[robothamma]

Today it has hit me that within the next two weeks I have to go upto Scotland to say goodbye to my Nan :wah As I have sat and thought about it my eyes have filled and I really don't know what to say to her. She isn't in the best of health and not exactly young. I know she is unhappy about us going even though she has said that she nearly went when she was younger! but apparently she doesn't regret not going. I was very close to my nan when I was growing up and I have some great memories and whilst I am thankful for those it does make it all the harder to say goodbye, especially when I know I am very probably never going to see her again :wah Part of me wants to be upbeat and my usual self but then I think that might upset her more if she thinks I am going and not giving a second thought to those I am leaving behind! If I am true to my feelings then that might upset her, knowing that I am that upset (and then she will probably wonder why on earth I am going! :roll ) I have another Nan as well that lives locally but I am not as close to her, that doesn't mean that I am not going to miss her, but it does make it that bit easier to say goodbye.
Any words of inspiration would be much appreciated!
Michelle

[Lisa T]

You carry the people you love in your heart and this will always be the case. It doesn't matter where you are or where they are, you are always together.

She will know how you're feeling and if you try to bluff it out she'll know as well. It's never going to be easy but sometimes a good cry will be like releasing a build up of pressure.

Good luck with it all - having lost both my parents and in-laws in a very short and sudden space of time I can assure you that as long as you remember people and talk about them and to them then separation does get easier!

[Smiler]

Michelle

Just be you, talk about what you are doing, tell her you will write and phone when poss and send photos so she know where you are and what you are doing.

Tell her what is in your heart and even if you both end up bawling, you will feel more comforted having left nothing unsaid. I don't think any of us could do this without getting upset so I think it best to just let it flow and when the tears come so be it.

Good luck and big hugs.

Deborah

[katandbob]

I agree with Lisa T, I have lost my nan, and keep her close in my heart.
I will have to say by to my MIL and after living with her for part of a yr (moving in in 6 wks after selling the house) it will be either easy or really hard - :D the latter probably as I love her to bits but I would regret it if I stay.

You will be able to write, send videos or if she has access to a PC, have chats via Webcam and tel calls via skype - why not buy her a pc??

(My nan Loved getting letters from me even though we lived 15miles away)

but tell her how much she means to you - and yes tears are for releasing the emotion so dont do the stiff upper lip - have a cry (I can feel myself welling!) :o

my thoughts are with you

Kat

[jo b]

Michelle,

I agree with all of the above. Tears are to show how you feel. Explain to your Nan how much she has shaped you with her involvment in your growing years. It's amazing how much a person can influence people so young and it's only as we get older we appreciate all the wisdom and guidance they have given us. Tell you have special memories maybe laugh and reminisce (sp), it will be lovely for her to know you hold those memories close to your heart.

If you can't say how you feel write it in a letter and hand it to her that might be easier.

Good luck I know I am not looking forward to the goodbyes.

take care

Jo

[Diny]

It's not easy !!!! My parents are 'getting on' abit (Dad 80 - Mum 75), and I only have a couple of aunts and uncles left. Saying farewell to elderly loved ones is horrific (I don't know of any other word to describe it). I'm sorry to cast doom and gloom, but I found my goodbyes were a million times worse than I expected.

However, saying that. I keep in touch with 'the folks back home' on a very regular basis. We exchange e-mails, phone calls, web-cam conversations, photos, and good old fashioned letters....... it all helps. The world is a smaller place these days (what a stupid comment), phone calls are crystal clear - just like you're talking to somebody in the next room (they're cheap too).

I totally agree with all the above comments, if you hold somebody in your heart you have them for keeps - once they're in there, there ain't no way out !!!!!!

It took every ounce of gumption for me to walk away from home and family (just ask Jo and Elaine - they saw me the night I left home), I thought I would die - literally. But I have to say it does get better, slowly but surely. Just keep up the lines of communication - they are your link to your family and loved ones and must never be broken !!!!!!!!!!!

Please feel free to PM me if there's anything I can do to help your pending arrival. Good luck and keep us posted.

Diny x

[marcia]

Michelle

I could hardly read the last bit of your post for the tears in my eyes. I lost the grandma I was closest to in the year I was pregnant with Ayrton who would have been her first grandchild. She was in a pretty bad way and died in hospital (won't bore you with all the details not the point of this post) She had shingles as well and I was advised because of my pregnancy not to visit, but when I knew how ill she was, I decided to go and just not touch her, which was so hard, but I had to go to say goodbye, because I knew she would be leaving us.

Let your heart out to your Nan, she will understand all the emotions you are going through and i'm sure you will have a great big bawling session but loads of cuddles and hugs too. Tell her how much you love her and will miss her, just total honesty. I'm sure she will realise how difficult a decision you have had to make but are doing it for the future of your own children (and grandchildren.)

Goodbyes are the hardest things ever, but as others have said no one can take away the memories and the good times and it's those that get us through the bad times.

All the best, make sure you have a few boxes of man size kleenex handy!! :(

[Avalon]

I too am nearly in tears just thinking about hard it was. There is just no easy way to get through this from i have seen. Even my hubby, who is not known for being overly-emotional was reduced to tears severla times as we said goodbye to people.

Please remember - it does not HAVE to be the last time you see people. I am unexpectadly going to be visiting the uK next april, I wasnt expecting to go for at least 5 years! Its a lot harder with elderly realtives - but I found the phone has really been my lifeline.

I ring my mum for 2 hours, twice a week. Without that I would go nuts. I also use the Telecom Talkathons to get hold of others that I miss.

I doulbt there is anything taht will amkje the days easier - but the bravery is in crying your eyes out - and going anyway.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Carol]

When we first came to NZ 9 years ago - it was costing me on average $450 - $500 a MONTH for phone calls.
It just about finished us off....but without them I would have gone under.
Very nearly did anyway actually!
I kept the bills....still have them.
They were part of my journey.


It took me well over a year to stop phoning home as regularly.
It just about broke my heart to leave my family - and if I'm honest - under different circumstances I would be back with them in a heartbeat.

But.....
the last time I was home - in January this year - I left them in a different frame of mind.

Yes sure - you never really know if you are going to see these people again.
But you could say that about anyone - even people you live with.
You never know from one day to the next what could happen.

And so - this time I left them with a promise of returning within 2 years.
It didn't seem quite so hard to bear knowing that my savings scheme for the next trip was actually already underway before we even left NZ

It helped me a lot - just knowing I would be back......
C