[NannyOgg]

Hello All.
New member here.

Just briefly we are a couple around our 40s with two school age kids - oldest one due to Senior school next september. OH has been told by several recruitment agencies that he would have no trouble getting a job out in NZ with his experience. We both have strong family ties here in the UK but I also have sister, niece and nephew in NZ. We are thinking about going next summer to settle on North Shore - near my sister. We hate what the UK is becoming and want the best for our kids. The problem however is ....ME! When I think about going and leaving everything and everybody behind I feel I am homesick already. Am I just being a big girls blouse or is this all perfectly natural?. I change my mind on a daily and sometimes hourly basis! And then that old proverb comes into my mind "The quiality of ones life shrinks or expands in direct relation to ones courage"

I really feel torn two.

Lyn :confused:

[gil]

Hello Lyn and welcome to the forum.

I think what you describe has been experienced by all of us at differing stages in the process, so no, I don't think you are a big girl's blouse at all! I'm sure there are others with experience of settling in/homesickness who can give a more rounded picture than I can though.

In my experience, there comes a time when you just have to try something; all the logical thinking in the world won't help, and it's just a gut feel of "yes" or "no". Thirty years ago, it would have been very different, without email, internet etc but it's all changed now and keeping in touch is so easy. We're in our forties too, with 4 kids, and it felt a bit "now or never" from our perspective. And the thing is, if you get there and find it really isn't for you, I firmly believe that you can move to the UK or anywhere else then.

It also feels important not to feel pressured into the decision, so ask lots of questions here to find answers to any worries you have, people are so kind and helpful, it's unbelievable!!

Good luck,
Gil

[NannyOgg]

Thanks Gil. Where are you on the road to NZ?

[gil]

We were granted PR a couple of weeks ago, and have now received our passports with their blue stickers. Only need to sell the house and we're off!!
If you look at any posts by Cardiff Irons (hubbie), you'll see our time line in his signature field. We are headed to Auckland, Howick area most likely.
Where are you based at the mo?
Gil

[Diny]

Lyn - welcome to the forum. Don't be confused by the way you feel - it happens to all of us with a heart and soul. I too am exceptionally close to my family and friends - all of whom are still back in the UK. I have had a close 'relationship' with NZ for many many years and have spent several months here since the mid 80's. I knew what I was heading for but the thought of leaving my family behind was always a massive issue for me.

We've been here for nearly 5 months now and my emotions (concerning my family) are still up in the air. When we first arrived my homesickness was so intense that I could hardly function. The fact that my hubby works overseas for long periods of time and I was 'left alone' after 2 weeks here didn't help at all.

I never thought I would be able to get myself out of the homesickness rut but here I am 5 months down the line and things are alot better. Thanks to e-mail, free internet phone calls, web cams etc I can keep in touch with home on an almost daily basis (and I do) - and it's a great help. 16 years ago we lived in Oz and there were none of the modern communication tools available - we kept in touch via good old snail mail and the occasional very short, very expensive phone call. Things are so much easier these days (heck that makes me sound ancient).

Your relationship with your family and subsequent homesickness is something which is very personal to you and you only. None of us decide how we're going to feel - but we can predict it. I for one knew how hard it would be but was still suprised by the intensity of my emotions. Running the risk of being shot down in flames here (which is not my intention - I'm just voicing the observations of myself and some others on this forum) - there are some 'immigrants' who almost make you feel abit of a failure - abit of a wuss who doesn't really qualify to be an ex-pat for admitting you miss your family back home. I'm one of those rare people who not only miss family and friends, I miss the UK too ...... boy have I been shot down in flames on a few occasions for admitting that one !!!!

What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is this - homesickness when it strikes is totally debilitating (sp). It's a feeling which is difficult to explain, not only does it render it's victims emotionally shattered, it causes a real physical pain too. I'm sometimes made to feel abit of a pariah by admitting I suffer. It's like I should be sitting in a circle with other 'adicts' and saying "hello, my name is Diny and I suffer from homesickness. It's been 23 hours since I last phoned my Mum".

I never thought I would ever feel 'normal' again - but here I am weathering the storm. My folks arrive in 4 weeks time for a 2 month visit, I have a trip back home arranged for May and all is good with the world.

My advice is to take one day at a time. The journey starts now while you're still at home going through the immigration process - not just when you land on NZ soil. Homesickness comes in crashing waves but the frequency and intensity of those waves does lessen with time.

As a final comment/thought - I've found that I face the 'scorn' of some other ex-pats by refering to the UK as home. This is something which some people seems to class as the ultimate sign of immigration failure. The fact is - no matter how nice NZ is and how good our life here is - it will never be home.

Hey listen - if I can do it - anybody can do it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Diny

[veronica]

nothing wrong with refering to the UK (or other country) as hom. I find that I now refer to both NZ and UK as home, depending who I am talking to. Its great to have two homes.

[NannyOgg]

Thanks Girls!

We have not applied for PR yet. We are having trouble locating the OH C & G certificate that proves his qualifications - awaiting a search to hopefully come up trumps. That would be our ideal scenario then we could apply from here and arrive fully visa'd up. Alas if we want to go before the eldest starts school we will need to arrive, get a job, get a visa then apply. It all seems so scary. We live near Canterbury Kent at the moment and want to settle on the North Shore, or possibly, Whakatane. Have been to NZ twice now so not going in blind. Butlike a lot of others, I have elderly sick parents and guilt eats away at me when I think of leaving. Then the "Oh for Gods sake girl they made their choices now it's your turn" voice takes over and so it goes on.........

[Smiler]

Nanny Ogg

You are not alone. It is normal for this to happen. I second everything that Diny and Gil have put so eloquently at this time of the morning.

Diny said 'What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is this - homesickness when it strikes is totally debilitating (sp). It's a feeling which is difficult to explain, not only does it render it's victims emotionally shattered, it causes a real physical pain too. I'm sometimes made to feel abit of a pariah by admitting I suffer. It's like I should be sitting in a circle with other 'adicts' and saying "hello, my name is Diny and I suffer from homesickness. It's been 23 hours since I last phoned my Mum".'

I would be sitting next to Diny as I feel ashamed for feeling like that when I tell some people. The pain is like grief, loss of someone dying, guilt, almost like the feeling of clinical depression. It is like having been torn in two and I did experience this to a lesser extent whilst still in the UK, but boy did it hit here in week 3.

I have no family here and a close one in the UK and I have left my son there. We are in our forties too and wanted something different for our lives. I am on week 7 and TBO things are getting much, much better. I don't care if I phoned my Mum 23 hours ago, if I want to phone again I will, even if it has been 2 hours. I'm finding contact so easy, phone cards, cheap deals etc but IF I had to pay full whack I would. My son is waiting for BB so I will be emailing too soon. I only write to my relatives in Holland as they have no pc. :no

My parents are not well travelled and could not understand why at 1st. They are now sending me the local papers :confused: and I'm sure jars of marmite YUK!! will follow soon. I hope to have them out here next year, they just don't know it yet.

I'm sorry you are feeling so torn, but it is to be expected. I can only see that as I look back on the events of the last 12 months. Don't give up how ever much it hurts. And if you are feeling down we are always here, just yell.

Big hugs

Deborah

[Carol]

9 years on - and I'm still homesick.

Some would say - for god's sake move back then - but I don't want that.
To those who know how it is - and how I am - .......I say - let's get together sometime soon - drink gin and cry a lot.

Then order pizza - preferably Hells Pizza - and dance on a beach somewhere.


Geez that sounds like a damn good day out!
:nice1

[Smiler]

Get those school reports finished then girl, I'm up for it. Can we have lemon pepper wedges too, please?:clap :clap


D x

[Carol]

I'm at home sick today but struggling on......

lemon pepper anything sounds good to me luv! :nice1

[Smiler]

Big hugs then. Do you have to give the head teacher a note?:laugh


Stay indoors, it's cold out. I might just light a fire in mo.

The shippers are due today.:clap but have just phoned to say they won't be here til 12ish:roll really worth getting up at 7 then wasn't it.


Hope you feel better later.

D x x

[Diny]

Count me in on that one !!!!!!!!!

Gin and lemon pepper wedges? The only thing to make that scenario better would be a liberal helping of George Cloony.

I'm 2 hours away and with abit of notice could make it to a 'meeting' .

Chin chin girls.

Diny

[Carol]

I think we should book those beach houses at Waikanae.... will get my man onto it......

Hang fire girlies!!

[NannyOgg]

OOoooohhhhh I tried a Hels Pizza when last there - bloody gorgeous! Have you tried the chocolate bananas?

[Diny]

Waikanae sounds good to me !!!!!

[Hannah]

Welcome to the forum Nanny Ogg (that's got to be the best user name i've heard on this forum - makes "Moorf and Woz" sound normal!)...

I have felt everything that has been listed on this posting in the last 3 weeks since i've been here, and much more intensely than before i left (when i was all very blase about it). We have return tickets for six months and our fully furnished house left behind. Maybe that makes it easier (I'm just testing the water) or harder (on bad days i want to go back to my warm bed).

The homesickness, culture shock, or whatever you call it has hit me real hard - i wasn't prepared for the feeling of being such an alien here...and we visited 2 yrs ago (just a holiday- oooh it's so different when you are on holiday!). I've only been here 3 weeks....hearing Deborah say that 3 weeks hit hard is reassuring...i thought this stuff hit you after 6 months! I don't miss anyone, or anything about the UK (other than the familiarity it offers)....it's just that here seems so freaky sometimes. Still, I sat in the New Plymouth library today reading the UK papers with an endless pot of tea and felt like i could live in that library till the end of my days.

We're confused, we don't have jobs yet, i can't even begin to muster anything like a christmas spirit (too warm, too sunny!!!) and yet feel we had to do this, we just had to know if this was the right thing for our family. The moment i decided that coming here was ok was when my friend said "nothing has to be for ever" - and she's right. Coming here and staying may be the right thing for many on this forum and yet we never know what's round the corner. In a year's time to most die hard "We love NZ/We hate UK" expats may have a reason to move on...they just don't know it yet. No-one can predict the future, and that's what can give you the strength to try something new without it having to be a final nail in the coffin so to speak.

Of course, having jobs will at least give us the luxury of choosing to emigrate....and before Xmas is not a good time to job hunt of course!!! We may be going back in a few months time whether we like it or not (still, two summers in one year is nice!)

[Debbie]

Dear nanny Ogg,
Welcome to the special club.
Like Gil, we are not even in NZ yet but I can understand all the turmoil and doubt you are feeling. I have days when NZ is the light at the end of the tunnel and days when when it's the pain in my back side.
Like Dinny, I like the Uk and have a great family here, even thought they don't like my choice of NZ, so leaving is already proving hard and I've just got PR. I've said it before but; if I thought I was leaving something awful in the UK then NZ wouldn't be such a risk, working on the theory that it would at least be better. As it is we plan to leave a great life here and jump into the unknown, we haven't even visited NZ before. We are doing all of this with 2 young children and a dog in tow, confused :confused:
some days I feel very confused by it all :confused:
I try and rationalise it in the following ways:
The Uk has been very good to us but we can't improve much on what we have here. We hope NZ will give us the oppertunity to be good to ourself, no mortgage, better quality of free time, a mental challange to stop us vegitating(sp).
Children are adaptable, even if NZ doesn't work out the experience will enrich their lives.
I used to think NZ was a perminant move and it helps me take on the seriousness of what we are doing to think of it that way, but I have started to also think about the possibility of it being a long term move or a stepping stone.
The emigration process makes you haemorrhage money but I found it helps to think of it in comparision to the amount it would cost us just to do a simple house move in the UK. With the higher rate stamp duty in the UK it makes the figures we are spending to get to NZ look less frightening.
Lastly, and most liberating is the idea that I can change my mind.Now we have the PR I have a choice of where I live. I don't have to get on a plane to NZ if I change my mind and as Gil said, I can always move back to the UK. It would hit us financially to do so, but there is more to life than money and it's nothing that isn't recoverable.
All the best Debbie.

[Hannah]

Good point Debbie about not having something awful to leave behind. If you hate where you live its easier to run from it and I like the UK and where we lived. To put it into perspective, I was listening to NZ breakfast TV this morning (sad, i know) and they were interviewing a woman from Burma who is spending time with the NZ government to find out about democracy and how it could work in Burma if the military is ever overthrown (their current democratically elected leader is under house arrest and the military are going around doing as they please, raping women, arresting pro-democracy protesters etc etc.). I know Burma is not the only country like this. In the UK, as well as in NZ, we often take what we do have for granted - basic freedom. We are fortunate to have the choice of which peaceful, democratic country to go and live in - aren't we lucky.
Off the thread a bit, but on my mind this morning - sorry!!!

[Diny]

Debbie - brilliant post - agree with it all.

Diny