New Zealand - should we stay for family birthdays

katandbob

27th January 2006, 10:34 PM

well you know how they say when your feeling on top of the world...something comes along to burst your bubble....

well, my Sis in law, asks me calmly "when are you thinking of going", we said "after Rachels wedding, end may/1st wk June"

she said "arnt you staying for mums 60th!" :uhoh

Now we have the dilema of - STAY - not have as much time to get set up before the kids come out (or fly altogether - but the boys are adverse to no broadband!) - but the plus side is that we could save a bit more money, and I'd get to see grandson and daughter for a bit longer.

OR

Go, (personally my choice) and feel like heels! - eldest son says GO, I certainly wouldnt stop if it was you (charming!) oh and hes just informed me hes moving out into digs at college on the 1st Feb!! :( worried mother syndrome is starting)

I am going to check out flight prices and then have a good long chat with Rob, But BOY you think it will get easier when you get those lovely blue stickers -- It certainly doesnt feel that way at the minute!

sorry - for the Moan - but you're the only guys I can actually speak the truth to....

Kat :wah

willsken

28th January 2006, 01:45 AM

I say the same as you think. Go as you planned. Some times people say thing that make you feel bad without meaning to. If you let this make you change your plans something will always be here to hold you back.

Not the same thing I know but I have a grandmother in her 90's and when my sister and I were talking, she was horrified when I said that it would be hard to say goodbye to her knowing I will never see her again and that "no" I wouldn't come back for the funeral. She didn’t say it to make me feel bad just hadn’t thought of it before.

Good luck and I hope you do what makes YOU happy.

jubjub

28th January 2006, 05:09 AM

You could make arguments for staying or going, but if you stay, after your mums 60th, there will be the next question "are you staying for .....?" and you will never get here :)

How long a delay is it after the wedding? If its only a couple of weeks then maybe you could if you would feel real bad about going and missing it?

Families are a pain when moving over here, would you mum be real upset if you were not there? Only you can decide really, good luck.

sizzlingbadger

28th January 2006, 07:57 AM

My husband had the same problem last year as his mum turned 60.

We decided to go as planned in the April as his mum's birthday wasn't till the end of October. They came out at the end of November so we had our own celebration then.

How about organising a BIG family bash before you go to celebrate everyone's birthday and even an early Christmas. That way no one can say that you're being selfish by coming out here.

As JubJub said if you stay for your mum's 60th then it will be aren't you staying for this or that and you'll find yourself delaying every time.

Avalon

28th January 2006, 08:31 AM

I too am going to miss my Mum's 60th, as it falls during the 6 months she is in the UK. We were going to head back for it - but I have to go back earlier than that to see an old and very dear friend get married.

The fact is I just cant afford to do both, and as the timings dont coincide - something had to give. Fortunatly Mum was more than happy that I should go to the wedding instead.

Sometimes I wish we had wanted to emigrate to europe! It would never have been such an issue - but this was our dream, and as has been said - who many times can you put off living the dream?

You will find things like this are likely to crop up from time to time - but you are not being selfish if you choose to go ahead with your plans. Im with SB - throw a big bash for your mother early if you can, if you think that will help and your mum would appreciate it.

{{{HUGS}}}

Smiler

28th January 2006, 01:37 PM

Or spend the money shipping Mum out for a super dooper 60th birthday pressie?

D x

Avalon

28th January 2006, 06:46 PM

Or spend the money shipping Mum out for a super dooper 60th birthday pressie?

D x
What a stunning idea!

We actually though we might do this for mums 65th birthday - hopefully they will have residency by then - but we thought it would be grand to get flights for Her best friend to come out an visit as she is unlikey to able to afford the trip otherwise!

Moorf

28th January 2006, 08:11 PM

I missed my Dad's 60th and I was devastated (being a Daddy's girl and all that), but I just couldn't get back to the UK at the time :no ... if I could have been there I would, but when they come out in Dec this year we're going to have a ball and make up for it.

If we had put off coming here until every family birthday has passed something else would cropped up and eventually you're going to have to be absent at some bash or another, so probably best to stick to your original plans and plan a NZ party when they visit you (also means they have to visit!! ;) )

Better still, make her pressie a flight to NZ :nice1 (Edit: oops, someone suggested that already - great minds and all that...)

StevieD

28th January 2006, 08:57 PM

Oops, where to stop Kat? When you stay for that, then something else crops up - "What about aunt mabels 75th? You've always been sooooo close to her...."
I know what you mean because we are looking at being here (probably will be anyway) for Jan's mums birthday ( she is 60 in June). I know where you are coming from and it is just one of those things that you will have to deal with.

Good luck, see you at the meet!!

Steve and Jan

katandbob

29th January 2006, 06:14 AM

we went out last night with the bros and sis's and robs bro said get out there man!, its the girls that are the ones frowning at us, so I said to rob, find out what your mum actually wants - we can have a big party before we go...and I'll make some signs up for everyones birthdays!.....and I checked out the flights, they all go up after May.....

Rachels the one I am bothered about, and so if we leave on the 30th it gives us time to say good bye after she gets back off her honeymoon ....I think if I left it any longer I would crack up.....Cole is so adorable!(more pics on the way soon)

katandbob

29th January 2006, 06:15 AM

zardell

29th January 2006, 09:41 PM

Well, I have to say, I usually keep out of debates like this, your family - your decision -blah, blah, blah...........

However, just think on this......if we all had the same thoughts and views as your sister-in-law, we would all be staying in the U.K, celebrating our families birthdays, anniversaries etc. Maybe leaving the UK would never enter her head ?

We are not all the same and that doesn't make either you or your sister-in-law wrong - it just makes us all different and that's what makes the world go round isn't it ?

Just because you are going to live in NZ, doesn't mean you are severing all ties, or you don't care, it just means that you are a 24 hour flight away, instead of around the corner, but hey, you don't need me to tell you that do you?

Its like I've said on other threads, those 'big birds' that fly into NZ also fly the other way too !! In other words, its a 2 way street.

Don't let the onus and the pressure be put onto you......how would your sister-in-law like it if you insisted that she come with you to NZ and 'miss Mums birthday' ?

Leaving the people you love is hard enough. You don't need more pressure and it's up to you to make other people realise this.

Having said all that, we haven't told my M.I.L yet..........we too frikened !!

Good luck.

Julie

xx