[ukiwibird]

Sadly my boss died on Thursday of a heart attack, he was in his forties. I was asked to go to see him in his coffin, so i thought I would pass on my experience.
He is at his mothers house in his coffin on the floor. Next to the coffin is also covered in mattresses. You can see his face but the rest is covered in a white sheet with ferns and a red rose covering that. You take off your shoes and are introduced to everyone else in the room. You then sit on the mattresses next to the coffin and talk to everyone and also to the dead person. His mother was stroking his hair and face and calling him a naughty boy. He will be there until tomorrow when it is the funeral service and then he is taken to the Marae, on Wednesday he will be buried with his grandfather. His mother sleeps next to the coffin as he will not be left on his own until he is buried. He looks very peaceful and is surrounded by photos of him smiling. They also take guitars and sing together.
Trudy

[Smiler]

Trudy

I'm sorry to hear about your boss, 40's is too young.

I have some questions if you don't mind, about the viewing and procedure that you went through. This was part of my job in the Uk and I am interested in the procedure/protocol and the culture here and know nothing about it. I'm not ghoulish, genuinely interested.

Would it be ok to ask you either here or pm? Please tell me to go away if this is not the right time.

Deborah x

[StevieD]

Sad to hear about your boss dying so young, it is never easy when a "youngster" dies, as we all have visions of toddling along well into our old age. Sadly, not everybody does...
But, isn't it wonderful the way in which some peoples/traditions view death. Bet there weren't any tears or wailing going on? Absolutely fascinating, thank you for sharing that with us. Similar to the Irish wake by the sounds of it.

[Babette & Andy]

Trudy, thank you for sharing, in what I imagine must be a hard time for you. Sounds like a wonderful tradition, as unfortunatly dying is also part of life. A celebration of someones life if very positive and will help those left behind deal with their grief in an open manor, rather than keeping all the sadness inside. Take care.

Babette

[GeorgeM]

My boss's wife is maori, and when his mother in law died they went through the whole traditional maori thing. This was quite sortly after his granny (very pakeha) had also passed on.

His comment after going through the process was that 'the maori can certainly teach us a thing or two about dealing with death".

He said that the sitting with the body, everyone visiting etc etc made it much more easy to deal with than he had found with the western tradition. By the time of the funeral all the grieving had been done with the support of others and this inevitable (for everyone eventually) event was far more easy to cope with.

The final night before the burial loads of people stayed with the body all night singing songs etc - he said that an old maori had forewarned him that this was going to happen and called it 'party night'. He though that this was going to be really ghoulish and didn't look forward to it, but found it very moving and very valuable in the whole process.

[baboonworld]

i have been to a maori funeral (and whilst it was for an 18 year old) and there was a lot of wailing. I was really upset (it was a friend of mine) but really felt more for the family who were crying and wailing.

I dont know if it was because it was a suicide though - cos everyone above seems to think it very calm and peaceful!

[wanderingoregonian]

Sorry to hear of your lost. Thank you so much for sharing

I agree with the comments about how Western society could learn a thing or two about death. When my grandmother passed away this past spring, it just happened that my father decided to wait until following day to call the undertakers. We spent the night taking turns drifting in and out of grandmothers room. We watched her pass away and as so often is the case, it just didn't seem real. It wasn't until the next morning after spending all that time with her body still in our house that I really knew in my heart that she was in a different place. I think the whole experience would have been even hard on me if I hadn't had that time to just be present and observe. My dad kept saying that death is a process just like birth - which only made sense after spending that time watching the changes in grandma's body. It was so peaceful and when the undertakers came the whole mode changed dramatically.

I think my favorite part was my family gathering to sing out of tune on whatever instruments were in the house. lots of good stories too that just flowed as the hours drifted by

[ukiwibird]

Deborah, Ask away, and if I know the answer I will tell you. Trudy