I've already had conversations at the bus stop with other non-Auckland people and they're really friendly - also complaining about Aucklanders mind you :laugh I don't have the choice and I do belive it is easier - I've got to find ways to settle. The theory might be easier than the practice though :uhoh

[jan]

At the very end of the day, no matter what happens - you gave it a shot.

Correct. And that saying rings through my ears every minute of the day. And if, we go home I will carry that saying through baggage with me.

WE HAD THE BALLS TO DO IT!

[Danpoll]

Weve been here three months now and some days are gloomy some days are good. The bombings in London confirmed to me that leaving the UK was justified. It cemented my position that The Uk will never be a place I call home. It has caused me to be somewhat of an international gypsy, as I don't know where home is now. That and the fact that those four that blew themselves up, it would be naive to say that there were not people like that in NZ waiting for their call, these people dont seem to have an agenda or wish to play by the rules. And with kiwi troops in Afghanistan, then are we not just as much as a target.

The three month honeymoon and then the homesickness is so true, It just comes from no where and knocks you off youre feet. I was watching the news then the map of the world came up and with little old new zealand all down here on our own, thats probably when I realised how far away we are. A strange little thing like that can just topple you. Though I am homesick, but I dont miss or yearn for anything or anyone in the UK, (other than Devon Custard) its a strange sensation.

As for timescales, My container delivery guy is an ex pom, and he was saying a lot of people are going back after 6 months, and that you have to at least give it a year, He has been here 5 years and says hes still not totally settled. Though in the time I have been here allready I think 65K is a fast speed, I work slower, I make more mistakes than I ever had and just kicking back and watching the world go by,

NZIS say that New Zealand is the Right Choice,

Thats a pretty fair statement.


As for the rugby


Go Daniel Carter Go



Dan

[jo b]

To all feeling homesick

I have posted this before but it gives some good tips to help you adjust

http://edweb.sdsu.edu/people/CGuanipa/cultshok.htm

Hope it helps you guys :smile

Jo

[GeorgeM]

Go Daniel Carter Go



Yay - a closet Cantab in Dunners :clap :clap

[Simon & Emily]

Dan - have you been gone three months already? It's not possible!!

Having lived all my life in the same area, I'm sure that I'd feel just as much as though I 'did not belong' if I moved 50 miles away rather than to NZ. I'm sure its brought on by a number of emotional things all rolled in together:- changing jobs, moving house, leaving behind loved ones, spending all that money (and then some) on finally getting there, having Christmas in the middle of summer, having a nice sunny north facing garden, getting away from the rat race, worry about having to go back 'home' if/when the inevitable family deaths occur, how well your children will settle, will we earn enough money etc etc. The list is endless, not to mention finding the elusive marmite and edible gravy granuals :laugh :laugh :laugh

Having said all that, I can't wait to arrive there and start a new life of less stress and more family time. I'm sure there will be bad times, but I just want to find out for myself.

As for the recent bombings, I have no family in London so I can be emotionally unattached, but they only make me feel more glad that we are leaving, not sad to be going away. I guess it hits everybody differently, and that's want makes the world go round.

Emily

[Miffy]

I've been out here for 2 and half months no, and we spent an interesting month with my inlaws before we came out so thats just over 3 months ago we left our home in the UK.

Apart from going through a second winter and feeling miserable due to winter sniffels I haven't felt all that home sick. At all.

I'm not that close with my parents a phone call every other week (if I remembered) and a visit maybe every month or so (they were only 30mins down the road) I actually speak to them more now than I did in the UK. and we are back to chatting about life instead asking how were are etc.

I've always been of mind that "home is whever I lay my hat" ie its where I choose it to be. I made myself refer to Dunners as home now its second nature and when I talk about the UK its not "back home I did this" but "when I was in the UK i did this"

[Miffy]

Go Daniel Carter Go



Yay - a closet Cantab in Dunners :clap :clap

As for the rugby I did cheer on Otago, but supported the lions in the test.

Come the tri nations, I'll be supporting the all black 100%

:cheers

[DLW]

Hi

I'm quite jealous :mrgreen: of all of you who live in one of the large cities and your get togethers!. I'm told there is a huge number of Brits :bobby in the Papamoa / Tauranga / Mount Area...where are you all?

If there is anybody in this area who fancies meeting up for a drink, as is done in Wellington, ChCh and Auckland, give me a shout.
:cheers
DLW

[Sarah Jane]

What I find amazing (in my meagre 2 months here!) is how no two days together, are the same for me.

I find one day a real drag on my emotions, its hard to want to be here anymore, the pull to go back to my `familiar lifestyle` is major. i dont want to be here and try to like it. Uk problems are tiny towards my feelings. I will go back to what we had. :roll:

The next day... Ah well, how lucky are we? This is fantastic. My family are all coming over soon, the kids are great , hubby is great and wow what a beautiful existenec I now lead.

Explain; I cant. It may be a woman thing , in the fact that I can change my mind whenever I want to!!

:nice1

I know exactly how you feel Jan. We've been here for almost 7 months now and I'm the only one not properly settled. I've stayed off this website and tried to settle on my own without any outside distractions but it's not worked. We've bought a house to try to settle (very close to you actually in Maygrove Drive), as I felt it was unfair on the kids when living in rental as they couldn't make their bedrooms 'their own'. We also bought a dog and 2 kittens as we left ours back in England with family, but the void isn't closing for me.
I had an interview with NZ statistics the other day about my experiences of moving to NZ etc and had to answer questions about the other members of my family and how they've settled and I had to be honest and say that they were all 'very settled'. As for me I gave the answer that I was neither settled nor unsettled, because to be honest it can change from day to day just like it does for you.

Unfortunately it doesn't really help having a husband who adores it here as that can cause arguments sometimes because he's adamant that he would never ever go back to UK....therefore if it did become unbearable for me here I'd be going back without him. That's not something I ever anticipated in all the excitement of coming here.

I suppose it's not helping me that my youngest son who's still in UK is going to be celebrating his 21st birthday in less than a fortnight....and I won't be there to celebrate with him, take photo's etc, all the things mum's do on those occasions. I was there for my other 2 children's 21st's, and no doubt I'll be there for my younger 2's 21st's when the time comes.

As it is I've managed to talk my husband in to saving for a holiday back in the UK next June. We were planning on taking the kids to the Gold Coast in January, as we don't have much in the way of savings and as we all know it's expensive flying to Europe from here, but I've taken the attitude I'm willing to give up every little pleasure if it means I can save enough for those flights.

Maybe that will sort out my mixed up emotions of whether I want to remain here, as some people have commented that going back reminds them why they left in the first place....or maybe I won't want to get back on the plane bound for Auckland?

Sarah Jane

[Sarah Jane]

What I find amazing (in my meagre 2 months here!) is how no two days together, are the same for me.

I find one day a real drag on my emotions, its hard to want to be here anymore, the pull to go back to my `familiar lifestyle` is major. i dont want to be here and try to like it. Uk problems are tiny towards my feelings. I will go back to what we had. :roll:

The next day... Ah well, how lucky are we? This is fantastic. My family are all coming over soon, the kids are great , hubby is great and wow what a beautiful existenec I now lead.

Explain; I cant. It may be a woman thing , in the fact that I can change my mind whenever I want to!!

:nice1

I know exactly how you feel Jan. We've been here for almost 7 months now and I'm the only one not properly settled. I've stayed off this website and tried to settle on my own without any outside distractions but it's not worked. We've bought a house to try to settle (very close to you actually in Maygrove Drive), as I felt it was unfair on the kids when living in rental as they couldn't make their bedrooms 'their own'. We also bought a dog and 2 kittens as we left ours back in England with family, but the void isn't closing for me.
I had an interview with NZ statistics the other day about my experiences of moving to NZ etc and had to answer questions about the other members of my family and how they've settled and I had to be honest and say that they were all 'very settled'. As for me I gave the answer that I was neither settled nor unsettled, because to be honest it can change from day to day just like it does for you.

Unfortunately it doesn't really help having a husband who adores it here as that can cause arguments sometimes because he's adamant that he would never ever go back to UK....therefore if it did become unbearable for me here I'd be going back without him. That's not something I ever anticipated in all the excitement of coming here.

I suppose it's not helping me that my youngest son who's still in UK is going to be celebrating his 21st birthday in less than a fortnight....and I won't be there to celebrate with him, take photo's etc, all the things mum's do on those occasions. I was there for my other 2 children's 21st's, and no doubt I'll be there for my younger 2's 21st's when the time comes.

As it is I've managed to talk my husband in to saving for a holiday back in the UK next June. We were planning on taking the kids to the Gold Coast in January, as we don't have much in the way of savings and as we all know it's expensive flying to Europe from here, but I've taken the attitude I'm willing to give up every little pleasure if it means I can save enough for those flights.

Maybe that will sort out my mixed up emotions of whether I want to remain here, as some people have commented that going back reminds them why they left in the first place....or maybe I won't want to get back on the plane bound for Auckland?

Sarah Jane

[Lizelle]

We're from South Africa, and have been here almost 9 months. Apart from the family that we miss, the greatest irritation can be the little things. I have not found proper rice here (what I would see as proper rice), and the meat taste funny (presumably because in SA they use extra feed for the animals, and over here they just eat grass), even the coke taste different at times.
I remember before I came over I read a thread (i think from Woorf) about how the chocolate is not so nice over here, and I remember thinking to myself, chocolate taste like chocolate, how can it tadste worse. But, lo and behold, it really is much worse. Even the makes that you know, in the flavour that you know, taste different, somehow inferior.

I think it does help if you have a goal. For us, it is to get rid of our South African passports (or at the least get a NZ one to use with our SA one).

We missed the new law (that changed the time you need to have PR before you can get citizenship from 3 years to 5 years) with about one week, which is very depressing.
So, for us, we need to stay here for at least another 4 and a half years, and after that we have already decided to move on to Australia.

I agree with the laid-back kiwi image. The best contrast i can think of is the one between the cricket teams of NZ and Aus. The aussies have that laid-back attitude of someone that is very good at what he does, and knows it, but is humble anyway, so he goes about his business quietly confident. If you bother him, though, he would shove back. The nz'ers have that laid-back attitude of someone that doesn't want to do much, but want much in return. I think it has to do with the fact that they live on a very small part of the world, very far away from anything, so it's like a child seeking attention.

Because we need to stay here (we can move, I suppose, but I am still studying, so if we do not immigrate to a new place, it simply costs to much to study, so moving is not really an option unless some miracle happens)

I REALLY don't like Auckland, the place sucks (again, may have a lot to do with the fact that they put the university in the middle of the bloody city - not very bright), and hubby works in Henderson, and houses closer to the city is way to expensive, and way to small for what you pay for it. So, we are looking at buying in Glen Eden, and I face another 5 years of traveling at least 2.5 hours each day (where in SA i lived right next to the University, left for class about 5 minutes before hand - and was 15 min drive on a bad day away from my work)
VERY DEPRESSING. :no

But, financially it is a much better place than South Africa (for all those from SA reading this, try converting the NZ$ into Rands. The amount that you can buy with $1000 - which sounds like a little bit of money if that is your salary - is about the same as R4000) So, we can buy a lot more for a lot less, and when we have citizenship, we are moving to Melbourne.

Strange, reading from South Africa, I thought NZ was just short of heaven. :oops: Everything I read sounded so good. But, there is no substitute for being there and living it to know if it is for you. I do agree that not having kids helps. We don't really want to have kids in NZ either (I really don't like the zoning thing), but it is not something that you have to take into consideration when you move

I have been rambling a bit, sorry, but I think that is most of it. :nice1

[Gran]

Goodness, why didnt they think of you when they established the Ak university in 1883, how could they be so stupid as to put it so far from where you chose to live. Please do us all a favour and move on to wherever you can be happy Lizelle.

[Lizelle]

:roll:
I would if i could

[Lizelle]

besides, i did not post my opinion for you to get snooty about it, that is how i feel about it, and that is how i experience it.
you don't like it, fine. :mrgreen:

[Sunshine20]

I am afraid we are 90 / 10 in favour of moving on from NZ. Sorry Gran - apprecaite it may be your choice as a place to live but NZ is not for us. We too are waiting to go to Aus.

[Lizelle]

funny how that works. I never would've thought that we would not like it here. But, it has taught us to research Aus a little bit better before we go there, though :cheers

[leosus]

I guess from my perspective since I first visited NZ, I had never felt more "at home" than anywhere else I had been, and it was farther away than anywhere I had been before. I live in a large metropolitan city with so many choices of areas to live. I have lived in all of them almost. Some were better than others, but I can't help but remember that feeling of contentment I had in NZ.

After realising I couldn't stay where I was, and after a year of entensive research to find a place as good as NZ in my own country I gave in. For me, I haven't started a family of my own, I want to be settled before I do, I have waited until I am. For those with kids who are homesick just think about how sick you would be if you hadn't gone. I get sick everytime I see a 10, 11, or 12 year old girl dressed like a whore, with her thong underwear hanging out, especially when they are escorted by thier parents!

Our culture and society in the US are chipping away to a very ugly state, that is not going to change, and it sounds as if Britain were close behind. As for seeing on a map how far NZ is, I have a map of the world on the wall in front of my desk so I won't forget, I actually find it encouraging. Maybe it will take longer for the bad stuff to penetrate NZ, that is my hope anyway.

I am capturing how I feel now, and have felt, and will feel until I move to work from when and if that homesick feeling comes. There is something motivating me enough to move across the world, I can't imagine (I hope) not feeling at home shortly after I arrive. I think it is a choice. Not having a choice to move back would be a good mental block too, but you can choose to be happy, or sad for the most part. I hate where I live, and the people I live around, but I am a happy person- by choice, it would be easy to slip into that miserable state. Mind over matter.

For those who are having trouble making more than surface friends, did you have several friends at home? Why? Were they people you just met and connected so well with you decided to be friends? My guess is they were at work, or childhood buddies, or relatives. People you have already there, or people it takes years to get to know, they just happened to already be there.

I think the joining a club thing is great advice, and then some. Ask yourself are you making yourself open to friendships? In my short time there I made 4 friends, all in different locations. One on the train, one on the ferry, one out for an evening, and my favourite one- approached me (I was by myself) and asked me to join her and her friends. All of these exchanges were generally effortless, but I was open to meeting people, and learning from them. One thing I have learned- ask people about themselves, almost always (unless they are guilty or shy) they will willingly open up, and you may find a new friend. Remember to LISTEN.

The only thing that would keep me where I am is my job, but mostly other people. Thank god for email! Get busy, make more friends, get involved, and cut down on the downtime, just like you would if you were going through a breakup. The more you sit around, the more time you have to dwell. Dwelling should only be done AT THE MOST once a week!

Just my incoherent ramblings...it is what has helped get me through when I have moved in the past. Remember too, life and time has not stood still for you. Should you go back things may be 10x worse than before. People find other friends, jobs get filled, kids grow up. That could be more painful than making do in NZ.

[Miffy]

For those who are having trouble making more than surface friends, did you have several friends at home? Why? Were they people you just met and connected so well with you decided to be friends? My guess is they were at work, or childhood buddies, or relatives. People you have already there, or people it takes years to get to know, they just happened to already be there.

I think the joining a club thing is great advice, and then some. Ask yourself are you making yourself open to friendships? In my short time there I made 4 friends, all in different locations. One on the train, one on the ferry, one out for an evening, and my favourite one- approached me (I was by myself) and asked me to join her and her friends. All of these exchanges were generally effortless, but I was open to meeting people, and learning from them. One thing I have learned- ask people about themselves, almost always (unless they are guilty or shy) they will willingly open up, and you may find a new friend. Remember to LISTEN.

.

Totaly agree with this making new friends is hard but doable you just have to remember how to do it. Waaaaaaay back in the school yard age about 6 it was easy you just went up to someone and said "hello my name is ... will you be my friend?" They either said "no" and walked away or "yes" and you would link arms and skip around the playground.
I've not exactly done this, but close :laugh I make alot of effort and have done alot more of the running to get frienships up and running than you normally do with established UK friendships.

People are generally nice and welcoming (more so here than where I came from in the UK).
:smile

PS: I can see the attraction of Aus - warmer weather especially as I'm now well into 2nd winter, doing back to back winters is no fun even for a snowboarding lover like me. I just find the average Aussie more aggressive and aragant (sp) than the average kiwi (no offence) so it'll be a nice place to visit but wouldn't want to live there.

[Moorf]

What a great post :nice1

What you say about making a new life and friends here is so true. We've made so many friends here since we arrived - some through this forum, some through hubby's work and lots through the surf shop I work at. And then there's the people you meet on boats, up mountains, in cafe's and bars! I seem to be collecting phone and email numbers at a rate of knots. In fact, if we get a weekend to ourselves in the near future it will be a miracle! :laugh

However, don't expect that you won't see young girls with thongs hanging out their jeans and barely a whisper of a top on - they're here too! Even in a small town called Geraldine (near Lake Tekapo on Sth Island) where you'd expect to see lots of outdoorsy kids there were groups of goths and chavs on corners. :?

My emotions about my home country of Britain are up and down at the moment - I'd have thought I would be rejoicing in the fact that I'm not there during these horrid times, but strangely I feel a pull towards being there with my family, friends and fellow countrymen. Mad huh!? On the plus side, my family are seeing that hubby and I have appeared to make the correct decision and all are now actively involved in the immigration process. :nice1

It's very easy to dwell on such things and you're right, allow yourself some time to let the emotions surface, deal with it, then move on and thank your lucky stars you're one of many who have actually made the move and relish your new life and friends.

Hmm, I'm rambling too today - I guess I'm in a reflective mood again after yesterdays chaos in London. :?

[Bruckner]

So, for us, we need to stay here for at least another 4 and a half years, and after that we have already decided to move on to Australia.


Just curious, how easy is it to get to Australia once you become an NZ citizen?

Emily

[Lizelle]

like moving from one city to the next. If you are a nz citizen you can live and work in aus as long as you like, without any visa. I can also study at the same rate as an aus citizen. You can't vote (obviously), and i don't know if you get the same medical privilages.
So, very easy indeed :clap

[Moorf]

Liz - when you say "citizen" do you mean you have to be a NZ citizen to move to Oz or that you merely need to have Residency?

[Lizelle]

nope, you need to be a nz citizen (at the moment 5 years after you got residency). NZ PRs don't have much rights in Aus. I know Aus PR can study at the same rate as nz citizens in nz.

[Moorf]

Ok, thanks for that :smile

[Tanya]

Ok, thanks for that :smile

Not thinking of Oz now are you Helen :eek :wah

Tanya

[Moorf]

Nah, just interested at whether the move would be easy or not ;)

Spookily just been in park with dog and met a guy who emigrated here 40 yrs ago and he's off to Oz as he said NZ is going downhill fast. :?

Nice to have options eh!

:nice1

[Danpoll]

Though looking at the straigt conversions Oz Vs kiwi there dosen't seem to be much in it. 5 evreyday items from the supermarkets of both countries yielded 80 cents higher in Oz. Tax regimes are higher and more complex and the hard going is just as prevelant over there as here. True they have better weather.


Dan

[StevieD]

NZ going downhill fast, he wants to see what it's like up here in UK lol

[Moorf]

Yeah, the old guy has been back in the last five years and said he was sad at the direction the country was going in and it was barely recognisable (he was from Somerset) - he was such a lovely fella and we nattered for ages about the times when Sumner was called Scumner, when there were barely any cars in NZ due to no imports and how you got your Ford Oxford (?) out on a Sunday for a quick drive and then put it back in the garage for the week and got on yer bike! :laugh

[Timbo]

This is not relevant to the thread, but a tad spooky anyway.
Just prior to logging on here, there was a snippett on the news about a British couple who have just driven from Oxford UK to Oxford NZ in, guess what,..........a Morris Oxford. :laugh
They are about to return here. Mad fools.

[Simon & Emily]

Now if he remembers driving his Oxford that shows his age!!

Dan - there has to be no comparison to OZ - they have all sorts of horrible creepy crawlies that bite and squeeze, not to mention the overbearing hot weather (I know, most people can't understand why I don't like to fry myself in the sun - just call me eccentric :laugh ). If people want to use NZ as a stepping stone for Aus then good luck, but many people won't want to set foot there.

Emily

[Moorf]

....Except for the masses of NZ'ers who, according to a documentary a while back, are flocking to Oz for a better life... :?

[Simon & Emily]

Oh well, I'm sure there are many people who would love to get into the UK, and can't understand why we want to go elsewhere.

Each to their own, I guess.

Emily