[robothamma]

Hello Everybody!

Firstly I want to say a BIG thank-you to everyone who sent me PM's/phone calls and messages of support. This has been one of the toughest times of my life., and you lot were great - which upset me even more because I realised all the decent people are or will be in NZ and I was going to be stuck in this hole called the UK.!:(

An update on my situation is GOODNEWS! :nice1 Thankfully because there was no-one else involved, Me and Phil spent some time apart and have managed to sort things out between us and get back on track. I felt everything was being left to me and with the kids being off school and trying to organise everything single handedly it all became too much and I felt I was failing everybody. Phil on the other hand thought it was all a doddle and didn't know what all the stress was about! DOH! So after a complete breakdown of communication the night before his flight he announced he wasn't going to NZ! How I didn't commit a very serious offence on that man I do not know! But we had some time apart I followed Diny's Golden rule "Accept the things you can't change, and change the things you can't accept" Bingo! It worked!
I accepted that I couldn't change Phil's mind, and that would mean not going to NZ. Perhaps I shouldn't have posted so soon on this forum that it was all over - my emotions were running all over the place, and I apologise for using this forum as a vent, I now feel a complete fool :o but I just wanted to end all contact with NZ things etc... so I could get on with my life without the constant reminders of what could have been! I hope that makes sense? Phil on the other hand realised, after some calm discussions, how things had built up and he hadn't realised it. He decided he wanted to take more of an active role and share the stress and as a result he went on to book himself another flight! (I'm not even going down that road or we will just go round in one big circle!) for 3 days time to NZ for 2 weeks he arranged his own campervan hire, and also made interview appointments and also appointments to view properties over there :nice1 I'm happy to say that he secured the first job he applied for only 2 days after landing, he has spent the entire last week looking at property to buy and we think we may have found one but don't want to curse that! I am very wary now of things going wrong, but I have to take my hat off to him, he wanted to prove himself and take control of the situation and I think he has achieved that!

Emigrating puts a strain on your whole life, but if I can offer one piece of advice to anyone thinking about doing it "Don't stop communicating with each other, it is so easy to get so caught up in the whole thing"

I am fully aware of the stresses facing us when we all get there, but this time WE ARE going to communicate with each other, and I sincerely hope that NZ is all we BOTH hoped for and that we can finally start to enjoy being a family again.

I will try and catch up on missed post's and PM's, but with the shippers booked for the 26th of this month! The dog going 10th Oct, and us flying 11th October, I might be a little hit and miss!

All the best
Michelle

[jo b]

Michelle,

That is brilliant news!!!!!!!!!!!!:raebanana :raebanana

Communication is normally the root cause of most problems/break ups I am so glad that you found that out sooner rather than later and that you and Phil weren't both stubborn to the point of no return.

When Ian and I an seem to be 'strained' I know it's becasue we aren't communicating enough, usually stress, fatigue, not enough time etc. gets int he way and the communication is left till the end of the day when you are both too tired.

I now ring my husband 3-4 times a day and update him all the time!!! he's no excuse that I didn't tell him either.

I am so glad you have come out of this the other side and remember we are sent struggles to make us stronger.

Take care

Jo

[Cardiff Irons]

I apologise for using this forum as a vent, I now feel a complete fool :o I think I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say that no apologies are required.

Acting like a fool? Didn't sound like it to me. I think you acted strongly, bravely and with enormous courage. Now, because of that, you've saved a relationship. You need to take a bow Madam and accept the fact that you've stepped out and taken control of a situation in which most people all too easily give up.

I wish you all the very best in your new adventure together and look forward to seeing you very soon on the other side of the world.

Good luck Michelle, you certainly deserve it.

All the best

Steve x

[Smiler]

Michelle

I understand the reason behind your original post, I'm of a similar mindset.

I don't know how to say what is in my head but my heart reaches out to you with a hug.

I'm glad you were able to face the problem together and have worked so hard to sort it out. I'm sure you feel relieved not to have to carry the burden and stress 'alone' and well done Phil for going out there and getting on with it.

Good luck to you in your new life in NZ.

Just remember 'It's good to talk' :yes

Deborah

[tigerlily]

This is very happy news indeed! I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that to get some more balance in your relationship, but I for one am very glad that you posted here. It helps us know that this truely is something that we need to work on together and keep talking about as a family. You may have prevented several of us from having the same issues! So thank you.

I'm reminded of the saying, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

Best of luck and do please come often and let us know how it is for you!

[selchie]

No need to be embarrassed. I'm glad you two were able to talk it out after a bit of cool-down time, and get back on track. Good on both of you for not being stubborn about what was said in the heat of the moment :nice1 . And good luck with the move!

[eric_amanda]

Congratulations to you both for realising where the problem lay and for Phil in going all out to prove himself. I was hoping that you would both be able to sort things out.:nice1

Congratulations on the job offer and for all things moving forward. I sincerely wish you all the very best of luck with wherever you will be taken.:yes

Now dare we ask where the job offer is??? Or are you keeping that under your hat for now!!!;)

Best wishes

Amanda

[Bubbles]

I'm really, really, pleased things are sorted out for you Michelle. :nice1

To be honest, when you posted originally I felt so gutted for you. :(
Being a bloke on a mainly female membership forum I left the girls to do what they do best, and they seemed to do a grand job as usuall. :clap :clap

Lets hope that now you and yours have crossed this hurdle, any other stumbling blocks you may encounter will be swiftly pushed to one side.

Good on ya

John

[Singel]

The forum is definitely the place to vent your anger, frustration, confusion......... Michelle, you have done the right thing :nice1 Don't feel apologetic about it.

I'm feeling so relieve and glad to know about this fantastic news :clap

Look forward to hear about your progress.

All the best with whatever you are doing :cheers

[Do B Brief]

Being a bloke on a mainly female membership forum I left the girls to do what they do best, and they seemed to do a grand job as usuall. :clap :clap

John

I'm with you on that one John. Us blokes are not known for being the sensetive types.

Hope all goes well.
Dave G

[chips]

In a nut shell - Choice.
Take care.
Chips

[PaulandHelen]

I have said before that i am more of a reader than a poster! and it never ceases to amaze me the sense of support, care or whatever the best way to describe it maybe. But what i'm trying to say i think is 'thank you' for opening my eyes and making me realise that i want to be a part of this, we both do.
Cheers P+H.

P.s i'm glad you sorted out your differences Michelle communication is a very underestimated tool!

[jan]

How exciting!!! The good news posts are the absolute best, especially one as well written as this one!!!

Well done for you both and the very best of luck.
xxxx

[GeorgeM]

I'll echo John and Dave G's sentiments - it's great to hear that it's coming right after what seemed such a black situation last week.

[marcia]

Michelle, glad you have come back on and updated everyone.

So glad to hear that Phil has got a job, are you gonna let us know where? And the house you've seen is it the one near the stock car track cos we'll definately come and visit!!!! (try keeping us away no matter where you are!)

It still won't be plain sailing, life never is - sometimes the sea is calm sometimes it's got great bloody waves in as you just found out!! But stick together and make sure your oars are pulling in the same direction and TALK!!!

Speak to you soon

lots of love

Marcia, Kev and the boys

[Diny]

Great news mate - I'm really happy for you. Try to put everything behind you and look forward. Sometimes easier said and than done ..... but hey - you've got this far.

All the best.

Diny

[Paul and Linda]

Excellent news! We all feel the strain and hope that it doesn't get to the levels you both went through.

Congrats on the job and everything, are you heading out soon or is the house still to sort out?

Where abouts will you be located?

All the very best

Paul

[K&CS]

I'm really pleased to hear that, Michelle. I felt so awful for you when I read your original post. You've been very strong in a difficult situation and I'm made up for you that it's all worked out in the end.

Look forward to hearing how everything progresses from now!

Kate x

[kiwidebs]

Michelle - I am thrilled it's all worked out for you and yours. I think this is another example of 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger'. I am pleased the dream is back in place.

Debs

[Kim39]

Glad to see it is all sorted out lass:nice1


Kim

[Timbo]

Michelle, I really cant add to any of the previous posts, good on you both. So glad it has come together for you.

[Carl and Liz]

Michelle,

I'm so glad to hear that you guys have reconciled and are working things out!

My husband and I have essentially one fight that we have replayed at different times in our relationship - I'm doing all the work to get us to NZ and he is, at best, cooperating but not taking on the labouring oar. Somehow it's comforting to me to hear that we aren't the only ones who go through this discussion.

I agree with you that emigration is very stressful, even though there is so much excitement with the possibility of building a new life in a really great country. I wish you guys all the best and hope everything works out for you.

Regards,
Liz

[gil]

Dear Michelle, sorry for the late post here, been so busy I've hardly checked in this week, but WOW!! I am soooo delighted and thrilled to hear your wonderful news. I feel really proud of and for both of you for the way you have worked things out and moved forward in a much stronger and united way. Really only echoing others, but you are a wonderfully strong woman and should be proud of yourself for your strength and knowing what you really want. Good on you both, and keep us posted on how it all unfolds,
Lots of love,
Gil