[bpk]

Hello folks

despite the many years I have spent away from homeland, still being afraid of travelling to NZ. Maybe becuase it is very far a way from any part of the world? or maybe the large time difference,..or,...

Do you have the same feeling? what is it like the first period of being in NZ?



regards,

[zardell]

Hi bpk.

I cant answer your question about how one feels after first arriving in NZ, because we are still in the UK, but I don't think that you are alone in feeling as apprehensive as you do......surely thats a normal reaction.

If its not a normal reaction, then there's something wrong with me too.......

Julie

xx

[Hannah]

Hi bpk,

We came from the UK so I guess that's about as far away as you can get. The first few days were weird - my hubby and I walked around our rental house looking at each other with the expression that doesn't need words...it kind of said 'what have we done?' and 'what are we doing here?'. Everything felt weird - the roads were wider, the pedestrian crossing signals were different, road rules were different, houses looked strange etc. Extreme jet lag doesn't help that - I would have felt weird in the UK if I went without 36 hours sleep!

Within a week I very strongly wanted to go home! Within a month things got better - plants didn't seem so strange, houses started to look more normal and I knew my way around the place a bit. I'd overcome the fear of driving I had when I arrived and started to apply for jobs. However, I was still a bit unhappy at times and wanted to go home. The summer holidays came and brought with it a looming 7 weeks at home on my own with my children with little money (we were on a tight budget). Hubby was working about 14 hours a day (his job was based locally, in terms of his office, but he was required to travel as much as 2 1/2 hours to do electrical fitting work).

The turning point for me was when I went away on a weekend residential trip with my son (swimming competition). I made it my mission to come home knowing the names of every single parent who came along. We cooked, eat and cheered our children on together and by the end of the weekend I felt I had some friends - people I now knew well enough to pop over for a cup of tea and mindless chatter (I like that sort of thing!).

When I came home from the trip I had some friends, and New Zealand was a totally different place for me. New Plymouth had started to feel like home as I had recreated some of the things that were important to my feeling of wellbeing.

It took me three months to start feeling settled - some feel settled within weeks, others never feel settled. It depends, I guess, on what we are looking for and what is important, what can be recreated in a new country (such as friends) and what can't (close family, scenery, weather etc).

Now I have a job that, I feel, expects me to work my butt off 8 hours a day in the office and several hours at home each evening. Many other people in my office work at home routinely to keep up with the workload. They log into the work intranet and clear emails after their evening meal. I've so far resisted doing that (out of principle and because I have children) but I'm getting further behind.

It doesn't matter how much I'm paid, how many friends I've got, how nice the weather and scenery etc. - I now feel unhappy and unsettled again. That's not because of New Zealand, it's because of my job. My worry is that if I take another lower paid job we won't be able to afford to stay here anyway! Still, that's life and I'm sure it will all work out fine in the end.

I read once on this forum that when things are going well financially/job /relationship wise New Zealand can feel like the greatest place in the world but when those things are not going well all the scenery in the world can't make you see past your problems.

Get those things right and you are going a long way towards feeling settled and happy!!!

Good luck!

[MB]

bpk,

Hi. It certainly is quite a distance and I know what you mean about the chunky time difference! One enormous counter-balance, though, is surely provided by technology: wherever one is from, it is now only hours away rather than weeks. And cheaper phone plans, e-mail and digital images make staying in touch very vivid and more affordable than it once was.

Another intersting phenomenon, which might oddly serve as a kind of reassurance, is that homesickness and culture shock can affect you -- if it does at all -- in very surprising ways.
E.g., I spent a lot of my childhood at or near home partly because of illness, and didn't go abroad anywhere until I was in my 20s. So you'd have thought I would be a prime candidate for being broadsided by homesickness here and, earlier, in the US where I lived for a decade. But so far, it hasn't been really unpleasant. What is on my mind a very great deal is the effect our physical distance can have on our son's grandparents and on our other family/pals.

Also, I'm starting to observe in people that the place one is homesick for, if at all, is not necessarily one's birth country, or childhood country.

So it's perhaps a matter of embracing the adventure and seeing how we actually feel, rather than what we think we will feel. To quote Shakespeare for the second time today :) :laugh, the fear associated with the anticipation of homesickness brings to mind Caesar's wistful, wonderful comment:

"I rather tell thee what is to be fear'd
Than what I fear..."

so much as to say that Caesar reminds me here that there is a real difference between what we generally, fuzzily think might be scary out there, and what (if anything) we actually find scary once we get cracking.

Funnily enough, I suppose what I'm suggesting is almost the opposite of what Caesar was admitting about himself, in that I think it can be positively encouraging that our own particular experience can turn out so different from what we anticipated.

All the very best, friend! :nice1

[Hannah]

Absolutely Matt!

All the things that I thought would be a problem here were not, and yet the things that made life difficult in the early days came out of the woodwork when i was least expecting them.

I was the optimistic one before we left for NZ - I believed I'd just walk in and be fine, I was the one that could live in the deepest darkest jungle with just a good book for company and I'd be fine. I thought hubby, being more 'serious' than me, would struggle. I thought my easy going son would be fine and my clingy daughter would struggle.

Hubby did more worrying before we left. He was fine (had no energy left to fuel worry). Daughter was fine. Son was lost, and I was lost with him.

All the things that I thought would be hard (setting up house/bills, applying for PR, getting jobs, shopping etc) were easy and the things I thought would be easy (such as finding friends and just fitting in) were difficult or took longer than expected.

In the early days I wrote a post titled "Assume Nothing" and that's my only advice. Research what you can, come as prepared as you can, but assume nothing!

[Kim39]

I don't like coming across this type of thread, but when i read them it makes me realise that i'm not on my own.

We came from the UK 5.5 months ago, and we had done as much research into this country that was possible, but knowing that we could have done more. First feeling was a feeling of, jeeze we are here, but why?? and as the days progressed into weeks, and then into months i realised that i was homesick, but only for my job. I am here as a truck driver, and realise that the industry is so far behind the rest of the world, that it is very hard to get my head round half the things that truckers and the industry do out here. The rules and regs haven't changed for 44 years, the equipment, job description, all different from the UK. So in that sense this is why homesickness to a certain degree kicked in for me. As for the rest of the family, well they are well settled i think.

Yes NZ is different from many things that we have or have known in the UK, and these things have already been noted by Hannah. Now one thing that has helped me settle is joining the local football team. This is something which has created a network for me, and hope to get contacts from it. It also helps us integrate into the community i suppose, and we get to know some kiwi's instead of relying on the ex-pats. So i suppose i am a little better in my own mind than i was, say about 4-6 weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, but if somebody gave me a ticket to return tomorrow i would seriously look at it, but why should i drag 3 happy people back to somewhere they don't want to be, i would just be walking straight into a divorce the moment we touched down.

I suppose i just have to hope things will get easier or better over the coming months, and if they do or don't you will be hearing from me again.

Kim

[Lukas]

I would agree with you.

First the life style you are dreaming about will be determined by the kind of job you can find in NZ. Although I have been working from the first week in NZ like an animal…I was trying every day to go to sleep as late as possible to extend the time of freedom between two working days.
Another set back was the weather, the harsh sun, bright day light causing continuaous pain to my eyes, the very cold sea water, windy beaches…
I love New Zealand…and its people, and I miss it every time after a while…that’s why I am coming back every year for few months…however then after a while I return to Romania, where at least I have a professional position, I can lay on the beach all day without harm. The trip as such is not a problem…nowadays. However…Ideally I would like the kind of job allowing me to stay 4-5 months per year in NZ and the rest of the year in Europe. Is it possible…who knows…

[Howie]

I just wanted to add that yes it's hard at first. Well, I'm still in the first stages, having only arrived in NZ about 5 weeks ago. We're lucky that we have good jobs and so far I think my job here will be better than the job I had in the US. Same type of thing, but NZ seems more advanced, which means more interesting work. I've only been working for 2 weeks, so we'll see if that changes.


We've been so busy finding housing, cars, furniture, jobs, etc that I feel we haven't had a chance to really enjoy our new country. It occurred to me that most of the Kiwis I've met have been used car salesmen. Not a good first impression. It's also been hard to make friends. I'm not really a social person, so it's surprised me how much it bothers me not to have any friends. It's strange that the phone never rings. I was talking with a friend of mine who has moved a lot and she reminded me that it just takes time and that friends and other fun things will come in time. She said it has been her experience to give a new place a year - then you'll really know if you like it or not.

[Cardy]

I think its only normal to feel a bit homesick and yes lots of things are different but thats why we all wanted to come isnt it because wherever we came from we werent happy and thought NZ would be better.I have good days and bad days ,been here since march 9th and its gone like lightning . My house sale in UK hopefully finalises in england touch wood onthe 28th april and ive been asking all the family if they are all sure NZ is for them,so if theres any doubt i can call the sale off ,but the kids love it here and are already settled so i think we are just going to get on with it.I didnt like my job at first and was really unhappy but its getting better ,were making new friends ,especially with you lot from the forum and that helps a lot and you can always bend someones ear on the forum,theres always an answer.When things are really bad i think of how much we tried to get here and how upset we were when we had setbacks.Can anyone remember my DEVASTATED message when the house sale fell through. Lots of you had similar set backs and some have got through and some are still trying ive collected my first NZ wage ,that felt good.Weve had some good trips out the kids are happy .
So the Cardys are in for the long haul hope your all staying as del boy would say YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE RODNEY Cheers Cardy :cheers

[bpk]

Thanks all for contribution. Well I have already a job and I think it is good. In the last 10 years I have been living in different countries but not my homeland. However, NZ seems to me something different than any other country.

Maybe I would ask the question in another way: What things make this feeling:
Is it the distance ? or what? I believe that every new move regardless where to will be difficult at the begining even moving in the same city from house to another. But I did not mean this difficulty by my question or the difficulty of getting a job. What I mean is that does the geographical location and/or the time difference increase this feeling?

[marcia]

What wonderful honest, warts and all posts, from the heart! This is what makes the forum so great, people open up and tell how it is for them, to give the rest of us an insight into what to expect.

Kim - good on yer getting into the footy at your age!!!! :p

Seriously - we have already said finding an opening to make contacts and new friends is sooooo important. We will (hopefully if we ever get there!) have the stock cars to open the door for us, in fact we found our contacts list expanded rapidly when Kev raced out there on our reccy trip, so we could see then how good it will be.

Hope all of you remember how hard you worked to get out to NZ and the reasons why you chose to leave the Uk, and thanks again for opening your hearts to tell us how it really is! :clap

[Hannah]

Is it the distance ? or what? I believe that every new move regardless where to will be difficult at the begining even moving in the same city from house to another. But I did not mean this difficulty by my question or the difficulty of getting a job. What I mean is that does the geographical location and/or the time difference increase this feeling?

Hi Bpk,

I'm not sure that it is the time difference or geographical location that led to me feeling the way I did when I arrived. Even if I moved just a few hours away from where I lived I would have to reestablish my life - for example my children would have to start new schools, I would have to start a new job, my friendships would inevitably change. I moved a few years ago to a new house just 2 hours away from where I had lived all my life. In the 8 years since I moved I think I have been back just 5 times - the reality of getting on the motorway and trudging back there to see friends just never happened. I made new friends in my new area and kept in touch with my old friends by email and phone. I found that once I made new friends then I rarely thought of where I lived before. I still keep in touch with really good friends by phone - those friends that i've had for years and who I don't need to physically 'see' in order to maintain a friendship (maybe that's a 'woman thing'?)

Not once have I thought while i'm here "oh it's so far away" or "it would take so long to get 'home' ". Whether it's a 24 hour plane journey or a 2 hour car journey makes no difference (although the cost of making those journeys is of course the real issue and ultimately a real barrier if i DID want to visit old friends!!). I felt lost without friends and would have felt just as lost if I moved 30 miles up the road. The differences due to NZ being a different country (different shops, houses, rules, etc) made things difficult too, but then this would be the same I guess if I just moved across the channel to France (and NZ does at least speak the same language as me which helps!).

Does that make sense?

I would point out that I have very little family in UK and not close to the small amount I do have! I guess for me that makes being so far away easier?

[K&CS]

Hi

I can really relate to what Hannah has just said. We've only been here 7 weeks, so I've no idea what lies ahead of me by way of homesickness, but we also have very little family in the UK, so that has definitely made the move easier. Also, my good friends who I'd known for years were scattered throughout the UK anyway and I still keep in touch with them the same as I used to - quite often we'd only meet up once a year.

We moved around quite a bit in the UK over the last few years and, funnily enough, the people I'm missing now, I didn't even know 3 years ago. If I were to move away from here in 3 years, I'm sure there would be people I would miss who I haven't even met yet.

As someone else on this thread has also said, it is strange the phone not ringing. The girls have been at school for 4 weeks and I'm getting to know some people, but it will be a while before real friendships develop. That's just something you have to accept - there won't be a bunch of people waiting for you at the airport saying 'be my friend' (unless you happen to be greeted by Diny!!!).

I've been surprised that I'm not really feeling homesick, although it will be a long time before I feel that this is home and where I belong. It's all exciting at the moment. Of course I miss my friends, but we'll see them again.

I think the first few days are the hardest, when you're getting over the lack of sleep and jetlag. It can make you feel very negative and it is a bit strange suddenly arriving on the other side of the world on a completely different time zone and season. You get used to it pretty quickly though. The only advice I can give is to stay positive. If a pang of homesickness hits you, ride it out - it will pass and remind yourself of your reasons for doing this and also how you would feel if you went back to your home country.

Try not to worry - what will be will be.

Kate

[sarahw]

Hi bpk

We've been here since beginning Jan '05. I thought I'd be the last person to get homesick and I didn't at all... until the London bombings. That only lasted a few days though but it was an awful feeling. The first year is the most difficult - I feel this year that I have such good friends here & you certainly find out who your friends are at home by who bothers to keep in touch. The first few weeks pass in a blur of setting up home, getting everything sorted & then you have tonnes of free time & not many people to get together with - so make sure you network & try & make friends, chat to the neighbours - you'll soon make great friends. After only 2 weeks of living next door to my neighbour we were having real heart-to-hearts. If you've got kids as well you'll have no probs in bumping into people - one of my friends moved over with a 2 year old & now is mostly too busy for us to catch up - she goes out walking with them, to swimming classes with the kids & shopping etc. & is having an absolute ball! She's made a great circle of friends & is really settled.

Ian had some really close friends from his teenage years - a group of lads, whilst he hasn't come across that he has made some really great friends - one is nearly as close as the lads. (He met him in the first couple of weeks & was really lucky - he's the kid of fella you could phone in the middle of the night if there was a problem). We've both missed different things and at different times but not so that it makes life terrible. Ian misses his Dad & his mates and his sister (who only lives in Melbourne so we get to see her quite regularly) & for me my nephew & niece and some of my friends.

We speak regularly to family & friends via web-cam & telephone, letters, gifts, photos, our website and e-mail - my parents & I speak more often than they speak to my brother & he lives walking distance & they have his kids 2 days a week! Mum & I often e-mail twice a day every day (they were completely computer illiterate before we moved here!) and neither of us miss each other because we feel like we're only round the corner. We speak to Ian's sis in Aus twice a week which is great & was one of the reasons we moved here to be closer to her.

My parents have been out once & are planning to come out every year - already having booked next year's trip (the day the flights became available!) and Ian's Dad is coming out to spend Xmas with us & we had our wedding here in January where lots of friends travelled from all over the world to come.

I spent the whole first year comparing NZ to the UK & now much less so. I also missed things from home like different make-ups & clothes shops etc. But Mum just asked what I miss - she was going to send a birthday gift & there really is nothing I want sending!!

Personally, I think its all down to your attitude and if you come knowing that you're going to have some difficult days but that you really need to make the effort & get out there then you can and will settle and be very happy.

[bpk]

I would point out that I have very little family in UK and not close to the small amount I do have! I guess for me that makes being so far away easier?


You are absolutely right!! I believe that when one have a big family in Homeland, then this feeling is huge.

[mossum]

I'd like to add that I'm terrified at the thought of leaving the UK !!!

To make matters worse I grew up in NZ - & all my family is there . I just have never lived there as a bonafide "adult" - I've come to realise that your own world is where you live & are happy - as a teen I paid no attention to my surrounds in NZ .

I think I'm nervous of the unknown - as well as being very EXCITED .

I'm finaly realizing that change needs to be embraced

vicx

[zardell]

I've come to realise that your own world is where you live & are happy

I'm finaly realizing that change needs to be embraced

vicx



Ooooh well said Vic.

Personally, I have never experienced homesickness, so can only imagine how painful it must be.

Good luck to all you sufferers.

Julie

xx