[michala]

I have just emigrated from London to Auckland 10 months ago with my Kiwi husband. I am 30 years old and am finding it very hard to settle here. It seems that the chaos and fast pace of London of which I was happy to get away from I am now missing. I am missing a good old English pub, things to do, good shops and of course my family and friends.

I can see that the life in NZ is a far better place to bring children up, but I do not have any little ones at the moment.! All my husbands family live up here, and they are all really lovely but sometimes it just makes me feel further away from home being with them.

All of the above might sound negative and I know that in time it will get better but I guess that I am suffering from homesickness and it seems that everything looks like it's a pale shade of grey. Has anyone else experienced this whilst trying to settle... or is feeling the same too...?

Michala :wah (please excuse the crying face.... I nearly chose the one drinking beer but changed mind at the last minute.!)

[susanlin]

Hi Michala

I know just how you feel! See my thread - 'homesick - 6 months on........'

Sue

[lindajax]

Hi Michala,
I'm sorry to see your homesick and not settling as well as you anticipated :(

I have an idea for you and don't know if will help but here goes.
We are buying and persuading all our close friends and rels to get a webcam and microphone so we can see them regularly. Maybe you have them already and its not the same but its just an idea.

There are a couple of people in auckland on the forum and I myself with hubby and child will be comming out 31 Dec and living GOD KNOWS WHERE!!! :eek

Maybe if your still a little blue we could meet and offer each other abit of moral support :hopeso

hope you feel better soon - and remember the first year is the worst and homesickness is normal!!!

Love
linda xxx

[Timbo]

Hi Michala. I am sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down, but as you say, sit tight and it is sure to pass with time.
Lindas suggestion of web cams etc is a great one, I have been looking at the options here in anticipation of moving down to NZ.
Amstrad have recently released a video phone here in uk which allows users at both ends to see who they are talking to, live of course. They are retailing at £99 each but you can get a £20 refund if buying two. Buying two makes obvious sense as one is about as much use as a one legged man in an ar** kicking contest. These phones are possibly a good option for people who A; dont have a PC B; are not very computer minded (like my 72 year old Dad).
I am trying to establish wether they will work on anyting other than UK network. Will post here when I know for sure.
Chin Up.
Tim

[Pugwash]

Hi all,

I will try to be careful what I say - some of my previous postings have been taken the wrong way...

It's sad. What a bloody awful thing home-sickness is. Having been through this time and again, I think what we are really missing is familiarity. In actual fact, we're not really missing much at all. I have been home recently and I soon realised that all of the things and people that I craved were a bit of a let-down when I actually got them back.

(Oh, gosh, I have had too many wines tonight and am just READY for this posting.)

NZ is different. Yes, in places it is shabby and run-down. In other places it is absolutely beautiful. But everthing is new and strange to us. It's not home. Home is something ingrained since childhod, something we take for granted - and we have a sense of belonging for it that NOTHING will ever totally erase. But NZ is good. It really is.

Stop comparing. I did this all of the time when I first arrived and still do to some extent. NZ is NOT Britain. We speak the same language (sort of ay ?) but that's where the similarity ends. The culture (and lots more) is completely different.

It WILL take a while, but eventually you WILL start to recognise and appreciate just what this country has to offer. It's not about material things and certainly not about wealth - it's about lifestyle.

For the record, my son and mother-in-law arrived last week. My son is feeling very low. Missing friends terribly. We can relate to this and it has helped us to see just how much we have settled in that we don't feel quite the same way any longer. My mother-in-law is - well, just being my mother-in-law. My wife (not I) missed her terribly but can't wait till she goes home - she is so British !

We only THINK we miss things (and people). When we have them back, we realise we didn't really miss them at all. We just missed the familiarity. That fades - it really does - and your present surroundings and aquaintances soon become just as familiar. You would miss them too.

Someone mentioned web-cams. Do it ! We did from the start and it was our lifeline. Especially where our son was concerend. Get ADSL too. That way you can have the correct upload/download speeds which provide fluid movement and speech. We chatted all of the time to our son and his friends. We are encouraging all of our friends to get online too.

Don't despair. You ARE in a better place.

[jesselyn]

hi michala,

hugs...

jes :angel

[Diny]

The webcams are an absolute MUST for all concerned - the videophones sound good, but I too wonder whether they would work on overseas calls and other phone companies etc. (Not having the first clue about anything technical).

Pugwash - I found your comment about wanting the mother in law to leave because she's 'so British' abit odd - actually quite sad - but there again, I'm just abit of a sook when it comes to parents. When you say she's 'so British' I had to smile - I know what you mean. However - and I mean this in a light hearted way - I sometimes feel that 'bashing the British' makes folk feel more 'Kiwi-fied' .... in fact - you are British too.

It's a strange world we live in. :cheers

Diny

[Timbo]

You were right to be sceptical Diny. The Amstrad web site states that the video phone will only work on uk network.
Back to the drawing board for me. I dont think I will ever get the old man to use a web-cam.

[Moorf]

Pugwash - a week ago that post of yours wouldn't have rung true for me, BUT, just one week on it really, really does. A week ago I was "homesick", but I now realise it was the lack of familiarity and the rituals and habits of life in the UK.

Everything from grocery shopping to house hunting is different - yet familiar. It's hard to explain. :?

Don't get me wrong, I still get a little "pang" of homesickness when I speak to my brother online (Messenger) and he talks about the kids and my parents, but that happened when we lived at the other end of the UK from them too! It's natural.

But if you hold on to the idea that you are "missing out" or that things were better back home then you may find it takes rather longer for you to start integrating.

[leslie]

omigod...

i cannot wait to feel homesick! if it makes you feel any better life in england just gets worse by the hour. just last week people drove around a woman collapsed in the road - it turned out she'd survived an attack and dragged herself to the road - and not one crass soul bothered to stop... and this was gentil kent. i am glad people still want to live here as we have to sell our house, but i am soooooooooo looking forward to being back in nz and having the luxury of boredom. its like anything/ anywhere, you make your own life. you either grab it by the horns or let it trample you. in my experience - albeit 10 years ago - nz offers a huge amount of opportunity - and that is from someone who grew up in canada during its glory days. we are affluent londoners, my hub a young successful architect with his own practice, and still the restrictions shackle. what its like living here on less??? we are both dreaming the possibilities...

everyone always cites 'missing m&s' as a major trauma so lets put it in simple perspective - the way its going M&S won't be here in a few more years but all those people in kent will.

[Diny]

Leslie

Some valid points. The story about the poor old lady being stepped over in the street is depressing. However ....... it's not a new problem. Isn't the story about the good samaritan in the Bible along the same lines ..... and that wasn't London. Human nature will never change.

You mention that you are both 'affluent Londoners' - a status you have no doubt achieved through hard work and dedication. That same hard work and dedication won't necessarily make you 'affluent expats'.

I agree this country has gone downhill - and sadly will go down further - but I know for a fact that the opportunities we've experienced in this country have made our mortgage free, debt free move to NZ a reality.

There's a saying I love ..... 'don't cut down the tree that gives you shade - you never know when the sun will burn you'.

However ..... my excitement about getting back to NZ is bubbling over too, just waiting on the house sale ........ will anybody ever buy this place ????????

All the best

Diny

[chrissie]

Hi Michala
Sorry to hear you are feeling homesick. I know how you feel..only probably ten times worse!!

We arrived in Auckland late August and have desperately been looking for a decent house to buy since then. We are renting a depressing little place on the North shore and just can't find a house that I would feel happy living in...everthing smells damp and fausty (?). We were nearly tricked into buying a house that could have been prone to leaky building syndrome and now I am paranoid about buying a plaster sytem house, which rather limits our options!!

I wake up in a cold sweat every morning thinking 'what have I done?', bringing the family over here. Hopefully, we will find our own place very soon and once we start putting down some roots, things will start feeling better but at the moment I could quite happily get on the next plane home!! At 47, I keep thinking I'm too old to be starting out all over again. The exchange rate hasn't helped and our pounds are not going to go as far as we'd hoped when we were making our plans back in the UK.

Having said that, my youngest son (17) says he loves it here and doesn't want to go back to the UK. He started at college yesterday and says he spent the lunchtime watching rugby on the school fields against a backdrop of the ocean and Rangitoto island (have to admit it is stunning scenery).

Also, I guess the recent bad weather hasn't helped us to feel we've done the right thing in coming here, although I only have to read the international Daily Express to remind me of why we decided to come here in the first place!!

Anyway Michala, if you would like to get together for a chat/moan/cry on shoulder etc. I'd be happy to meet up anytime.

Chin up, things can only get better!!

[jo b]

I hope I spelled it right that's how best friend spelled it (sadly she passed away with breast cancer).

Homesickness is something you must go through it's like the side effects of any medication before you get better. That's the best analogy I can put to it.

The homesickness will get better, you must keep yourself busy, like medication the worse bits happen before you feel the true benefits.

(((hugs)))


Jo

[Soon2baKiwi]

Diny

You're very wise. My OH has already said to me that he will never knock here because it's given him the chance to go home with a decent deposit (not a chance of mortgage free unfortunately). I'm more against the country than he is but reading your post I realise that I shouldn't be. It's made me what I am, for better or worse, and if I wasn't in a relationship with a Kiwi I would probably be here for the rest of my life and it'd probably be ok. Anyway, thanks for that. :clap

[Diny]

Thanks for that Soon2.

Diny

[michala]

Thanks everyone for your support. I understand that it is only time until things get better but I really never knew that it would be this hard and that I would feel so shite and sad and I didn't realise the size of the rollercoaster that I would be riding. If I would of known about this website before the move then it would of been great to log on and suss it out as at least I would of known perhaps what to expect.!

I can understand what you say about missing familiarity, however my sister is like my twin and I am close to my Mum and Dad too.. nothing can replace those relationships and epsecially the special relationship I have with my sister, and in a sense I can't think of life without her, bringing up kids seperatly etc... this I find really hard to think about and I miss her all the time, yes, other friends you can meet, new relationships can be bound but nothing like a sister relationship.. maybe you have to experience this to understand that it's not familiarity that I miss.....!

I have a webcam, but it has not been broken in yet... but god bless email, and the fact that my boring temp jobs in the uk increased my typing speed so I can write novels to my friends in minutes.

I have also just started a full time degree here too, which is great as it keeps me busy and focused and I love it. It has it's downfalls though as I put all my stresses and engery into it.....and I have no outlet.... in time this will get better though.!

I also work out at the gym 5 times a week..and doing part time temp jobs to meet people. So to sum it up I have been trying to do everthing positive to help my situation.. but I suppose I have to go through this 'homesickness' regardless...........and that's what sucks..!!

[Michelle and Richard]

Hi Michala, Chrissie.

I'm in Auckland, not exactly home sick but can sympathise with many of your comments. I was so excited to be coming back here but its not excatly a barrel of laughs at the moment and feeling disppointed that all our hard work didn't really prepare us for what we were going to have to deal with.

Had quite a few ahhhh what have we done moments and its not easy.

Up for a meet if you want.

Michelle

[jo b]

You were right to be sceptical Diny. The Amstrad web site states that the video phone will only work on uk network.
Back to the drawing board for me. I dont think I will ever get the old man to use a web-cam.


Timbo

I don't know if this will help but does your local library have one as I know that councils are 'revving up' their computer access through libraries. If so the staff could help get him connected to you. Only draw back is the timing

Saturday morning will be your Saturday evening though.

Just a thought.

Jo

ps my mum and dad are taking computer lessons :eek

Jo

[Timbo]

Thanks Jo. It is not that a computer is not available, far from it. My Dad`s other half has in fact got 2 pc`s in the house, one with webcam. It is simply that he will not have a go. I think he is a bit scared of the technology, and probably thinks that he will destroy everything with the touch of a button. I`am sure he will come round when the time arrives.
Our local adult education centre offers free computer tuition to over 60`s.

[jesselyn]

ps my mum and dad are taking computer lessons :eek


umm im teaching my mom how to email (i already created a yahoo account for her)... while my dad knows how to text ;)

jes :angel

[Sarah Jane]

Hey Michala

Sad to see you're homesick but we're another member of this forum coming out to Auckland hopefully by mid Jan and we would appreciate loads of help if you're up for it.....might keep your mind off homesickness a little at least...especially as I'm a Londoner so we've got something in common.....and now we could have Acukland in common too.....whatdya think?

[kiwidebs]

I've lived in London for eight years and have had it the other way around. There are times I long for NZ - especially when my children were born and after my parents left after a month long visit. It passes and you get on with life again. It doesn't mean you don't miss friends and family and, yes, familiarity, but you have to count your blessings and enjoy what you have for the moment. Life's too short for wishing away. Oh dear, this all sounds a bit maudlin for a Saturday morning :uhoh .

Have a nice weekend all.

Debs