[Paul and Linda]

Hi All,
We are also having a few nerves ( I decided to remove this from the end of Hanna's thread on pre flight nerves as it is somewhat different), or should I say I am, but were here already! The kids are settling in school here after a few tears and stressed looks from them. Its not that things here are bad, just that they are so very different.

This was cool for a few weeks but now I have found myself missing the familiar dirt and grime of middlesbrough, and in fact all things familiar. My working hours are not helping, I get up at 5.30am for a 50 minute drive to work, which I am doing 4 x 10 hour day shifts monday to thursday. Then arriving home at quarter to seven.

Last weekend was good (friday off then labour day monday off) but these days seem so long.

Our stuff won't be clearing customs until 30th november, and we move into our rental on the 31st october. We can however pick the cats up from the cattery and that will be somewhat a piece of home.

I have a ten pence piece on my desk that I look at from time to time and it makes me very anxious that it may be a very long time until I can spend it!

Good grief i sound miserable but I'm not, I almost feel like I am giving up fags.....yes it's good for me but I have withdrawl symptoms from hell!

I hope that these will pass and one could hardly expect to do anything like emigration without feeling this way.

The sun is shining in New Plymouth, there is not a cloud in the sky, and in 2 hours time I'll be on my way back to the motel.

If I could give any advice to anyone it would be to try and get your posessions here as quickly as possible, it can only help you settle in once the holiday excitement subsides.

Anyway, better crack on or I'll be here all night!

Somebody tell me there's some light at the end of the tunnel!

Paul

[Diny]

Paul - I certainly felt a heap better once the container had arrived. The initial flurry of unpacking was great, having our old familiar things around us was/is a great comfort.

I know exactly what you mean. Missing the familiar things from home, things that seemed dull and mundane when we were there - sometimes I'd give my right arm to be back home wrapped up in my security blanket. The withdrawal symptoms from our old lives can be pretty hellish, lets face it - we're all going cold turkey (we can't just nip back for the weekend can we).

We're nearing the 4 month mark now and I can report with a certain degree of confidence that these feelings do slowly ebb away. Either that or we find a better of way of coping with them.

It's early days and there's no 'rule of thumb' to how long it will take for these feeling to subside. Some never experience them - others live with them forever and some just flounder around somewhere in the middle.

Remember - you're not alone !!!

Diny

[Smiler]

Paul

I'm with Diny on this one and she is 4 months further down the line than I am. The homesickness hits me like, well nothing I have really felt before. It is early days and also expected for you/us to feel this way.

I'm sure it will get better. When you are out of the motel, with your stuff and settled in your new home. Mine feels a bit better most days, but rears its ugly head if I have a problem too.

When I'm down I try very,very hard in my mind to turn things around. So....

Move that 10p off the desk, look forward not back, put a 50 cent there instead and think about what you can do here for free, once you're settled.

'Somebody tell me there's some light at the end of the tunnel!'

There is. Do you have a window in your office? Look out and see......................or if the view is of an oil refinery, :uhoh ....look carefully out of the car window while driving home. :clap :clap

Let me know tomorrow what you see :D

Chin up

Deborah

[jan]

I dont know what your circumstances are for being able to return to the UK, but when I feel homesick I will say to myself ` You can go back , if you want to `

Nobody is making us stay here, we have the freedom to return, if we want to. I almost convince myself that I am a student thats taking a Year out!!! And this picks me right back up. I remind myself of what it took to get us here and also why. I log onto the site of my local paper back in the Uk every week, its dreary, and that makes me feel easier.

Hey its persisting down in the Uk, keep going with your head held high. I would advise you take it a month at a time. We have been here nearly 6 months and its flown by.

Agree that when your gear arrives it will settle you a lot more.

I have also given myself a month next year where as we will sit down and make a decision on how we feel. Its nearing that month already!!

Good luck for when your stuff arrives, its great!!

[wayne]

I'm sorry I do not know how to help on this one we have been here since 10th Aug and have not missed the UK one bit I think about my "old" life daily and pinch myself as I cannot believe how lucky I am to live in such a wonderful place, I have only rung back there ( I cannot call it home because it no longer is) 3 time in nearly 3 months.
My parents send me the local paper out every week and to read about all the fights and crime makes me even happier to be here , Mind you we bought a puppy the other week and he keeps us very occupied and is a great way of meeting people .
So chin up and remember "no rear view mirrors" just go out and look at this wonderful place we feel proud to call home

[StevieD]

Hi, can't really help you because we are still in UK. However, what Jan and Wayne said about looking at local papers on the web or reading newspapers is a good idea. I just been watching the local news and it is depressing. A poor young mum has just had one of her twin daughters killed by a hit and run driver last week - she was 9. Another guy murdered in Manchester last night, shootings are commonplace, only command a few lines in the paper.
I know that there is crime in NZ, hell it is inhabited by human beings after all!
But remember the reasons WHY you made the move. Hold that thought and it should pull you through.

Good luck to you all :nice1

Steve, in a wet but mild Liverpool.....

[jo b]

Hi Paul & Linda

I keep posting this link every now and again. Although it says culture shock it really does mean what we call homesickness.

It has helpful hints and also things to look out for which you may not always notice creeping up on you.

Hope it helps

Jo

http://edweb.sdsu.edu/people/CGuanipa/cultshok.htm

[Cardiff Irons]

Come on Paul. I know this is nothing to do with New Zealand and that you're only on a downer because the mighty Irons beat Middlesbrough on Saturday ;).

Seriously, I can't even begin to pretend that I know what you're going through, but I do know that whenever I've stretched the comfort zone significantly, everything felt strange, awkward and sometimes depressing. But (and here's the good bit), it doesn't stay like that. What seems strange and different now will feel normal as time goes by and, as others have already said, that'll be the time when you can focus on the so many good things around you.

A little suggestion Paul. Have a read through some of your old posts on the forum, the emotions you felt about being tied to the UK. Methinks it'll make you feel a whole lot better about where you're at.

Take care mate. I'll be thinking of you.:nice1


Steve

[Diny]

Quote:

So chin up and remember "no rear view mirrors" just go out and look at this wonderful place we feel proud to call home.....

Good words Wayne, but as a fellow Harley fan you should know - objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear.

I reckon you're very lucky to have made the transition with absolutley no negative emotions at all - I envy you, really I do. I love it here and am chuffed to bits that we made the move. We're just at the 4 month mark. Thanks to Voip Buster I speak to my parents every day and I reckon the worst thing I could do is log onto my local newspaper from back home (yes UK is home - it'll be a long time before NZ gets that title) - the mention of all the local places and names would just about finish me off I reckon.

We're here, and I'm happy to be here, but like mentioned on another thread a few days ago, I must be one of the very few people on this forum who actually loved their life in the UK. I don't have the ability to start afresh here without looking back, although the road ahead looks pretty darn fine, the view out of my rear view mirror is just as happy. Things would be so much easier if that wasn't the case (for me anyway).

Diny

[mechidna]

I'm afraid that I haven't been homesick at all. In fact, if I had my way I would never return for a visit. They can come here. I do miss some things, my friends and most of my family (my mum has returned from the dark side). I think it will be better once our stuff arrives. It will help set up a new comfort zone, especially for my daughter. She has been homesick numerous times and gets quite nasty. But she admits that she loves it here.

When I do start feeling a little off, I remind myself how close the drive bys and stabbings were to my front door and the feeling is gone. I also have a nice little net of people around here to call. Do you have anyone in New Plymouth that you can ring? I hate talking on the phone, but it does help if your feeling off (note lonely). We're only in Rotorua if you need an ear..


Michele

[ruthyroo]

Paul
Just wanted to echo what the others have said. There is nothing like bunking down in a motel to leave you feeling in limbo and transient. You will feel very different once you get a house to live in, and when your stuff arrives it will feel like Christmas - I totally underestimated the value of having familiar objects around me again until they arrived! And don't underestimate the shock that your brain / emotions will be feeling - everything is new and strange, and that takes a lot of adjusting to - and it doesn't happen overnight.

Get rid of that 10p - it's not helping you to adjust!

Diny - I totally agree with you. I loved living in my wee flat in Edinburgh, family and lots of friends around, loads to do in the city and around, and Europe just a hop, skip and jump away for cheap holidays. We always felt it was a good thing, leaving the UK for wholly positive reasons rather than becuase we hated our lives there or hated the UK. But now we are here it does make it harder, becuase we know we have left an awful lot of good things behind. I deal with it by keeping in mind that we can go back if / when we want to, that this move is to have an adventure for a 'few' years (stretching out all the time!) not a permanent life change if we don't want it to be. Maybe it does stop us settling - but that's what works for us, taking it as it comes. And yes I feel a bit of a lone voice in the wilderness on here sometimes becuase I think life in the UK wasn't all bad!

[Paul and Linda]

Wow thanks everyone for such sage advice. You are absolutely right, the 10p has gone, I checked the local newspaper at home and its all grim, I called home and its raining, and I'm back to thinking about all the reasons we wanted to come here.

Your advice was spot on and worked a treat, thankyou all.

It also helped that my boss had a welcome chat with me this morning and he wants me to train up for a big promotion (1-2 years off) so I've only been here 2 weeks and I already have career prospects! Good grief!, my job at home was definately the end of the line in that company.

Looks like I'm off to malaysia and brunei for a few weeks next year (wherever they are, where's the map) and got tonnes of training courses to go on (feeling a bit spoilt).

Finish at 6pm tonight and I'm off for 3 days so feeling pretty good!

Cheers again, what would I do without you all?

Paul

[tigerlily]

... it says culture shock it really does mean what we call homesickness...

http://edweb.sdsu.edu/people/CGuanipa/cultshok.htm

I'm with Jo completely. Actually, calling it culture shock may help you feel a bit better. It is a shock! Things are not how they were at home and for a while you are challanged to find anything as simple as toothpaste or how to get to work. As a competent adult that is a bit hard to take, when we used to manage so very well at home with all these easy things, which are now not so easy. Thanks to Jo for posting this link- it really is good to see that there are stages that you can expect to go through and that there will be a time when it gets easier.

PS. No, I'm not there yet. But I did have some serious culture shock when I lived in India for 6 months. I used to dream of going home for the weekend, ha!

[Smiler]

:clap :clap Good on you.



Glad you're feeling better, enjoy the 3 days off too and if you need a bag carrier to Brunei or in fact anywhere, my rates are very reasonable. :p

Keep that chin up.


Deborah x

[Hannah]

What's your job Paul?
10 hour shifts sounds tough!

I did 10 hour shifts once - years ago, working as a night cook in a hospital while i did my A levels. I gave a free meal to a tramp...word passed quickly and by the end of the week 10 of his mates came in regular for a free dinner.

I got caught and lost my job instantly. Now I work in public health - surrounded by constant talk about 'tackling health inequalities'. I reckon my bit of goodwill in that hospital all those years ago was direct action in tackling inequality! (It's not my fault all those tramps started sleeping at the end of the canteen in anticipation of a free breakfast too!!!!)

Sorry, nothing to do with this thread, but I hope it took your mind off the homesickness. And it's keeping my mind busy while I avoid packing our suitcases!

Hannah

[Avalon]

Paul,

I cried for about 6 weeks straight! Suddenly everything about the place was so "alien". Stuff I thought was charming when we visited became awful when we lived it.

I had a breakthrough when I met some people form another forum who organised a picnic. We spent the whole day on the beach at Days Bay, swimming and throwing ourselves off the wharf. Although Ive had the odd moment since then - that was the turning point for me.

It hits all of us differently. For you it may wear off, or you may get a "moment" like me. I found reading UK newspapers actually made me feel worse - i cant really explain why. And ringing my mum twice a week helped in some ways, till I heard birds singing in the background (I was living in a city apartment at the time).

I can say that from what ive seen, evwen you have a tough time - it really will get better. For me the key has been buying our house out in the country and getting out of the city, so im in more familar territory now.

{{{hugs}}}