[susanlin]

Hi everyone

Well, I have been here in Christchurch for 6 months now and thought I would share my feelings and thoughts with you all…..

I feel I have been on one almighty emotional roller coaster for the past 6 months and I have not got off it yet! Emigrating to NZ has been far, far harder than I expected and to be absolutely honest I would not have done it if I had known what was in store…..
I visited NZ last year – my husband was working in Auckland for 4 months so my children and I travelled over here to meet up with him and have a 3 week holiday. We hired a campervan and travelled the North and South Islands. It was the most wonderful holiday of my life and I absolutely fell head over heels in love with NZ. My husband and I had thought of emigrating many times – our travels around NZ and his experience of working in NZ finally decided us. On our return, after a week of family debates non stop of the pros and cons of emigrating, we decided to go for it. We were sick of UK, having the same reasons as many of you on the forum for leaving – the government, house prices, asylum situation, environmental issues, overcrowding, education, crime etc. We wanted a better future for our 2 children then 15 and 10. For 6 months, we lived and breathed emigrating to NZ. I spent hours and hours on the internet, researching. I bought every book I could find on the subject of NZ and emigrating. I attended 3 emigration seminars, visited NZ House in London and spoke to many people about the whole process (migration agents, government officials, kiwis) I was absolutely convinced that emigrating was the right thing for us. My friends and family were devastated. The guilt I felt - and still feel is terrible. I broke my father’s heart leaving him and taking his only grandchildren to the other side of the world. It was the most awful experience saying goodbye to everyone and I shudder now thinking about it.
6 months on – I wonder if all the effort has been worth it. I still love NZ – it is a marvellous country of such beauty and wonder. The kiwis are the friendliest people on earth, But I am so very homesick. I miss the UK more than I could ever have imagined. I miss my life – in a nutshell. I miss being the person I was in the UK – the familiarity I had with people, the friends who knew me inside and out, who had shared my life through the years. The comfort and security of my family and circle of friends. My old job and the status I had as an experienced and skilled nurse. I do not have any of that here. I have had to start again and it is so very hard – and something I had not given a thought to when I conducted my extensive research on emigrating! Although the kiwis I have met have been unbelievably friendly and have invited me to so many places, functions,etc, I still yearn for my old friends. I honestly feel I am grieving – I am mourning the loss of my old life. It is such a confusing feeling, ‘cos I so wanted a new life, new start in this wonderful country. I guess it is a matter of time – but I just don’t know whether I can give it the 2 years we have said we will – if I only had myself to think about, I am certain I would have been booking a flight back home to UK now. And I so miss the ‘superficial’ things! I miss the shops in the UK, I miss wholemeal pasta, quorn, veggie sausages, persil colour washing powder, gel bleach (has anybody found a bleach here that isn’t the consistency of water!?) And boy oh boy do I miss the TV!! I was never a serious TV watcher, so I thought! But I do so miss curling up with a bottle of wine and a slab of Dairy Milk to watch a really good drama, documentary, even reality TV! I miss Sky News, Fern and Phil (!), property and travel shows. I miss watching all the new music videos with my 11 year old daughter on MTV and dancing around to Top of the Pops! I miss all the daft and shallow shows that everybody talks and laughs about at work – Big Brother, Wife Swap and I’m a Celebrity….! I do not watch TV in NZ – I have looked at the TV guides and I am just gobsmacked at the dross …Bless this House on UKTV!! Bless this House!! 1971!! Says it all really about NZ TV doesn’t it!!
My feelings aren’t all negative however – I do love Christchurch – there is so much to do here for families. We love to walk in the hills and along the beaches, cycle, visit the beautiful gardens in the city, drive to the mountains, the Hot Springs. We have a lovely house we have plans to renovate. My children have enjoyed ski-ing, surfing and they are both looking forward to summer with all the activities that will bring. My hubby is happy – looking to buy a boat and just does not have the hours in the day to do all he wants to do.

It is me that feels the most unsettled. I do not know if it was the right decision to come to NZ but I do feel that I have to make the decision right for us as a family after all the expense, effort and emotion that has gone into making this dream of ours come true. I just hope the next 6 months will be easier than the first 6…..

[jesselyn]

hi susanlin,

hugs...

jes :angel

[Diny]

Once again ... thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

What a wonderful posting. It's as though you have tapped into my deepest fears and then printed them out for all to see. My worries are not about the country, the way of life and the NZ people, my worries are much much closer to home.

I am in a blind panic about missing my family, missing my history and missing my old life.

Good on you for having the guts to share your feelings, I take my hat off to you. I understand that our move to NZ is not just centred around me, it involves the entire family - those of us who are going and those who are staying - but we can only speak for ourselves.

I have these very worries - I only hope I can handle my homesickness with the same courage and resolve as you do.

Well done you and chin up.

Diny

[Raeven]

Hi, Susanlin,

Your post is so honest and so touching. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It's so important for potential immigrants to have the whole story -- the good, the bad and the ugly. You've given us all much to think about, especially the isolation attendant to moving so far away from all that is familiar.

I most fear living far from my parents. They have always been fairly close by, and as everyone has aged it's been nice to be able to do things for them. On the other hand, Steve's mum is on her own if we stay here, and that's not fair, either. She's a lot older than my folks.

Someone somewhere along the line likened immigration to being reincarnated -- a totally new start. I guess it works better if you have the benefit of not remembering your previous life. You're right; it is a grieving process you are going through, and what makes it harder is, you're grieving everything all at once -- not just way of life or a job or a friend, one thing at a time. And you're also right that most of us don't give this aspect nearly enough thought when we're making all our new plans.

I wish I was there.. I'd jump in my (unfamiliar, more aged) car and drive down to Christchurch to give us a Girls' Day Out. I realize a verbose American broad is probably not much comfort, but a willing shoulder might be of some use! Also just being able to talk to someone else who's gone through it. I hope you'll use the forum to its full extent to reach out to others for friendship, support and updates on reality tv -- we're here for you!

Meantime, thanks again so much for your heartfelt, moving post. Whatever you ultimately decide, you've given us all a tremendous gift -- your experience.

Huuuuuuuuggggggssss and chucks under the chin, Rae

[clg]

Really a great post, thanks for sharing. I think you touch upon everyones greatest fear, leaving people behind. I am dreading telling my father about this. He will have his only granddaughter (and future grandkids) living half way around the world. I know he will say it is OK but that will be the face he puts on, it will really bother him and I don't want to tell him. I will though probably in the next month or two.

What I am really hoping is that people are willing to come over and visit and that we can make it back as well. I hope I am not being naive here. We have it easier since it is only one flight but it is still not the same as living 45 minutes away.

[Diny]

Rae ! You've just given me one heck of an idea.

Over the next few months, when some/most/all of us will be in NZ, we should have a 'girlie weekend'. Forum frollicks - would be neat to catch up a few months down the line, swap a few stories and experiences.

I'll make sure I get a whopping shipment of chocolate sent out for the occasion.

Anybody else up for it?

Susanlin - hang in there petal 'femme forum' to the rescue !!!

Diny

[Raeven]

Hi, Diny,

I think it's a fantastic idea!! I already figured we'd be getting our ENZ group together as we can for cooking parties <snapping fingers and pointing at Karl>, etc., so a Ladies' Weekend would just be a logical extension to that. Good for the soul to share the laughs, drink the wine, eat the chocolate, watch the DVDs, attend the male strip shows.. errr... I mean, attend the quilting bees together!! And Christchurch always seems to have a lot on, but we could move it around to make it more convenient for different people at different times. I'm always game to have an excuse to visit someplace I have no other reason to go to except to meet up with new pals!

I can also envision occasional camping trips together and whatever else we can think of. Ya gotta get that social life started somewhere, right? It may as well be with people you already "know"!!

Looking forward to it, Rae

[Diny]

Too true

Camping trips sound a good idea too. We can bring the men along to these (we'll need somobody to shake the wetas out of the sleeping bags and to cook the bacon for breakfast).

Diny

[kamus]

Susanlin,
Thanks for your post, as others have noted, both honest and sobering.
The natural tendency when making such a massive change is to think that these changes will make you happy, or happier at least. I think the "happy" travels with us and that a change of locale can only serve to lessen or heighten that innate happiness we possess.

In my fantasy, I see moving to NZ as the big "fresh start" where I begin by doing everything right (unlike my past) and my life unfolds the way I always knew it was meant to. So it's good to see such posts such as yours to remind us that emigrating is exciting, rife with fresh opportunity and also very hard.

I agree with Rae, that leaving family is so hard- in fact I probably
won't make the move unless I have some reasonable prospect of getting my parents over too at some point-they're ready to go now!

Years ago, my family emigrated from Glasgow to the US and until recently it seemed like a good move, however when I look back on it, I remember just how hard those first few years were. Nearly thirty years on, I have to strain to remember how long it took us to be comfortable in our new lives. But comfortable we did become and we eventually thrived.

A few years after we moved here, my parents divorced, in part due to the upheaval of moving to the US, though there were other factors, and my Dad, now finally free at last, went back to the UK with the intent of living there again, for he, among all of us, was the most unhappy in the US. Well it turned out that he couldn't stand it! It was such a good thing for him to do because he finally got it out of his system. When he went back to the UK, all he could think about were all the things that drove him crazy enough to leave in the first place except that they had gotten even worse! He lasted nine months and when he returned he was much more sanguine about life in America. My parents subsequently remarried and life was better for both of them after that.

The thing is, you're there now and you may as well absorb NZ as fully as you can. And remember, there were very good reasons to leave. You do have the option to go back in two years, so your back is not against the wall. It's just bloody hard!

We should probably start a "reality check" thread on this forum to counter some of the giddiness that often prevails. (I'm not really complaining-I love the giddy thing!)

Again, we appreciate your post, and this is certainly the right place to come with those feelings because I'm sure everyone of the emigrees here has experienced what you're going through and everyone them has a shoulder at the ready. Mine's ready to go. It's what makes this forum a great place!

Keep us posted as to your internal journey- it's interesting and useful to all of us here.

Thanks Susanlin and good luck!

-Dave

http://www.allemoticons.com/Animals/sheep.gif

[Carol]

Oh dear....
I know I shouldnt post this it sounds so negative but.....

8 years on...I'm still like this......some days......
Only......not so bad.

I was actually ILL with homesickness - and the hardest thing was it was only me.
My hubby and boys were all happy as!

You cant possibly just leave your old life on a shelf somewhere....it is going to YELL at you "What about me"!!!!

And.... no whinging please.......whinging POMs NOT tolerated here!
So who do you turn to??
I guess the very fact that I was SO excited to discover you all says a lot.
I also love it here.....but ....
There is nothing here to replace that feeling of looking forward to seeing an old friends again....just for a coffee....or a big family re-union because your second cousin's baby is getting christened. (or whatever...)
Yes the telly is crap.
(Sid James is still oddly funny though!)
You do get used to the lack of choice in the end.

As a teacher - NZQA graciously gave me half a year of teaching for every full year I had taught in the UK....because OBVIOUSLY I wasnt kiwi trained and therefore ....not so good?? A big blow to the confidence.......I know where you are coming from re your job.

When I'm really really sad - I feel like the only person who has made any sacrifices is me.
ONLY me.
I gave up my life for my kids.....

Then I talk....to anyone who will listen....(Hi forum members)
And find people who have the same feelings......

It's good to talk and offload.
I know exactly what you mean about "If I'd known what it was going to be like I wouldnt have come"
Been there many times.
Better the devil you know.......
And....."You can always go home" doesnt cut it......
It would feel like we had failed BIG time.
Not only financially - every way.

Sorry - I'm not cheering you up much am I?
It is very hard love.........
Find someone close by who you can talk to.
Or give me a ring if you want to.........let me know and I'll PM you my number.


(((()))))) hug for you...
love Carol

[veronica]

I've just read through this thread and have a lot of feelings about all thats been said. Homesickness is a terrible thing., but I think its important to think back to how you felt in the UK (or whereever) how did you feel about your life there in all aspects, what was it that made you feel unsettled there. Susanlin you have my sympathy because I have been there, (well, not about the TV) but you didn't say how well the rest of your family are settling, do they get homesick.
Kamus's account of his dad is the best thing to think of, its a very common account. If you're not careful you can end up with an acute case of selective memory. If you feel really down come and have a bawl on me and Petes shoulders. will PM phone no.

[Carol]

its important to think back to how you felt in the UK (or whereever) how did you feel about your life there in all aspects, what was it that made you feel unsettled there.


Very true.
Try reading the UK newspapers online............

[feathers]

Hi Susanlin

Four years ago I left England to come to the USA and I missed (and do still miss) alot of things about home. But after a few years alot of what I miss I would probably put down to nostalgia, I find myself doing bizarre things like watching episodes of Keeping Up Appearances (popular over here for unknown reasons) or going to watch Man Utd play football, things I would never do if I was back in the UK but I do them here just because they remind me of home and give me my little bit of england over here.

And that's my advice, don't try too hard to make NZ feel like home just yet and don't give yourself a hard time over the fact that right now you might feel displaced. You are in a new place and there are wonderful things about it but also some downsides. I know that it might seem to defy the object of emigrating if you try to recreate england in NZ but honestly I'm all for keeping as much of good old blightly with you that makes you feel comfortable. I phone my mum and she phones my about 4 times a week, I watch english TV even if what they show here is awful, I get people to send me english magazines and chocs, and I did make friends with other english people in this country because there is nothing like knowing that there are at least some people who actually get the references you are talking about!

Also after a while going back to England feels a little bit odd, and however much you think its going to be all comfortably familiar it isn't always so. Its a strange balancing act because after a few years I would definitely not call america my home but every time I go back to england it feels less and less like my home as well.

Oh dear that last bit might have sounded depressing and really it wasn't meant to its just that I think when you move to a new country you do experience a feeling of being in no-mans land for a while, the new place isn't home and the old place changes when you're not there and stops feeling so cosy and familiar as you had remebered it being

Anyway I will stop my blathering, chin up Susanlin and tell me do they have mansize tissues in NZ. That's something that really annoys me about this country you can't get a decent sized tissue and when you are having a bout of homesickness tissues are a vital ingrediant!

[kamus]

Hi Susanlin


Also after a while going back to England feels a little bit odd, and however much you think its going to be all comfortably familiar it isn't always so. Its a strange balancing act because after a few years I would definitely not call america my home but every time I go back to england it feels less and less like my home as well.

Feather's experience above exactly matches my own. While I've never felt 100% American every time I go to Scotland, I feel even less Scottish- it used to bother me, but now I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world anyway!.
And she's also right about the chocs, the magazines and the little bits of home you can get in a foreign place- they really help. Also what really helps is the internet. One of its main virtues is to make the world a very small place and making it very easy (and cheap) to have daily contact with those you've left behind and that usually the main thing we really miss.

Oh, and you can get BBC radio over the internet too!

-Dave
http://www.thia.org/sheep.gif

[Moorf]

Hey Susan - Moorf Power-Ranger to the rescue.... I have just PM'd you - I'm just down the road and I'd love to meet up with you - having just arrived I am sure I can whinge enough about the UK to remind you of what you have left behind - plus you can help me too as I have had a few wobbles over the last couple of days :?

Chin up hon,
((((hugs))))
Moorf
x

[kamus]

Hey Moorf, I see you finally got that last plane! Congratulations- if anyone deserves the title "NZ guru" it's you!

Dave
http://thia.org/sheep.gif

[Tara Sage]

I have just read through all the posts BIG HUGS for all those feeling a little homesick.

We arrived 2 months ago, and Yes like all of you I have felt very down with a few tears here and there. I know it is early days yet, but we are sure that we made the right decision.

We have struggled with a few things i.e finding a nice rental (this new place if fab and here for at least 6 months). Financially it is a lot harder than we could ever imagine. I had expected to find work quite quickly, but as yet you guessed it I am still un-employed.

I stay in contact with my friends almost on a daily basis with text messages and oh yes my favourite e-mails! I know that they will visit eventually and that at the end of the day my true friends have and will support me no matter what. There are a few that haven't kept in contact, but I have tried and now it is upto them!

We love it here, the area is great and when ever one of us feels down we pack up the car and head for the hills or beach just to remind us what bought us here in the first place.

If anyone is feeling down you are more than welcome to visit/phone for a chat just PM me.

:cheers

Tara

[Gran]

Hi Guys,
Well after nearly 40 years in Australia and NZ I am begining to get over homesickness !!! Your old country will always be there in a little compartment in your head, mind you the memories I have are from the 60s, England now would be a very different place, I think I will avoid going back now, It might be too much of a shock to the system.
Anyway luv to all and it does get easier.
Gran

[Caven]

Hello Susanlin,

Never been through what you're going through, never emigrated, but I know enough about home sickness to say it's a self-feeding monster. I've had times where this thing would wash over me, sometimes out of the blue even during a good time, and I would be stood in a group but feeling totally alone, nerved up and even a little scared, for no apparent reason. That's where it can take you. I also found that the slightest thing, the slightest inconvenience or argument seemed ten times bigger and darker than it was. It may be tempting to pin all woes on not being in the UK (again, don't know, not been through it), but Veronica is right to say you left for a reason, and they were good enough to push you through the move, and it will help to try and find them again.

I used to think "Just ride it out, 'till the next time", usually the next time would be when talking to my daughter on some £8 a minute Sat Phone. It does come and go.You definately need some kind of support if you feel yourself slipping into a hole. You've had nice offers from people nearby, it would definately help to go and have a few drinks...

Hope it lifts off you soon, best wishes ;)

[Moorf]

GRAN!!!! Don't go back - seriously, you won't recognise the UK if the last you saw of it was in the '60's... or perhaps you should go back, it might cure your homesickness!!!!! :laugh

Moorf

[karltsmith]

Hi Susan,

We all feel for you in your current state and I think as you can see by the replies you are not alone.

Homesickness is a sort of greiving process and it takes time to come to terms with.

I experienced it during my first migration in my early 20's. As a lone traveller in a new land the feeling of isolation can magnify its effects!

It comes in waves and at times you least expect!

The solution for me was to get on that phone and get in touch with family and friends and have a good old yarn....(or a good cry if need be!) you are only human after all and a good old old fashioned blarting session followed by rich tea (or wine) and sympathy will work wonders to purge your system. Bottling it all up wont help! So get in touch with some local forum members and get purging!

((((((((Big Hugs from AKL!))))))))

[jensf]

Hi all
very touching threat, this. Makes me a bit concerned about my wife as she has found some very good friends here in the UK and if we are lucky we will be in NZ by February March time as well.

We actually came over to the UK from Germany late 1992 and despite the closer distances to home, the homesickness has been there as well.
All I can remember today is, that for the first 2-3 years, whenever we came back to visit, we realised it as really coming back home. Everything was familiar and we felt it as good to be back. Sigh of relieve virtually!

But after this initial period, whenever we returned, we started to get annoyed by the typical german mentality, ... no cueing, no manners, elbows up, all this sort of thing. But it started to amuse us after a while!

We are however fortunate enough that we have made the split away from our families when we were in our late 20s early 30s and that both of our kids have been born in the UK. Now this would be another tale to tell.
Anyhow, I do firmly believe that if we have made it once successfully that we will make it again.

I am after all convinced that if thousands of migrants move down to NZ on a yearly basis that all of us will most certainly find new friends that have gone through the same process, worries and homesickness and that a sholder to cry on or a mate to have a good giggle with is never that far away.

We always found it very helpful to talk about what we were missing and what we were glad to leave behind.

Cheers for now.

Jens

[jo b]

Susan,

You have highlighted all my worst fear in one fell swoop.

This is the one thing I keep researching about homesickness. I am extremely close to my mum and dad and sister, so much so that we always go on hols with them and mum and dad are coming with us to NZ on our hols in March.

I keep reminding myself though the reason I love them so much is they gave me a great upbringing which is what I want to do for my children but in a better environment.

I am going to start keeping a scrap book of newspaper cuttings to remind when I go of why I left (When I leave). I don't think it will help the homesickness but my help me understand why I left in the first place.

Susan it will get better, remember you don't want to loose the good memories as that would be a sad thing to do. But also remember the people who you are missing are also the people who help shaped you into who you are therefore they will always be with you in one way or another.

Keep posting as we all need each others support and advice.

Big hugs (((((()))))

Jo

[upandrunning]

I've been here 3 weeks in Auckland. You'll hate me for saying this but I think the UK is the best country on earth. However that is not to say I am embracing the differences in Nz and intend to enjoy the year or so we are here.

The good friends and family we have in the Uk will always be there for us,on the phone,email,and at the airporrt.

It won't be long before we make these sort of friendships in Nz, and then we will be so busy we won't miss UK chocolate and the instant coffee
sucks here!

[SoCal Gal]

Dearest Susanlin,
Your posting really touched my heart, and I have seen your worries about homesickness on here before, I didn't realize 6 months had gone past already....I don't know what to say other than I appreciate your heartfelt honesty, you share the worries of many of us here. Even as I laugh about shopping choices, I think sometimes I laugh to keep from being scared to death of doing the right thing. My home, my job, my friends, will it all be worth it in the long run? I don't know, but I will press on because I believe in the long run it will be OK. That's all I can keep telling myself. But I will be crying my eyes out remembering the garden I have placed every stone in, the wallpaper I placed by hand, the girlfriends I could run and do silly things with....so much, so much.
OK, yes, we will have lots of get-togethers...the Scooby Doo popcorn and bad American TV videos awaits! And I'm thinking about ordering the whole "Father Ted" set Susan, so you can even watch some old UK stuff!
It will be OK, honey, it will..... :cool

[Gran]

Hi Moorf,
Thanks for the advise, I'm not planning on going back, I only have distant and grumpy rellies back there. I am working on the family tree and those ancestors cant argue, they are dead and I am the boss hee hee.
Gran

[Carol]

Hi Moorf,
I am working on the family tree and those ancestors cant argue, they are and I am the boss hee hee.
Gran

:laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh
Good on ya Gran! :nice1

[Annierobrigado]

hello susanlin,

hugs and kisses to you, and i will send a thought of (what do you like?) cadbury's chocolate by telepathic message (i wish!) to you.

i guess when my own parents left us in the phils to migrate to the us back in 2000, it was sort of a practice for our own eventual migrating, but not to the us, though. so it's the 4th year that i have lived away from my parents, and i have spent my early 38 years with them (i am now 42)! am i lame or what? but that was just the arrangement, since my parents wanted the grandchildren near them anyway.

but yes, i miss them terribly, we always go on holidays together, especially during summer vacation and christmas break. but thinking about the things that made them decide to migrate to the us, and about the things that made us finally decide to migrate too, sort of cushions the blow.

i expect to cry buckets too when i reach nz; but if i have my children and husband with me i probably will smile through my tears too.

thanks for your post, at least i know what to expect from now on.

(i probably will bawl an ocean if i don't get selected :wah )

:cheers :raebanana

annie

[susanlin]

Gosh!!! Thank you all SO much for your wonderful and caring replies. :wah I had a lump in my throat reading them – you are all such lovely people taking the time to sit down and write such comforting and wise words.
Diny – I love the idea of “femme forum”! What a wicked idea – a girlie weekend, laughter, tears and sharing wine and choccies with like minded people. Now that is exactly what I need and what I miss so much from my life in UK! My husband tries his best but he just is not girlie enough! We share wine and a few crates of beer now and then - I get teary and woeful and he tries his utmost to comfort me but he just doesn’t get it! He just can’t understand why I am homesick! :uhoh
Veronica – I do keep reminding myself why I made the move to NZ and when I am feeling positive I just keep in my mind the reasons I left the UK in the first place – those reasons are still there. You asked about my children and my hubby…. Well, my children have had ‘wobbly’ times too. My 16 year old son went through a very resentful stage a couple of months back – you know the type of teenage strops they get – “ its not fair – you’ve ruined my life!...” type of strop. The guilt I felt was just enormous and I began to wonder if he was right – what had I done bringing him here away from his friends at such a crucial and important stage of his life? I am glad to say that Peter is now much better – he has made loads of friends; there is always someone around our house – girls and boys (too many girls for my liking... :? ) He is always out, partying, cycling, visiting malls with his mates, swimming, running, football. He does still miss his mates in UK but I think he is handling it better. He has a part time job which he loves as he gets money!! Wow! First time he has ever worked and it has finally clicked where money comes from – hard work! My daughter Rosie has also been homesick and I have spent many hours comforting her as she has sobbed for her friends. She once rang me at work to say she hadn’t caught the bus to school as she felt too sad to go. I had to come straight home and spent all day with my arm around her, giving her lots of hugs and kisses. She has missed her best friend very badly but I have encouraged her to phone, text and email her as often as she likes and I think it has helped. Rosie has made some kiwi friends and does go out swimming, dancing and shopping for lipgloss with them which is great! I think she is slowly settling into life here although she does keep asking when we are going to visit London again!! She used to love our shopping trips and theatre breaks to London,
My husband – well – he’s a man isn’t he? (no offence “forum men”! ) ( mmm..that sounds like a dodgy magazine) :oops: Typical practical man – so completely from Mars! Can’t see what all the fuss is about! Loves it here! He does miss certain things from UK like the important things – family and friends but just cannot relate to my yearning to watch a decent TV programme or my desire to find wholemeal pasta. When I start wailing about missing MTV and wholemeal tuna pasta he just looks at me as though I have grown 2 heads! Get a life Sue!! We are in NZ!! My husband is very sporty – loves sailing, walking, cycling, fishing, golfing – you name it. NZ was made for him and he doesn’t intend returning to the rat race thank you very much! :nice1
I am very aware that I have to think of my family and this whole experience isn’t just about me. It is a huge comfort to me knowing my children and hubby are OK and settling…I could not bear it if they weren’t. I just couldn’t cope with it they felt like I do – I would have had a complete breakdown by now!
On a positive note, I have had some lovely times here. I have experienced real periods of contentment – usually when I am sat on the beach, looking at the beautiful turquoise sea, clear sky and miles and miles of space. I love to walk in the hills and admire the awesome views of Christchurch and the snow covered mountains in the distance. I spent a lovely weekend recently, fishing off the rocks at ‘Taylors Mistake’, (not a nibble – thought fish were supposed to jump on the bait!) and picnicking with my family. I have recently been out to a wine bar with the nurses from work which was fun and I enjoyed very much. :cheers
It is not all bad this emigrating lark – I just so want to have all my loved ones here to share it with me…. :( (oh and some shops that stock wholemeal pasta, gel bleach and quorn….) Feathers – don’t know if there are any mansize tissues here – too busy looking around the supermarket for the other stuff!! Like a woman possessed I am once I hit those aisles… :eek :eek :eek

So to you all – Diny, Jes, Veronica, Karl, Raeven, Clg, Kamus,Carol, Feather, Power Ranger Moorf, Gran, Tara,Caven, Annie,SoCal Gal, Jo B and Jens, thank you again for your lovely replies and advice. It has really helped me put things into perspective….

[Diny]

Another extremely touching posting. Don't worry about thanking us, that's what this forum is here for. I have found it to be very helpful - not only in getting me through a 'wobbling panicky' period - but with every other question, query or 'what if' I've had.

I think your postings are so valuable, the problems you have encountered are so easily forgotten when we get our 'immigration heads' on. I know I'm guilty of maybe promoting the 'fors' and skimming over the 'againsts', your information then serves as a reminder that it won't all be plain sailing and a bed of roses.

You sound in a much better frame of mind since your original posting, so that kind of proves that this forum is worth its' weight in gold (actually it doesn't have any physical weight but you know what I mean).

I think we should be thanking you !!

Start planning that 'FF Weekend' (femme forum) !!

Diny

[jo b]

Susanlin,

Anytime sweetie :angel , we are there in spirit if not in body.

Keep posting though you may find this forum helps with your inner strength, I know it does mine.

Hugs ((())))

Jo

[jhsay]

Hi Susanlin and Carol,
Thanks for sharing your story. We are so excited about migrating. Now we know that there is that thing called homesickness that we have to be prepared for.

-jinkee

[Mildred]

Susanlin,

I've decided on a business venture for NZ. I'll get onto Quorn and ask if I can distribute it :nice1

As a family we live on the stuff. Funny because I've a daugter called Rose who is obviously a lot younger than your Rosie. If there was a way of sending you some nice Quorn turkey slices over without them going off I would.

Keep your chin up

Frances

[Moorf]

I'm on a mission this weekend - to find Quorn, bleach gel and wholemeal pasta.... I KNOW I CAN, I KNOW I CAN......

:nice1

Moorf

[susanlin]

Frances - DO IT PLEASE!!! :nice1 Oh my word - I would be a happy woman if I could get my freezer full of quorn bolognese, quorn curry, quorn pie - quorn with everything!!! Thanks Frances for your post! My Rosie is 11 by the way - she's not keen on quorn but that's got nothing to do with anything so I'll be shut up....- (boring myself now :roll: )

Moorf - If any one can find all my essentials it is YOU!! I promise to give you some giant Cadbury chocolate buttons my sister sends frequently for me (DELICIOUS) if you succeed! :hopeso

Sue

[jhsay]

ummmmm..... what's a quorn? :uhoh

I know this was already discussed in the old forum but I need to be refreshed.

[Diny]

Quorn is a vegetarian meat substitute, I believe it's made of soys.

Not a massive amount of taste in its natural state, but use exactly the way you'd use meat, add plenty of garlic, herbs & spices etc and you have a healthy alternative.

Diny

[Moorf]

Sue

Didn't take me long to find you one out of the three!!!

I found your wholemeal pasta - made in Dunedin - but you can order online...

Here: http://www.theshop.co.nz/SP:948368211:pg=10323,co=POT

:nice1

[kamus]

http://thia.org/sweets.gif

[Raeven]

ROFL, Dave,

I love that little guy!! I plan to grab him up and use him after our next earthquake -- which I predict to be scheduled for oh, 10:30 a.m. today. We've had a 5.0 or greater at least once a day since Tuesday!! And after I do my slinking cat routine toward the nearest hidey hole, all I want is chocolate!!!

Thanks for bringing us another wonderfully expressive emoticon!!

:cheers Rae

[kamus]

Wow Rae, you guys are getting hammered! I'm wondering if NZ is the right country for you though as I recall a couple of threads about NZ's unstable geology.

On the other hand, given that this thread is about homesickness, perhaps the surfeit of seismic events will help you adjust to life there whenever you feel those famililiar vibrations underfoot! :mrgreen:

-Dave

[karltsmith]

Quorn is a mycoprotein meat substitute...and its great!
:nice1
Lets not all get into the Quorn thing again....please....I do miss it!

[jesselyn]

Over the next few months, when some/most/all of us will be in NZ, we should have a 'girlie weekend'. Forum frollicks - would be neat to catch up a few months down the line, swap a few stories and experiences.

I'll make sure I get a whopping shipment of chocolate sent out for the occasion.

Anybody else up for it?


question. unmarried girls are included? :hopeso

jes :angel

[karltsmith]

Yet another sexist gathering........sunnies and Bermudas back in the draw then!
:no :no :no :no :no :no :no :no :no :no

Hey Guys how about a night on the raz?????? :P :P :P :P :yes :yes :yes :yes

[Diny]

Hey Jess

Any girlie is invited !!!! Certainly not a married girlies only weekend - how sad would that be.

Karl ..... don't worry - I was thinking of getting a 'forum camp' going ... every few months or so we could have a camping weekend for EVERYBODY ... wives, husbands, kids, pets .....be a good chance for you men to cook the meals (seeing as the BBQ is the male domain). Also a good opportunity for everybody to 'pool' their experiences, hopefully offering even more help and advice to other folks leaving for NZ.

But on the subject of the girlie weekens .... uh oh ......leave them Bermudas where they belong buddy !

Diny

[jesselyn]

thanks diny! :yes would love to join :nice1

jes :angel

[jhsay]

Thanks Karl and Diny,
I think I'll enjoy quorn since I'm on a low purine diet. That means minimal meat for me.
-jinkee

[michala]

Hi Susanlin,

I got your email then read your post, and like everyone else I feel that it was a very honest, true to yourself posting.!

I know exactly how you feel. I held back on my posting as I suppose I didn't want sound like I was moaning about such insignificant things that sound so irrelevant. I too miss the silly things like 'Big Brother' "celebrity Survivor' etc, etc. I also miss the fact that in London I could pop into anywhere and grab some nice low fat food / snacks at Tesco's, Sainsbury's, Boots, M&S etc, etc... here there is hardly any variety, where'as before whatever my husband was eating I could buy a healthier low fat alternative (Few years ago I lost lots of weight so have to always watch it now..!) . I miss walking around the cool shops to, even if it is just to window shop. I have been here for 10 months and already Auckland has unravelled it'self and I feel like it has nothing else to show me.!


I know that NZ is meant to be a healthier liefstyle, but in London everyday I would walk to the train station from my home, then to work, walk about at lunchtime...then back home again... that equated to an hour of walking a day just by living.. in Auckland public transport is crap and you are confined to your car where ever you go, so YES I do miss London transport, we all moan about it when we are there, but my god gimme the central line anyday over these Auckland random buses and the 1 carriage sparodic train.!

I feel like I am mourning too, as my sister is my best friend and we had such a lovely group of friends around us back home. The thought of having kids here wihout my sister and parents is very hard to bear. I find myself sometimes just crying over nothing, my emotions too are soooo up and down, I never thought that it would be so hard either.!

Phew... feel better now as I wanted to get that off of my chest..!

Hopefully, in time things will get better, but I am quite keen to find some English friends or immgrants, someone who has been what I have been through or is going through it. It would be good to have someone that you can relate to as I feel that that will really help.!

It was a month on since you sent your posting so I hope that things are better for you Susanlin.

The wines great here though............!!!!!!!!!

[Moorf]

Hey Michala - maybe you're in the wrong place! Here in Christchurch you can walk around the beautiful city parks - loads of them, wander along the lovely tree-lined streets, walk or cycle to work on the brilliant cycle networks, kayak to work on the Avon or even catch the v. regular, v.clean and cheap buses!!

And as for food - there's nothing I can't find here, lots of low fat alternatives, great fish, veggies etc and what about sushi or smoothies or salads for lunch/dinner? You can get those on every street corner and in every Mall!

:nice1

[Carol]

Same in Wellington Michala!!


Come on down - Drop in and see us as you pass through Welli on your way to see Moorf in ChCh.

:yes

I must admit - raising my kids here without my mum and family caused a huge void to open up in my life.
On the positive side - when i had my daughter here - I felt strangely selfish. NOT like me at all - but almost like she was ALL ours and no-one elses.
The physical process of having her though was a nightmare.
It was a perfect pregnancy - other than my anxiety levels at being so far away from anyone "special". I had a heart rate of 170 at one point!

We knew she was going to be a girl.... knew her name before she was born........ALL the kids in our school knew......and even used to come up to me in the playground and say hello to her through my tummy!
When she was born - it was like she had 150 brothers and sisters!
And yet.......
I felt SO alone. For want of a grandma or grandad to shed some tears over her beauty.

Yes it can be really really hard.
Carol

[michala]

Yes, maybe I am in the wrong place but, all of my husbands family live in Auckland, he has also just started a Landscaping business up here and we have bought a house too. I am also doing a 3 year degree at Unitec. So, for the moment it looks like Auckland it is.!

That sounds great that you can cycle or walk to work too, there is no way that you could do that in Auckland, too big, too many cars (and bad drivers infact). I have visited Christchurch and it was my best city, the most beautiful too, but the warmer climate up here does suit, but who knows in the future..as this might be the wrong city but right country...?????

Carol, I can understand how hard it would of been bringing up your kids without your family around you. I was thinking next year about breaking my study, popping one out then going back to study after (not as easy as that I know but you get what I mean), but since experiencing this 'homesickness' have decided to put that on the back burner until I have settled down better. I am sure that you will agree with me on that one..!

Thanks for your support guys and if I am ever down that way will pop in for some lettuce leaves and sushi..!!

[jhsay]

Raising kids is really a tough one, moreso if in a "foreign" land. My husband and I talked about not having some more (we already have 2) should our plan to move to NZ materialize. I can't imagine doing it without the support of my mom, mom-in-law and sisters.

[Wiggles]

Hi All

I'm new to this forum but I can sympathise so much with those suffering with homesickness. I'm from Zimbabwe originally and came over to the UK to do my OE for a few years. I missed home back then, but was having such a ball at the time! I ended up meeting and marrying my Kiwi husband. We had a fab life in London, earning great salaries, travelling to Europe (we were childless in those days) always out pubbing and clubbing :cheers It was great. We then decided to go and live in AKL - now this was pre-America's cup AKL :eek It was like we'd stepped into a timemachine, back to the '50 's! We just couldn't settle (even my DH!) and ended up coming back to the UK. Seven years on though, our lives have changed. We want different things, less crowds, less stress and a great outdoor lifestyle for our son. We know that we can get that there. We are looking forward to the move very much.

Having said that, even though we are not English, we have loved the UK so much. We will miss it a lot, and I already know that it will take us at least 2 years to settle in NZ. We are going prepared for that this time, but even though we know it, I think it will still be hard. We have even had doubts! But, we know it's right.

When we came back to the UK originally, I missed NZ! I couldn't believe it :roll: It did pass in time. I hope that it does for all of you too. Maybe, if you can afford to, you should come back for a visit to the UK and see if (apart from family of course) what you are missing is really worth it?

Best of luck to you all, and when we reach Chch, we'll be up for a gathering :mrgreen:

Cheers
Wiggles

[Diny]

Wiggles

Good posting - and some nice comments about the UK too.

All the best for your move back to NZ.

Diny

[Wiggles]

Thanks Diny - I promise I am not stalking you! It is such a difficult thing to uproot your life and move somewhere completely different. When we go back it will be easier for us than most - we are only leaving a cousin here in the UK, but returning to a whole family in NZ.

I do admire all of you so much for taking such a giant step - often with no-one on the other side to meet you and give you a helping hand. That's brave!

[Timbo]

Hi wiggles. Nice post there regarding your experiences so far. Curiosly, a friend of mine has just had her daughter here (to have a baby) from Zim.
The daughter and hubby have chosen to go back to Zim. as against staying here.
Horses for courses is the saying that comes to mind. I am sure a few people on here will end up coming back to their home country after trying to settle in NZ.

[Diny]

Wiggles

You're right - it is a giant step. We decided 15 years ago to emigrate to NZ so we've had plenty of time to think it through - and still I sometimes find myself in panic mode. As those who know me on this forum could tell you - my main worry is missing my family, however, I'm told that Auckland airport has a departure lounge as well as an arrival so trips home won't be impossible.

My husband is a Kiwi (from the Manawatu) and most of his family are there. I've been to NZ several times so feel I'm pretty clued up on what to expect ..... no doubt I'll get kicked in the teeth a few times - but hey I'm tough.

Diny

[Wiggles]

Hi Diny

Where are you looking to settle? I haven't been to Manawatu. We're set on Chch - it's so lovely, even though that is not where my DH is from.

We're really looking forward to being able to holiday in NZ and really have a good look around. I've had a really good look around the North Island and only been down as far as Christchurch on the South. I can't wait to holiday further south - it looks awesome.

The Kiwi's are a friendly bunch, so I am sure we'll settle in. I have been really lucky and will be taking my job from the UK with me to NZ. That's a BIG bonus.

[Diny]

Hi Wiggles

We're heading for a place called Ashhurst which is just outside of Palmerston North. My sister in law & family are there - will be nice for my kids to be with their NZ cousins.

I love the south island too (although as far down as Invercargill & Bluff is pretty grim). Hubby is from the north and won't really contemplate moving south - you'll find that a 'tongue in cheek' rivalry between north and south islanders exists - much like the English/Scottish carry on over here :roll:

At the moment I don't have a paid job. I'm full time mum to our 2 boys. Once we are settled over there I plan to start getting paid for my labours, I have one or two ideas up my sleeve.

Hubby will be doing the same job as he's doing at the moment too. He works for an oil company and basically has to go to whatever rig needs him - regardless to where it is. At the moment he's working off the coast of Egypt. All he needs to do is inform the company travel department that he needs to be flown in and out of Auckland instead of Manchester. Believe me, I really do appreciate how lucky we are being in that situation.

It's a bumpy ride we're all on ...... a few weeks/months down the line we'll be 'over there' .... find it hard to believe at times.

All the best and keep in touch.

Diny

[Wiggles]

Hi wiggles. Nice post there regarding your experiences so far. Curiosly, a friend of mine has just had her daughter here (to have a baby) from Zim.
The daughter and hubby have chosen to go back to Zim. as against staying here.
Horses for courses is the saying that comes to mind. I am sure a few people on here will end up coming back to their home country after trying to settle in NZ.

Hi Timbo

Wow - I have family living in Zim and they are finding it increasingly difficult. Coming from there, I do understand that some would feel the need to return but it is such an uncertain future.

NZ is for us. It's such a lovely country and offers us so much, especially for our kid. It'll let him be a kid - do you know that he had never climbed a tree, until he met my cousin's kid in S Africa. She had him up a tree in no time. That really brought it home to me. We live in Greater London, and not much tree climbing opportunites abound here :mrgreen:

I know some people will not like NZ. At the end of the day, only you have to live your life, no-one else. I know that it'll be right for us. I will miss the UK a lot, but not to the extent that I want to live here for the rest of my life.

Where are you heading Timbo or are you already there?

[Wiggles]

Hi Wiggles

We're heading for a place called Ashhurst which is just outside of Palmerston North. My sister in law & family are there - will be nice for my kids to be with their NZ cousins.

At the moment I don't have a paid job. I'm full time mum to our 2 boys. Once we are settled over there I plan to start getting paid for my labours, I have one or two ideas up my sleeve.

Hubby will be doing the same job as he's doing at the moment too. He works for an oil company and basically has to go to whatever rig needs him - regardless to where it is. At the moment he's working off the coast of Egypt. All he needs to do is inform the company travel department that he needs to be flown in and out of Auckland instead of Manchester. Believe me, I really do appreciate how lucky we are being in that situation.

It's a bumpy ride we're all on ...... a few weeks/months down the line we'll be 'over there' .... find it hard to believe at times.

All the best and keep in touch.

Diny

Hi Diny

I have been to Palmerston North (lovely) but not Ashurst. It helps if you already have family in the area. It will be fab for your kids to having cousins there - I am sure it will help them settle quickly. It'll be nice for you too, especially with your DH away on the rigs for long periods. That must be hard. We have a kiwi mate who works on the north sea oil rigs - he's a diver and lives underwater for 28 days at a time. UGGHH! Needless to say, they get long periods off in between!

I'm very fortunate to be taking my job from here. I worked for an internet based tour operator and will work for them in NZ. Very fortunate, I know. :nice1 Good luck with your ideas.

Yes, it is a bumpy ride ahead. We're hoping to leave mid-Jan - all going well. :hopeso

Cheers Wiggles