[Moorf]

Out of interest, for those that have been here a while, or for those who have already decided how to handle the situation - how many times have you been back to your home country / how many times do you plan to return? Once a year? Once every 5 years? More to the point, how often can you afford to return?

I feel I am being pressured by family to return to the UK next year. It seems there is an unverbalised agreement that because we decided to move here, it is our duty to return at regular intervals to keep the family happy! Afterall, WE moved so WE should be making the effort... ??

Much as I miss my family, I certainly don't plan on forking out $'000s each year or two, just to go back and spend 2 weeks tramping round the UK to visit relatives....

[Voice]

Our families already think we are totally selfish for moving here in the first place, so staying away will only make them happy by confirming this!

Seriously, we think we will probably go back every couple of years (at least initially) although I'd say this is more for the chance to get some decent shopping in than visit rellies (see? I am blummin' selfish!) ;)

[Diny]

I'm going home in May for a couple of weeks - Mark and boys are staying here. At this stage we plan a trip every year (when we were in the UK we tried to get to NZ each year so no different really).

Only time will tell if we keep up this arrangement.

Diny

[jubjub]

Depending on if parents decide they can face the flight or not, we are thinking of a trip back next year, purely to introduce them & our friends to the baby.

But after that, we are not keen on doing it every year, as there are far more interesting (and nearer) places to visit on our yearly travels (providing we can afford to go anywhere!)

[Smiler]

At the moment, every night in my dreams.


Realistically, I would like to hope we will go back every 2/3 years and maybe get tickets for my parents and Scott once for them to come here, when we are settled more. Scott's 21st pressie next year is a ticket, but he doen't know that, so shhhhh.

Moorf you are right though, we are the ones expected to go back. The unspoken hint is that we moved here, we chose this, we pay to go back.

In reality, as long as they are able to travel, I would prefer to pay for my parents to come here. They are not well travelled and I 'feel the need' to show them we are happy, there is more to life, and that Gary hasn't kidnapped me and chained me to a volcano. :raebanana or the bedpost. That we do have a life here, together and (hopefully) we love it. I'm homesick, but not for the UK. If that makes sense. Although both sets of mums said immediately, when we told them we were coming, that they would not come over, ever. 'never on a plane for that long, can't be away from home, blah, blah, blah'

If 'something happened' to one of them, I would find the money to get back like a shot.

My sisters are already flexing their credit cards and thinking about it, they both said go for it and why not. Gary's sis says, 'you leave, you pay to come back'

But like Sal says, there are far more interesting places to go from here.

Like Melbourne next week, I've just found out :clap :clap

D&G

[GeorgeM]

Against my better judgement I have been persuaded into parting with a fortune for us all to go back to the UK this Christmas. And as an added bonus we miss the summer in favour of a couple of weeks of grey drizzle. Magic!

Hopefully this will satisfy the tribe for the next decade or so - there are so many more attractive places nearby that we could have spent our cash and (scarce) holiday on visiting.

As far as I'm concerned I spent 45 years of my life in different corners of the UK and I have no intention after this once of paying lots of money to traipse around a few dull industrial towns and cities seeking out people for half a day's chat on what it's like down here. Far better for the friends/rellies who miss us so much to come down here to see us - it would be a totally new experience for all of them and they could have a real holiday.

A bit of a rant, I know, and probably a very male point of view, but if a fortune teller told me that I would never set foot inside the UK again it wouldn't really bother me.

[jubjub]

I 'feel the need' to show them we are happy, there is more to life, and that Gary hasn't kidnapped me and chained me to a volcano. :raebanana or the bedpost. That we do have a life here, together and (hopefully) we love it.

Very good point, we would much prefer people to come here, not because we don't want to make the effort, but we want them to see first hand the life that we have here, photos and talking about it does not get the point across.

[Smiler]

Sal

You're right again :raebanana

I asked Mum if she had seen the pics I had sent of the house, mountains, sea, us eating Hell's pizza etc and she said 'Yes, looks nice' :wah :wah

It seems the photo's didn't hit the spot either.

D x

[herseymusic]

I average a trip back to the states about every 2 years. I've actually been back in "America" for most of this year, thinking that I would get a chance to really catch up with everyone. Wrong. Everyone has lives to live, and so do I. It took some *major* travelling around the country to even see my closest relatives.

I'd like to make more frequent trips back and forth (no kids to pay for), and if you get the timing right (ie, not during the holidays) it doesn't have to be prohibitively expensive. Just no Christmas with the relatives for a while.

[ruthyroo]

I guess we have been lucky in that most family have been really keen to visit us out here - and lots more would come if they could afford it. At the moment I don't feel any need to go back to the UK - my parents are here at the moment, and planning a second trip next year when we have moved to the South Island, while Mr Rr's parents were over in April. I don't particularly miss Scotland, so no desire to go backti see the country... but family events such as Mr Rr's sister getting married might rack up the pressure on us to head back at some point. TBH I dont want to at this stage - I think it might be really hard to leave again!!

[lisa]

Hi

I too think it would be nicer for people to come here, at the moment Mum is talking Oct and Sis Aug. I know my Mum wants to come so she can see us all settled and have a picture in her mind of where we are, and I would be the same in her situation - at the moment if she says to me she is going out with so and so for the day/lunch somewhere I can picture both the person and the venue which is a comfort - at the moment she doesn't have that luxury which I know must be really hard. I think we will have to make a decision after their visits as to when we have our first visit back. In all honesty it would worry me too much at the moment I would be thinking that I would be contacting an old friend and not really have much to say!!
Still I guess only time will tell - we would also need to get someone to stay here to help out with all these animals we keep collecting!!!

Lisa

[sizzlingbadger]

We're also very lucky in that my in laws are due to visit for three months at the end of November. I'm really close to them and they're almost like my parents.

My dad surprised us all by saying he's applied for a passport and is hoping to come out late next year :clap He's only ever been to Jersey so it's going to be a huge step for him. My mum on the other hand is having none of it and is still very anti about the whole thing, she still can't understand why we've not gone back yet. My parents are separated.

I've just had one of my closest friends visit, she's now on a two week tour of NZ and hoping to visit again next year. Her brother is coming out on a two year work visa next year and her parents will be visiting next Christmas.

The only reason to go back to the UK will be for my other very close friend who is getting married. Although with five of us it may be easier for me just to go back but I'm not sure how willing my husband will be to look after the three kids.

But for all of us to go back it will cost way too much. Thankfully a lot of friends and family understand that, one of the reasons why my dad is coming out. They know that we will try and get back in about 5 years time if everything goes well here. That maybe the first and last time we head back due to the cost.

[Miffy]

After just reading the thread topic my immediate answer is :
I 'return home' every night after work - its where I live!

Since I got here I have determindly not called the UK 'home' because its not. My home now is here in NZ in the house that I live.
That thinking really helped me with the homesickness

But to answer you question in the spirit is was asked - I don't plan to visit the UK for a while maybe another 18 months 2 years or more.

[Moorf]

Some interesting points there.

Bearing in mind we flew my sis-in-law, her hubby and 2 kids out last Xmas, this Xmas we are flying out my bro, his wife and 2 kids and my parents are coming out for a month next Xmas, I think we've MORE than compensated for moving here!!

Ok, so it would be nice to see my grandparents but they don't seem to want to break their UK/Spain cycle and I tend to be of the opinion that if they can't be bothered well nor can I!!

Ultimately, we too want people to come here and experience the life we now have, and Lisa I loved your comments about them being able to visualise our lives here :yes

Ho hum... thanks for your replies. I'm with George, I'd much rather spend a few thou on seeing NZ and it's neighbours than flying back to the UK for a grey couple of weeks in December....

[wayne]

I'm with Miffy on this one "home" is now Red Beach Orewa , as for "that other place" I hear it may be worth visiting now Blair is on his way out seriously I class NZ as home totally and the UK is in the past saying that I promised my parents etc that I will go out next july to say Hi but wether I keep that promise remains to be seen as I'm just enjoying being here to want to plan going back to England bloody eck I spent thousands and years of planning to get here to want to go back ,
I may go back next year but then thats that . move on to the next chapter no more rear view mirrors
Wayne

[willsken]

We haven't arrived yet, but in my mind I can't see myself wanting to visit the UK once I've moved. I don't want to be here now so why will that change.

We have been very lucky with the reaction from friends and family. They all seem keen to visit. My Dad has told my sister he will pay for her and he has already planned to buy a camper van to begin his travels round NZ with his grandsons in their summer hols!! :D

He loved the place when he visited a few years ago. He and Mum think we are very wise to move away from the UK and they have said if they had their time over again......... ;)

[StevieD]

As far as I'm concerned I spent 45 years of my life in different corners of the UK and I have no intention after this once of paying lots of money to traipse around a few dull industrial towns and cities seeking out people for half a day's chat on what it's like down here. Far better for the friends/rellies who miss us so much to come down here to see us - it would be a totally new experience for all of them and they could have a real holiday.

That is it in a nutshell, you have to go back to tell them what it is like!!!
I know not everybody can make the trip, but the majority of people are very small minded when it comes to travel, I mean, we only have to look at the "Brits Abroad" mentality, everything has to be "English" for them to visit somewhere, now that annoys me. I know that is probable a generalisation but you get my point?
I would dearly love to have a relative in some beautiful place so that we could go and visit and have a cheap holiday on the back of them lol As it is, we are giving up our family, friends and comfort zone to move, to make a different life for our own family. Why people can't accept that is beyond me.
I think it is down to jealousy and selfishness. Yes, it is hard moving from your family. Yes, some friends, true friends, will miss you. But the thing that always sticks with me is from some years back when I was working on the QE2. I had been away from home for 3 1/2 months, my first extended period away from home. I returned home, and when I went to my local, I was looked at as if I was something that dogs leave on the pavement. I don't know why, maybe jealousy, because everyone knew where I was going to work. Maybe they thought I was deserting the ranks, who cares!

And for what Smiler said about the photos, it is probably mum not wanting to sound too keen on the place, especially if she didn't want you to go in the first place. She probably thinks that it is a damn sight more than nice......

[Tara Sage]

I'm with you Helen I would rather spend the money exploring here we have no intentions on visiting the UK at all at the moment maybe things will change who knows but I am not spending thouands to go over what we have been doing for the past ..... years 20/30 times to everyone we visit.

[Carol]

I longed to go back to the UK when we first came.
It took us 3 years and I enjoyed every minute.
Mainly because in that time we'd had no family visit us at all and I was desperate to see my mum and dad again.
Alas health problems hindered them - and still do.
Although they did a trip out two years later. It was really tough on them.
Both physically and financially.

We all went back again last December.
And again I enjoyed every minute.
THe weather here was crap anyway - rained the best part of four weeks and there were floods everywhere.
But with 4 fares plus a child - realistically we wont be able to do that again in the near future.
As my parents arent well enough to travel - I guess this is the reason my intense homesickness returns with a vengeance so often.... even after all this time.

If you have visitors coming...enjoy them.
You are so lucky.
:roll

[Avalon]

We were planning on waiting at least 3 years before our first trip back. Im such a homebody that I was worried about heading back before I had enogh time to really "settle" here. However, a dear freind is getting married next April so off we go. Thankfully he has got things sorted early enough and I got enough warning that I cold start saving.

While many of our friends miss us, we have not had any tell us we are selfish, and so I dont feel resentful about going back to see them. They all know it is really hard for us because of costs and holiday leave, an so far none of them have even breathed a word along the lines of we should go back to visit.

The only people who do think think that are some of OH's family, and they despise us anyway. Nothing we could ever do in a lifetime would make them happy - so at least as (Voice?) said - they can rest easy in our confirmation that we are indeed the root of all evil and selfishness.

Our one saving grace is that my parents live here 6 months of every year. As ive said before - things would be compltely different if that were not the case.

Hopefully, none of my other friends will tell me they are getting married the week after we get back in April! My credit card cant take it!

[Diny]

I have to admit the above 2 posts have restored my faith in the family unit. Yet again there's no right or wrong 'attitude' towards visiting back home but personally I find it really quite sad that some people are considered to be selfish etc and are expected to make the journey 'home' because they are the ones who made the move in the first place. I also find it totally incomprehensible (sp) that some people seem to have such a deep rooted hatred for their 'mother country' (and alas in some cases their families back there too).

Immigration sure does laden us with every kind of emotion out there, I've been both warmed and saddened by some of the replies to this thread. I have my parents arriving in 7 weeks time and I'm going home in April/May ........ both events are the biggest thing on my horizon regardless to how much I love living here and how 'right' this move has been for us.

Sorry - went abit off thread there.

Diny

[GeorgeM]

I also find it totally incomprehensible (sp) that some people seem to have such a deep rooted hatred for their 'mother country'
Just in case my comments have given the impression that I am in this category I would like to put the record straight...

I said that if I was told that I would never see the UK again it wouldn't bother me. And it wouldn't. Doesn't mean that I hate the UK. Just that it's a long long way away, costs a fortune to get to and I would rather spend what cash I have and what time I have left on the earth going to places I haven't been to before rather than going back to somewhere I know intimately.

If the UK was as close to Chch as Auckland or even Oz then I would feel a little different - the cost of getting there and the effect on my annual leave would both be considerably less and I would be happy to go back annually for a short visit.

The thought of sitting outside a New Forest pub in the summer sunshine, or seeing Christmas lights in the shops, or going to Bath or York or Stratford all appeal but not with such a huge pull that I can motivate myself to go all that way for the experience.

[Carol]

If the whole emigration has taught me anything it is exactly where my true values and priorities lie.
On Saturday night we were invited to the home of a colleague after our school fair for pizza and fireworks.
I can honestly say it is the most beautiful house I have ever seen in my life.
They have built it here - I cant even begin to imagine how much it has all cost.
Their art works alone must run into the millions.

Now....

I kind of knew that they had all this.
Because I had heard about the house etc before I went.
But you would never know that just from spending time with them away from their home. They are the most unassuming people I know.
And - their priorities lie totally with their children. Life revolves around them and them alone.

As do mine.

So - are we all that different?
The mum has no family here at all like me.
We often spend time together talking about our sadness of that.
And just how deep it goes. We have a very small townhouse - but we also have 3 kids. THey are the only reason we are here - just like them.

When you leave this earth your belongings count for very little.
Your experiences count for everything.
I have realised while I have been here - that my family are extremely important to me. Much more so than I ever realised and I took it all for granted.
We wanted a different lifestyle for our kids and we have certainly got that.
But the cost has been high for me personally. Hubby feels differently. His cost hasn't been so high.

So my trips home are VERY important to me. I personally do still call it home because it always will be for me. To see people though - not places.
I would like to visit places like Fiji and the like - but I'd much rather see my mum and dad, bruv and his family. A view is a view. Seen one seen them all.

One advantage of not having roots here is you can move around from house to house - with no worries about sentimental stuff.
We will be on the move again next year.....keeps my mind off sad stuff. ;)

[Moorf]

I am one of those who is quite happy to voice my dislike of the UK - it's one of the main reasons we moved here - because we couldn't find what we were looking for in the UK, didn't like the direction it was going and neither of us wanted to see out our days there. I wouldn't go so far as to say "hate", that's a bit too strong, just not what we wanted.

And I think that this thread shows the multitude of different personalities we have on the site, and likewise the multitude of reasons behind peoples moves. Coming from a Forces background it's been part of my life to uproot and move around different countries / counties every 3 yrs or so. Then I was sent away to school from age 10 - 18. I never returned home to live. So "home" literally is wherever I am at any given point in time... it might not be NZ for ever, I'd like to think we can live in and explore many more countries before we pop our clogs... but for the time being, it's home.

Having said that, I've been "away" from the UK for long periods of time and, like others, have lived in other countries... but never for more than 1 year.. so perhaps I'll revisit this thread in 12 months time once we've completed year 2, and see whether time will change my mind.... if there's one thing I've learned from this move to NZ it's never say never....

[Paul]

If the whole emigration has taught me anything it is exactly where my true values and priorities lie.
On Saturday night we were invited to the home of a colleague after our school fair for pizza and fireworks.
I can honestly say it is the most beautiful house I have ever seen in my life.
They have built it here - I cant even begin to imagine how much it has all cost.
Their art works alone must run into the millions.

Now....

I kind of knew that they had all this.
Because I had heard about the house etc before I went.
But you would never know that just from spending time with them away from their home. They are the most unassuming people I know.
And - their priorities lie totally with their children. Life revolves around them and them alone.

As do mine.

So - are we all that different?
The mum has no family here at all like me.
We often spend time together talking about our sadness of that.
And just how deep it goes. We have a very small townhouse - but we also have 3 kids. THey are the only reason we are here - just like them.

When you leave this earth your belongings count for very little.
Your experiences count for everything.
I have realised while I have been here - that my family are extremely important to me. Much more so than I ever realised and I took it all for granted.
We wanted a different lifestyle for our kids and we have certainly got that.
But the cost has been high for me personally. Hubby feels differently. His cost hasn't been so high.

So my trips home are VERY important to me. I personally do still call it home because it always will be for me. To see people though - not places.
I would like to visit places like Fiji and the like - but I'd much rather see my mum and dad, bruv and his family. A view is a view. Seen one seen them all.

One advantage of not having roots here is you can move around from house to house - with no worries about sentimental stuff.
We will be on the move again next year.....keeps my mind off sad stuff. ;)

Nice post Carol - very true words in there - my immediate family mean more than any material possessions we have and I guess that is why we keep coming back to this emigrating lark! We have a nice "material" life here but its not necessarily what I/we want for our little girl in the future............

[Simon & Emily]

As we are still in the UK I cannot predict how often we will actually come back here (although I can say with some certainty we plan to only do it every 5 or 6 years, if only from a financial viewpoint) but I can say that it's already been made clear to us (by some people) that as we are the ones uprooting our children, it's only 'right and fair' that we pay to come back at least every year. (My father, on the other hand, said 'Oh good, I'll come to visit you on holiday for 3 or 4 months a year'). The guilt trip that we are taking the grandchildren away has already well and truly started, and we won't even be going for at least another 6 months.


Emily