[Toronto_Kiwi]

My husband has just thrown off my 'let's start a family' plans by deciding that he really wants to move to New Zealand. In Canada we get combined parental benefits of up to 35 weeks (the government will pay for my husband to take time off too) plus I can take a whole year off from work. It sounds like I wouldn't get anything like this in NZ (plus I would feel pretty bad going there, getting a job, and then immediately getting pregnant).

Further note: I have citizenship by descent: I can't pass it on to any children born outside of NZ. If we move to NZ with a baby, we'll have to apply for a visa on their behalf.

If you were me... would you have a baby in Canada and then move to NZ, or move to NZ and then have a baby?

[jubjub]

Sounds like you would be better off in Canada with regards to leave etc, but then you have the citizenship prob, if a baby is born here to a permanent resident/citizen, then they are a citizenship automatically. http://www.dia.govt.nz/diawebsite.nsf/wpg_URL/Services-Citizenship-Index?OpenDocument

Have a look at this, http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3136&highlight=pregnancy, I put quite a bit of info about the NZ health system on there.

Parental leave does not come into effect until you have been with an employer for a while, and even then its not great.

http://www.ers.dol.govt.nz/parentalleave/

I think its one of those heart v head moments, you have to decide whats more important, the citizenship issue or the time off with the little one, combined with the desire to come to NZ asap.

When it came to it, we had little choice, we had waited for ages for both baby and nz, and they both happened together :laugh !

[Toronto_Kiwi]

Sounds like you would be better off in Canada with regards to leave etc, but then you have the citizenship prob, if a baby is born here to a permanent resident/citizen, then they are a citizenship automatically. http://www.dia.govt.nz/diawebsite.nsf/wpg_URL/Services-Citizenship-Index?OpenDocument

Have a look at this, http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3136&highlight=pregnancy, I put quite a bit of info about the NZ health system on there.

Parental leave does not come into effect until you have been with an employer for a while, and even then its not great.

http://www.ers.dol.govt.nz/parentalleave/

I think its one of those heart v head moments, you have to decide whats more important, the citizenship issue or the time off with the little one, combined with the desire to come to NZ asap.

When it came to it, we had little choice, we had waited for ages for both baby and nz, and they both happened together :laugh !

Thanks for your thoughts. I read through your thread about your pregnancy and it reassured me a bit about maternity care in NZ. I'm glad your pregnancy went so well!

[tigerlily]

I'd have the baby in Canada, closer to family, and then see if you still want to move. Having our kids was part of what made me want to move to NZ, or just out of the US. But it might have the effect of making you want to have the support of your family. Free babysitting is very nice.

[Toronto_Kiwi]

I'd have the baby in Canada, closer to family, and then see if you still want to move. Having our kids was part of what made me want to move to NZ, or just out of the US. But it might have the effect of making you want to have the support of your family. Free babysitting is very nice.

That's the number one thing that makes me want to have the baby here: family support is even more important than the parental leave benefits in Canada. I can't help thinking I'll feel very lonely with a new baby in Auckland even though I have some relatives there (2nd, 3rd cousins).

[Park City Partner]

TorontoKiwi, I am pregnant as well, 23 weeks at this point. I made my first trip over to NZ around 18 weeks and have just returned back to the States for about a month to finalize a few things for the move. I found a wonderful group, Shore Women, for my maternity care. I decided to go with a Dr with a mid-wife vs. just a mid-wife. It will cost $3000NZ but for me, given my situation, I feel it is not a time to worry about money. I feel very comfortable with this group.

I will be going back to NZ around 28 weeks and will be having the baby there. Her due date is July 10. I have been having a bit of a hard transition with the move and the hormones are certainly not helping. I haven't really made friends yet but I am hoping to meet some folks when I start the ante-natal classes. The good news is that my Mom (or Mum as they say) will be coming over for about a month in early July to help out which will be great.

I am not sure when you are coming over and when your baby is due, but let me know as I would love to connect and give you whatever support I can. We live in Glenfield which is on the northshore. So keep me posted and good luck!

[Oregonkiwi]

We had a similar decision. I'm a kiwi living in the US with my American husband. Objectively it would have made more sense to have our baby in NZ where I would have got 100% free prenatal care, childbirth, well baby checks, immunizations etc, plus had all my family nearby. Here in America we had to pay thousands of dollars for medical care and our nearest family (husband's parents) are an 8-hour drive away in California.

On the other hand, my husband was ready to have a baby, but he wasn't ready to move to NZ. So if we'd waited to be in NZ to have the baby, we'd still be waiting (and I would have spent the last 2 years listening to my biological clock approach 40...). As it is, we have an amazing 2 year old, and the memories of having to pay all those medical bills has faded. (It was tough raising a newborn without any family around, but then maybe raising a newborn is tough anyway? No way to know what might have been. )

I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have a baby. But you and your husband will know if now is the right time or if you really want to wait. Good luck!!

[Toronto_Kiwi]

I am not sure when you are coming over and when your baby is due, but let me know as I would love to connect and give you whatever support I can. We live in Glenfield which is on the northshore. So keep me posted and good luck!
Thanks so much for sharing! I'm afraid I'm not pregnant yet, just worrying obsessively. It's wonderful that your Mum can join you. I'll be joining my sister in Montreal at the end of June to help take care of her two-year-old while she's in labour etc. From her experiences I know that it's really great when a family member can be around the house for the first few weeks.
I'd really like to hear more about your experiences with pregnancy and the move. Keep me posted if you have time!

[ruthyroo]

Hey there

Your situation mirrors mine a bit.. before we headed out here nearly two years ago we were in the early stages of preparing to work up to maybe considering the vague possiblity of trying for kids (can you tell we were a bit hesitant - not cos we didn't want to but it is a big step!). In the event we decided to put it off for a year and come out here and see how it went. And what has happened? Well as life often does it threw up lots of complications - bad job leading to a period of misery all round (and no desire to procreate) and then a relocation - and me starting again with a new employer, another year to go for even the measly NZ parental leave provisions... I remember saying to Mr Rr at the breakfast table sitting in Edinburgh "...but this isn't going to interrupt our plans to TTC in the next year is it?" That was over two years ago and we still haven't even agreed to start trying because things have been so up in the air...

FWIW I would think really hard about the implications of stepping into the unknown of a new life down under as well as starting a family. On the other hand I am really glad we've done this while we've had the financial and personal freedom to totally please ourselves while out here. My advice would be, if you are young enough to put off TTC for a couple of years, and travel's what you want to do, then go for it and get your asses out here and have some fun. If not, and having babies is the number one priority (for age / whatever reasons) then go for that - but stay in Canada for now and don't add to the stress unnecessarily. NZ isn't going anywhere - it'll still be here once you have kids - just it'll be a different experience. And cynic as I am I would make very sure that your OH isn't seeing heading off to NZ as a way of putting off the babies decision!! I know it was a bit for both of us, but wasn't the most sensible decision in retrospect.

[Toronto_Kiwi]

Hey there
FWIW I would think really hard about the implications of stepping into the unknown of a new life down under as well as starting a family. On the other hand I am really glad we've done this while we've had the financial and personal freedom to totally please ourselves while out here. My advice would be, if you are young enough to put off TTC for a couple of years, and travel's what you want to do, then go for it and get your asses out here and have some fun. If not, and having babies is the number one priority (for age / whatever reasons) then go for that - but stay in Canada for now and don't add to the stress unnecessarily. NZ isn't going anywhere - it'll still be here once you have kids - just it'll be a different experience. And cynic as I am I would make very sure that your OH isn't seeing heading off to NZ as a way of putting off the babies decision!! I know it was a bit for both of us, but wasn't the most sensible decision in retrospect.

Thanks for your thoughts. You've confirmed what I've been thinking: if we go to NZ, hold off on the baby for a while. I'm turning 32 at the end of the month and even though my sister was 36 when she had her first perfectly healthy child - I don't want to wait too much longer. I'm a little wary of my OH's (subconscious) motives too: he's not as ready as me for a baby (I don't feel very ready but rationally I have biological imperatives). Maybe we'll plan to spend one working year in NZ and make further plans after taking our bearings.

[Toronto_Kiwi]

... As it is, we have an amazing 2 year old, and the memories of having to pay all those medical bills has faded. (It was tough raising a newborn without any family around, but then maybe raising a newborn is tough anyway? No way to know what might have been. )

I guess I'm really fortunate to have the option of two countries where maternity health care is paid for: yeek American health care costs! I'm so glad to hear that you have a lovely 2-year old now and it's all worked out.

[mossum]

Hi

we've been trying 3 years - as yet no luck - no medical reasons just undiagnosed infertility ! ?!?! we're starting to crack on a bit I'm 34 DH 37 so hardly over the hill . We're kinda hoping new country new baby .... UK would have been better but after so long any baby anywhere would be amazing :o

Oh just to add assisted conception is not our cup of tea .

vic x

[Toronto_Kiwi]

Hi

we've been trying 3 years - as yet no luck - no medical reasons just undiagnosed infertility ! ?!?! we're starting to crack on a bit I'm 34 DH 37 so hardly over the hill . We're kinda hoping new country new baby .... UK would have been better but after so long any baby anywhere would be amazing :o

Oh just to add assisted conception is not our cup of tea .

vic x

Some friends of mine have been trying for a long time too. You never know what will happen to your body when you move home. I hope NZ water & air is a magic fertility drug for you!

[tamrib]

TorontoKiwi I don't know if you're still checking this thread or not but thought I'd post anyway.

We just moved to NZ from Nova Scotia in March. We were here for nearly a year back in 2002 and decided to go back to Canada because I do have fertility issues and wanted to pursue further treatment with my own doctor. And, for the record, both my husband and I are from the Toronto area originally and our parents still live there.

A lot has happened over the past 4 years including a lot of medical treatments for infertility, a pregnancy and then the loss of that pregnancy about halfway through. Throughout all of that time, we had a lucrative job offer here in NZ to consider but kept turning it down because I wanted to be closer to family etc. In my situation, even if I stayed in Canada, I wouldn't have had a lot of support from family since they all lived in another province. I think in a lot of cases, if the family is more than 1 or 2 hours drive away, there is less support being offered than one might expect.

Coming back to NZ was something that we both really wanted to do and now, when I look back, I wish that we hadn't waited for 3 years to make the decision. Trying to start a family can become all consuming, especially for those of us who are unlucky to have fertility issues and I'm disappointed that I let that become the focus of my life for so long. I think of all the things I didn't do because of infertility and thinking "gee, I might get pregnant this month" and it makes me quite cranky! And I know that I'm not the only infertile to experience this.

Now we're in NZ and having a great time. I have enrolled to go back to school and we currently undergoing our fourth (and most likely last) cycle of IVF. I wish that we had come here sooner because i have found the change to be very refreshing and something that I really needed. I still have my worries about having a child so far away from home and family (if the cycle works) but I can always move back and I know that the maternity care here is wonderful.

I say, if you have the opportunity to come to NZ, then just do it. Everything else will fall into place and what's the worst that can happen really? Every decision can be reversed, but making a move like this will be a lot less appealing after you've had a baby I"d bet.

Good luck!