[Tia Maria]

My son, (age 4), has started having nightmares. I should add that he has been very happy in New Zealand, and absolutely loves his new pre-school. However, all the big changes have obviously had an affect.

We did do quite a bit of travelling before, which we thought could be unsettling, however, the nightmares started once everyday life started. Maybe, he's just got time to think now.

Did anyone else's children experience this? If so did it last long?

Anyone got any general advice on how to tackle nightmares in toddlers?

I saw a programme where they gave a little girl a nightlight, and told her it was a fairy to look after her. However, I've just spent the last few nights telling him monsters are not real, so I'm not sure I should go this route.

It seems a pity, when he's so happy in the day, that he gets so worried at night.

Cheers

Tia

PS I've tried the usual, night lights, teddy bears and he also shares a room with his brother.

[Debbie]

Tia,
Big hug to you and your little boy.
I can't be much help only to say that the nightmares may have nothing to do with your move to NZ. My little boy grow into nightmares at about 3yr and we have patches of them still (he's 4.5). He is a happy, well adjusted, popular, healthy little boy with an over active immagination. Occasionally we think we can say what triggers a bad night, (Dad going away, him seeing scooby doo (sp) on the TV) but more oftern not. We have a special teddy, (soft dog to be precise) which we told him was mummy's when I was little and very special and he could have it on loan when ever he felt the need and this dog looked after mummy and made mummy feel safe at night and would do the same for him. You know the type of thing. Sometimes it helps, sometimes Im up in the night my little boy tells me the dog is barking and waking him up!
When this started I felt very guilty that I had missed some distress my son was in but now I realy don't think that's the case. He is just blessed and cursed with an active mind.
Debbie
Debbie

[MB]

Tia - first thought is, have you had time to do an Internet search on how/whether to tackle this? A few keywords typed into Google, plus a trawl of a dozen results to see whether any consistent or intuitively 'right' ideas jump out at you, might be worth 20 minutes of your time.

I do like the tone of Debbie's reply. Her notion of this being just a situation that is "there", rather than being really-obviously attributable to a key cause or event, strikes a chord with me. It also makes me wonder whether part of your approach might be to have a nice chat whereby you let your son know simply that everyone has nightmares and also that they are "fine" to have. The part of this chat with him that refers to the universality of nightmares might help reassure him (maybe you can even gently confide one or two of your own to him??), and the part of the chat that gives him "permission" to have nightmares might help to dislodge any subconscious tension he's picked up on from your own perfectly understandable puzzlement as to why he's having these dreams.

By the way my ideas in the above paragraph are just things that occur to me this evening... I'm not trained in anything to do with dreams.
We have a 3 year old son but the only significant dream-related thing he seems to have done is to talk recently about one dream (we think it was a dream) he had, with his kindy teacher. He just wanted to talk to her about it at length: not have a dialogue so much as just talk.

All the very best! :nice1

[Avalon]

I saw a programme where they gave a little girl a nightlight, and told her it was a fairy to look after her. However, I've just spent the last few nights telling him monsters are not real, so I'm not sure I should go this route.

PS I've tried the usual, night lights, teddy bears and he also shares a room with his brother.

First off- no kids - so obviously no actual experience - but I have to say this sounds like a lovely idea. Im a huge candelight fan, and even now, if i fall assleep with one burning - it gives an incredible sence of peace if i happen to wake in the night.

And I dont think it will matter that hes been told monsters arent real. Dont most chlidren seem to accept this contraditions much more readily than we do?

[MB]

Another thing, Tia: my wife Vera has just come in to the room and said that children do start to have nightmares at somewhere round about 5 years old, and that that is likely normal neurological development. Again, the idea here is that his nightmares are just "there" and even -- perhaps, in a sense -- inevitable. :)

And just in case we're sounding -- with all this easy talk of inevitable development, etc., etc. -- a bit breezy, fear not. Our own little lad broke his leg yesterday and has to be off his feet completely for weeks, with the subsequent effects on everyone's sleep and behavior. And we have some other fairly large logistical things coming up next week. So we're not exactly sitting here being fanned by servants while we drink mint juleps, dispensing our opinions: we like to think we're near, if not in, the trenches, at least a little bit! :laugh :laugh

Oh, and as Vera has just said as a parting shot, don't forget that eating cheese might cause nightmares too.

Have a great weekend.

[Smiler]

Another thing, Tia: my wife Vera has just come in to the room and said that children do start to have nightmares at somewhere round about 5 years old, and that that is likely normal neurological development. Again, the idea here is that his nightmares are just "there" and even -- perhaps, in a sense -- inevitable. :)

And just in case we're sounding -- with all this easy talk of inevitable development, etc., etc. -- a bit breezy, fear not. Our own little lad broke his leg yesterday and has to be off his feet completely for weeks, with the subsequent effects on everyone's sleep and behavior. And we have some other fairly large logistical things coming up next week. So we're not exactly sitting here being fanned by servants while we drink mint juleps, dispensing our opinions: we like to think we're near, if not in, the trenches, at least a little bit! :laugh :laugh

Oh, and as Vera has just said as a parting shot, don't forget that eating cheese might cause nightmares too.

Have a great weekend.

Well Big hugs to Winston and you guys too for next week. Hope it all works out for you.

Don't bother with mint juleps, just hit the Jack Daniels.:D

[Marie P]

Matt..........Winston has broke his leg ...........how did that happen .......poor little man .

Best wishes to you and Vera ,and a big hug for Winston .

Marie x

PS what about medical costs ?

[MB]

Cheers so much, Marie (and Smiler). Just to hijack the thread for a moment (sorry!) :

just as he and I reached the bottom part of a slide yesterday -- at a pretty ordinary, not-too-fast speed -- his left foot wrapped round my calf and got squeezed between that and the slide plastic. He has a spiral fracture of his tibia. Plaster cast is on right now, the fibre-glass one to come after the weekend.
He is being so good, sitting in our excellent, cheap Briscoe's foldable recliners that are perfect for this kind of thing, watching DVDs and going to the hospital for check-ups, etc.
We have to pause to plan some moves in advance - e.g., lifting him on and off the potty, etc. But he's doing terrifically.
As far as I know he is 100% covered by ACC except if we opt for waterproof lining to his fibre-glass cast next week. That'd cost a little.
Cheers again! Hope you're doing excellently!

[kiwidebs]

Oooh ouch - poor Winston. Sending big cyber hugs to all of you! Hope he's feeling better soon.


And Tia - I'm with the others on the nightmare thing. I definately think alot of kids go thru this as a normal part of development. If he seems happy and settled during the day then I wouldn't worry that he's too traumatised - I think he'd be showing signs of stress during the daytime too in that situation. Not sure how to deal with the stressful nights though. Good luck and let us know if you discover any useful answers.

Debs

[jubjub]

Big cuddles to poor Winston, wont be running about after that ball of yours for a while eh?

Tia, http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3/Specific%20Concerns%20and%20Problems/nightmares.htm, found this on a parenting forum I read, hope its of some use... big cuddles for your little one too

[Tia Maria]

Thanks for all the replies, we're trying lots of your suggestions.

Debbie - you described my little boy exactly. He's always had an over active imagination, which is actually brilliant most of the time. But it also means he picks up on things other children wouldn't take a second look at.

Recently we've had a problem with a few NZ adverts. One of the adverts in particular, is when a couple are fighting over driving the car. My 2 year old thinks its hilarious, especially when one puts out the fire on his head, by dunking it in a goldfish bowl. But the 4 year old wants to know why they are hurting each other, and is worried for them both. I found muting the sound seems to lessen the impact. He's also scared of the advert for childhood cancer, where the cartoon girl need to fight monsters - he worries because no one will help her.

On the up side, he's very socially mature, as he understands about others feelings. Creates wonderful stories and pictures. And can comprehend a lot of adult concepts. He is very confident at preschool, and will try new things (apart from foods - but that's different issue!).

Its reassuring to know, that this is the age when nightmares can start, so hopefully it is just a developmental thing, and we'll just try to help in through it.

Cheers

Tia

[Mexican in NZ]

Hi tia!
Well, i do not have any children yet, but in one recent class of psychology my teacher said that in some studies they have found that children that have nightmares are more likely to have a high temperature in their bodies while sleeping, so the study recomends that parents give a bath to the children and try to work out something with the room temperature so they dont get hot during their sleep and in consecuence do not get nightmares. Also do like my mom use to she will ask us what was bodering us and make a laugh of the issue (making a joke or a silly story about it) we will use to have a laugh and then no more nightmare.
Hope this helped u!
Best of Luck and God Bless u and ur boy!
Adriana

[StevieD]

It is just a kid thing - they all go through it. I know, I been woken up many times by little hands on my face, frightening the life out of me in the middle of the night!

He'll be allright in the end, don't think it is anything to do with NZ in particular, just the fact that the little feller is probably overwhelmed by it all - as anyone would be.

And nightmares don't just affect the kids either - I have them all the time :laugh

[shagen]

Hi Tia, This is a little different way to deal with nightmares. Our son had this problem and di not want to sleep alone in his room nor did he wanted to turn the lights off at night. I feel that nightmares are just a state of mind when you go to bed. So what we did was this.

When we flew here, it was a overnight flight and the crew handed over shades that covered your eyes to help you sleep. I told my son that by keeping those shades by his bedside, you will prevent nightmares from getting to you. Of course we had to do it with a straight face. He has since called it his "nightmare blocker" and has not had a single nightmare. Initially, he made sure he had it by his bedside each night.

It has been 9 months now and he has almost forgotten about the existence of his "nightmare blocker" but the it helped him to divert one of his anxieties that made him uneasy.

I think nightmares are a state of mind you go to bed in. And the sense of belief one has that something will work is so strong with kids especially. So knowing something is there to help usually helps, even if it just a shade. Our son was 6 years old.

Hope this "remedy" is helpful to you. We are happy to sell you brand new "nightmare blockers" or pre loved, tested and proven "nightmare blockers" if that would help!:laugh We'll be happy to introduce our "nightmare blocker" to you too Stevie D :clap .

Shagen & Vera

[Debbie]

Interesting theroy Mexican,
My little lad has always had a tendancy to run hot at night and complains if his room is to warm, (above 17) and always has a summer quilt only or nothing to sleep under. Next time we have a bout of nightmares Ill remember and check his temp.
At least he should be happy in a NZ house.
Debbie

[bob_the_engineer]

Hi Tia Maria, Just an odd comment,

My sister had a terrible time with her son of about the same age. She’d moved house and suddenly the nightmares started.

My nephew, who before the move slept soundly every night, started to wake up most nights crying and describing nightmares.

She eventually figured out the problem (how odd is this) it was the heating system! He was simply so hot at night that it disturbed his sleep and brought on nightmares.

I know, probably not relevant to you, but I thought I’d mention it just in case.

Hope your little one is feeling better :)

Best wishes Bob

[baboonworld]

No nightmares with our little monkey - but she has started squinting (she knows she is doing it but cant control it).

When she is concentrating on something (like counting from 30 backwards) she doesnt do it. But as soon as she has finished it starts again.

Really upsetting us cos people are starting to notice - it happened once before (about 12 months ago) when she was about to start school or we were going away or moving house or something - but it went away when we stopped mentioning it. Problem it - is it really hard not to mention!

Anyone had any similar "tics"?

[willsken]

Again maybe it won't work in this case, but a friend of mines son started having nightmares and she bought a "Dream Catcher" that he made sure no bad dreams could get to him. It worked a treat. A couple of years on and I think he still has it. I suppose it depends what causes the dreams, on what will work.