[Moorf]

Surely not everyone who emigrates from ENZ stays here?

I can only think of a couple of forum members who have returned - or is it just that once the decision has been made to go home that they cease posting on here?

Just curious... a lady at work who has been here for four years is heading back with her family. She said she'd given it a go for as along as she could and it was just not for them.... she felt they put pressure on themselves to stay and that given the choice they'd have returned a couple of years ago. It was actually a trip back home to the UK that finally made their decision (a trip that was initially planned to reinforce their reasons for leaving the UK!!). I had a long chat with her in the staffroom and must admit that I felt quite homesick afterwards - she was describing how she'd never arrived at a UK airport and thought "aaahhh, I'm home" before this trip. She was also describing how she looked at the countryside with new eyes, felt a sense of belonging in her home town that she'd never felt before, and that once back in the UK she didn't want to come back to NZ at all because this time she knew what was in store for them, when they first flew out they were all excited because they were off on a new life, whereas now all she felt was gloomy.

She couldn't put a finger on one thing that made her want to go home - she said they have their dream house, good (not great) income, new cars and the kids love it here and in the UK they'll have to start again. But they don't care and they will be back in the UK, in rented accommodation, by Xmas.

[Stu]

Homesick huh. After four years, it is gonna be tough on those kids.
Too bad, their problem.

[Singel]

Moorf, we have not rule out the possibility of going back to Europe one fine day. We are not thinking of going back to Holland, maybe to another European country. I think the reason is because we have itchy feet, not because we are homesick.

Having said that at the moment we are still enjoying our stay in NZ and working towards our dream (we are not quite there yet).

[foolsgold99]

Homesick huh. After four years, it is gonna be tough on those kids.

Might not be a bad idea to get citizenship for them and the kids, if they haven't done already. Never hurts to have options in the future. If not for them, then for the kids.

I used to work with a guy that lived in Aussie as a kid, his family moved back to the UK when he was 12, he'd been there 8 years, never got citizenship. He really wanted to move back out, but didn't have the points, and his 8 years growing up there counted for nothing. Years afterwards his mother told him they didn't get citizenship because she didn't want her kids to move out there, and for them to be lost to her.

[sizzlingbadger]

We said before we left that if we hated it we would try and stick out the three-four years to get citizenship. Especially for the kids as it gives them options in the future.

Now we're here we love it and can't see ourselves going back. Maybe to do the holiday thing if we ever get enough money together but that's it. It is hard being away from family and friends but at least most of them can come and visit. I've even got my dad coming over next year, a very big step for him considering he's never been further than Jersey ! !

Never say never though, we all don't know how we're going to feel in a year or sos time.

[Do B Brief]

Can't really comment having only been here 2 months. The kids are enjoying it and we would get citizenship if only to give our kids the chance to come back if we left.

One of the main reasons for coming here was for a better furture for the kids.

I haven't found the beer any cheaper though - I was looking forward to that :cheers

So far there are not the bullying issues that you find at home, no overcrowding, more attention as smaller classes - the lot.

And it's not even summer :laugh

[jan]

Hmmmmmmmm not sure in this house. The jury is still out. :(

[Moorf]

Their eldest is about to start High School - so I guess they're getting out before he goes. But yes, I guess it would be a good idea to get citizenship for themselves and the kids, just in case they or the kids want to come back, but perhaps that's not something that crosses your mind when your main focus is getting out of the country!

[driver]

don't you think that they have just got settled in NZ like they were previously in the UK?
I believe you have to realise that life is what you make it. It can't be exciting every day. Some days have to be spent doing mundane things like the washing and the cleaning, sorting out the house etc, then off on a great trip somewhere on another day. What I'm trying to say is the things about my life here which I hate to do like supermarket shopping and changing the sheets, I will still have to do over there.

I wonder if when they've got over the initial few months in the UK and are settled with a new house and car and jobs that they will start to reminise (sorry can't spell it) about the good ol days in NZ.

I have relatives in Oz who come and go, when they are here oz is great when they are in oz the uk is the business. The same thing happened with my uncle in germany. There must be a syndrome for this. Not quite ping pong but some other state of mind.

[Moorf]

So, driver, what you're saying is ... the grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs mowing? :D

We always have itchy feet - I can't ever see us in one place for longer than a few years - but that's just the way we are - each to their own.

[captainxmas]

Can't see us going back for anything more than 2 weeks at a time - we couldn't afford to live there after the last couple of months anyway.

After 6 weeks 'in country' we have yet to feel relaxed enough to explore much, so once the routine kicks in there will be lots to enjoy and make the most of - as for the future, you never know where the wind will blow, but it won't be the UK.

:raebanana :raebanana

[markkellaway]

Hi All,

Well, we've only been here 7 weeks but so far we love it. We've been lucky and things have fallen into place for us but Andrew has settled so well and has already got loads of friends. In the UK we could never have let him go out on his own as he does here, it's a different world.

BTW Helen, when are you and Warren coming to ours for a drink?

Mark. :)

[Moorf]

:cheers Cool - I'll PM you!!

[Do B Brief]

as for the future, you never know where the wind will blow, but it won't be the UK.

Wellington is where the wind is blowing I'll tell yer! :laugh

[captainxmas]

Moorf:

Is that the table that 'varnished' in the Great Fire... :laugh

mmm...off topic - maybe a Black Adder thread is required... :clap

[Diny]

Interesting thread - nice to hear others views on this one. We're just coming up to the 3 month mark in NZ, hubby is really happy to be back home, I'm finding it pretty good but the jury is still out.

I guess (for me anyway) it's been a case of 'if it ain't broken why fix it' ..... in other words, our home & life back in the UK was great. I'm not saying it isn't like that here, it's just that for me personally I haven't experienced any great improvement in my life style, well being, happiness or general feeling of 'wow-ness'. We said that we'd give ourselves a minimum of 2 years before we sit down and have any deep and meaningful discussions about stay or go. If we had that discussion now I'd opt to return - I have no idea how I shall feel in July 2007 (the 2 year mark) ........ who knows what our futures hold.

Diny

[captainxmas]

Diny

There have been days when we sit down and have to really think hard to realise where we are, and remember why. It's that old rollercoaster bouncing us all around.

But then, I turn down a busy street and the get confronted with a panoramic view of the city and the skytower - that's when I count my lucky socks.

I think as I've said elsewhere we've got a lot of exploring to do and it will be a while before we find our perfect spot on the world, but in relation to the work-bills-work life we had back in the UK we have found a lot of simple pleasures that can remind you of why we are here.

:cheers

[Do B Brief]

Also, do you find that as you are wanting to live here you restrict yourselves from being the holiday maker?

We have been trying to be careful with money that we havent been past New Plymouth in 2 months (from Wellington)!!!!

If it were a holiday then in the 2 months you would have been everywhere, North Island, South Island, Auckland Welly.

But hey, we have the rest of our time here to explore (well, at least I hope so).

I do think the bills are just the same as UK. We struggled in the UK and we are going to struggle in NZ. It is NOT the land of milk and honey. At the end of the day, if you want it, you have got to earn it.

So far so good. Need to stretch out a bit and touch someone.......or something, oh I don't know...

I have to be in work early tomorrow so what am I doing on here all night?

Any decent psychiatrists out there?

[Jo and Andy]

I think I know that it is going to be difficult and espeically reading here that our life is not going to be all parties, loads of money etc. But will still give it a go. We have said as many do that even if we do want to go home after a few years we want to try and stay and get citizenship so that if we change our mind, or if Rhiannon ever wants to go back she will be able to. It is about making a future for her as well as ourselves.

Good luck to all of you.

[dave k]

I ask myself this on a daily basis. I think the impulse to go & explore all the other options is maybe too strong some days...and other times I feel quite happy and content to be in Wellington, NZ. (and that's important too..Wellington is so goddamn cool that it's at least half the reason I'm still here :))

Quite fancy Monserrat too though lately...

[Moorf]

Quite fancy Monserrat too though lately...

Aarrghh don't - you'll start me off....

[jocalla]

I don't think NZ is somewhere I see myself and family staying for many, many years. At the moment we are happy things are going good but I have not found that NZ offers us anything 'greater' than what we had in the UK, just different. It has most certainly changed our family life coming here, but everything we have gained can be taken anywhere with us. Coming to NZ has been the best move for our family, I still have my 'I can't believe we live here' moments, it has given us the kick up the bum we needed. I will be making the most of our time here and who knows when we will leave and for that matter where we will go next!

Joanne :cheers

[T-R3xx]

From the outside looking in:

We moved from Sacramento, CA to Minneapolis, MN in 1997, mainly because it was the beginning of my second marriage, kids on the way, and we did not want to raise our kids in California. Now, we love Minneapolis (even the 4 months out of the year in the ice box...) and have everything we could ever want, from a practical and 'safe' standpoint. But now we are considering giving up our relatively perfect life for the the unknowns of a new country. Why? Why not!

When my Dad was on his deathbed, he was going through all his personal belonging and looked up at me and said (in his South African accent) "You know - this all just crap." And that is how we view all the material stuff we gather along the way. It is the adventures and experiences you get to take with you in the end.

So all that being said, assuming we do actually complete the move to NZ, we might stay for a long time, or we might not. But we won't regret not going.

OBTW - If you are looking for a reason to explore anywhere, buy a cheap GPS and go here: http://www.geocaching.com . You will find some wonderful places you did not know existed!

[PaulandHelen]

Interesting reading, we have decided that we are going to rent our houses out move to NZ and see what happens! I don't think for us it would be a good idea to burn all our bridges in one go. We are planning to stay about 18 months maybe move around the country in rented accomadation and then make some decisions. The people that sell everything and just leave, i think are exceptionally brave, i sometimes wish i had that courage but for me just giving up my job and leaving initially for a year is something not long ago i would never even of conceived! Helen would though she's braver than me.
P+H

[veronica]

Going back to the one of the original posts on this thread I would second the advice about getting citizenship. Pete and I lived in Australia for 6 years when we were first married but when we left never thought to take out citizenship. Big mistake. we should have done, so can only say now that if you are eligible for citizenship, or a few months shy of it, hang on and get it. Life has a funny way of throwing unexpected things at you and the more options and insurance you have the better.

[Diny]

Jocalla - your posting reflects exactly how I feel !!

NZ is great - but no greater than what I personally left behind. For the time being I'm happy to be here. At this stage I can't see it being for ever - but who knows eh?

Diny

[SharpBlade]

I have been living in Ireland for 8 years now, and I still don't feel like I belong here. It is all down to little things , like the way people dress, eat, look after their kids or support english football clubs. it doesn't really bother me, but I think it might be the same in NZ. NZ people will probably be too laidback for us...
But even when I go back to Belgium, I don't exactly fit anymore. The only right place for me is the house I grew up in , with the people I know. It will take a while before we can definitely feel like belonging to NZ (if ever) , and citizenship won't change that (in my case). But still, have to try , don't you think ?
Sharpblade(husband) thinks differently.
Laura.

[jubjub]

As things stand here, at the moment, neither of us have given a 2nd thought to going back, the citizenship for children thing is not quite such an issue for us as ours will be kiwi by birth anyway.

But we have been lucky and everything so far seems to have slotted into place (touches wood at this point!), and we have had no dramas. OK the money side of things isnt fantastic with just one wage, but we cope, and for the last days of the month we empty out the freezer/cupboard, and have had to forgo our saturday takeaway too at that time.

Once junior arrives, I fear we could be in for a totally different scenario, we shall just have to wait and see, the lack of support with a new baby may just tip us over the edge, but I hope not, and the money side should be getting better as hubby has had about 10 interviews this week, all for jobs with more money, and not including anti social hours (unlike the one he was offered a month or so back).

And the only time I have missed UK was my birthday, I would usually have been out at the pub with my bestest mate for an all day event! but as I cant drink anyway, it was not so bad!

[Avalon]

. It is NOT the land of milk and honey.

I say that line SO much!

Its easy to think of moving to NZ as the end of all problems, but they really are still there.

For us, moving here was not so much about lifestyle changes. We had a pretty good life in the UK (if you take out all the "societal" ills that we all moan about.) Even if ive never had much money - ive always lived in glorious parts of the country and thats what does it for me.

Even the house - we wouldnt have been able to afford it if we were buying it alone - as my parents stumped up some of the cash, we could go up the ladder a bit. But what could we have bought in the UK if we had done the same?

I think we are pretty much here to stay. When my parents and brother arrive (2 weeks to go!!!) that will be the crunch - can we ALL live here. (something tells me that when they are sitting on the patio admiring the view - the answer is going to be yes). Have to say though - there ahve been times i wanted to get on the next plane back - just for some familiarity - and you havbe no idea how much im craving a decent Fry-Up!

[Avalon]

Paul and Helen,

Selling up was a BIG risk, but we pretty much had to anyway or we couldnt afford to do all this.

The other reason was that I really felt if I didnt sell my home (which was a HuGE wrench) - I thought I would always have something dragging me back when things got tough. It actually kind of helped me adjust to being here. Part of me wishes I could have kept it and rented it out - but it would ahve made it too easy for me to go back. Then when my parents sold - well thats it then - we REALLY are doing this!

Howvwer - doing what you are doing is also brave - I couldnt wander round renting for 18 months! Would scare me silly! Sound like a good plan - I just couldnt do it.

[Singel]

........and the money side should be getting better as hubby has had about 10 interviews this week, all for jobs with more money, and not including anti social hours (unlike the one he was offered a month or so back).

Sal, keep everything crossed for you :nice1 :nice1

[leosus]

Not too long ago in a thread similar to this one a wise person said something about "It's a matter of if you have the choice or not". I know selling all of my things, and moving my pets, and leaving my friends and family is the biggest decision I have ever made, and if I thought there was a chance I would want to come back, I wouldn't go in the first place. Probably because I wouldn't be able to afford it, but that's OK, this is my big chance to make a change in my life, I am just glad I figured out what that change should be for me.

Sounds strange but that financial freedom can open too many doors sometimes (in my opinion). When you have enough money to bounce around you never have to say "well, this is it, and I will have to make do." You can always have in the back of your mind that you can go back, or somewhere else to search for that certain something you were looking for when you came to NZ in the first place.

I totally echo SharpBlades feelings about fitting in, well put. I hope to feel as if I "fit in better" there, but if I don't at least I am just a drive to a nearby gorgeous natural landscape! Just my two cents, no offense to the wealthy, I have rich relatives, but it doesn't trickle down to me :)

Leosus

[GeorgeM]

It was actually a trip back home to the UK that finally made their decision (a trip that was initially planned to reinforce their reasons for leaving the UK!!).
Sound very omimous - our first trip home this Christmas could end up being even more expensive than I feared...

But if we do end up going back I think that we'll certainly get citizenship first (if they'll have us) - if only for the childrens' sakes (future entry to both NZ and Oz if they need it).

Naturally there are pluses and minuses to being here, but in our present frame of mind we certainly see more positives than negatives. This could change at any time, of course, for any number of reasons. Still doesn't stop some days being difficult when the most important things on your plate at the time are ones where you think that on balance these particular things would be handled better in the UK.

[baboonworld]

Diny - you sound really down - hope you are okay!?

What about the boys - do you think it is an improvement for them?

I think it must be really hard for you - at least in England you had "your friends" "your shopes" "your space" - I assume it feels a lot different for you - esp when Mark is away.

[Simon & Emily]

Can I ask a question to those of you who are considering moving back 'home', even if at some stage in the future?

What do you think the main pull is, to drive you to want to go back after all the effort made to move in the first place? Is it your extended families (such as parents and brothers, rather than your own children), or other things, such as missing the familiarity of life there, or such like?

Many thanks,

Emily

[jan]

Aha!! Need to be careful here.

Its both for me. Its hard to adjust sometimes, when all you have known is what you have been doing for the last 3* years.

I personally had the finest people around me in the Uk. And that is something that I crave for. I loved being around those people and now find it hard not having them close by.

I had a few moans about the tv, the shops, the food ooo allsorts when I first arrived, all these things I seem to have adjusted to, I think. It doesnt stop me from wanting things though. A familiar bottle of Hp sauce in my cupboard does bring a wee smile to myself. Sad to some people I know, but I am not a very strong emotional person. When I feel low, these little things are massive.

Now I am going through a stage of `Why have we come here?` There was nothing wrong with what we left. We were given a momentary opportunity, one that doesnt come around too often, and we took it. So I am waking up in a morning and saying ` Who the hell put me here?!!!!` Since October this is all like a fast playing movie. It has never been a dream of ours, so I cant rationalise my thoughts right now. But......

This country is beautiful!! It is nothing to do with NZ. Its all about what we had. We will struggle $$$$ wise to live here, and that is a factor, one we definately didnt account for. Now there are days that I can see past this and days when I think `Why should we?`

I do understand that the fact that I miss my family and friends sooooo much has an amazing pull on my heart, and one that could influence my choice to go home. We have talked about me going home soon to see if that is what is wrong with me. The need to see my family again.

I can say that I am 50/50 living here. I feel I could go straight back and re-start where we left off, but I also believe we could make a go of it here.:confused:

Mmmmmm I really dont know any more. Funny really, before I came onto the site, I txt my hubby to say `I miss my mum`. Now saturday I txt him to say `I love it here`. ????????????????

Now the children, they are adapting, they tell me they want to stay and then they tell me they want to go home. No real worries there. I hate the fact that I am starving them of their fantastic family though.

We have put a time on when we will be looking at what we want. Its not a million miles away and sometimes I worry that its not long enough to make a decision, but I cant fight these feelings anymore. What I can assure myself with is that whatever we do, we as a family will be fine. If we stay, we will make a good life for our selves, if we go back we will pick up all the ends and start to re-build. No problem. I cant win either, if we stay I have to deal with feelings as I have described about being so far away from my needs, if we go back I will probably regret it soon after, but will be in my comfort zone again.

I am at this very moment very very confused soo I apologise for my ramblings. They make sense to me :laugh if no-one else.

I am glad we did this, cos I think living with the idea that we could have gone to NZ but never did would have been a dilema I wouldnt like to have lived with.

I do sometimes feel that my feelings are feeble, but, I cant omit them, they are me!!

[PaulandHelen]

Jan, what a post to read, a very sobering one. I think i can fully understand how you feel, we are preparing to leave everything and everyone we have ever known when niether of us have ever been away from it for more than two weeks!
But what i do know is that i want to get old and only regret the things i have done, not the things i haven't and i don't think you are in a unreversible situation.
We are not here very long really so i think you do have to try and seize the oppurtunitys as they arrive.
Having said that, what makes you happy is the right way to go, good luck with whatever decision you make, i'm sure it will be the right one.
P+H

[Diny]

Hi B/world .... I'm fine - really. I guess my posting did make me sound abit down. Must admit my first few weeks here were pretty hellish but things have settled down nicely (being in our own home and having our container arrive went a long way to help).

I have just read through Jans post and have to say it was almost as though I had written it myself - those are my exact feelings. Maybe it's because NZ isn't exactly 'new' to me - I've not had that initial feeling of 'wow' as I've been here many times before and have had such close ties with the country for many years. I missed out the 'honeymoon' period and went right into reality.

This is such a difficult subject to talk about 'on paper' ..... so much to say - so many angles - so many conflicting thoughts and emotions. I love NZ, it's a very beautiful country. But (for me) it doesn't offer me anything that I didn't already have at home. Putting all the living standards and quality of life issues to one side, I think the main thorn in my side is not having my family close at hand. Those folks out there who aren't particularly close to their families are - in an odd way - very lucky. I would imagine that if the 'issue' of missing my wonderful family was eliminated I would be as happy as Larry here and not experiencing these 'pulls' towards the homeland.

Saying all that, I must tell you that each day the longing feelings are getting easier. I don't miss them any less it's just that I suppose I'm learning to deal with the emotions. I have good days and I have bad days. I imagine the next few days for me will be back to square one as once again hubby is flying off to Egypt for a month this afternoon. I must admit though that I'm not feeling anywhere as devestated as I was last time he flew away for a month.

Who knows what we'll do in the future. We have decided to take each day/week at a time, and I'm enjoying the process. Some very dear friends of ours are arriving next month and will be hopefully settling in this area - that has done wonders for the moral I can tell you. I had a very very happy life back in the UK, I think it's a case of mourning what I've lost rather than disliking what I have. Time will tell - we're here for now.

Diny

[Carol]

9 years on.......






When I went back "home" on holiday in January, if someone had said to me

"Here is your old home, your old friends are still there.... your parents are half an hour away. Take it if you want it - don't worry about the money - it's there for you"

I would have snapped their hand off.


But they didn't ...... and so I returned to NZ.
Where some days I love it.
Some days I loathe it.



WHat keeps me here .... now .....is:

1. My kids have become kiwis. THere is no way on earth they could EVER adapt back to UK life.
If you have a "timeframe" in mind make sure you take this into account.....
I - on the other hand will never be a "kiwi" as long as I live.


2. Cost - once again - watch your timeframe. We dont have a HOPE in hell of getting back into the UK housing market. Unfortunately there was NO magic fairy offering us our old life back.

3. Job opportunities for my husband - here are brilliant.

OMG. That's all.
The only reasons.
But incredibly important ones.... in the whole scheme of things.

We got what we wanted.......a bettter life for our kids.

Some days - I feel like I got by FAR the worst part of the deal - because I also could have written any of the above posts even now.

And then ......


some days are so good you think "pull your head in you silly tart".

Like last Thursday.......... :raebanana

Will post photos when I get time...

C

[Carol]

I think it's a case of mourning what I've lost rather than disliking what I have. Time will tell - we're here for now.

Diny

This is so true Diny.

"If it wasn't broke why did we try to fix it" syndrome.

When all you want is a cup of tea with your mum - it counts for bugger all, that the scenery here is magnificent and the spare rump steak from the bbq last night got fed to the dog because it is so cheap.

Or at least it does to SOME folks...

I can perfectly understand others not seeing the reasoning behind this at all.
My hubby is one of them.
Settled in here from the day he arrived like he had been born and bred here.


The thing is.....you never know how you are going to feel until you are in this situation.
It is a BIG risk.

:uhoh
But....that's what life is all about - taking risks.

And I am still glad we came - because it is something I wanted to do.
I never wanted to be a
"wish we had done that" person.
And I'm not.


But my life is most certainly not complete here......the big gaping hole called "extended family" just gets bigger and bigger...

[kiwidebs]

Carol, that was a really well written post. It actually probably sums up my feelings here in the UK. I don't actually have a problem with the UK, I like the people, I like London (so long as I don't have to actually go in there too often :laugh ), I hated my job in the NHS but I will probably hate the same job back in NZ (will let you know), love the shopping :yes ........but miss family sooooo much. It does leave a gaping hole - funnily enough it seems to be more a problem for women than men (mass generalisation I realise but still seems to hold true). I know hubby will miss his family when we move to NZ but I think he will be ok - whereas I've been really homesick since we had the kids!! Will let you know how it goes living close to my family (I may want to head straight back to the UK :laugh ).


Debs

[Debbie P.]

This thread has really given me food for thought. It's something that really worries me, because to afford to get to NZ we will definitely need to sell our house in the UK (DON'T DO IT! I hear you all cry). I'd prefer to let it, but there's no way we'll be able to afford to make the move without selling, plus I couldn't cope with the added stress of mortgages in both the UK and NZ.

I'm driving my husband mad - first of all he had to be convinced, but now HE'S convinced but I keep saying "What if..."! He keeps saying he doesn't want to waste his money applying to NZQA if I'm going to change my mind, so I've got to tell him that we'll DEFINITELY go... but what can I say?

As Carol has said, scenery and relatively empty roads counts for nothing if all you want to do is see your mum. My mum's not getting any younger, and before my dad died we had several scares over a number of months, which involved me dashing down from London to Bournemouth to say goodbye each time. Would I be able to afford to do that if my mum was dying? - strongly doubt it.

I lie awake at night feeling quite troubled, then in the morning I'm convinced once more that it's the right decision. But - forgive me Carol - you don't sound that happy to me... and I don't want to have mixed feelings in 9 years' time.

My husband has the "one day we'll regret we didn't do it" attitude, and about 50% of the time I agree with him, and then the other 50%, I think I'm being very selfish - a lifestyle choice shouldn't be just about the people making the choice, in my opinion. :(

It's a very tough decision. Kiwidebs, I think you're right about the male-female thing - maybe women are more family-oriented than men? (and now I wait for the backlash from the men!)

Sorry, I've rambled on for too long! But thanks to all of you for your candid comments - they're such a help. I can't begin to say how useful this forum is to me :)

Debbie

[Simon & Emily]

Glad to hear from you again Diny - you did sound very down.
Putting all the living standards and quality of life issues to one side, I think the main thorn in my side is not having my family close at hand. Those folks out there who aren't particularly close to their families are - in an odd way - very lucky. I would imagine that if the 'issue' of missing my wonderful family was eliminated I would be as happy as Larry here and not experiencing these 'pulls' towards the homeland.
Diny

Thanks everyone for taking the time to answer and talk about such a personal and emotional issue. I had a feeling that family ties would come out as a strong reason, and I think Diny summed it up very well. I also agree with the men/women angle, as we find it much harder - generally - to cope without support from those who care about us.

As we are still sitting here in the UK dreaming, I can't really comment, but feel that as we have no close family ties here in the UK at all, on an emotional level, upping sticks and moving to the other side of the world should, hopefully, not be so traumatic as many people have found it. We are also not going to be in a situation financially to be able to afford to come back. We currently live in south Oxfordshire, where house prices just keep going up and up, along with the cost of living, food and so on. We need to sell here to be able to buy over there, and once on NZ wages do not foresee many trips back here, for whatever reason. So we are looking at it as a very one way trip. (but never say never, right? we don't know what the future will bring.)

Emily

[jo b]

This thread has really given me food for thought. It's something that really worries me, because to afford to get to NZ we will definitely need to sell our house in the UK (DON'T DO IT! I hear you all cry). I'd prefer to let it, but there's no way we'll be able to afford to make the move without selling, plus I couldn't cope with the added stress of mortgages in both the UK and NZ.

Debbie
re you comments above.

we are selling our house but don;t forget house prices in the UK are stabling and market prediction are that they will be steady for the next 5-10 years. In NZ house prices are rising which means that if you do return you may have lost some money, shipping furniture etc. but on the whole would still be able to get back on the housing ladder relatively easily.

jo

[Dreamer]

Only time will tell on the UK housing market, although if it stablizes it will have to be for a looooong time to allow salaries to catch up to an affordable zone. Personally I think we'll be in for -ve house inflation starting early next year for a good period of time.

www.housepricecrash.co.uk makes for some interesting reading :D

Of course these are all biased viewpoints but there's no getting away from the fact that house prices are *way* off trend ;). Life's all just one big gamble isn't it :D

[DLW]

Hi,

This is a post that keeps re-inventing itself in different forms! with members looking for consolation or confirmation! I posted a "year down the line & I'm 50/50" 3 months ago so I am now 15 months down the line and still 50/50!

It's interesting to see that alot of the more positive posts are from members who have only been in NZ for a few months, and I felt very much like that. It was unnerving but still exciting, a new adventure, wonderful scenery etc etc. The excitement wears off, the scenery is still lovely, but there is a whole and it's really hard to quantify why you sometimes wake up in the morning with the feeling of hoping it's all been a dream and you are really back in your home in the UK and your best friend will be bobbing round any minute for a coffee! I fully expected it to be the other way around....feeling homesick and unsettled for maybe 3 months or so and then settling, but I feel more unsettled now!

I want to give it a fair shot, but I am also very aware that my children are seeing NZ as home now. I think having a trip back is a very good gauge. Although we won't be able to afford it for awhile, I want to go back to see everyone, but to also see what my gut instinct is. I am fully expecting to remember why I wanted to come to NZ in the first place, but like Morph's friend, I may not!

[katandbob]

All these posts are very interesting reading, and yes I think women have more heartache than the men - I can tell this in my family by the way my lads are being towards our stuff here, (throw it - cant understand why you kept that rubbish - theyre talking about all their baby/kid stuff!) whereas my daughter is saying, your not throwing that are you? The boys are eager for new horizons, September next year cant come quick enough, but for me (and my daughter probably, because she is getting left behind :wah along with my grandson -due dec) I have read all the above and my heart fills up.

BUT and its a big but ....15 yrs ago I never got to AUS, because our house didnt sell, our relatives didnt want us to take the gran kids away and our visas ran out - My OH and me have always regretted it, we havent had a brilliant life here, work, stress and polution. But the kids had their granparents, their cousins and family while they were young. so there are always 2 sides of the coin.

I will die (a lot) when I get on that plane, and leave my daughter and her family BUT I definately know I will regret it if we dont give it a go, and she cant wait to save up some capital, and her hubby to finish his degree, and she'll be on the next plane out!

I have just ordered a bran spanking laptop for my birthday next week, so i can be in contact with her through Skype, email and webcam. and this will be sufficient for now.

At the end of the day were not here long, and I want to do something more than sit and watch stuff on TV, and dream of a better life for us all.

ohhh rambling now, gona go find a kleenex :o

[Debbie P.]

Thanks Jo B, the housing market situation is a good point. I've thought about it some more overnight and have decided that if we ARE in two minds about it ... we SHOULD go :)

Why? Because, paradoxically, if it was the wrong thing to do, I think I'd feel more strongly against it... or I wouldn't be thinking about it at all! (if that makes sense). At least we're going into it with our eyes open. Now I've just got to get on with that NZQA application...

Debbie

[A & M]

this is an interesting and opportune thread, as we are actually on our way back home at the moment (currently in australia for a few weeks).

this was all part of the plan - to go to NZ for a year if possible, and see if we liked it, to give us a break from the everyday rut we were in. and now the year is over.... on the whole it has been a great experience, for us and the kids. We were sad to be leaving, but now I'm looking forward to getting back. We have decided to give it 6 months and then see how we feel about possibly returning.

Regarding the original post - I've met quite a few Brits while in NZ (not forum people), and of the ones that are either definitely going back or are planning to go back after a few more years I noticed a common theme. These families all have children coming up to secondary school age and they are all concerned about education. Our 2 were at primary and thrived away from the SATs obsessed UK. I'm not so sure about the High schools though, and neither were these other families. Obviously depends on individual children, schools and hundreds of other factors, but interesting that it was a common concern.

It will be interesting to see how we all react to getting back to the UK - will post on that in a few weeks.

Mandy

[Debbie]

Great thread, as said it is a theme that will keep comming up in various disguises.
I worry about the sanity of going, will we like it, can we afford to live there, loss of family, (not in that order of preferance). I worry about the regret and stagnating if we stay here.
We are selling up our house here even though we have never been to NZ befor, we have no job as yet, no family there and are taking a huge leap of faith. If I had the house here, apart from the financial struggel it would keep us with a foot in both camps. I think we just have to make the decision to go and live with it, commit to it. If for some reason NZ is truely awful and we cant make it work then we will find a way to move on, to where I don't know.
Im not in NZ yet so Im not qualified to comment on the huge loss of family and the effect of homesickness. I hesitate to write this reply as part of me thinks in 18mths time when Im a gibbering reck in NZ it will come back to haunt me. But for me, today, the way I feel is that I have to commit myself to this venture to make it happen and on that basis, we hope NZ will be for keeps.
Debbie